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-   -   Life Personal advice sought, v. II. (https://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=207173)

wutamess 05-04-2009 07:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashride (Post 5737658)
Stay out of it bro hes YOUR FRIEND. You only know HER because of HIM. Why are you getting so attatched and involved in their relationship? But it sounds like you made up your mind on what your gonna do.
Why do we have to explain anything to you as far as us saying "stay out of it." It speaks for itself. Your getting an overwhelming amount of people saying this because the majority have been there and know not to try to fix people. What gives you the right to take action in someone elses matter? Who do you think you are?
Does that make what hes doing right? HELL NO. But stop trying to be DR. PHIL and just focus on your life. This will all blow up in his face eventually.
Your making new threads with questions for people, who are giving you advice...AGAIN, until you hear the answer THAT YOU WANT TO HEAR.
THIS!

Buehler445 05-04-2009 07:35 AM
I'm late for work, so I didn't read all this, but it depends on who you are closest to. You need to try to salvage whichever friend you are closest to.

You also need to consult your finacee. You two should probably decide as a unit how to address the issue.

Katipan 05-04-2009 07:37 AM
Quote:
Here's the question: if I do not have an obligation to step in and tell him to cut his shit out, do I NOT have an obligation to alert her to the situation?
Honestly, you are so wishy washy that if you were to truly be a friend you'd just bow out of everyone's lives and live as a hermit in a nice secluded forest.

Slainte 05-04-2009 07:40 AM
I would suggest staying out of it.

It's been my experience that most people--despite what they may think or say out loud--do not want to hear news of this nature from a good friend. It's surprising how many times the receiver of the bad news will often come to resent the teller moreso than the person that's wronged them. It's not logical, but it is true.

I see your situation like this: You have very little to gain and possibly very much to lose if you insist on inserting yourself into this domestic drama (although it's pretty obvious that you really want to, as others have already posted)...

Whatever you decide, good luck to all involved.

Earthling 05-04-2009 07:41 AM
Back away slowly from the phone...Do not say anything...

Brock 05-04-2009 07:41 AM
You could do it anonymously if you feel you must.

Radar Chief 05-04-2009 07:47 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashride (Post 5737658)
Stay out of it bro hes YOUR FRIEND. You only know HER because of HIM. Why are you getting so attatched and involved in their relationship? But it sounds like you made up your mind on what your gonna do.
Why do we have to explain anything to you as far as us saying "stay out of it." It speaks for itself. Your getting an overwhelming amount of people saying this because the majority have been there and know not to try to fix people. What gives you the right to take action in someone elses matter? Who do you think you are?
Does that make what hes doing right? HELL NO. But stop trying to be DR. PHIL and just focus on your life. This will all blow up in his face eventually.
Your making new threads with questions for people, who are giving you advice...AGAIN, until you hear the answer THAT YOU WANT TO HEAR.
Yup.
Look, if you need to put yourself in the middle of your friend’s marriage go for it. You seem determined to anyway.
But know this, if you do that you’ll be loosing two friends out of the deal. He’ll hate you for being a nark and she’ll hate you for being a friend of the cheater. There is no win in this situation for you.

ForeverChiefs58 05-04-2009 07:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by stumppy (Post 5737340)
Doesn't matter what the problem is or who's right and who's wrong.
The only person that ends up on the losing side of a couples problems is the 3rd party.
You can take that to the bank.
This.

alpha_omega 05-04-2009 07:53 AM
I would lean on the side of stay out of it.

However, like many have noted it sounds like you want to tell. So, if you do...make sure your evidence is 100% and be prepared for consequences.

Cormac 05-04-2009 07:54 AM
Without reading all the replies - don't take the consensus of the board as what you should literally do. I know people have good points to make and are trying to help, but in the end nobody understands the friendships/situation/repercussions involved for any of the parties. If you feel that you really need to talk to the husband and let him know that people know what's going on - then do it. But I would do it discreetly, without threatening him that you'll tell his wife. After all, it's still his life and he has to run it. But IMO you'd be doing him a favour by letting him know it's not a secret.

Am I right in assuming that your fiancee knows what is going on?

ForeverChiefs58 05-04-2009 07:56 AM
Think about if you tell and they work it out, they will both shun you as the person who tried to break them up. Not that she won't appreciate the heads up, but you will lose out in the end when he explains everything to her and they stay together. Been there, done that. Doesn't end well for you. Good luck

luv 05-04-2009 07:59 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ForeverChiefs58 (Post 5737715)
Think about if you tell and they work it out, they will both shun you as the person who tried to break them up. Not that she won't appreciate the heads up, but you will lose out in the end when he explains everything to her and they stay together. Been there, done that. Doesn't end well for you. Good luck
How is he trying to break them up? They can't work anything out if she doesn't know.

Chiefnj2 05-04-2009 08:00 AM
Why is it so important for you to try to come off as the White Knight for the married lady?

luv 05-04-2009 08:03 AM
What's funny is the number of people telling him he needs to pull the hubby aside and let him know people know. That's what he asked about last time, and a majority told him he shouldn't.

Lumpy 05-04-2009 08:07 AM
What I cannot understand is how he is getting away w/ it and she's not seeing the red flags.


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