bump.. we need some laughs around here

Not really offensive but decent and is much better in person,

So Phobia, ENDelt and Bob Dole are out drinking this one night... At the end of the night they are all walking back home when this dude comes out with an AK and tells them about the 7 inch rule. The rule is - they all have to show him his dicks and if they all add up to 7 inches, he lets them live, if not - he kills them.

So Phobia whips his out, the dude measures and it's 3 inches. Bob Dole's turn, he whips his out, the dude measures - 3 inches. So far so good. Phobia and Bob Dole look at ENDelt and start begging God, "Please, God, all we need is one inch! Don't let us die, God!" So, ENDelt pulls his out, the dude measures and it's... 1 inch!!! Talk about being close... Phobia and Bob Dole start prasing God and then start thanking ENDelt, for his 1" penis. ENDelt looks at them and proudly says "No problem, douches, you're lucky I had a hard on..."

Q. What color were Christa McAuliffe's eyes?

A. Blue (Blew). One this way and one the other way.



Q. What do you get when you cross a Puerto Rican with a Polack?

A. Someone who spraypaints their name on a chain link fence.

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a bathtub?


I can't tell, they keep falling through those holes in the drain.

Little Johnny went to his first day in the 3rd grade. The teacher told them that every Monday she would ask a question and if someone knew the answer they could take the rest of the week off. Johnny was a notorius slacker and was excited about the prospect.

Monday came and the teacher asks the first question. "How many windows are in the White House?" Well, f**k if Johnny knew. So he went home and studied for next week.

Monday came again and the teacher asked "How many bricks are in the great pyramid?" Johnny was pissed and thought to himself "I'll never win if I let this bitch run the show." Next Monday he would be prepared.

Monday came around again and just as the teach was getting ready to ask that week's question Johnny rolled two 8 balls up to the front of the room. Annoyed, the teacher says "Ok, who's the comedian with the black balls?".

Johnny replies "Bill Cosby. See you next week."

Jesus walks in to a hotel and slaps 4 nails on the desk and says to the night clerk "Can you put me up for the night?"

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?

All of them.

If this was posted before, so be it...


A child molester and a kid are walking in the forest late at night. The kid goes "Geez, it's dark. I'm scared." The child molester says "You're scared?!! I have to walk home alone!"

What's the world record for most people in a VW?

One Nazi in the front seat, one Nazi in the rear seat and 42 Jews in the ash tray.

On a side note: Is anyone else familiar with the "Aristocrat joke"? I've heard Penn Jillette has made a film documenting some 100 variations of the bit told by different comedians. The DVD is scheduled for Christmas 2005. Below is a site that links to a pretty good version told by the South Park kids.

http://www.lnreview.co.uk/media/journal/001842.php

It's already been told on this thread. At least be more original.

How does ENDelt's sister know her daddy is angry at her brother? His cock smells like shit.

Or something like that, I forget now.

Racist joke to follow (don't get huffy):

Why do Mexicans serve tamales on Christmas?




So the kids have something to unwrap.

This young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas.
He sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded
staring blankly at a bowl of chili. After about 15 minutes of just sitting
there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks, "if you ain't goin to
eat that, mind if I do"? The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the
young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner states "Nah, go ahead".
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his
place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the
bottom and notices a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking
and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy
quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too".

What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a Chia Pet?

Nobody gets upset if you stop watering the Chia.

Q.What's George W's favorite vegetable?

A.Terri Schiavo

Q.What's the difference between Vietnam and the Iraq war?

A.Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam

Q.Did you hear about the Italian Polack?

A.He'll make you an offer you can't understand