I'm ok with that.

I really enjoy my friends and my day-to-day life, I like it enough to share it with ChiefsPlanet.com...of course I know the prude 40+ crowd who haven't had a truly fun and exciting night for over a decade is going to try and put me in my place...that's half the fun.

My mother asked me what I wanted for Christmas last year...and then she ended up paying for the 5 city ordinance violations for me that I had put off for over a year...that's love. If it doesn't bother my mom that her underachieving 23 year old son is a drunk delinquent, it doesn't bother me!

I check into the planet sparingly these days, is gochiefs still a virgin?
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Not quite 24, but yeah...

I never had great study habits...high school was easy and I half-assed through it was a staggering 2.3 GPA...I simply tested into ISU with a decent ACT (not like ISU is hard to get in to)...

Well I got paired with the wrong roommates freshmen year and lasted a semester before I realized if I didn't drop my classes, I'd pretty much **** myself hardcore when it was all said and done.

So I took three semesters off.

Three wonderful semesters. I'm really in no hurry. The last thing I want to do is start a real job.

OK, that's awesome. ROFL

Dude, I can throw a baseball 80 MPH and I'm a 50 in Halo.

Do you really think I need to prove anything? Those two stats alone obviously make me, not only a man, but THE man.

Prude? Not at all

Over 40? Yep

Haven't had a truly fun evening in over a decade? Sticking my pooey and vaggy fingers in my buddies faces hasn't been fun since.........ever.

Putting you in your place? Just about every time you post, you take care of that yourself.

I was on probation until I was 21...and then I moved to Chicago and my roommate was a police officer...I was pretty relaxed out there...I'd get ridiculously drunk bet generally I didn't do anything stupid because I didn't want to end up dead in an alley...

Anyways, when I moved back to Normal, I decided I was ready to do something so ridiculous that I'd get arrested, and was content with being arrested one time before I relaxed.

Well upon the many staggering things I've done at freshmen dorms/bars/and late night Mexican food places, I've realized that the police officers will NOT arrest you if they don't have to, no matter what.

It's crazy. I've done so many ridiculous things to police officers and all they ever do is find some bullshit reason to write me a $50 ticket for something that doesn't even make sense.

So, naturally, I thought these tickets were like parking tickets until I was served with a subpoena for not showing up to court three different times...so Christmas time was a blessing in disguise.

So was Ted Bundy.

So was Al Bundy.

Well here, let me be honest with you...

I've never once claimed to be intelligent, book smart, or anything like that...

I was just blessed with an inordinate amount of common sense. I'm really good at dealing with people and avoiding controversy when I need to IRL...which also makes me very good at pushing just about any button on any person that I feel like needling (testing the limits of random drunk people is hilarious)...

If I cared about my reputation on this site, I wouldn't share these stories, because I realize many of you have convictions, morals, and all of that good stuff...

But really, I don't. I like to demean women with low self-esteem. I like to make fun of dudes who are total d-bags. I can't help the fact I love being the center of attention, and that I was blessed with the ability to manipulate others into acting like total idiots, thus making me look intelligent in real life.

and that's why Emily was so cool...

I promise next time I see her (and we'll both be drunk because sober Emily and I have never hung out since our restaurant went under) I will let her read this thread and I guarantee she will just reply with..."ridiculous."

She knows how I am...she was the beneficiary of all my stories Saturday mornings when I stumbled into work after I night of dumbassery back in the day.

God, I admire you...............

http://uk.geocities.com/imfletcher73/poon.gif

What a very, very Midnight_Vulture-esque attitude!
Congrats.

well at least I'm a Chiefs fan...

ROFL

I can also eat the blazing sauce at BW3...I want to die afterwards, but that's pretty manly if you ask me.

I thought this was the best line in the thread........




Until I read this.....





ROFLROFLROFLROFL

Exactly what I thought.

Say whatever you want about Hootie. The dude keeps it real.

ROFL

God, this thread is absolute proof that Hootie is a legend.

God bless. Someday we'll be blood brothers.

just make sure it's his blood, and not some drunken skanks.
sec

I remember the first time I cut off someone's head.

This thread is chock full of win.

Those little green army men, or was it your Star Trek action figures that came with the Transporter Room? You used to rip Bones' head off, didn't you?

I wasn't allowed to play with toys.

Cool Hootie, now Clalyton wants to blow you.....good job.:shake:

Before or after he had sex with him?

Goal accomplished.

If anyone in this world can get me laid, it's Hootie.

:spock:

BAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH

Not showing up for 3 separate ****ing court dates is not what I would qualify as common sense.

and I got in a whole bunch of trouble for it, too :rolleyes:

The reason I didn't pay the tickets was because everytime one expired I was suppose to get a warrant for my arrest, yet I kept getting more tickets and the previous ones were never brought up.

I figured they'd all go away...they didn't. My friend has about 90 parking tickets in Chicago and hasn't heard shit about them for three years.

Either way, once I paid the delinquent tickets they no longer cared...even though I ignored them for months. I promise if I get another one, I probably won't pay it until I absolutely have to...

It's like ducking out of town if you think you're going to jail. Chances are, if you didn't do anything horrendous, they won't come looking for you.

Don't play too loose with our tickets or always rely on the cops cutting you loose. Id hate to see you end up in jail and playing a very unwanted tasters version of vanilla or chocolate. actually that story would make a great thread.
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Again. Not what I would qualify as common sense. It happened. It doesn't mean you're not stupid for doing it.

Let me reiterate: NOT PAYING TICKETS IS STUPID.
Posted via Mobile Device

The name oof the game would be......."Tasters Choice"!

Needs a tattoo parlor by it..

ROFL. Wow. Post of the year.
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I don't know if the English language allows for any two more ironic phrases to be placed next to one another:

I like to demean women with low self-esteem. I like to make fun of dudes who are total d-bags.

FWIW,

Having your parents bail you out because you're an irresponsible ****tard doesn't mean you have common sense, it means that you have shitty parents who never instilled a sense of discipline into you.

Well at least I'm responsible enough to know I couldn't take care of a pet...and don't proceed to allow it to shit all over my apartment complex without cleaning it up. At least I have that going for me...

Wow now that is a totally frightening thought... Really?

So YOU'RE the guy that believed that story. I always thought you were a urban legend!

I love it, the drunken whore at the bar that's almost a virgin ROFL ROFL :)

And he believed it!!!

This thread has made me think. Maybe it's because I'm married now, maybe it's because I've been married for so long...

Whatever happened to honoring a woman? Setting out to nail someone else's girlfriend then getting online to brag about it AND talk about her smelly cooch. Pretty much the most low-class thing I've ever read on here.

You can't honor a woman who won't honor herself.

I missed this thread the first time around, but now it's pretty obvious why some women will think every guy is a jerk and one not acting like one is just playing it off.

Honoring women? What does that even mean?

The funny thing is...

I don't really give a shit if the girl has been with 5 people, 6 people, or 400 people...

If I wasn't there 1st, then it really doesn't matter, does it?

Here lies the problem.....it's a respect thing...

In reality it's not a cool or funny story, it's a sad story that you think it's cool to do these types of things.

.

I think theres probably a little bit of difference between being 2nd and 400th.

I can't wait for Hooties post about catching AIDS or how he thought he'd do this with some bitch who then stabbed him.

Meh.

The point is, super slutty girls don't bother me...

I'm not the guy that gets mad at someone because they had sex with an X amount of people blah blah blah

I just don't care.

Well I'm not gay, and I don't do drugs...so at least I'm bettering my chances.

And I'm far too athletic to ever be stabbed.

You think you have to be gay to get aids?

lol

Next point...

The last three girls I've had sex with are all still my friends and are all people I hang out with all of the time.

I highly doubt they find my disrespectful...they know how I am...they know when it all comes down to it I'm never serious, always joking around, and would go out of my way to help them out if they needed it.

There are some girls that I've been a total asshole to, had no interest in, and at the end of the night they won't leave me alone...and those are the girls that SHOULD be made fun of for hooking up with someone like me.

That's what the Catholic church taught me...

This.

I'm sure there's not a dad here who wouldn't hunt him down and beat the $hit out of him if they found out he did this to their little girl.

This statement must be true... because, afterall, only flabby ppl get stabbed. ROFL

Then you you have friends that have no self respect for themselves whatsoever...just the same as the other girls you speak of.

You are obviously targeting these types because it's easy for you to "get over" on them, do you also bang fat chicks with low self esteem because it's easy? And then afterwards make fun of them?

weak game. move on. sharks will get em all.

Smart money is if this twat has pulled anything at all it is fat chicks. What other type of girl would give this dump the time of day? Any girl with any self respect would see right through this idiot.

Pretty much, however something tells me he's now going to tell us about the fine ass he pulls.

God ROFL

I'd hate to be the father of any girl I see out at a bar...

If you don't think the majority of these girls are slutting it up, you're on crack rock.

Different times...girls were always taught having a lot of sex was slutty...now with all the liberating of these bitches, they are starting to strut their stuff just like the dudes...

Case in point...

Friday night I was hanging out at a party with a girl I dated a while back...she is back with her ex, but we're still really good friends...anyways, kind of a lame party, I'm on the porch with my ex and she's waiting for her two hot friends that she wants me to meet...they turn out to be ok.

Anyways, I'm pretty drunk so I'm in Rich mode, which means girls are either really going to like my sarcastic attitude, or resent me right away...the girl I'm with falls in the first category, which helps because she laughs when I'm in Rich mode so the two new girls kind of follow suit because I'm pretty sure they are both reeruned...

Anyways, we venture from this girls party after the keg dries up and the weak as jello shots are gone...and go to my regular bar...both of these girls are 19 and 20...meaning they can't get in the bar unless I get them in...

So since my roommate is working the door, this is really not an obstacle.

+1 for me.

So since my other roommate is bartending, there is no way I'm paying for any drinks...meaning I can get everyone drinks and shots all night and act like I'm badass even though I have about $19 to my name...

+3 for me.

Then, there are about 15 girls that are there that I talk to on a consistent basis...so when these new girls see me flirting with them, they are like "whoa, this guy must be pretty cool!" This is not the case...however...

+19 for me.

So it's about 1:30 AM and I am pretty drunk, and one of the new girls (the lesser attractive one) is begging me to go back to her place for 'after hours'...and so I ask...'does that mean sex or what?' (because really, I don't give a shit either way...) To which she replies, 'yes.'

However, I didn't really feel like it because my ex wanted me to go back to her place with her friends and that sounded way more intriguing.

So I kind of ignored her request and went back to my ex's, who has a boyfriend, but proceeded to tell me she didn't like that I was talking to her friends and we proceeded to hook up.

Yes, every girl is a slut. You play girls off of one another and they get sluttier. It's crazy. It's insane.

Oh, and, I wake up the next morning, grab ex's laptop, time to check out Chiefs news and facebook...I have a facebook friend request from new girl, a facebook message (are you kidding me? How does she even know my last name?)...asking me to hang out with her the next day...

Of course ex sees this and we laugh, but she sees that some other girl really liked me and that immediately gets her jealous.

So, basically, I'm awesome...and mind games rule. And girls with boyfriends don't really care about their boyfriends apparently.

Hootie is pretty much a personification of every stereotype that older generations hate about our generation.

:rolleyes: Yeah most likely

That's almost as dumb as what Hootie has been posting.

The largest girl I've ever had sex with couldn't have weighed anymore than 150 lbs. or so...

I won't like, the girl I dated in high school was really popular with her friends and hot, so her slutty friends had no problem hooking up with me after we broke up years down the road.

Girls are more into status than anything else.

Why do all of Hooties post revolve around being drunk?

Being an alcoholic is not cool either.

I think we all know a person like him I do..and 99% of the time he makes me wanna strangle him.

My roommate Andy, the dude that gets the plate smashed over his head in those videos I posted, gets any girl he wants no matter what. That's not a lie.

A lot of my girlfriends are those I used to work with, because my friend Steve and I used to play off of each other really well at work and everyone thought we were funny and that's one way to get girls.

ROFL A drunken shit for brains rates as status? Yep fat chicks like I thought.

Obviously if you smash plates over your head you can get any chick you want...

Do you guys target the reerun demo?

.

After running this through the Internet Douchebag Translator it spits out a result:

Hootie drank two bottles of Boone's Farm, puked on a 200 pounder, went home to jerk off, and fell asleep on a pile of Double Cheeseburger wrappers after being unable to finish while using the scrapings of a Jergen's bottle and his own tears as lube.

Really? I drink a lot with my friends, have sex with girls, and funny stories are usually the end result.

I feel bad for anyone that hasn't had a period of their lives dedicated to that.

I mean, cool if you want to find a girl and get married when you're 20...I'm simply in no rush to grow up. Talk to me when I'm 35.

You're taking it to a ridiculously stupid level if what you're saying is true...there's having fun and there's being a total douchebag because you think it's funny.

I have to spread rep around before I can give it to you again. LMAO

Haha.

When you're really drunk, stuff like that is funny. It's not the fact he was smashing plates over his head, it's the fact he was down to his boxers wearing boxing gloves and the entire apartment complex was witnessing it.

If you've seen some of the girls he's hooked up with in the last 6 months, as close to perfect 10's as you can get. His girlfriend is amazing, 27, and has two degrees.

Of course he's 24 and still has a semester to go for his bachelors, but that's not the point.

I have endless funny stories of stupid drunk shit with friends. There are numerous great stories, many of which involve bizarre and hilarious hookups.

I do not post those hoping for acceptance. I don't need or crave it. I'm sorry that the fracture of your 360 has caused you to so vociferously seek out some kind of acceptance since you can't currently get it in Team Doubles.