It was not a masculine bag. He was wearing it over his shoulder. Nothing else feminine about his appearance, but I didn't think to look at his shoes. Those brown LV bags aren't the most feminine purses around, but even given this, his bag would have looked more at home being carried by a woman.

Two 5's? That would barely get you a "mostly distracted" group participant.

God told me to get a new phone today.

As background, my phone is a few years old, and the battery life keeps going down and down. Yesterday it was fully charged at 8:00 a.m., and at 1:34 it did not have enough power left to turn on the camera.

Why 1:34? And why was this my incentive to get a new camera?

I took a bus to a meeting yesterday morning, and it was in an unfamiliar part of town. I was riding the bus back, and it passed the city's most upscale strip club. They were having a charity car wash. The strippers were advertising the car wash out in their bikinis, and having fun romping in some little wading pools.

I am so getting a new phone.

On my walk home tonight, I was approached by two attractive young women, which is usually a strong indicator that an unusual conversation is about to occur.

One woman was a bit chemically impaired and didn't seem like a MacArthur grant candidate to start with, all giggly and stuff. But the other woman could have been an attorney or news anchorwoman. She was polished, professional, and well spoken, and she had an expensive haircut. (Having married a fashion-forward woman, I'll humbly claim an acquired talent for identifying expensive haircuts.) Unlike the first woman, this woman was clearly quite sober.

"Excuse me," she said. "Do you know where I can get free wifi around here?"

I gave her my best guess.

"Okay, and are you a native? Do you live around here?"

"Yeah, more or less."

"Oh, good. I need to buy some meth for my friend here. Do you know where I can buy some meth?"

I declined to offer a suggestion and moved along, but I'm really curious now about the back story. Why was this sober and polished woman wandering around with the giggly meth girl, and why did she feel obliged to find meth for her?

And I must admit, it's a little bit insulting to be asked such a guestion. This woman saw me walking and for some reason she thought, "Hey that guy looks like he might know where I can get meth"? Really? I was even kind of dressed up since I was coming home from a business event.

I always just assumed your business was a front for a meth lab.

It is. But most people don't know that. We're on the wholesale end.

I stopped by a local Chinese place to grab some lunch earlier today. When I placed the order, there was a family of Hispanic dudes (customers) made up of a middle aged man, two 19-20ish year old kids and a 12ish year old kid as well as three middle aged Chinese guys (workers).

I placed a to-go order for some bourbon chicken and fried rice and came back 10 minutes later to pick it up. To make a long story short, what happened was: the guys that were in there had apparently said that they had ordered my food while I was gone so the worker accidentally gave it to them, as well as the food that they ordered and paid for.

So the Chinese dude, who speaks pretty shitty English, walks over and tells the guys they need to pay $5 for the food they were wrongfully given. The older Hispanic dude, who also spoke shitty English, was like "We don't have any more money"- which I suspect was a lie. So the Chinese dude goes to grab the food (my food) from one of the 19-20ish year olds and the older Hispanic dude flipped his shit. He basically started arguing with the guy that it was his fault that he had given them the wrong food and that he couldn't take it away or charge them while the Chinese guy, of course, was pretty pissed off that they had likely conned him for a free meal.

So they're going back and forth and the older Hispanic dude gets out of the booth and one of the other Chinese dudes comes around from the counter and they're all going back and forth.

This is a little hole in the wall ass joint so they were legit 4 feet away from me and getting a bit heated. The guy that had remained behind the counter came back with a new order for me so I took off after about 2 or 3 minutes of the squabbling so I took off.. I'm kind of curious as to what ended up happening.

I was kind of hoping they'd break out into a royal rumble. Everybody likes a good brawl right?

That's the best thing about Chinese food, you can be out the door 3 minutes after placing your order.

If the food is flavorful (that is code for: allows you to shoot flames from your ass the next day) I can put up with a little squabbling as long as no knives, guns, explosives, or biological weapons are involved. I'm assuming that chemical and nuclear weapons aren't likely to show up in a Chinese restaurant.

Is the food flavorful?

I eat like shit on a daily basis so I doubt I'll be experiencing any "flavorful explosions" tomorrow.

Yesterday afternoon while walking into the mall to see a movie there was a woman walking in front of us with two small children. The woman was wearing short shorts and had several visible tattoos. Two of the tattoos were on the back of her thighs, one below each glute. My date pointed out the tattoos and asked me if I could read them. My poor vision, even with corrective lenses, couldn't so she informed me that the left one read "Little" and the right one read "Mama". I'm sure she was a nice lady.

KCnative must be vacationing in Fla.

Were the words rightside up while she was walking, or were they upside down so they could be easily read if she was on her back with her feet behind her ears?

Right side up - legible if she was on her stomach, on her knees, or in a downward-dog position.

I wonder if she's related to Big Daddy's wife, Lil Momma.

Come on, man.