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Should I confront my fiance over text messages I found?
(https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=267988)
If you were looking you weren't looking for that. She has been ****ing the mailman every afternoon. She let him marinate your meat so later when dinners on you got something tender to eat. DO NOT...DO NOT I repeat give yourself up. She will crush you like someone's balls against her taint. GET THE **** OUT. but prolong it and make the whore suffer.
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Still, the Yep Elf just jammed his teeny, tiny little elf penis in a domesticated, North Pole Yep on this deal. FAX |
If you wait until after Christmas, you could lead in to the confrontation by asking your fiance to cook what your mom did and see how she reacts to that. Chicks are devious and sneaky, but that just might catch her off guard.
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I'm shocked at the level of misogyny in this thread. Shocked I tell you.
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You confront her by ****ing her sister duh.
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I've been married 20 years. My wife's family are some of the dumbest rednecks to ever walk the earth. They keep doing the same stupid shit over and over again and blaming other people. But I shut up about it. Why? Because I married my wife not them. When their issues impact our relationship, then I confront, but not until then. If the situation was reversed, I'd know my wife would feel the same way. I'm sure there is crap about my family she doesn't like, but doesn't tell me. I don't care, because she married ME. |
It's inconceivable that your family isn't a prize.
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What exactly did she say? The amount of vitriol she was spewing toward your family makes a difference.
People are jumping on you for snooping...but remember this chick is lying to your face.....EVERYDAY. and shes seems fairly good at it. If shes calling them all out of their name, address it. If she doesn't like your fam, fine. But she needs to be upfront with YOU about that. Her bsing you like this should make you question everything shes said or done. If she cant be honest with you about this...screw her. I cannot STAND my wifes family but its no secret to her. I let her know how I feel, but I put on the best face I can when im around them. But I wouldn't cry if the jumped off a cliff. Her not liking them isnt a problem to me, its her not being upfront with you about it that would alarm me. |
Women have time refine their craft thus they are experts at ****ed up shit.
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Go to her house and eat small dabs of her mother's cooking, and make a face at her like you have a chicken bone stuck sideways in your throat. Comment on how dry the turkey was or how poorly the steak was done. Then proceed to "text" at the table (when you're actually posting on CP!) No way she'll snoop and see what you're doing, right? Then offer to buy wings for everybody at the local sports bar.
Yep, that'll set you free... |
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And while it's technically lying, it's also good manners for her to not pile on his family to his face. Maybe she's decided that her love for him outweighs her feelings for his family. Maybe venting to a trusted confidant allows her to blow off the steam she needs to spend the holidays with people she doesn't like, but has clearly been polite to. How many people actually truly like 100% of their in laws? I guess if interaction with his family is a common thing, then this has the potential to be a big problem. But if it means her putting on a false front only a few times a year, what difference does it make that she doesn't like them (or despises them)? |
If she was truly wrecking your family then you absolutely have to bring it up. It's going to come out eventually anyway. I don't think I could go to Xmas dinner and have my mom bring out a batch of something and mention it might not be her best and realize my fiancee/wife is texting her family crushing my Mom.
The snooping is what it is.. curiosity kills the cat sometimes. |
Run down to the dollar store and buy her a new Christmas gift. Take back the first gift. Exchange presents and then kick her to the curb for no reason. Take her back in late february. Rinse and repeat for as many years as she will allow it.
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And please believe if it was reversed, she'd have no problem calling him out. And he's a grown man, let him be in charge of whether his feelings are hurt because she doesnt like his fam. She owes it to him to tell him. And if shes not honest about this, what else is she not honest about? |
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Be glad that she is civil with your family. At least she makes an effort to do that. And guess what...she probably does that because she loves you. If I were her, I would dump your sorry ass in a heartbeat if I found our your were reading my private text messages without my permission. You're the one with the problem. Not her. |
This is probably not the answer you want, but I'd hold out for a chick who doesn't inspire you to read her text messages. Just the fact that you felt the need to do that is a red flag to me. The fact that you found something tells me you probably had reason to do it whether you realized it or not. Good luck. I know it's a tough call.
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If you love her and feel there is nothing going on with another man .... This
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Either you do this and work yourself through this ......... or you confront her and leave your relationship with a 90% chance of crashing. When you confront trust issues, they generally turn bad now and stay this way. Very few couples ever make it when this happens. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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I didn't read the whole thread. Did anyone suggest PIIHB yet?
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Your wife should be your best friend, you obviously had good reason not to trust her. I would confront her pronto and not let it slide. Keeping this stuff inside is what creates roadblocks in your relationship, it will sink or swim accordingly.
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its a classic .. do what ya want but id tell her i know you dont like my family .. so what they prolly dont like you .....
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once seen things can't be unseen he's just seen that his woman can be a fake bitch. Now i would suggest that a large percentage of all women are like this but they can't ever let you see or it just changes things. I'm not sure that the relationship isn't already over |
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In the OP he says he's paranoid from past relationships... Is that a good reason? |
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Trust me....the guy probably already knows the issues his family has, and to some extent might even agree with most of it. But for her to be deceitful about it portends a bigger issue, and one that will rear it's ugly head somewhere later. You can candy-coat it all you want but if she is lying about how she feels about the family, then she is probably lying about other things too. |
never shoulda read those f****** messages
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So much bad advice in this thread...
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It would be really interesting to find out how many divorcees are telling him that he can't trust her when he was the one who was snooping.
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Some of them are no more than word-fights, other are classics that are destined to end up on YouTube. |
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both sides |
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that's the line People meet someone they don't particularly like all the time and are polite and civil ... pretending to get along. but in this instance, they are engaged and she should have enough respect/restraint to not talk shit and trash the loved ones of the man is going to marry. maybe the all do it :shrug: but she got caught and he is going to remember those texts EACH TIME they are around his family. maybe it can work ... depends on his ability to overlook it. Many people wouldn't be able overlook it and resent would develop. not fair but it's life |
i don't even read my own text messages.
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If she didn't want him to see it then why not just delete the text after sending it? Makes you wonder... |
There is nothing wrong with her not liking your family as long as she is nice to them. Hell, it speaks to her character that she spends time with them and hides her dislike so well that you had no idea that she didn't like them. She isn't engaged to them. All she has to do is get through several family outings a year, and she can go on her merry way.
You, on the other hand, are creepy. I've met several people who do stuff like this, and they are all insecure, immature people who can't handle adult relationships. You aren't ready for marriage. |
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Relationships would be much easier if text messages would just delete themselves automatically.
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If you think the sister will keep her mouth shut, you're mistaken. |
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Posted via Mobile Device |
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I saw a story about it on TV the other day. |
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I think the bigger problem isn't reading the messages, but the fact that you thought you should.
When facebook came into play and we'd heard some of the stories about what happens, brideowanian and I had a discussion about it. The answer is that we have an open book policy. I've never asked, but if I do, I have the right to read anything she has in an email, message box or text, and that goes both ways. To my knowledge, we've neither one felt the need to follow up. A healthy relationship wouldn't contain messages that would be dangerous to the relationship. Bitching about your mother's shitty cooking isn't nice to read, but it's not the same as exchanging sexually suggestive notes with a coworker or something. Do the world a favor and don't get married until you're both mature enough for that commitment. |
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Hiding and sneaking is for pussies Posted via Mobile Device |
My mother-in-law IS a shitty cook. And my wife already knows it because she's eaten much more of her cooking than I ever will.
Can't wait for tomorrow's runny/lumpy mashed potatoes. :banghead: |
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Life is a series of learning experiences. You learn from your mistakes, learn to look for warning signs, and move on. |
You sound very insecure reading her texts.
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Some people have hinted around this so far but is any if the shit she is talking on your family true? If so then where's the problem?
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He broke trust by reading the text message She broke trust by talking shit about his family with someone beside him |
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Unless they both SHARE the same feelings for his family, it's going to be a constant point of contention until something gives. There are fundamental things on which you MUST agree in order for a marriage to work. |
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There are probably some things my wife has said that I'd rather not know, or I'd be divorced. It's probably that way with any couple.
It's immature of his fiance to say stuff like that, if it's as bad as it sounds. It's also terrible of him to be spying on her when he had no reason to not trust her. If she doesn't like his family and he's spying on her communications, it sounds like they should rethink this relationship. |
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"Not looking forward to going to my in-laws... Don't like his mothers cooking... All they do is sit around and talk sports... Annoying kids..." How can one say shit like that?????????!!!!!!!! ITS DISGRACEFUL! |
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If she dislikes his family THAT much and he doesn't agree (he obviously doesn't or she would have vented to him) its going to be a point of contention forever. |
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some people talk shit to each other about stuff and just laugh ... it's all good. but apparently she didn't talk to him about it all she is just being a snarky bitch BEHIND HIS BACK not only will it be in the back of his mind each time she is around his family but each time he is around her family he is going to wonder what else they have been talking shit about. 2 completely different things 1. Not liking your in-laws 2. Not liking your in-laws and talking shit about them with someone other than your fiancee/spouse and you can BET YOUR ASS that if he bring it up that she will flip-the-script and get angry at him about reading her texts and use all sorts of girl tricks during the following argument. He will be lucky to know what day it is after that fight. |
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For example, the husband would prefer to see his family at least once a month. The wife isn't wild about his family. Maybe they settle on six times a year. Maybe the husband occasionally visits his family without his wife. The time that the couple spends with her family would also factor into the compromise. Mature people that respect the desires, needs and boundaries of the other can work thinks out if their expectations aren't completely at odds (eg. he wants to spend every weekend with his family and she never wants to see them again). |
I'm inclined to agree with the idea that there are trust issues you should work on, but I don't want to give any advice about that; I've never been married or engaged, so I can't pretend to truly understand what that kind of commitment means.
Here's a sneaky idea: after the holiday, bring up to your fiancee that she looked uncomfortable around your family. Say that you saw something in her body language. Never bring up the fact that you invaded her privacy. Use this lie of a physical tell in her body language to bring up a discussion on how she feels about your family. Tell her to be honest, that she can be honest with you. If she lies to you then, well, then you might have to re-evaluate things. |
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Yeah, play mind games. That always works.
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