I'm in the I trust her and love her enough to give her a cool free week's vacation (even if it means more work for me) club.

--Infidel Goat

Best post yet.

I took my employees out on a gambling trip last year for Christmas. They were paid for the day (It was a Friday) I gave them money to gamble with, dinner and a hotel room. I didn't give anything to their spouse because they don't work for me. if you didn't want to go that was fine, you were paid for the days work, but got nothing else. That night if their familys came up to meet us, they could use the gambling money to pay for meals or whatever.

I thought it worked out well. Now I want to know why would he want to spend a week with his employees? a day in too much for me....

Or, go buy her so Sexy Stuff and Victoria Secret, have her use her magic on him, then she can sue his ass. So you should start orthodontist school asap, because you will have a practice to run boy!

I ran this situation, without prefacing anything beforehand, other than to put it in perspective to one of her work situations.

Uncoached or coaxed......she indicated that she would choose Not to go on a non-work trip like that, if it weren't an option for spouses "because I just don't think that is right".

She said that she felt if it were legit, there would be an option for spouses to go, and pay their own way.

When I told her that some of you clowns thought I was a jealous, overbearing Tyrant, she reminded me that last year, a friend of hers had a work trip to Cancun and I had no problem with her going along.

I love that woman.

was the friend a boy, tho? :p

I'll bet if I ran this situation by my wife, she'd say, "I don't understand. What's the other choice besides going to New York for free?"

There would have been boys in the group, who worked with the friend. I had no problem and encouraged her to go...but it fell through.


Cocina is right...none of us understand the full dynamic by any means. Don't let my ranting get you in trouble. Some things work in some marraiges that would never work for others.

Some choose to let guys gangbang their wives on the internet while they watch......Doesn't mean all of us are cool with that.

Ain't that the truth? People look at my wife like a complete freak if she ever tells them I call her a dirty little whore as a pet name and she thinks it's funny.

Maybe it's because they haven't heard the story about how the two of you met.

You need to put a t-shirt on the guy in your avitar that says "My wife went to NY and all I got was this lousy shirt."

Don't sweat it Ioweenie. Most of us understand that your jealous tyrannical hold over your wife is just one of many side effects of short man syndrome. :p

ROFL Yeah... that's a good story...

That right there is fugged up.

I still say, that should she decline to go, that it would be nice if he would give her the money that he would be saving by her not going. But then again, it's a Christmas present. It's like if someone was giving you a Rolex. Would you say, "No. My Timex is good enough, but could you give me that cash you paid for it instead?"

Frankly, I don't see how the boss can stop you from going to NY with your wife if you so choose. It's a free country.

I really don't see how the boss can justify him and his partner taking their families and not allowing the employees to bring theirs (at their own expense).

In my opinion, let your wife make the decision. If she wants to go, encourage it and tell her to have a good time. A free trip to NY doesn't come along very often. I also don't see any reason she couldn't ask the boss if you could join them and pay your own way. But there may be some reason she's uncomfortable with that.

(Song from a movie..) "WE MUST KILL THE LADIES MAN!!!!!!!!"

Sounds like this orthodoc is looking for an ass kickin'. Not once have I ever hear of any employer doing this for his staff. Look at it this way, if there wasa guy on the staff do you think he would do the same for him, I doubt it. Or you can look at it this way. If you had a female boss who wanted to take you across the country like that, all expenses paid, would your wife approve of that? She would probably say yes that she would just to make her case sound more reasonable. If it was my wife, I would be pissed as hell. Who the hell does that anyway?

Actually, I don't think they're married to each other.

I have obviously spent a good amount of time thinking over this.

1. I do completely and utterly trust my wife. There is nothing in my mind trust wise about all of this.
2. The other Married women in the group, frankly are mainly complete and utter b*tches and frankly, some of them WOULD cheat on their husbands... so naturally, they said No to the question too...
3. My wife's mother also works in the office so she would be going too, plus - my wife wouldnt have to hang around with the skanks (her mom and her are more like sisters in their relationship), minus - one less babysitter while I am at work.
4. While I dont really personally care for either of the doctors (their both a little on the feminine side if you ask me), they overall are decent guys and I do not think that there was any motive one way or another.
5. Trust me, there is no way to build comeroderie in this bunch of women.

So what have I decided to do?

Frakin take a gun and shoot the doctor! just kidding of course...

I told her that she has to make the choice. I honestly am not happy now either way she chooses, and she knows this,

• If she goes: Then I have to deal with everything for that time as previously mentioned. Not right.
• If she stays: Then whether or not she holds it against (though I am sure she would), I would automatically feel guilty, even if she didnt hold it against me.

So either way, it sucks for me. I am tired of having to deal with this so there will be no more discussion with her about it, she knows where I stand... and the issue is not whether she goes or not, the issue with me is that if it were me, I would not WANT to go without her. Shes already proved to me that she does not feel the same way and the damage has been done. Does this mean we are doomed, no, not at all. She however needs to reassess things and in my opinion, figure out whats important in life.

What she doesnt know, and I will not tell her until her choice is already made and committed to, is that part of my company bonus would involve a trip.

As I said, I run a family business with my father and mother. The three of us have been wanting to do something really nice for our top level employees. So part of their bonus would be a really nice cruise for them and their spouse (we pay for the spouse too... because to us, the spouse has to deal with their wife/husband's work as well).

This cruise is an Extra to the bonus that they would have received. So my main store manager will get something like $3,000 plus the Cruise.

My mother though will be giving them the option of the Cruise, or the Cash Value of the Cruise.

So my wife does not know anything about this. If she goes, then I will NOT be taking the Cruise. Instead, I will be taking the Cash Value and using it towards a new Big Screen TV for me.

I am obviously not telling her about this because it would obviously effect her choice.

Lastly,

Redrum_69: 4321

ROFL

Oh STFU, quit your bitchin, let her go to NY. Buck up, hire a sitter and or temp. nanny to help you when you need it. And quit complicating the issue.





How was that ?:)

Spoken like a try chump.

The 3 married workers need to have a private talk with the Doctor. Spouses allowed, even if they pay their own way.

The fact the singles are running the show seem odd...

Is this Dr. spineless???

My wife worked for a Orthodontist, she was tight wod from Turkey. Lunches out once in a while, Christmas gifts that's it.

But has plenty of money for $500K house in Town & Country, BMW etc.

Her practice is just getting off the ground.

A marriage should be more important than an all expense paid trip to NY. If it's not to her, Im afraid to say, yes, you probably are doomed.

:spock:
Damn man. I never tried a chump. Never been around one, let alone tried to speak like a try chump.












There was that one time at the zoo with the chimp but I know you can't be talking about that.

Just make sure she is HOT just in case!

There's no way in hell though that I would make my wife feel guilty about doing something that she wants to do. And you're taking it a step further by withholding info about the cruise and using it to punish her later. Why don't you let her take this trip to NY and not take the cruise later but instead use the cash for both of you to go to NY like you wanted?

I think you are being selfish, but it's your decision and you and your wife have to live with it.

You might want to re-think this one. Otherwise you might have plenty of time to enjoy that big screen solo.

Yes the doctor is Spineless... he has no control over how his office is run. Its sad and I personally have no repsect for him as one businessman to another for that reason alone.

Yes, I do think a marriage is more important then a trip. She thinks this too... just not all by herself...

Basically, she would not go if I said no. Plain and simple. Her mom has always worked in Orthodontics offices when my wife was growing up. her Dad never would go on any of the various trips. So my wife grew up seeing that and thinking it was fine... the part that wasnt ingrained into her was that here Dad did not WANT to go.

She and I are still you (25 me, she will be 23 in Nov). We just had our 4th anniversary so we are still young in our relationship.

Issues somewhat like this have come up before with her wanting to go out of town with her parents without first consulting me and just assuming that I wanted to and could go... Frankly, who the fuck wants to go out of town with their in-laws? That was in our 1st year together...

So I do think that some of this is a maturity issue in part. I do think that it is something that will change over time, just how it will change is the question.

I do not think that this is a serious threat to our relationship because as I stated, there have been similar priniple based issues before that I can use as a "maturity measuring stick" so to say.

Granted, I am young myself too and I am an opinionated hardass, ask any of my employees... but to the people I care about, I am not. My overall general manager was saying that yesterday, saying that its funny, Dave is a hardass at work but its all an act, hes really a softee... I then proceeded to slap her with a steel rod.

YEAH, that too.

You might be suprised at how your wife treats you when she gets back if you just say ' Honey, have a great time in NY, don't worry about me and the kids we'll be fine. Luv ya'.

I second... or third... or whatever, this post.

IMHO, it's a bad idea to withhold information to punish her later with if she makes the right choice.

But, I second the whole post, including the part about it being your decision that you and your wife have to live with.

Principle. I have to get it across. I cannot let her be the one in control like this where she pouts and gets her way. It sets a precedent and barring John Roberts coming in, that is like gold. (sorry for political pun)

She made her choice and decision initially without even considering OR consulting me. Then when my opinion was sought and it differed from hers, the problem started. I never make a choice like that without talking it over with her first. Isnt that how a marriage is supposed to be?

I will let her help choose the TV so that it goes with the rest of her furniture in the house...

Why not spend it on NY together, because, principle. I want to go to NY with her, we have talked about this several times prior to this trip thing. But that soon after, I will not want to go to NY with her because she did WANT to go without me.

Her bonus was a trip for HER. Then my bonus is for ME. I find that fair, not selfish. By the way, she wants a new bigger TV too... so in the end, it wont be completely for ME.

I don't recall you mentioning this part before. Yes, that would bother me to.

it's "not right" that you're stuck with doing all the adult stuff all week?

yah. it's a maturity issue. :)

OK junior, you sound like I did 25 years ago. Same old selfish B.S. As much as I hate to say it I would have probably been doing the same thing as you. And justifying it for the same reasons.
Bottom line is You're married, you have two kids, your wife (and mother of your children) has a chance to do something she really wants to do and you are pissing and moaning because she didn't ask you first and it's something you wanted to do too.
Sack up, be a man (and husband) about it. Tell her to have fun with her mom in NY.
And drop the subject about YOUR feelings and what YOU want.
If you can't figure it out with this wife maybe you'll be able to with the next one or the one after that.

I don't know that my opinion would have been exactly the same, given the rest of this information. Your first posts made it sound like they were going to Hedonism with the docs from nip/tuck.

Her MOTHER is going too? That fact alone gives me 2nd thought on my initial responses. If my MiL were going too, I'd probably help her pack.

If, what I'm reading is that your biggest complaint is that you'll have to actually take care of your kids for a week, and its inconveniencing to you.....I think you're being a selfish Hag.

It sounds like you've got a little growing up to do too. It sounds more like you're whining about having to take care of your kids, and not actually getting to go to the shows.

If those are your only concerns....get a temp nanny and shoooosh.

If the issue is that she didn't consult with your first or at least discuss it, and is using the Pouting-cooter-lockdown....thats a separate issue, and I wouldn't let that get started either.

Bingo!

I think that's probably more true than you realize.

I just re-read this and this part stood out to me. Now it sounds like you are the one who is trying to control this by pouting because you don't get your way.

I'd let my wife go. Sure I wouldn't be happy about the extra work I would have to do, but really, one week isn't going to kill me.

Just don't let a matter of principle get in the way of what is really important. You might have your self pride, but someone else may be married to your wife and raising your kids.

obviously, you cant read. the adult stuff isnt an issue.

apparently you have a bad short term memory.

it was one of your little emphasized points.

"If she goes: Then I have to deal with everything for that time as previously mentioned. Not right."

a little pissy for the internet also indicates maturity issues.

Dave,
You asked the board for advise. You're getting what you asked for. Unfortunately it seems you don't like what you're hearing. None of us live in your house so we don't know the whole story. However, based on the information we have, I think you need to re-think how you're addressing this situation. DON'T fuck UP YOUR MARRIAGE BECAUSE OF YOUR UNDEVELOPED PRIDE.

I agree with Dartgod.

"I wanna go, if I can't go, than neither should you even though the trip is free." "Besides why should you be off playing while I have to take care of the chores for you?" This sounds very selfish and it is the way it would go down in my household. I can somewhat understand the jealousy of the issue, but damn, be happy for your wife and let her experience New York, perhaps in a few years you can both make the trip together.

Now on a side note, I would raise an eyebrow as to why the spouses can not go if they pay their own way. If not going is due to finances, then I think the wife should be "allowed" to go.

Wow, what a thread. I am certainly wondering how it all turns out.

My 2 cents.

Obviously Dave seems a little frustrated that his wife is going on a trip they had hoped to do together. This is understandable.

As the posts unfolded I became less worried about the 'intent' of the trip, especially when I read the mother-in-law was going. (Of course we are assuming she is a woman of some character)

As a happily married man of 12 years, I would be VERY circumspect of a 'play' trip (as opposed to 'business') that spouses were told NOT to come. Although I certainly understand if they were not paid for. My wife goes to conferences were spouses are ENCOURAGED to come, but are not paid for.

I guess my relationship is kind of like Iowanian's, my wife would not want to go without me. And I, likewise would not want to go without her. This would vary depending on the nature of the trip (fun vs business) and the activity of the trip. (She doesn't want to go to Vegas with me for a weekend of poker). There has never been (and I hope never will be) a trust concern for either of us. (I am too damn ugly, and she is too nice :) )

Now as to the cruise being planned by Dave...hey that's just stupid and childish. Without a doubt you are trying to pick a fight because you are pissed and want to exact some satisfactory revenge. Get over it.

What you need to do is to have a long talk with her about your feelings (I know, very un-MAN like)...but I suggest you determine how much of your feelings are based on jealousy and selfishness and how much is true disappointment about missing out on sharing the experience with her.

Oh well...too damn long and certainly too sensitive for a manly man like myself.

[joke] Dude, she works for a rich doctor that likes to give out expensive gifts. She's probably already banging him, so what does it matter if they run off to NY for a couple days? [/joke]

Who the heck wants to build a toilet?

Let her go.

You're just thinking the worst of the situation.

I think you should encourage her to go. Free trip with expenses paid, you should be happy for her. A little extra work on you part while she is gone, but I am sure you can handle it.

Seriously though, I havent read all the posts but I'm with you.
If the tables were turned how would she react with you leaving with a bunch of single guys and a boss woman? That should be enough to help you deem what is fair and proper.

This is pretty much like my relationship with my wife, and I suspect is like most people's... hell, I don't even like going 45 minutes away to review a movie if she can't go with me. I do, but I'd much rather she go with me. No way would I want to go on a big trip like New York without her.

And I also agree, that the whole cruise thing is just trying to pick a fight... "You did this to me, so **** you, I'll do it back."

I must admit that I still don't see why this whole thing is a problem. It appears that it's only a problem because she's going to a fun place that you want to go to, and you're not invited. If she won a car, would you make her turn it down because you don't get to be in the picture in the newspaper?

Nice. Good luck with the divorce.

Rainman this might be...no wait, this has to be your most pathetic parallel example that you have ever posted.
Oh you know what, I bet someone snuck in at your desk while you ran to lunch, Ill check into it for you.

It must have been Stephen Hawking. I can see wheelchair tracks in the carpet, and the example was brilliant.

LOL.

It would be interesting to see the advice in this thread broken down by age, sex, and marital status/longevity.

Stephen listen to me, you do not know the risk you are taking here. Rainman appears as this forgiving nice guy, but we all here know of his dark side..... and we aint talking black holes here.
Push the keyboard back, grab your joystick and roll back to where you came from.

You're clinging to an end of the maturity ladder, alright, just don't look down. You might be disappointed when you see you are sitting on the ground.

For the last time, I told you that was just business.

No...............you're..........................wrong.........................I ............................don't........................... believe...........................you.

He can't take care of his own kids for a week? He must leave most of that up to the wifey. How does he think she feels having to do the work of getting kids, fixing dinner, giving baths, tucking in, all on top of HER job? She probably doesn't bitch and complain about it. She might actually enjoy doing it because she loves her children. He could learn from that. He's afraid of letting her have control? Does he feel like less of a man if he let's her make her own decision and has to do a little extra work with the house and kids for a week? IMO, that would make him more of a man. He'll never know what kind of appreciation she will show for it in the future. Women have amazing memories for stuff like this.

I just noticed your post count. You're a machine!

To be fair, luv, he wasn't going to go on the cruise without her... he was going to take the cash equivalent and buy a big screen TV.

It amazes me that divorces do happen over stupid selfishenss like this.

A successful marriage is a compromising fulltime selfless job that should always consider their mate in any major decision.
Its pridefull selfish people that are held in account for 58% of marriages failing.

My bad. I'll go adjust my original post.

Mine was about whistling. He just whistled one time too many.

No, not a machine. It's called having no life otside of work.

You told me earlier that it was the bells on his shoes.

No...that was why I shot him...not divorced him.

Figures........you dont believe in anything unless their is some crazy Euclidean geometry applied with some non trivial topology or entropy thats proves things to increase. However Steven, even though your busy making up your own language while searching for solutions to black holes, one must never easily discard the theory of rainmanianactivity.

Whistling could be considered......selfish.
Speaking of which, was he from Dixie by any chance?

How disappointed will Forrest Gump be, when he hears that his divorce was due to her accusing him at whistling, and realizes that it was her the entire time.

Her you ask? Yes....Forest told me that her attire was a short skirt, with no squirrel covers, and the hill they lived upon, was known for its constant breezes...like blowing over the rim of a large pop bottle forest says.

wooooooooooooo Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"you sound like a choo choo train" ~bobby Bouchette

After reading through this thread today, I wouldn't have a problem with my wife going. The good doc's family is going to be there as well as her mother. Look at it as a ticket to get away with the boys for taking care of things around the house while she takes off. Do what I do and head out to Alaska for a nice relaxing fishing trip in the future with some friends. If the trust is there, there shouldn't be any issue with the NY trip. There has to be give and take in any relationship in order for it to work out.

As stated before, my wife took off to Barbados two days ago to see her mother and will be gone for 8 days. No biggie, have fun! I have zero problem with it and to be honest, am glad I am not there cooking my nads off in that heat.

I would tell here that you have thought about it and you are fine with her going and that you may be taking a trip in the future with the boys to go fish or whatever floats your boat. If you trust her, there really shouldn't be an issue. If not, there will be more posts in the future such as: "Are there any good lawyers here on the Planet, I need some advise."

ROFL Bwahahahahahahahaha...

Yeah, I was laughing while I was typing it. :)

You guys going to make it out for a game this year?

I sure hope so Bob, but nothing in stone yet. You two still need to make it out here to Montana as well for a little ATV riding followed up by some downing of tasty beverages. :hmmm: