Why's that?

Want to talk about it?

My dad had his flaws but after reading this thread I understand how lucky I was. I guess the message is be better than your dad and you'll make the world a better place.

At least you still have parents dickhead. Get off my lawn.

I don't know if people still do this on Facebook, but a few years ago people would change their profile picture to a picture of their mother. I decided to do the same thing and used a picture of a skeleton (she died in 99). For some reason, most of my friends didn't get my attempt at humor.

I'm sincerely sorry to hear the downside and poor examples some of you were shown.


You're not responsible for their actions and I'm sorry you got a raw deal...it doesn't define you....and you're not destined to repeat the cycle. Be the best dad for your kids, step kids, nephews, or others in your circle of influence that you can be. It's rewarding.

I'm no therapist by any means but several of you who harbor such hatred of your father need a way to get rid of the hate.

Not saying you need to forgive him or suddenly love him for being a grade A douchbag or horrible father or even looking to reconnect but that deep seated hate will always be hiding in you and will never do you any good.

Sorry so many of you have to deal with that.

My father was no saint by any means including being a loan shark, in jail for several times when I was a child and some other crazy shit but he was a good father. He was never around much growing up but I never harbored any hate towards him, I loved him dearly. There were reasons for his lifestyle; he grew up with an alcoholic and abusive father and was a VERY tough street guy who grew up in Newark NJ with a lot of big shot gangsters as his friends. He was very poor and life was very tough for him and his brothers and sisters. All of them (5) but one had polio as kids and were the March of Dimes family in the 50s appearing in the NY Times.

He only made it to 7th grade before he went to work at the age of 15.

He died in 1996 at age 57 and I miss him very much.

Be thankful for all the great Fathers and look deeper to see why some are not so good. You may find a surprising or possible reason to help explain.

My parents dated in high school and married young. From what I'm told they fought like cats and dogs even when they dated. I remember asking my aunt, was there ever a time they got along? She said no. But I guess the sex was great (eww) or something, because they married at 19. I was born when they were 20. They still fought like hell, all the time. Dad left shortly before I turned 5, the divorce was final a couple of months later, and dad was remarried to the woman he'd been ****ing around with a few months after that. A few years later my half-sister was born, the correct child by the correct mother. That was pretty much it for me. All I ever was to my dad was a reminder of a previous life and woman that he hated, and a financial liability which ended in June of 1983. I was told to get the **** out when I turned 18, and I got the **** out while I was still 17. Outside of a card with $20 in it on birthdays and Christmas, I never got a goddamn thing from the man. I have no memory of him ever telling me that he loved me, or giving me a hug, and can count of one hand the times he seemed to show any real pride in anything I ever did, and most of those involved shooting (at least he taught me that). I don't think there was ever a time in my life when we were together that he didn't look at me and think of how much he hated mom. I don't think he hated me - he'd have to care for that. If I was around, I was just there. If I wasn't, I wasn't. There was never any relationship to salvage, nothing to build on. Either of us could have easily reached out at any time over the last years of his life to the other; neither of us chose to. My wife of 16 years never met him. Probably best for all concerned. I wasn't at his funeral, and I have no idea where he's buried. I certainly received nothing in the way of inheritance, nor did I expect to.

Now, people certainly have worse fathers. He always paid the child support on time. He always worked. He never laid a hand on me. Hell, I was an adult before I ever saw him drink a beer, and I never saw him drunk. But he did the bare minimum required and that was it.

He was mostly a dour, unhappy man. While he wasn't physically abusive to me (he was to my mom), or to my knowledge my step mom, he was certainly mentally and verbally abusive. My best friend's cousin worked for him up until the time he died. Said he was a bitter, miserable prick, right up until the end. And he died suddenly, at age 67, so he never had a chance to enter old-man-trying-to-get-into-heaven mode. I somehow doubt if he would have anyway.

Did he have regrets? Did he ever think of me? I have no idea. He reaped what he sowed. Now he's gone. The end. It's not really painful to talk about it, or write it out, at this point - it's just kind of sad. Has the whole thing scarred me? Certainly. But you take what life gives you and move on. That's probably what any therapist would tell me, and I don't need to pay extra for it.

What was his father, your grandfather like Frazod?

Dad certainly didn't care much for him. Always bitched about his childhood. Grandpa was a farmer and my dad was the only boy, so life was hard. Later in life Grandpa gave up farming and became a preacher, and I imagine the preacher part was always in him. I know both my grandparents treated my aunt better than my dad. They favored her kids over me as well. At least dad didn't seem to hold that against his sister.

I never gave up contact with my grandparents. I'd always make a point to go see them when I was in Missouri - hell, I saw them more than dad did and he lived 60 miles away. Dad went down for Thanksgiving and Christmas (which I skipped because of him) and that was it. I guess the one thing he did that I didn't bother to was keep up appearances. They always appreciated that I made a point to see them. Once the wife and I surprised them by showing up to his church service one Sunday. I don't think I ever saw Grandma or Grandpa so happy. My half-sister is a spoiled little turd and she never made any attempt to have a relationship with them beyond holiday obligations.

I think later in life Grandpa regretted that he didn't have a better relationship with dad, but I don't think they ever did anything about it, either.

And if you're wondering, no, I don't have any kids. This shit ends with me. I do have a Goddaughter that I dote on. Her dad's a bigger piece of shit than mine ever was. I'm happy to fill that void.

I say this with all sincerity: I'm so sorry for those of you that didn't have a great father.

Long story short, my dad is awesome. From boating, water skiing, music, playing catch, movies and chatting in general, he's just amazing. I have two brothers and a sister, and some of us are separated by a decade in age, but my dad has this unique ability to make all of us feel like he's our best friend, even though our relationships with him are very different due to career choices and so on.

My dad was my Best Man at my wedding.

I do my very best as a dad and probably devote more time than most Americans are able due to the flexibility of my work, so I constantly aspire to be as good to them as he was/is to me.

For everybody who has/had a good dad, I'm happy for you. I don't want other people to have a crappy one just because I did. That would be a really shitty attitude to have.

And as I said before, my wife's parents are awesome. Very kind, loving and supportive. It took me a while to get used to that. :D

They're both having some serious health issues right now, though. She's got pancreatic cancer, and he's having a double by-pass performed on Tuesday. Four months ago they were both healthy and active, and now they're falling apart.

Come on son. Lets empty mag into the kenmore.

I'm so sorry to hear of the health issues. Having been through that with my inlaws, stay strong and be supportive of their needs, even if it drives you crazy.

Best wishes.