I would like to infiltrate Arrowhead, kidnap Alex Smith, tie him up in a burlap sack, take him to China and dump him in the Yangtze river.

I am on a quest to find a woman with the elusive snapping pu@@y. Tell me Dungeon Master, will I ever complete this 40 year long journey ?

Seeing how you're just some kid in Texas, you're going to need a 20.

***10***

That went about how I expected it to.

On your way up I-44, you hit a cop car when texting distracts you off the road.

The cop finds rope, burlap, a passport, a crate, and a topographical map of the Yangtze.

Your items have been confiscated, your car impounded, and you reside in a jail somewhere northeast of Tulsa, Oklahoma.

I do not have access to information like that, unfortunately.

I can only gauge the success of specific acts you wish to take a part of.

I wish to fetch a cow, load it into a catapult and launch it over a large keep wall in order to hit a party of knights demanding a holy grail outside the keep.

I want to successfully taunt him from the battlements in a French accent!

I want to escape from the jail and get some help with my quest.

But just roll for the jail escape first.

Perhaps we should form a party in order to accomplish these tasks together.

Sweet, I want to be a monk! not like a friar tuck type but more of a lecherous magical undying Rasputin type!

I think I will go the anti-paladin route. That way we can have something in common.

Given that the gravity in this world is considerably lighter, this is a relatively simple task, albeit one that is not going to do much damage to the knights. I'll give it 11 out of 20.

***3***

The catapult snaps, as the cow rolls lifelessly off of it to your feet.

PETA arrives at the scene. Your countrymen, fearless in the face of war, are pussies in the face of animal rights activists, and they scurry in all directions, leaving you to answer for your abuse of innocent livestock.

Giving this a modest 3.

***6***

You have successfully mocked Nightfyre. But your accent is atrocious. God.

I should probably remove my fox pelts then...

Without giving me any sort of plan to do so, I'm going to give it a relatively generic difficulty of 14.

***14***

Ha! You're out on parole.

You've got an ankle bracelet, however. It will make your future tasks slightly more difficult if you choose to leave Oklahoma.

I'll use my electronics expertise to shunt the bracelet off onto his pet gorilla, Fran. Allowing him freedom to execute his plan. I am perfectly willing to cut off his foot if necessary.