Make oatmeal cookies. Show her you are at least versitle.

I can install a ****ing toilet.

Oh master. Will you lounge in your hammock while I do it? Will you drink beer that I scurry to the kitchen to retrieve for you? Will you leer at me and make obnoxious comments about my body? Will you tell me when I'm doing something wrong and bark at me to do something different? Then when I'm tired and dirty and crying, will you hold me and tell me I did "ok" ?

Please?

Stop showing off. When have they never just appeared out of thin air?

She knows how well you cook. She deserves whatever she gets.

I already have a toilet I can **** on, can you provide a ****ing bidet?

ROFL

I didn't do it for you when you asked.
Is Vlad special?

stop encouraging him, dammit

Did you just call me a whore?

For the love of God, man, screw it up! SCREW IT UP!

If you give her an excellent, gourmet meal, she's going to expect it on occasion for the rest of your life. Every day of your married life that she comes home tired, she'll ask you to make her a nice, homemade dinner. Twenty-five years from now, as your silver anniversary approaches, she will ask you to make her a gourmet dinner "like you did when we were dating." Fifty years from now, as you're living in a senior center, she'll at some point ask you through toothless jaws to make her a gourmet dinner "just like the old days."

I kid you not. This could affect the rest of your life! Make her a spam sandwich with potato chips, and smash the potato chips with your fist before serving them. You'll thank me for the next fifty years.

I assumed the ****ing bidet was conditional, she now owes me.

I'd always do the cooking if the ex didn't feel like it. Five years after the divorce she asked for my spaghetti recipe.

ROFL

I just spit my drink onto the keyboard!

I made some mushroom risotto tonight that was pretty awespme. Pretty simple to make if you can follow instructions. Course it had turkey stock in it. I don't think I could commit long term to a woman who whouldn't eat meat.