you will do fine Boss .. plus something you will have forever in your heart ....

Brutal. You're a good dude Boss. Things will be as fine as possible considering the circumstances.

What a sudden change in the trajectory of your life and your son's. Sometimes we're at our best when we are completely unprepared and going by our instincts. God will give you the grace and strength you need to survive, then thrive in this next chapter of life.

Sorry to hear... RIP. Have the 2 of you ever met before?

Good luck, Boss Chief. Be a good Dad.

Prayers headed your way Boss. Being a father is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but the most wonderful, special, endearing thing at the same time. Blessings to you and your son...

I have now found out that temporary custody has been given to her parents as this happened a few days ago (OMG she passed away while it was just her and Zane in the apartment, her sisters kept calling with no answer until he picked up after a few hours later saying he "cant wake mommy up". I wish I had been told sooner, I wish I could have been there sooner.) and news just now got out to me late this afternoon. My first custody hearing is on the 31st in San Jose, CA. Her parents have also put in for permanent custody. I had a long talk with them and expressed that I want my son and want to do everything I can to fill his life with as much love as possible. They have said that he has asked for me but didnt want to talk with anyone when I asked to talk to him. I hope they aren't playing games.

I didn't think there would be any question that I would get my son, I had no idea I would have to go through the courts to get MY SON. I own my house, go to church on sundays, just about have my truck paid off and my job has told me that they will do whatever is necessary to accommodate for my schedule... no matter what.

He has lived his whole life out in California and is familiar with her family, but in my heart and mind I think the best for him is to be with his father and my family out here. I also want her family to be a big part of his life, I guess that will just be another part of the complications. No different than me being a part of his life while being out here in Iowa. They are retired, so they shouldn't have a problem getting out here whenever they want.

If anybody has gone through a similar situation for custody, I would very much appreciate a heads up for what to expect in court.

Good luck Boss. I don't have any parenting exp., but I'm sure you'll do fine.
Nobody is perfect, and no one is a perfect parent.
Prayers your way, and the fact that you value a prayer tells me that the kid is probably in good hands.

Oh Wow. I'm sorry the boy had to find her.
You will get your son, and I definitely think that's what is best for him.

1. Retain local counsel who is a family law specialist who PRACTICES regularly in the jurisdiction in which any hearing will be held. Don't hire the cheap one. You'll lose.
2. He works for you. You provide the directives.
3. Your first directive should be to settle with the grandparents for sole custody but granting them grandparents rights at their expense.
4. Document every moment you've spent visiting the child from birth and all expenses you've covered whether it was paid through proper channels or not.
5. Document all contact attempts you've made since the boy's mother died.
6. Document all contact with the grandparents and what was said - when they notified you of the death of the mother, etc.
7. Be realistic about custody. If you've been an absent father, a judge isn't going to readily give you custody automatically.
8. Go out there NOW. Spend time with the boy. It will bode well for you in court if necessary.
9. Cooperate as best you can with the grandparents. You do not want it to turn adversarial. That will just cost everybody a lot of money.
10. Listen to your lawyer's advice. He's the one who knows the local family law. He knows the judges. He'll probably know the grandparents' attorney.

Dude, sorry to hear about this. Hang in there man.
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Sorry to hear about everything Boss.

good thoughts headed your way. best of luck.

I will pray for you... I got full custody of all 3 of my children 2 of them about 4 years ago, one isn't even my biological child. It is one hell of a ride and learning experience. I keep saying I'm a horrible Father and role model but my kids tell me different. Just go with your heart bro and do what's best for your son :) It really feels good.

I know absolutely nothing about the whole custody thing, but good luck to you, dude. Hope everything turns out for the best (and sorry to hear about the kid's mom).