Granny said I'd go blind.. so I put on me specks and cuddle up with a nice picture book and yank ole-hank as often as needed .....

There is a third type: people who have hooks for hands.

They make prosthetic hands, which is probably alot like sitting on your hand til it falls asleep. Pretend someone else is doing it.

This is what my 17 year old daughter told me.

I go along with use or lose it.

Dayyummm!
There are just some things I don't ever want to hear from my children.
Among them are:
I'm pregnant
My GF is pregnant
and There are 2 types of people in this world. Those who masturbate, and those who lie about not doing it...

often

I try really hard to make sure there's a women aboard but sometimes it just isn't there.

often

There was a funny ass radio commercial a couple of years ago that opened up "What would you do if you walked in on your roommate humping two pillows?" LMAO I don't even remember the product, or the punchline. That was funny enough all by itself.

Really? My experience is that they're horrible at it. If you wanna **** around with it honey, just put it in your mouth. Leave that shit to the professional. That's my stance on it anyways.

Yes, raw petermeat is nothing nice.

It tends to take a lot less time too.

That's not true, but God does kill a kitten every time you rub one off.

Ahh yes. The stranger.

x2

Do your part in controling pet population.