Amidst a buzz of interest, a bearded medieval man steps to the podium.

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"Cincinnati," he says, looking around the room. "The city was named after the Roman General Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus. Some may think that the use of two Cins is wasteful of ink and breath. Why not just Cinnati? The name would be just as unique.

"But I, Galileo Galilei, am here to defend the use of duplicate names. And for the rest of the draft, Cincinnati will educate you with great examples of reduplicated names."

"But for now, we'll get down to business and just concentrate on football, and specifically a player who does not have a duplicated name."

The Cincinnati Bengals select Jer'Zhan Newton, DT, Illinois.

Oh, and Galileo sent an encrypted backwards-written message to the Rams that they're on the sundial.

The disheveled rams, not quite remembering that they actually have a first round pick cycle through a couple of pff big board rankings. Suddenly, Les Sneed smacks his coffee mug down on his desk. “**** them picks”, Once a slogan of a championship franchise, now a dire reality of the last 8 seasons without selecting a player in round one lay scribed across his mug, with a dribble of black coffee making its way down the side and onto the sturdy oak desk.

“We have our guy” Les bellows out to McVay, and the rest of the staff.

McVays “get back” assistant pushes his blackened sunglasses up the bridge of his nose and nods in agreement before stepping out to make a phone call.

The rams staff sit together, watching the live ESPN draft coverage. Roger Goodell steps to the podium and says:

“With their first round one pick in 9 years, and the 19th selection of the 2024 NFL draft, the Los Angeles Rams select, Chop Robinson, Defensive End, Penn state”


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TLDR: the Los Angeles Rams select, Chop Robinson, Defensive End, Penn state”


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Fixed. Don't forget to bold the actual pick.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are loving the options available! Faced with a tough decision picking between the remaining OT and WR prospects, or nabbing a top OC... The Steelers stick to their roots and address their biggest need on defense: CB.

The Pittsburgh Steelers select Terrion Arnold, CB, Alabama

Arnold has incredible upside as a cover corner and will pair nicely with Joey Porter Jr. to help anchor the next-gen Steelers defense.

Great pick. Was praying he'd fall to the next Cardinals pick (27th), but should've known better.

Pm sent to Mecca

He's a bit raw (and young), but has great traits. I wouldn't be surprised if he's the first CB off the board. Also wouldn't be surprised if he dips to day 2. Will be interesting to see how this one scores after the draft.

Ridley to the Titans now my pick looks stupid

Sorry, thats why i added the second post. Couldn’t figure out how to bold on tapatalk.


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You can never have too many receivers, unless of course you're the broncos with no quarterback.

Mecca's looking to make it 2 for 2 it appears

Want to pick for the Dolphins? I hate to do it when his 12 hours aren't up, and it's no hard feelings, but we have to get this thing rolling.

I don't see him popping up before his 12 hours are up either.

**** it, sorry Mecca, just trying to keep this thing rolling. You're more than welcome to finish these drafts. I'm just trying to give you a solid start:

The Miami Dolphins select Troy Fautanu, OT/OG, Washington

A lot of people thought Fautanu had G length, but after the combine, he's looking more like a T. The Dolphins just need good OL either way.

crow sent me his pick for the Eagles:

The Philadelphia Eagles select Nate Wiggins, CB, Clemson

Looks like we are on a mini run of CBs.

The Texans have beefed up the pass rush through free agency, so we will use this pick to strengthen a secondary that needs someone to pair with Stingley.

Koolaide McKinstry, CB, Alabama

The Cowboys could always go skill guy, which wouldn't be the worst, but with Tyron Smith finally done.....

The Cowboys select LT Amarius Mims, Georgia

Hey I know you're new here, so just a friendly remember, it's

PLAYER, POSITION, SCHOOL

Hope you weren't planning on going OT, Chargem.

Green Bay selects Tyler Guyton, OT, Oklahoma

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Brian Thomas Jr, WR, LSU

Tamps needs help on the O-line but not at T. They hoped a DE would fall but that didn't happen. WR is not a big need but with Godwin and Evans aging and becoming expensive it makes sense to grab Thomas who fell to TB.

The Arizona Cardinals select Darius Robinson, DE/DT, Missouri

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I was really hoping to see another FA move by the Chiefs before pick 32 comes around

Sorry, Mecca doesn't pick again before your pick :D ;)

Bills have holes up and down the roster, but we'll go with common thought here and go with a weapon to put alongside an aging Diggs: With the 28th pick of the draft, the Buffalo Bills select Adonai Mitchell, WR, Texas.

If Thomas Jr lasts to 26, I hope we move up for him!

Round 2 is up!

If trades were allowed and it fell exactly like this, I would be definitely seeing the price to get up to 25 ish

A pick that makes no sense. Also...he doesn't play for Tennessee.

I got a DM that it was me to pick, but it looks like Duncan's turn?

Guessing Idaho is going Franklin here, he's a big fan.

That's my fault. Sorry.

Seriously. Hard to imagine him falling out of the top 20.

No worries, was just checking I hadn't missed anything

Feel free to send me your top 2 if you're going to be away later though.

I love how 5 guys that most of us would love all went right before the Chiefs pick LMAO

Every year LMAO

That's where this whole "process" fails. You've got guys who know what the Chiefs need and hone in on those players for their picks....even if they really don't need them. I have a feeling that if we had fans from other teams pick for their teams...it would be a little more realistic.

Agreed.

Tampa's biggest needs are: OC, OG, S, and DE. First three are not really 1st round positions and all the first round DEs were taken. So went BPA.

The BPA player on the board right now makes no sense for the Chiefs

Not sure if we're thinking of the same guy, but I'd say the same about my BPA. It could work, but would take a position change.

Kyle Shanahan walks onto the stage, wearing his trademarked flat-brim black 49ers hat. A distinguished 5 p.m. shadow doesn't hide his bloodshot eyes, or the drawn look in his face. His nose works frantically as he sniffs, wiping at it with the back of his hand. A faint trace of something white is seen on that hand as he places it in the pocket of his hoodie and steps to the podium.

"OK, (sniff), look. I'm gonna win one of these goddamned Super Bowls someday. Because my Dad told I could, all right? That it was my birth right. (Sniffs, wipes). We're better than you. That's why..."

Camera cuts to John Lynch in the audience, frantically signalling for Kyle to cut it out.

"All right, fine. I'll get on with it. Simms-y is waiting for me in the bathroom, anyway. We've got (sniff) to talk about stuff. (sniff)

With the 32nd pick in the 2024 NFL draft ... Wait, what? Oh, right. With the 31st pick in the 2024 NFL draft, the 2025 Super Bowl champion San Francisco 49ers select Jackson Powers-Johnson, IOL, Oregon.

Those mother****ing Kansas City Chiefs are on the clock!"

The camera cuts to Mike Shanahan in the audience, who visibly sighs and says something to his wife. Years later, a lip-reading expert would tell Kyle his father said: "I love him, but he is not... (deep sigh)... a serious person."

Oh **** all of you guys for putting the draft sliders on Rookie Mode for Chargem...

49ers need to address OL weaknesses on the interior and just extended McKivitz another year. Powers-Johnson was the BPA by a decent amount at that spot, too.

I actually think his job is a little harder than it would be in real life, with Brian Thomas Jr. going to the Bucs and Xavier Worthy going to the Ravens. I don't think either of those teams takes WR in the 1st.

I didn't really know what to expect here, the board was falling great up until about pick 23 and then a lot of potential Chiefs picks came off the board.

I wouldn't hate if the Chiefs took a couple of the available receivers here, but it doesn't feel great to do it.

Lol did Chargem forget to make the pick?

No, just taking my time. Will make a pick in ~10 mins

Okay, we are going BPA.

The Chiefs Select JC Latham, T, Alabama

He's probably not a left tackle, so I guess I am relying on Taylor moving to left tackle for 2024.

That is exactly who I would've taken.

Great pick.

Is this who you were talking about before? I was thinking of Latham, but the same applied to JPJ really, although slightly less so.

I haven't DM'd Tamba btw

Done.

Yup - that's exactly what I'd do with this draft board.

Some good talent and for the right price I could be talked into a 10 pick or so trade down. But in a 'no trade' environment, Latham would be an easy pick for me.

A) Because I think Taylor can make the transition to LT
B) Because I'm not 100% sure Latham can't.

But I am almost certain that Latham is a long time starting OT in this league. He moves awfully well for a guy that big.

Yes. Latham probably requires Taylor moving over to LT, but it could work.

Oddly enough, you know who Latham's comp is on nfl.com?

Jawaan Taylor lol.

"I'll take 2 please!"

JPJ would be a tougher short-term fit but an equally good long-term one.

I think just about any C can play OG. So I go ahead and extend Creed at Center rates then eventually move him to OG so I don't have to deal with these occasional bounced snaps anymore and put JPJ at C after Trey Smith walks and/or we lose Thuney for cap reasons.

Interior line is a sneaky big problem for us in the coming season or two. But I'm 100% confident we'll get it figured out fairly easily. So for that reason, of the two (Latham and JPJ) I'd go with Latham because ultimately I don't think we NEED to use a 1st round pick to fix a problem on the IOL. We very well may to deal with OT.

Oops on the team, honestly think it autocorrected and I just wasn't paying attention.

On the not making any sense, yeah, quite possibly. I didn't like the CBs left for them, thought about Wilson at LB but it seemed way too rich, and the only other thought was IOL but again I don't like the options and think I'll swing in a later round.

I'm honestly not really on the Worthy train so not sure it's me locking in on a Chiefs target. Just think OBJ isn't back , they'll want someone to replace him, and they might see the FA market and go...no thanks.

I think this is where I would have gotten to as well, but if Duncan took Latham instead I would have found it harder taking JPJ.

I don't think I would've.

Unless I had someone looking to give me a 2 for Trey Smith (which, given the IOL market, suddenly seems a lot less wild). Then I'd have maybe tried to make it work.

I would've just taken the best WR available on my board if duncan went Latham.

Likewise

The New England Patriots select, Keon Coleman, WR, Florida State

The Arizona Cardinals select Graham Barton, OL, Duke

Another team that needs OL help everywhere. Just plug Barton in at C or wherever he fits best.

BTW, im not drafting guys based on who I like, im drafting based on what i think these teams like and how they draft. Hence McCarthy over Maye.

I personally think Adonai Mitchell will be a bust, but totally right up the Bill's alley. I'd take Franklin over Coleman but, i don't think the Patriots would.

That's the way to do it. I weighed Latham and Powers-Jackson for the 49ers. I would have taken Latham if it was me, but I think they'd prefer Powers-Jackson.

Same with the Chargers. There's no way in hell I would pass on the receiving options at that spot for a T, when I have a really good LT already and have serviceable options in house at RT. But I'm also not Jim Harbaugh.

#NerdAlert

Each year I block off time to do deep dives on my teams, spending time on their draft forums, monitoring their likely and realized FA moves, reading draft articles by their affiliated journalists, and doing deeper dives into prospects who are scheme fits. Not a subject matter expert, but I make myself pretty damn informed. That's one of the fun things about this game/exercise to me.

It's also the reason I felt I could only take on and do 1 team justice this year given some personal things happening in life at the moment.

A rousing chorus of Hail To The Chief rings out over the loudspeakers, and out onto the stage comes former President Bill Clinton, accompanying the song on his saxophone.

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"Hello, America!" he says. "It's time to bring Washington back to the front of the nation. And to do that, you need strength up front. Someone that you can put out on an island, but, uh, not Epstein's Island. I know nothing about that. Anyway, strength up front is what we're going to do right now!

"The Washington Commanders select Jordan Morgan, OT, Arizona."

Not realizing that he has a hot mic, he then turns to Goodell and says, "Hey, remember that cheerleader who made our first pick? Do you know where she's at now?"

Bill then leaves the stage and can be seen later making small talk with some of his special VIP guests.

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Bill's friend Ghislaine lets the Chargers know that they're on the clock. Then she invites them to a party.

Jim Harbaugh returns to the stage, now wearing a tasteful golf polo with his khakis.

"Boy, talk about blasts from the past! What an act to follow. You know, here in San Diego we'ere turning back the clock. We are going to have a big, strong, tough football team that runs the ball, stops the run, and is prepared to win weather-aided playoff games 12-9 when the other team's QB throws 3 interceptions and their kicker chokes like Ryan Day when he realizes the talent Urbie left him is all gone and there is a new sheriff in town.

And the best way to do that? WE NEED MORE MICHIGAN MEN. Big, strong, tough guys who kill the weight room all week and their opponents on Sundays.

The Los Angeles Chargers select Kris Jenkins, DT, Michigan.

Such a Harbaugh/Ravens player, so very fitting.

After drafting Malik Nabers the Titans GM got pouty because he really wanted Calvin Ridley both on the field and off. Daddy opened up his wallet and signed him.

Titans get their franchise tackle with this pick. The question will be who's throwing the balls? Will it be Levis? Tannehill or racist Rudolph? Won't matter because this will be a fun offense.


The Tennessee Titans Select: Kingsley Suamataia, OT, BYU

Can someone message Couch Potato Im mobile

Giants selects Ja'Tavion Sanders, TE, TX

Got it.

The Commanders were really split on drafting Morgan or Suamataia. In fact, we were hoping that Suamataia would be available in a couple of picks so we could draft bookend tackles for our shiny new quarterback.

With Hollywood signed now, that Latham pick looks even better, probably even ideal.

Interesting

Never been how I've done it.

My goal isn't to do it as well as them, it's to do it better. I'm the GM. I'm not cosplaying as their GM.

Same here.

I picked Stroud over Young last year so I can laugh at the Panthers that a nobody on a message board knew better than them.