You are such a pussy.

You gave a bum $7 for no reason.

You should have told him to go **** himself, he might have learned a lesson.

I felt it was legitimate charity. With my bags, I considered myself to be in a bit of vulnerable position, and I certainly would not want to be confrontational.

I know we were great 'people watching' material.

I ride a bike to work as much as possible. I’m always checking out the other bikes when I park, especially this one particular silver Harley. I’m driving to work in my truck and I see that Harley up ahead of me and it looks like a girl driving it. Cool! I dig a chick on a bike. She’s got long black hair in a pony tail and has black chaps one with a matching black jacket, it has those fringe/tassel things running down each arm and across the back. I just gotta see what she looks like! I carefully maneuver through traffic until finally I come up along side her…..and she’s got a full freaking beard! Wow. How very disappointing. Never seen a dude sport tassels like that. Seriously, that had to be a girls jacket.

the quote from the thread entry has had me chuckling all day "(Not large, either - envision an inverted champagne flute made out of Slinky.)" a perfect desription of meth hooters. awesome!

I am NOT reading this entire thread, but I like my eyes in just 1 color. Checked would look wierd.

Okay, this is an epic peoplewatching post. If you have read this far, keep reading.

I was walking home last night, and I tend to walk through a commercial area that has varying amounts of foot traffic. I walked by a restaurant that's in a low-traffic area, and so usually doesn't have a lot of customers.

Envision this, and every word is true. The restaurant is well-lit and abuts the sidewalk, so it's very easy to see in. There are two customers, both women, and two waitresses. None are bombshells, but none are warthogs, either. Pretty reasonable overall.

As I walk up, Waitress A and Waitress B are standing at the table talking to the two women. Apparently the conversation was about brassieres, because Waitress B reaches behind Waitress A (who's holding a plate or glass or something) and pulls her top up to look at the back of her bra. They're all chatting while this happens, and Waitress B is doing some pointing and explaining. Then she continues raising the top, front and back, all the way to Waitress A's armpits. So the four of them are there, two customers sitting and two waitresses standing, and one Waitress A has her top being held all the way up by Waitress B so the others can presumably look at her bra. And I'm trying everything I can to not walk into traffic.

In a restaurant this was happening. In a restaurant!

Maybe she was showing the customers the milk menu?:hmmm:

it was probably my wife...

LMAO

And this whole time I thought that was a special showing for Mr. Flopnuts and I? I don't feel so special anymore.

It was still special, she didn't give that show to anyone else (that trip)...

There must be an inside story I'm missing.

floppy and Rocky here shared a ride with us to the game after the bash last year. My wife likes to show her funbags every once and a while, or at least her bra. So she gave them a bit of a flash in the car. It was fun for the whole family entertainment.

This is why I insisted on paying the parking fees at Arrowhead...in one dollar bills:evil:

mamma's gotta help pay her half of the bills somehow...

One of the restaurant patrons took a cell photo of rainman and describes it like the final scene of Lucas...Rainman, standing in a euphoric haze, arms raised in victory in an oversized jacket, so they all started the slow clap.

That's pretty much exactly how it went down.

Okay, this happened tonight.

I'm walking home, headed south and approaching a street corner, maybe 100 feet away.

Walking west is an old woman with a little tiny dog on a leash. This is probably an 8-pound dog, one of those little terriers. She's in the intersection going from the southeast corner to the southwest corner.

Walking east toward the southwest corner, and about half a block away, is some tall 20-something dude.

I'm minding my own business and I suddenly hear screaming. Loud screaming. Panicked screaming. I can't tell where it's coming from.

The old woman is now on the southwest corner of the intersection and has stopped. The 20-something guy is the one who was screaming and pointing at the dog, and he's saying something about the dog, but I can't understand it. He's now maybe 30 feet away from her, and he's stopped.

I figured that maybe he knew the woman, and he was making the dog feel good by pretending it was a wolf or something, so I paid him no mind.

I get into the intersection, close enough to hear what's going on. The old woman is on the corner, the dog is about ten feet out on the leash wanting to go toward the guy, but can't since he only weighs 8 pounds. The guy is about 10 feet from the dog, and he's telling the woman to go south, not east. I have no idea what's going on. Then the guy says, "I have a serious phobia about dogs! You have to go that direction!"

Apparently so.

I was sitting on my front steps today resting from my jog, and I saw two unusual sights about five minutes apart.

First, two teenage boys walked down the sidewalk in front of my house, one maybe 14 and the other maybe 16. The 16 year-old was brushing his teeth. He had no water or anything, but he had a toothbrush in his mouth and was brushing his teeth.

Second, less than five minutes later, a beat-up old pickup came down the street with some bearded old fellow behind the wheel. Perched atop the steering wheel, staring directly at the driver, was a large, live parrot. One of those big red and green and blue ones.

Worthless without pics...

On my walk home from work, I saw a young woman riding a bicycle, and she was wearing a duct tape skirt and a bubble wrap top. You know that temptation you always have to pop bubble wrap when you see it? Well...

What a pussy. It's a little mutt for crying out loud. I'd hate to see his reaction when someone is walking a 60 lb dog or a pit bull for that matter. He'd probably drop a load in his pants. :shake:

I'm out doing errands this afternoon, and I'm in a very nice part of town. Just a few blocks ahead of me is a not-so-good part of town and I swear I'm telling myself as I'm driving, "Ugggh, I wonder what sort of weirdos I'm going to come upon in the next few blocks?"

Just as I say that, a crash of thunder roars across the sky. I see this bedraggled woman walking along the sidewalk suddenly stop, raise her arms and head toward the sky, and start shaking her arms. I couldn't hear what she was saying because I had the music on in my car and the windows up. But I think she was telling God to strike her down right there. A moment later, she dropped her arms and kept on walking.

You gotta love your life when you see that. Ive been trying to kill skunks for two days and guys like you are having fun.

Every time I go to the shopping mall - every time - I see this woman walking laps. Every time. It doesn't matter what day it is. It doesn't matter what time it is. She's always there walking laps. She's kind of cute in a crazy kind of way, so you notice her, and she weighs about 90 pounds.

I can't figure out if she's obsessive-compulsive and walks, or if she's the ghost of a person who died in the mall, or if she's rich and spends her entire day walking. But it's odd.

Maybe it's just a crazy coincedence. When I worked at the library this creepy looking toothless bald guy was always there looking at magazines. Every single moment I was there. But, according to my coworkers, he was only there when I worked. He'd show up ten minutes before, and leave right after me. ****ing weird.

Maybe he was your muse. Maybe this woman is mine.

Maybe. Or maybe she's secret super duper undercover CIA and she's about to gut your ass for using NFL players in your sandbox game without written consent and permission from the NFL and CBS.

I saw this big fat pink-haired woman walking with her skinny little boyfriend on Market Street in San Francisco. He had a dog collar around his neck & she was walking him on a leash.

Went to dinner last night, took some creeper pics...

http://i.imgur.com/gNzqm.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/qhXkn.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/6Uv1d.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/TR3H5.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/X79Nk.jpg

You win.

That's pretty ****ing creepy...

Indeed, and distrubing. I suspect in a few more years, we'll be reading about Wendler in the news. "Texas man arrested for taking upskirt pictures of women."

That girl was asking for it. She may have even been asking for more than having her picture taken, but without being there in person it's hard for me to tell.

I do like Rubio's....

Her face says serious, but her nipples say fun. Mixed signals.

Watcha reading there? Looks like a ghey romance novel...

He's writing it, not reading it...

Awesome GC.

This. Nice work son.

If you think that's asking for it, you should see how the young ladies dress in these parts.

Educate me. I await your pictures.

How would you know?


Hmm?

I'm in rural Wisconsin waiting for a tow truck. The good news is that the motel guy is letting me wait in the lobby. The interesting news is that there's a really skinny guy with his really obese girlfriend in the pool, and he's riding her like she's a manatee. I have no idea why this is happening.

DUDE! Pics? What the hell!

I kept pondering, but it would've been pretty obvious what I'm doing, and this woman could take me down like a grizzly bear on a rabbit. I'm not as good as gif_horse at taking creeper pictures.

I always find skinny guy-fat girl couples intriguing. If there's a fat guy-skinny girl couple I just assume that the guy has a high income. But for some reason I don't assume the opposite when it's a SGFG combo. I hope that's not sexist.

Do it for Omaha!!

Where at? Pics?

I have noticed that and wondered what the hell?

Some guys are really attracted to bigger women.

Must be mommy issues...

That girl has trollface syndrome (mandibular prognathism).

Every relationship I've ever had has been Skinny girl - fat guy....and I have no money.

ROFLROFLROFLROFL

So did the fat girl sit on you?

Are you still alive?

Check to see if all the motel guests have the same birthday. If they do then get the hell out as quick as possible.

If that's what you get with mandibular prognathism, then I like mandibular prognathism a lot.


And I hope that someone eventually straightened up that picture in the background. It's really bothering me.

I was walking to work today, and walked by a bus stop. This bus stop is about a 15-minute walk to the downtown area, and 99 percent of the people in the morning are going to the downtown work area.

There was a relatively young and healthy-looking woman sitting on the bench, and she was on the phone. As I walked by, it was apparent that she was talking to the bus district, and she was chewing them out. She was talking about how long she had waited and that she was going to be late for work and was asking about how she could file a complaint. "This is ridiculous," she said at one point.

Granted, there's a 1 percent chance that she was going past downtown, and maybe there's a chance that she had some non-visible disability, but the odds are that she was waiting and getting frustrated for a bus to take her to a place that's a 15-minute walk. If she waited more than 15 minutes, she could have just walked.

I really don't understand all the people taking the bus along my walking route. I'm willing to bet that some of them stand and wait for the bus longer than it would take them to walk.

I was getting a salad and saw a guy with grease on his forehead

I had a hankering for a Pepsi, so I walked the 1.25 blocks to the store to buy one. I was wearing a Chiefsplanet shirt. When I hit the stop light, a very attractive young woman was starting to roll her window down.

I figured she was most likely ignoring me and just planning to throw a candy wrapper or cigarette butt out into the street. If not that, I figured maybe she was planning to spit on me, since her attractive status placed her higher on the social scale than me even if she was 20 years younger.

But neither of those happened. Instead, she looked at me, smiled, and yelled, "Go Chiefs!" She then rolled the window back up and departed the scene.

It was heartwarming and affirming.

I love this thread.

It's summer, so the pool in front of my gym is populated with many scantily clad teenagers, who are all of legal age. The pool is directly in front of the windows of the gym, which I stand about 10 feet away from.

I enjoy working out in the summer months. It's heartwarming. And affirming.

It looks like Mr. Clay was reading an excerpt from a fantasy novel...
"The Name of the Wind" by Patrick Rothfuss

LMAO Busted!

Why would I be embarrassed by such a thing? I am proud of my geek status.

I was only poking fun. I find it interesting that you were reading something that's intellectually stimulating.

Tonight I was at the bar and a chick kept spread her legs open despite wearing a skirt so her pink panties were exposed. She also talked about the cellulite on her leg and mentioned how she has an ex boyfriend.

After watching her drunken behavior I came to the conclusion that she was DTF and likely had a STD.

:rolleyes:

I've been a geek since I was 10. That's not surprising at all. While other dudes were trying to get laid I was reading Tolkien and Crichton.

Never could get into Crichton. All about Tolkien though. From the ages of 13-18 I must have read the 4 books no less than 25 times.

Saw something very weird this morning. Just as I turned and looked out the window in my bathroom, I see this guy, who badly needed a shave and have his hair combed, was right up at the window looking back at me.

Then I realized I was turned around and was looking in my bathroom mirror.

Was still really weird though.

OK…this is kinda long….but I swear every word is true.
This happened a few years ago. Reading this thread reminded me of this incident.

Went to lunch with a friend (we’ll call him Dave….because his name is….Dave). Ended up at a Churchs’s chicken joint in KC. I was already somewhat apprehensive upon seeing the windows of the door have been boarded up. We get in line behind a black lady. She’s gotta be every bit of 6’ 6”, no joke. Big ole afro too made her look 6’ 9”. She lets us go ahead of her. We order. Made the mistake of getting a large drink. They set my food and a gallon of coke on my tray. I turn to walk away and almost bump into the amazon who is directly behind me. As I’m about to say sorry and step around I look up into her face and she makes the unmistakable facial contortion/burping action that indicates she’s gonna barf. I JERK my tray to the right and sidestep. The gallon of coke slides all the way from the left side of the tray to the right and stops….disaster averted, quick as a cat! The amazon turns to me and daintily puts her index finger to her lips and says…..”Oh my damn!”. (this phrase has now become a part of my daily lexicon)

Dave is still at the counter and is oblivious to this happening. I go sit down wondering…..did she really almost puke on me?! Dave comes and sits down (I’m facing the counter he’s facing the street) and I tell him what just happened. He’s laughing about it when I see the amazon turn and run down the hallway and throw open the bathroom door. Immediately retching sounds emanate from said bathroom, door still hanging open. A black gentleman sitting in the booth across from us freezes with a chicken leg half way to his mouth. He sits there listening for maybe 5 seconds……then stands up, throws his chicken leg onto his plate and SCREAMS……. “JUS LIKE THAT?! ALL LOUD LIKE THAT?! WIF THE MUTHA****ING DO OPEN?!”

By this time me and Dave are pretty much dying laughing. We’re sitting there still chuckling when the amazon makes her way from the bathroom back to the counter. We watch her as she proceeds to order a bunch of food. She again daintily put here finger to her lips and was like...."Yeah um um er uh, gimme some a them mashed taters and um er uh"....etc This just cracked us up even more. I mean, hey, her stomach was most certainly empty. Why wouldn’t she be hungry? So she orders her food and leaves the premises. This has already been one bizarre and funny lunch outing…..but wait! There’s more!

There are maybe 10 people still sitting in the restaurant. Dave and myself happened to be the only caucasions….not that there’s anything wrong with that….. It starts to rain, I mean it starts to POUR. Just a gully washer. We’re sitting there eating and the door opens and you just hear all that rain pounding….sssshhhhhhhh. This black guy walks in just dripping wet. He makes a line straight for me and Dave. He walks past everyone else in the restaurant and comes right up to our table and leans right down into our faces. Red red eyes….so very red. We are stunned and very still and after a few seconds he puts his fingers to his mouth in a smoking gesture and says…..”Hey man, either of you dudes got a smoke?”. We both cautiously say no. He turns and again bypasses everyone else in the restaurant and opens the door…..ssshhhhhhhhh….and he’s gone.
We sat there and laughed like frigging lunatics. We’re like WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!!?

I don’t go to Church’s anymore…..

Oly chit. That is a cool story bro. ROFL

yeah it was pretty damn surreal!
we decided that'll be a great scene in a movie of our life. I think we'll call it...

OH....MY....DAMN!

So.
Sunday, I'm at the local grocery store. I'm in a town smaller than some high schools, and worked in this store in HS. In this town, I graduated with less than 40 people, so I could probably tell you most of their shoe sizes within 1.

I'm talking to a guy I know and this old dirthead guy turns around and says "who the hell are you?", which kind of miffs me a little bit and I respond "Who the hell are YOU??"
He replies, "well, you look like Iowanian".
"You're close, but I still don't know who you are"
"You should...we graduated together".

I'm flabbergasted...This guy looks 60, a hard, trailer park 60. bald, no teeth, sunken face.
"Person's name?"
"Yeah"
"God Damn, You have got to start taking care of yourself, you have cancer or something"
"Bullshit excuse(inserted instead of 20 year meth habit and comment about case of cheap malt liquor currently being purchased"

He goes on to drone about his medical misfortunes to which I pretty much dismiss them because I know they're due to his personal life choices.

We exchanged smartass retorts, he says he'll probably die, and I agreed he would some day, same as everyone, but reminded him it wasn't a race.



In short, we're not even 40. I was completely flabbergasted that someone my age was completely unrecognizable. I couldn't have identified this guy for $1mil.

oh my damn.

cool story, bro.ROFL


p.s. i actually use your duct tape line often, so yup, i'm a plageriser.

I like to be openminded, and must say that the cashier at my grocery store is pretty cute. I call her "Ms. Rotten Casket" because that's what the tattoo on her arm says. She's always changing her hair from goth looks to bright pink and other styles, and the less cool cashiers are now following her lead. She has these two holes in her cheeks where she kind of made dimples by poking holes in them, but oddly, it really kind of works. She doesn't seem like a druggie and seems intelligent and nice when I chat with her as she scans my Fancy Feast and Dr. Pepper and watermelon. While I'm happily married and we probably wouldn't be a long term match anyway, she's kind of fetching against all of my normal biases.

I'm telling your wife.

I was at King Soopers recently and I noticed three ladies looking at dairy products, conveniently located in the dairy section, which is kept chilled. I noticed that all three had their arms crossed across their breasts. Ladies, we WANT to see your erect nipples, so for future reference, uncross your arms and allow nature to take her course. Thanks.

Broke down in nowhere Idaho
 

So excuse me for punctuation and grammar. I'm typing this with fat fingers on a cell phone. Last night the transfer case went out on my truck just out of Wendell Idaho. We got off to the subway and started looking for a motel. Nope the only thin there is a flophouse available by the month.

We find a campground and sleep in the truck. Not great but we survive. Drive it back to subway atom get it towed and get us picked up. I go in to grab a coffee and a sandwich, I get back to the truck and start eating. My wife says, I think someone took a crap in the middle of the parking lot. Sure enough......

Big pile they wiped with paper towels. WTF not off in a corner but under a big light almost exactly in the center of the lot. I'd post a pic but it won't let me from my phone.

This is why I don't eat at Subway.

This happened last summer and I feel it's a good public service announcement.

At this place called "Suken Gardens" here in Lincoln. Nice botanical garden place. See joggers stop by with their dog to get a drink. Nothing strange about that right? They then proceed to lift the dog up so that it lick all over the drinking fountain.

:cuss: %(/

Thanks you inconsiderate #&*%@. Now everybody else who wants a drink has to share it with your shaggy dog who was probably licking his own @$$ two minutes earlier. And don't give me some "Dogs mouths are cleaner than a humans." BS. Great. Then you share a toothbrush with your dog on your own time. Don't make that decision for the rest of us.

Simple solution? If you're concerned about your dog getting water on a jog, then bring a bottle.

I walked two blocks to the store, carrying two ecologically sound grocery bags.

I bought 18 items, including a half-gallon of milk, a half-gallon of cherry juice, a pound of butter, several cans of cat food, cereal, a four-pack of toilet paper, and some other stuff.

The bag boy took my two bags. He put the toilet paper in one bag, and put the other 17 items in the other bag. Seriously, dude?