Originally Posted by cdcox (Post 9238723)

Depends on him. If his number one priority is his relationship to his spouse, the relationship to his family becomes subservient. That doesn't mean that relationship is devalued, it just means it is put into a new context. If his number one priority is still his birth family, that really isn't what marriage is supposed to be. A couple can work out differences of opinion on family in many cases.

For example, the husband would prefer to see his family at least once a month. The wife isn't wild about his family. Maybe they settle on six times a year. Maybe the husband occasionally visits his family without his wife. The time that the couple spends with her family would also factor into the compromise. Mature people that respect the desires, needs and boundaries of the other can work thinks out if their expectations aren't completely at odds (eg. he wants to spend every weekend with his family and she never wants to see them again).

Originally Posted by Mosbonian (Post 9238693)

I'll repeat my statement again....do you really think the sister will keep it to herself? All it will take is something small and it will come out....

Originally Posted by Laz (Post 9238625)

Trust ... to a certain extent, it's gone.

He broke trust by reading the text message
She broke trust by talking shit about his family with someone beside him

Originally Posted by frazod (Post 9238557)

If my wife went though my text messages, she won't learn anything that I haven't already told her. She knows exactly how I feel about her family because I don't lie about it. The only time I tell her she can't go through my e-mails is when I've ordered a gift for her and want it to be a surprise. Marriage should be a partnership between two people who trust each other, not some endless sneaking cold war. My first marriage was like that. Not this one.

Originally Posted by jspchief (Post 9238738)

Why? Have you never had a person in your life that you could tell something to in confidence?

I feel sorry for the people that live these lives. It must be sad having every relationship be a ticking timebomb.

Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 9238734)

Note the conditional I put in my statement - "if she dislikes his family THAT much".

You're talking about compromising to iron out MINOR differences. I'm not.

Originally Posted by cdcox (Post 9238746)

Well, not liking the cooking and finding the conversation boring rank as minor differences in my book. She already seems to be aboard the compromise bus since she plans to go for his sake and is trying to be a good trooper about it (by not bitching about minor issues) so he can enjoy the time with his family.

Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 9238753)

She said considerably more than just that but of course we are hearing all of this 2nd hand.

Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 9238753)

She said considerably more than just that but of course we are hearing all of this 2nd hand.

Originally Posted by jd1020 (Post 9238755)

So you read the text messages?

Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 9238762)

Yeah, that what I meant by "we are hearing all of this 2nd hand".

Are you 14?

Originally Posted by htismaqe (Post 9238753)

She said considerably more than just that but of course we are hearing all of this 2nd hand.

Originally Posted by Mr. Plow (Post 9238744)

Bingo. I have nothing to hide and neither does my wife. If she wants to read my msgs, all she has to do is ask. The same goes for me. And she has. And she will again. And not a single **** will be given about me handing over my phone to her.

Originally Posted by frazod (Post 9238557)

If my wife went though my text messages, she won't learn anything that I haven't already told her. She knows exactly how I feel about her family because I don't lie about it. The only time I tell her she can't go through my e-mails is when I've ordered a gift for her and want it to be a surprise. Marriage should be a partnership between two people who trust each other, not some endless sneaking cold war. My first marriage was like that. Not this one.