Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins (Post 5649155)

After running this through the Internet Douchebag Translator it spits out a result:

Hootie drank two bottles of Boone's Farm, puked on a 200 pounder, went home to jerk off, and fell asleep on a pile of Double Cheeseburger wrappers after being unable to finish while using the scrapings of a Jergen's bottle and his own tears as lube.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649147)

I think we all know a person like him I do..and 99% of the time he makes me wanna strangle him.

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins (Post 5649170)

I have endless funny stories of stupid drunk shit with friends. There are numerous great stories, many of which involve bizarre and hilarious hookups.

I do not post those hoping for acceptance. I don't need or crave it. I'm sorry that the fracture of your 360 has caused you to so vociferously seek out some kind of acceptance since you can't currently get it in Team Doubles.

Originally Posted by Buehler445 (Post 5649184)

You know, I don't think I do.

I know a few man whores. I know a lot of partiers, but I really don't think I know any Hooties.
Posted via Mobile Device

Originally Posted by Buehler445 (Post 5649184)

You know, I don't think I do.

I know a few man whores. I know a lot of partiers, but I really don't think I know any Hooties.
Posted via Mobile Device

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649196)

I'd love to tell the loitering hippie story from last week that resulted in a riot outside of my apartment that ended up in several rocks flying through my window, a few arrests, and an apology from the unibomber himself a few days later, but I wouldn't know where to start.

Originally Posted by Katipan (Post 5649053)

.

Here's to honor!
If you can't come in her come on her!

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649180)

There is no doubt that you are a highly intelligent person...but I've read your threads, I know you like to drink (and throw drinks on girls)...don't be jealous that you can't live the party seen like me and my friends...and don't act like you wouldn't want to, you don't throw drinks on girls if you're not looking to go out and have fun....

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins (Post 5649204)

I do go out and have fun.

What I don't do is post about it while cold sober and act like it's an accomplishment.

You could probably add all the hookup stories of the last year on this site that people just came out about without provocation and I bet they would still be less than the number that you've "had" and posted about in the last two weeks.

Why is that?

Don't be angry if you display attention seeking behavior and don't get the kind of attention that you wanted. Most of us aren't alcoholic fratbags.

I'd bet that most of us here under 30 (like me) go out and have a good time on a regular basis. I don't think that we need to make up stories about hooking up with girls that we cannot prove in order to measure our e-cocks.

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649214)

First off, every story I tell is true.

Secondly, I love being the center of attention. This is attention seeking behavior...that is how I am in real life, too.

My friend Steve, the guy that worked with me and the girl this thread is about, is friends with the girl still. They text from time to time, and facebook each other...

As I said earlier, Em-dawg blocked me from facebook because she knows this story would be on her wall the next day if she allowed me...I used to post ridiculous things on her wall when we dated that she would laugh at and delete the next day because they were extremely inappropriate.

Anyways, if this was a made up story, why would I post the following message on Steve's wall because I KNOW she'd see it, and I KNOW she'd find it ridiculous, and I KNOW they'd both laugh (she makes fun of me every time I see her about blocking me on facebook because she knows it bothers me I can't make fun of her pictures anymore...)

"so last night I had one goal...Pub Wednesday...I haven't done something in months and wanted to accomplish it...Andy doubted me but I put myself in the right place and it happened...so after I was booted (you should be putting this together by now)...I went back to Pub and Cody was at the door sitting there...my fingers did not smell pleasant...so as everyone was leaving we played the chocolate and vanilla game and upset a lot of people."

Also, I had to delete several posts on my wall from my friends about fish sticks and hooking up with buttsack because I didn't want other girls, who would be mad, to find out.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649217)

Ok you have to post a picture of this girl now....after this story you have no choice.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649217)

Ok you have to post a picture of this girl now....after this story you have no choice.

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649190)

First off, bringing the 360 into it...very low.

Secondly, I don't give a shit about acceptance on ChiefsPlanet.com.

If I did, I'd follow you and OTWP around giving you Rep and agreeing with your draft comments and telling you how awesome you are.

I post these threads because I think they are funny...obviously the majority of you think I am a sociopathic rapist who lives in a trailerpark...so I don't understand how this would be my way of craving acceptance from the ChiefsPlanet popular?

And as for team doubles, yeah, my TastyBiscuitBoy account is not only a 50, but I've played enough games of team doubles to be a general 50, and again, that is something that makes me borderline incredible.

Originally Posted by unothadeal (Post 5649227)

One of these three.

http://www.facebook.com/friends/?id=...&nk=0&s=0&st=0

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649232)

That's simply not going to happen.

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649242)

Alright.

A lot of people google their names, I'd really like it if you guys wouldn't type my high school friends full names out so they google this thread and see how perverted I am...

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649242)

Alright.

A lot of people google their names, I'd really like it if you guys wouldn't type my high school friends full names out so they google this thread and see how perverted I am...

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649242)

Alright.

A lot of people google their names, I'd really like it if you guys wouldn't type my high school friends full names out so they google this thread and see how perverted I am...

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins (Post 5649248)

You are proud of it. You've obviously shared this with "Em-Dawg" and she had a great laugh. She's cool and thinks everything you say is hilarious. Obviously, she wouldn't care.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649147)

I think we all know a person like him I do..and 99% of the time he makes me wanna strangle him.

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins (Post 5649248)

You are proud of it. You've obviously shared this with "Em-Dawg" and she had a great laugh. She's cool and thinks everything you say is hilarious. Obviously, she wouldn't care.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649251)

Does that chick play softball, I'm going to say yes just by the size of her head.

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649232)

That's simply not going to happen.

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649259)

Yeah, she was really good in high school...think she played at a JUCO.

Originally Posted by bogey (Post 5649247)

This is about to get ugly stud.

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649258)

She wouldn't care. You could link her to this thread, she would read it, she would realize it was me immediately, she would close the thread, and continue to get drunk and make her bad decisions once a month with me at the bar.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649263)

That's really sad that I knew she played softball just by looking at her head...

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649270)

Her whole family is pretty athletic...her brother has (I think) the Illinois record for rushing yards in his career (for football)...

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649266)

The one blonde Emily isn't bad...so is she a slut too?

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins (Post 5649269)

Seems someone is having a problem with consistency.

You know why I like you, Hootie, because you're a regular guy.

That's why I want you to stay regular.

http://www.radioactive-software.com/...AndDumber2.gif

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649274)

Well that is to bad for you.

Originally Posted by sedated (Post 5649283)

I can't get into facebook. Any chance someone could post the pics?

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649293)

you could google image search the name 'Amy' and get the same satisfaction.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649296)

Where in the blue hell is Normal, I know a girl from Illinois.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649296)

Where in the blue hell is Normal, I know a girl from Illinois.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649296)

Where in the blue hell is Normal, I know a girl from Illinois.

Originally Posted by 'Hamas' Jenkins (Post 5649300)

Right in the middle of BFE. IIRC, it's off of I-74.

Originally Posted by luv (Post 5649311)

I can't believe I read the entire OP. I trust people on here gave you shit, but I'm thinking you're now the king to most.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649308)

Ah I know a chick from Effingham which I still think is the most hilariously named place.

Originally Posted by Hootie (Post 5649127)

God ROFL

I'd hate to be the father of any girl I see out at a bar...

If you don't think the majority of these girls are slutting it up, you're on crack rock.

Different times...girls were always taught having a lot of sex was slutty...now with all the liberating of these bitches, they are starting to strut their stuff just like the dudes...

Case in point...

Friday night I was hanging out at a party with a girl I dated a while back...she is back with her ex, but we're still really good friends...anyways, kind of a lame party, I'm on the porch with my ex and she's waiting for her two hot friends that she wants me to meet...they turn out to be ok.

Anyways, I'm pretty drunk so I'm in Rich mode, which means girls are either really going to like my sarcastic attitude, or resent me right away...the girl I'm with falls in the first category, which helps because she laughs when I'm in Rich mode so the two new girls kind of follow suit because I'm pretty sure they are both reeruned...

Anyways, we venture from this girls party after the keg dries up and the weak as jello shots are gone...and go to my regular bar...both of these girls are 19 and 20...meaning they can't get in the bar unless I get them in...

So since my roommate is working the door, this is really not an obstacle.

+1 for me.

So since my other roommate is bartending, there is no way I'm paying for any drinks...meaning I can get everyone drinks and shots all night and act like I'm badass even though I have about $19 to my name...

+3 for me.

Then, there are about 15 girls that are there that I talk to on a consistent basis...so when these new girls see me flirting with them, they are like "whoa, this guy must be pretty cool!" This is not the case...however...

+19 for me.

So it's about 1:30 AM and I am pretty drunk, and one of the new girls (the lesser attractive one) is begging me to go back to her place for 'after hours'...and so I ask...'does that mean sex or what?' (because really, I don't give a shit either way...) To which she replies, 'yes.'

However, I didn't really feel like it because my ex wanted me to go back to her place with her friends and that sounded way more intriguing.

So I kind of ignored her request and went back to my ex's, who has a boyfriend, but proceeded to tell me she didn't like that I was talking to her friends and we proceeded to hook up.

Yes, every girl is a slut. You play girls off of one another and they get sluttier. It's crazy. It's insane.

Oh, and, I wake up the next morning, grab ex's laptop, time to check out Chiefs news and facebook...I have a facebook friend request from new girl, a facebook message (are you kidding me? How does she even know my last name?)...asking me to hang out with her the next day...

Of course ex sees this and we laugh, but she sees that some other girl really liked me and that immediately gets her jealous.

So, basically, I'm awesome...and mind games rule. And girls with boyfriends don't really care about their boyfriends apparently.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649360)

You missed his story about how his wingman bangs really ugly chicks huh?

Originally Posted by Claythan (Post 5649394)

The irony is I'm much better looking than Hootie...but he has more game...ok, a lot more game...together we'd be an unstoppable force. I'd be the strong, silent stud, he'd be the wacky salesman.

Originally Posted by Claythan (Post 5649394)

The irony is I'm much better looking than Hootie...but he has more game...ok, a lot more game...together we'd be an unstoppable force. I'd be the strong, silent stud, he'd be the wacky salesman.

Originally Posted by GonzoRox88 (Post 5649587)

Have you ever even been inside of a bar?

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649589)

Probably more times than he's been inside a chick...

Originally Posted by GonzoRox88 (Post 5649587)

Have you ever even been inside of a bar?

Originally Posted by Claythan (Post 5649762)

Many times. My first foray into the scary venues known as "bars" was in college. It was dimly lit, smoky and filled with unintelligible chatter, but it had Chiefs football, so in I went. I went to that same bar for two years and never hit on a woman once! Haha!

Later, in Arlington, my newsie mates took me out to a bar. It was at this bar that I first had a mind eraser. My darling editor tried to hook me up with a beastly ogre, who would have been sort of hot minus 100 pounds, but I was having nothing to do with it. I went to that bar a few more times.

After that I quit going to bars for awhile. I didn't like them too much. Seemed pointless. I went back to a bar in Wisconsin a few years later for training camp, and then the next year. It was more of the same.

I really don't like bars, but I'll go if someone drags me. Or if someone is trying to get me laid. Or if there's a sporting event on. Otherwise, **** 'em.

Originally Posted by GonzoRox88 (Post 5649784)

Bars? Pointless?

Alcohol + Random drunk skanks = Never pointless.

Originally Posted by Mecca (Post 5649308)

Ah I know a chick from Effingham which I still think is the most hilariously named place.

Originally Posted by Claythan (Post 5649762)

Many times. My first foray into the scary venues known as "bars" was in college. It was dimly lit, smoky and filled with unintelligible chatter, but it had Chiefs football, so in I went. I went to that same bar for two years and never hit on a woman once! Haha!

Later, in Arlington, my newsie mates took me out to a bar. It was at this bar that I first had a mind eraser. My darling editor tried to hook me up with a beastly ogre, who would have been sort of hot minus 100 pounds, but I was having nothing to do with it. I went to that bar a few more times.

After that I quit going to bars for awhile. I didn't like them too much. Seemed pointless. I went back to a bar in Wisconsin a few years later for training camp, and then the next year. It was more of the same.

I really don't like bars, but I'll go if someone drags me. Or if someone is trying to get me laid. Or if there's a sporting event on. Otherwise, **** 'em.

Originally Posted by SBK (Post 5649821)

I drive through there every time I drive back home. Each time I see the signs I say, "I'm hungry, want an Effingham sandwich?"

Dumb, I know.

Originally Posted by unothadeal (Post 5649829)

If you're alone when you say it, sure.

Originally Posted by Claythan (Post 5788269)

**** it.

*click*