ROFL :clap: :deevee:

Where'd ya get the shimmering smiley? I like...

It's my "shudder" smiley. We need that added badly.

ROFL Is that any thing like the flood of '47? :hmmm:

**** I almost though that post said GAPE and I was gonna be like "uh WTF is luv into"

It is with deep regret that I inform you my bowels will not be moving this evening. They generally move at 11:30 AM and 2:30 PM so despite the extra chow this evening, you'll be force to wait until tomorrow for the story. Please tune in at 11:30 AM for the capers of the capers.

Mine will be about 10 minutes after that first cup of coffee, 6ish tomorrow morning.

Dude, what are the origins of "stab them in the face"?

I can see that you're interested in my dook.

http://67.18.68.69/BB/attachment.php...id=64862&stc=1

Do you have any idea how many references for that come up?

BTW, we really need to get that Lexicon wiki up somewhere.

Well, I limited my search to a year and older.

From what I can see, Rausch was the first person to use it if the ChiefsPlanet database is to be believed.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

Huh. If that's the true origin then "stab her in the face" sucks. :shake:

OK, just felt the rumble

started to french kiss my undies and ran to the bathroom.

I just sat down, and am currently ridding my bladder of all the pale ale I drank tonight.

While the build up is expanding, I just remembered the old poem on so many dirty public stalls.

Here is sit all broken hearted,
Tried to shit but only farted.


that's because the first rip just came out

holy cow, first child (or seal team as some army buddies have called them) has deployed.

I knew going outside earlier to spread some salt for the ice would come back to haunt me.

I waited so long for this, that this first one had some tremendous force to it. I know this by the sound of "plink" when the turd fired into the toilet. It even splashed some of the water back on my ass - right on the hole......

yes the water is cold.

alota times i'll use my q phone while im dropping the kids off at the pool. a little easier that schlepping around my laptop

scroll back to the top and read what thread you are in.

wadda mean? don't we talk about our crap in every thread?

second guy is stuck. Rock hard and now with this weather the corn is probably starting to freeze.

I just let out a pretty good growl to get the rest of that turtle head out. The smell hasn't really hit me, maybe there isn't much of one.

One thing's for sure, those "no wipers" we were talking about earlier.....

.....Yeah, that didn't happen.

it's still a little different.....

excuse me...


.... This time....

pause time for some more pee to come out of the bladder, but the second part is past and now number three prepares for departure.

part three, or the third child is now out, not near as tough, kinda like what I would imagine sh*tting playdough would feel like.

the odor is still very faint, sorta of spicy, but not as unpleasant as I've ever been before.

Time for the wipe, please excuse me while I put the computer down.

alright nothing spectacular about the wiping or flushing aspect, but I do want to note,

It was a good shit, one that really lets you remember what you are doing. I think I may have even jeet a bit with that sh*t. It fought hard, but I put it in it's place.

Okay, so I'm a little late but I'm feeling the pressure of the bowels. It's almost time.

I didn't have a cup of coffee until almost 10:00 so I think that may explain the delay this morning.

I just unleashed a furious gascious cloud. It was very small. I didn't want to let the entire explosion loose due to the turtle factor. I intend to close the laptop and make my way towards the head. I'll likely walk slightly hunched over as the pressure has increased significantly.

I'm planted on the launching pad.

I'm still straining.

I grasped my right cheek and slightly hitched it up onto the seat to make way for the initial drop.

The initial raider fan was fairly large and firm. I felt much relief upon expulsion.

The second charge was rabbit pellets. There were 4 or 5 distinct plops in the water.

My satisfaction level after the rabbit release was ambivolence.

I'm not quite finished. Secondary and tertiary explosions remain of the rabbit terd variety. I know I have one final push to reach the final destination.

There is no odor - not that I can tell. Perhaps I'll summon other members of my family.

I've just urinated. That is unusual for me. I generally urinate during the event or even before. I think I waited on this movement too long.

My wife agrees, there is no odor this time.

Attempting final push - without success, experienced slight head rush. I'll muster up another burst of energy momentarily.

LMAO

Dear God, poor Pink...

I've repositioned my cheeks on the seat. Perhaps this will help the last bit down the chute.

Still no success. I'm now chugging coffee - I know I need this last drop so I'm not sitting back here in an hour.

I turned on the light and peeked between my legs. The waste is gathered at the very bottom of the bowl. My traditional skid at the back of the toilet is not there. I must need more fiber.

The gathering reminds me of a plate of fried calamari though the color is slightly more butterscotch than fried breading.

I'm not looking forward to this wipe. I look at the remaining toilet paper. There is approximately 1/3rd of a roll left. I breath a sigh of relief. My wife is not a good toilet paper retriever. While I'm generally happy to sit on the toilet reading a book or browsing the internet for up to 45 minutes, when I'm ready for the TP I'm ready NOW. Since my wife knows I spend such a significant time on the toilet she does not feel like fetching my toilet paper is a priority.

I'm giving up the final push. I guess I'll be sitting here again later this afternoon. Commence the cleansing procedure.

that sounds like my wife too, she'll come in and sit on my lap while I'm deploying a seal team

I pull off roughly 3 feet of Charmin. I'm a folder. I fold it in half and then half again.

:shake:

I lift my right cheek and wipe with my right hand. A healthy dose of excretement comes back on the toilet paper. I definitely need more fiber. I fold the TP over the waste and go back for more.

I've now wiped 4 times. Feces still appears on the white TP each time. The Charmin has remained strong each time - none of my fingers have protruded through the paper and come back brown. I'm retiring this loyal piece of TP and taking approximately 2 feet of her sisters for another go at my rectum.

The first wipe with the 2nd piece comes back with a minor skid. The second, third, and fourth efforts are all dry. I feel comfortable that my anus is clean so I'll stand up and pull the up the pants upon submission of this reply.

As I gaze down into the bowl, I can see the water is a very pale yellow from the urine. The 2 slices of TP are off to the side so I can observe the entire load of feces gathered at the bottom of the American Standard Champion. It is not a significant amount - perhaps only 12 ounces. I'm rather disappointed. Obviously I'll be sharing again in 3 hours.

I close the lid.

I flush.

The Champion hands it with ease.

I open the lid. No skid marks whatsoever.

:clap:

After only two submissions in this experiment I'm going to call it a huge success. Poop blogging is the new poop thread.

:clap:

I noticed a slight post-flush odor.

I washed my hands.

I sprayed disinfectant on my keyboard.

Now I'm back in my chair posting again.

Would it be alright if I were to suggest a sticky, so this thread may be readily available to future poopers?

No no. That's what bookmarks and search are for.

Okayyyyyy

Wow - I feel so much better and classy at the same time.

Give everybody play by play the next time you have to change Clayton's diapers.. :p

I just exploded. I'm sorry I didn't have an opportunity to pre-warn you. My eyes are still watering.

It tastes a little bit spicy around my butt hole. The slight air movement inside of the toilet feels strangely cool and makes it hurt. I'm scared to look down because I know it's messy. I'm sure the bowl will require a brush to return to its previously white state.

The stench is awful. It's making me a bit nausious. I wouldn't want to follow me into this bathroom. I'll be certain to spray.... heavily. I dread wiping. I know it will soak through and onto my fingers. I wish I had a monitor on the wall so I could follow the Colts/Ravens.

I've been through for several minutes, but I'm allowing it to drip-dry. Hopefully I haven't missed too much of the game.

I'm bravely looking between my legs now..... there's a gigantic white log in there.... oh, wait. Sorry about that.

The water is murkey and I can't see a thing. Fortunately there's only one small splatter above the waterline. I hope the powerful flush will take it away.

This is interesting. My excretory sessions are usually shorter and more painful. I'm a power shitter.

I'm not drunk enough to say anything else, but I'm bored and looking through some past threads, found this one and since I am currently stinking up my bathroom, thought it would be a nice bump

It's kinda an oily, and irritating pungent odor.