I agree with your comment on generalization. However, I believe that most people have the capactiy to do what is best, but choose not to because it is not always the most convenient to them.

When I got out of the military my first real job paid $33k. I was able to own a home, 2 vehicles, and have my wife stay at home with 2 kids, and put my son in a 3 hour/3 day a week Montisorri preschool. Granted we had no cable, a cell phone but no home phone, we shopped at ALDI's, lived in Raytown, I drove a 85 Cadi, we never ate out, and I worked an extra job around the holidays so we could have a good Christmas. For a short period of time I worked 40 hours at Sprint, 20 hours in the evening at HR Block, and 16-20 hours on the weekends at Blockbuster. Not only did I sacrafice, but the entire family made sacrafices but they were well worth it. If I had it to do all over again, I would do the same thing.

So you worked basically 80 hours out of 168 total hours in a week so that your wife could stay home. Basically, you gave up half a week of time with your kids so that your wife could stay home. Factor in that your kids probably slept minimum 8 hours a night, you end up with only 36 hours of time with your kids.

I know you said it was only a short period of time, but I guess I'm curious as to how much more - if any - the fathers have to work to make ends meet. I know I am buying two sizes of diapers right now and they ain't cheap. Especially when they go through them so quickly.

At the time I worked 6-3 and got home at 3:30. Left for job 2 at 7pm and worked 7:30pm-11:30. On the weekend I generally worked 4pm to midnight, so I had all day with the kids. I only worked this much for 3 months, but kept the part time job for a year or so.

During this time I knew I was gone all of the time, so every second I was home I was spending time with the family. The kids went to bed at 7pm so I didn't miss any time with them working the evenings. On the weekends we were doing family stuff from when they woke up at 7am until after 3.

Working 80 hours a week I was able to give the kids 3 1/2 undivided attention every night and 8 hours of indivded attention on Saturday and Sunday. Now, I work less than half those hours, make more than twice the salary, but I don't think I spend any more time with the kids. They are getting older so they require less attention, but it is crazy how things work out.

My part time job was at Blockbuster so my wife could have worked it as easy as I did, but that job was so easy I would rather be there for 4 hours than be at home doing housework for 4 hours.

Don't take it the wrong way. You did what you had to.

I used to work at a Blockbuster as well. Easiest job I've ever had.

If you really feel that way why don't you sack up and do what it takes to support your family so your wife doesn't have to be away from the home?

That is actually better for the child - to bring them in early rather than later. It provides more structure during the day.

I can hardly wait for the kids to be gone. Just think of all the cool new things I can buy. And, none of them have to go to my kids. Boo Yah!

You are correct. If the parents won't provide the structure, at least someone is.

Every single families situation is different. If a stranger said to my face that I was raising my child incorrectly, I'd tell them to fist themselves.

There is give and take, positive and negative to every situation. I know alot of stayhome mom's who are very successful at what they do, and I know alot that need some adult conversation because they're nuts.

In our situation, it made more sense for the wife to switch to 3 days per week. Part of her job involves working with childcare providers...she'd been in every one and knew them. We interviewed and chose an inhome provider that doesn't plop them in front of a tv for any more than 1 educational show per day. If its nice, they go outside, they make projects and do educational stuff, and take walks to a farm-petting zoo on the edge of our town.

When we have another, the wife will likely stay home. Our daughter is well parented and corrected at home and I feel that makes for a good child in public-school or daycare.....its not daycare that makes your kid an asshole, its shitty parenting by neglect, or spoiling the little shit rotten.

She learns from interaction, how to share, make new friends, takes some lumps and learns to fight for herself. While alot of germs come home, I think it has some value.

The flip side....when the wife starts staying home, Dad now has to stop coming home by 5pm and either pick up work on the side or a new job. Now Dad, who is home regularly, reading, playing outside and helping parent, likely doesn't get home before the kidowanian is in bed. That part sucks for Dad, but I'll do what I've got to do.

As for locking my child up in bubble wrap....She doesn't have to do that until she's 11...to 30.

So you guys that claim "not missing the firsts" is so important, will work OT for little to no weekly interaction with the kid(s) just so the mother can have all interaction with the kids?

Doesn't make very much sense to me

Also, what if you're a single parent?
Are they the worst if they have to work to support their family?
:hmmm:

I think that idea is meant that one parent is better than no parent interacting with the child's first pee on the carpet. [/end speculation]

If that's the case... why wouldn't it be more beneficial for the child to have an equal dosage of both parents than an overabundance of one? Especially when it comes to boys? Mother can't teach a boy how to be a boy/man.

Not judging just wondering.

What about lesbian relationships? Who stays home? Who teaches the boy to be a man?

Exactly.

They just teach him to be a girl.