Many happy returns, Mr. gblowfish.
In honor of your birthday, I have amassed some amazing facts about the Blowfish.
Amazing Fact #1: Blowfish are the second–most poisonous vertebrate in the world, after the Golden Poison Frog. When the specter of unavoidable combat with the Golden Poison Frog looms, the Blowfish runs like hell ... even though the Blowfish has no legs. Observing a Blowfish attempting to run is considered the most amusing sight in all of the wild kingdom. This is why the Golden Poison Frog is constantly attempting to pick fights with the Blowfish.
Amazing Fact #2: The Blowfish's primary defense mechanism is to fill its extremely elastic stomach with water. This causes the Blowfish to increase in size. Blowfish sizes come in large, extra-large, super-extra large, and Rosie O'Donuts. When the Blowfish reaches Rosie O'Donuts size, he occasionally explodes which is one hell of a defense mechanism. Even the Great White Shark is known to enter a deep and lengthy depression after observing an exploding Blowfish. When filling up its extremely elastic stomach and water is unavailable, the Blowfish will often use alternatives such as dark beer and pasta.
Amazing Fact #3: The Blowfish is able to move each of its eyes independently. For this reason, the Blowfish is known as the Marty Feldman of the seas.
Amazing Fact #4: The Blowfish reproduces in the open ocean. Spawning occurs after males slowly push females to the water surface where the Blowfish will call out a bitch and threaten to go all Rosie O'Donuts on her fat ass if she is unwilling to put out. Typically, such behavior is sufficient to ensure a successful Blowfish mating season.
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