Power of attorney. Not necessarily AN attorney. Hopefully it would be someone close enough to you that they would find out about the pygmy attack somehow. And kill them.

Oh.

I don't live near any kinfolk. I'm imagining them coming into the house after a violent pygmy attack, and they'd never be able to find the paperwork, even assuming that it's not covered in blood.

I guess I could e-mail it to someone, but then it's not very private. Maybe I should just have a big cardboard sign in the top of my filing cabinet that says, "In the event of pygmy attack, contact this attorney: xxxxxx".

I'm leaving everything to the wife. It'll all go to my kids if she marries someone that they determine is a douchebag. If so, she gets shit, they get it all, but only if they go to college. Whatever dog I own at the time gets all the meat in the freezer at the time of my death.

Definitely should have someone you know know where these things are kept. At least keep a piece of paper in your wallet for an emergency contact.