He doesn't want to be there. He's unhappy there. If he takes their money he'll have more disposable income but will probably continue being unhappy. If he doesn't he's going to be left wondering if he could have repressed his feelings in exchange for the extra coin. He's at a fork with no clear answer and nobody to blame but himself if he makes the wrong choice.

There shouldn't be a wrong choice. They're saying "Tell us what it will take for you to stay". So decide what that would entail. Maybe there is no answer. But if there is, figure it out and tell them.

Why would he agree to stay if he was still going to be unhappy? Eliminating the reasons for his unhappiness should be a key part of the "What It Will Take To Keep Me" proposal. Then for good measure, throw in ways to rectify future unhappiness.

And there's no reason he should be left wondering about anything. Either they'll agree to what he wants or they won't.

Asking for advice on a football message board blah blah blah... /obligatory

LMAO Dickhead.

But yeah, I just went through a similar situation, and it pretty much backfired on me. All I can say is make sure that you're REALLY unhappy at a job before you leave it, because the next one could be worse.

Oh, and just because another job pays better, it doesn't necessarily mean it's a better job.

I would go to the new job unless you actually love the job you have. These hardly ever work out. My only neogtiation ploy would be to ask them to pay you what they think you are worth. Once you have that number, you will know for sure what to do.

If you stay, be prepared to be counted on to step up in a bigger way and realize the company will always have some doubt about your loyalty.... if that matters.

I would work where the most opportunity for advancement exists...money is secondary if the amount is similar/close from one company to the other.

this

The company will look out for what's best for the company.

It's your job to do the same.

You're planning to leave anyway - be honest. Say "Things like X, Y, and Z are why I decided to look elsewhere. If I thought these problems could be fixed by talking about them I wouldn't have looked elsewhere.

It would take $X to make me stay considering the circumstances."

They will offer that (unlikely) or you'll leave for your new position like you'd planned.

No lose situation...

Pretty much this. Money shouldn't be a deciding factor unless both jobs equally suck.

I could be making close to 6 digits in KC or other big city markets, but I choose to keep a lower salary in the metropolis known as St. Joe because the company I work for is amazing. I love my managers and reporting structure, have a shit ton of vacation time, and work on flex hours or until I get my shit done. There is trust where I work and that is something that is hard to find.

I would NOT give it up for a bigger salary.

This.

You should never accept a counter offer. By your own admission you wouldn't be likely to stay long - I read a study that said most people who accept counter offers are gone again in about a year. So why not get your new career started with the new company now?

Personally, I don't feel it's very honest to interview and negotiate with a company for a new job just to take the offer letter back for a raise. Cities don't like being used as leverage for another city's sports stadium, fans dont like their team being used as leverage for a coach to get an extension, and it's not very professional to use a company as leverage. They have invested considerable time in their search and you'll put them back to square one.

Just my feeling, but if you are looking you should be serious about it. You decide to leave before you begin interviewing.

Not to mention this would probably be perceived as disloyalty and sully your reputation at the current job. Once you give your notice, the die is cast.

This.

And to add, I don't know what kind of job you're talking about and how big the market is but where I come from if you back out of the new job after giving a hand shake your name would pretty much be mud around there in the future.

"Never" is a pretty strong word. I accepted a counteroffer back in the 1980s to remain at the company that I'm currently employed at. I loved everything about the job except for the fact that I felt underpaid. Another company offered me a 30% raise, and I accepted the offer. Then my company matched the offer, and I decided to stay where I was.

You really have to weigh all factors into the equation. If you like your existing job, you like your boss, and you like the company overall, then accepting a counteroffer can turn out to be a good thing.

There's certain things you just don't do. How would you react if your new boss called you up and said that he's decided that he wants you to start at $5,000 less than what you previously agreed to, because he found somebody else willing to work for the lower salary?

But wait, what if he said that he would hate NOT to at least try to negotiate a slightly lower salary and then wind up kicking himself later for not trying? Would you just grin and say "That's OK, a guy's gotta try", or would you distrust him from that point on for reneging on an agreement?

It will not turn out well if you accept a job offer and then ask for more money before you even start work.

I think this one is situational. If your company values you and your contributions to the company, I would like to think that they would try to retain you, particularly if they are aware that you are making less money than you should be.

Unfortunately, that's not the way it's been (at least for me). To get any decent increases, I've had to switch companies.

Dude, you already agreed to a job with a different company, your negotiating with them is over if you ask me.

As an employer this is what I'd do if you agreed to take a position I was offering and then you came back to me wanting more pay because your former company now wants to keep you.

It would do something like this.

TheCoffeeGuy(TCG): Hey Hoover, it's TCG.

Hoover: What's up TCG, looking forward to you joining the family. What can I help you with?

TCG: Well, my current employer is trying to keep me from leaving. They told me that they will pay be current salary x 1.25 to keep me.

Hoover: What did you tell them?

TCG: Well, I haven't responded yet. I thought I better call you.

Hoover: I thought you were not happy there. Didn't feel appreciated. Wanted a change of scenery?

TCG: Yeah, that's all true, but..

Hoover: But you want the most money you can get?

TCG: Well...

Hoover: So being appreciated, being part of team, being respected means less to you than a few hundred bucks?

TCG: Well...

Hoover: So, lets say you stay there. They pay you your current salary x 1.25 percent. Then what? What happens in a year or two when you feel the same way that brought you to my door.

TCG: Gulp

Hoover: Here's a question you need to ask yourself. Do you want to stay at a company that will only give you a raise when you threaten to leave them, or do you want to work for a company that rewards hard work?

TCG: I want to be respected.

Hoover: Well I would say the choice is pretty clear, but it's yours to make. My offer still stands, but I negotiated with you in good faith, and not against your current employer. So you tell me right now, do you want the job I have offered you or not?