I don't know, can't you just be happy that goatboy got a new job?

My humbling event of the day occurred early. I was walking to work, and down the sidewalk comes a youngish woman (25ish, blonde) with her Boston terrier (black and white, slightly bugeyed).

The dog yips at me and makes a half-hearted charge. I feign mild terror as part of my general policy to make dogs feel good about themselves. I smile knowingly at the young woman, and she says, "He thought you were my dad."

Damn you, young blonde woman! Damn you! I mean, I know it's possible, but ... damn you!

Last friday night, I had my family at a local High school football game.

I was holding my 2yr old talking with some people I know when one of the wives asked me "how old is your grandson". Brideowanian was standing there gasping because she surely doesn't look to be grandmother age, and I'm holding up pretty well for my age as well........maybe it's sad that so many people under 40 ARE grandparents that it was probably a valid assumption.

Wow. You must look like hell and you clearly don't realize it.

People don't realize how much words can hurt men. Especially when those words imply that they're old. And when women say them.

I'm not a woman, but if it helps, you still seem young to me.

I think both of us look like we're in our late twenties. Why do people keep thinking I'm older?

Man, that frosts my butt when they do that. Last week, I handed the bagger two bags for our groceries. He proceeded to fill one to overflowing and handed me back the "extra" bag. :shake:

You seem like the kind of old guy that walks around with doggie treats in his pocket to give to passing dogs. You also have a fake rubber ear and a package of black licorice for the kiddies.

Did you tell her your car was Apricot colored?

My guess is that it's the glasses. They make us look too smart to be as young as we look.

Before moving back to Kansas City last winter, I had lived in Phoenix for the past 2 1/2 years. I thought that the midwest, with it's high redneck and religious nut population, was the best place in the country for people watching. I was wrong. Arizona...particularly Tucson and the outer edges of Phoenix (Mesa, Apache Junction) hold just the right blend of illegal immigrants, meth heads and dirt farmers that create God's perfect shit storm of weirdness. Seeing a topless woman feed gelato to a sheep in Mesa...or a homeless guy jerk off in the middle aisle of the light rail were just regular business when living down there.

There was one moment, however, that will stick with me forever. My brother, who was living with me at the time, some friends of ours and I had gone to Mill Avenue in Tempe for a night out. We got completely shit hammered. The next morning, hungover and hungry, we made the pilgrimage to a cafe in Apache Junction that had great breakfast food. All was going well until this family came in that looked something like a mixture of Cousin Eddy's family from Vacation and a family of baboons that had been rolling in shit all day. They sat down at the booth directly across from us, and smelled horribly. The mother, who was obviously high out of her mind, decided this was a good time and place to spark up a cigarette. She had a really raspy voice...probably throat cancer from too much smoking or too much oral for drugs...I'm not sure which.

The waitress comes up and informs the woman that this is a non smoking establishment and asks her to please put the cigarette out or take it outside. The woman instantly becomes enraged. "Sorry we ain't good enough to smoke in your pieceashit rest-runt. Well I tell ya what honey, I'll take it outside, but **** YOU!" We were fighting back tears at this point and the woman got up and went outside...all the while her family never said a word. We watched her pace around by the front smoking her cigarette and then she did something very odd. The woman walked across the parking lot where there was a wooden fence and trash dumpster. We were shocked as she pulled down her pants and squatted beside the dumpster and began to take a shit...right there in the parking lot. My friends and I lost it. We all pulled out our cell phones and started recording this grown woman shitting in a cafe parking lot. What happened next blew my mind...

The woman looked up and noticed us filming her and laughing hysterically. She looked pissed as she yanked her jeans back up. I specifically remember my friend Eric being particularly concerned that she hadn't wiped her ass. The woman looked SUPER pissed. She bent over, picked something up and began running at our window. Needless to say we were all shocked. Our hero then slapped a huge glob of shit on our window and began rubbing it around yelling 'you think this is funny you little assholes!?'. About that time, a cop car rolled into the parking lot. Watching the officer put the woman in handcuffs covered in shit was one of the highlights of my life.

That's all I got. :)

ROFL What a fricken wacko!

Um, so... where's the video?

I saw a homeless dwarf on my way to work the other day. There's no excuse for that. If you're a dwarf, you can get a job at almost any bar checking ID's or something, because every bar owner wants people to remember that his bar has a dwarf who checks IDs.

True, but only if there were only a few homeless dwarfs checking IDs. If there were dwarfs checking IDs at even 50% of the establishments you walk into, it would dwarf the stats and your idea loses half it's panache.