A video would be acceptable.

[standing up in the jury box]Guilty![sitting back down]

Could you state your sexual history in football terms?

For example: are you a tight end? you cant use this...just for example..

Let the record show that I clearly believe that Gochiefs has assumed the role of the "gavel"

ROFL

I have a tight end (if we're talking rear ends) considering nothings ever gone up there.

Luv has violated the Penal code.

[standing up in the jury box]Your Honor Sir, I just wanted to let you know that JimN speaks for the entire jury when he says Guilty![sitting back down]

Objection, your Honor!

Redrum_69 gave the example of "tight end", then clearly stated that luv couldn't use this term...yet she did!

Instead, luv could have used other football-related terms such as "wide receiver", "slot position", "reverse", or even "double reverse".

I demand that her response be stricken from the record at once and that all jurors be instructed to completely disregard her last comment!

ON that note, lets just say you are clearly inexperienced..we’ll just say you are “desperate for some play action” now in this situation you are out with friends to a place you frequent often. Now in this familiar territory you are being charged/chased by several new strangers, but your friends are taking the strangers advancements away from you to keep you safe. In one instance, while trying to make a statement and possibly rush to the restroom thinking the coast is clear, you run and out of your periphereal vision you sense some stranger going to hit on you so you try to avoid it. But your friend, who clearly was not on her game that night, slipped and fell into this stranger which then the trajectory of the stranger's move coupled with your friends slipping caused the stranger to bump into you, further up your body then you expected. Surely you wouldnt fine this indiviual for trying to make a hit on you when you too were running to get to the restroom. WOuld you luv?

Please forgive me, I misread the question. I was going to use the term wide receiver, but there are too many ways to perceive that.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! *scott free sits back down*

As a member of the gallery who has read nothing in this thread, Bob Dole would like to offer [shout]BURN HIM![/shout]

I'm not considered a threat, so opposing players usually leave me alone (aka I don't normally get hit on anyway).

I'd hit it.

So on that note, you are stating that since you are not a "threat" then strangers at a bar, even when being hit from your friends at a different angle, because both parties slipped and fell into each other hitting you at a strange angle wouldnt warrant jail time or fined because it was clearly an accident...correct?

If the stranger grabbed my head and turned it backwards, accidental or not, he's going to pay.

But since you are sexual inexperienced, then you wouldnt know if that was a position or not.

*Wonders where the objections from the prosecution are are.*

I'm clearly not qualified to make such judgements. Seeing as how I know very little, comparitively speaking, about football, I shouldn't have been called up here to begin with.

Commenting on the trial should not have made me a witness.

Sometimes a good "fish-hook" is needed to get your point across. See me after the trial and I'll show you...

You're asking an inexperienced person to state an informed opinion? You seem to be trying to discredit me. Good. I don't know what I'm doing up here to begin with.

Clearly the witness is holding back from the defense. I further feel that all the witnesses have been bought by the prosecution or they are fearful of being ostracized by the CP community. I dont think we'll get a fair trial on the CP board, therefore I think we should move this trail over to the Broncos board...no wait..they banned me from there last year....How about the raiders board...

Objection! Leading.

35 minutes later someone from the prosecution speaks...

I was masturbating, okay?

luv clearly stated she was going to say she was a "wide receiver" but that term could "be perceived many different ways" but yet she stated that she was "inexperienced."

So which is it luv...have you been ridden like a rodeo bull over in butler by all the cowpokers...or are you an innocent angel who tries to be perceived as a naughty chick...

Point of clarification here - I've been napping and seem to have missed a transition here. Is Mecca or Luv on trial?

Prosecution...your witness...I...like the rest of Springfield...am done with her...

Objection! D*ckhead is badgering the witness, and generally being an a$shole! luv is not on trial here.

No questions for luv.

I'd like to call htismaqe to the witness stand....

See? You perceived it the way I thought you would. I was going for wide as in fat, not wide as in loose.

Define what each position will be taken as, and I'll answer the question. Until then, I'll make my own objection that the question is too vague.

I also object to say that, unless I have tried to solicit the defendant, then none of this line of questioning is relavent.

Thank god.

I saw your pic, your not fat but you SHOULD learn to enjoy the "Dark Delight".... :)

I was clearly pointing out that the witness did know more than she let on to know. Its clear as an unwrapped sucker in a brothel, that luv was holding back key information for this trial. The truth will never be known until I write my book after the trial.

On a side note, my publishers are trying to contact luv to do a centerfold spread in my book complete with pull-out scratch and sniff posters and a coupon for .69 cents off your next purchase of gatorade. The book will retail for $24.99 and be sold at your nearest 7-11. Just ask Habib and he'll tell you.

Has anyone ever told you you're an asshole?

And people wonder why I'm developing the attitude towards men that I am.

"Oscar speech incoming"....


Yes...yes they have. Just portraying the devils advocate here. Look at all the defense case trials in history that involve trials of wicked individuals. All the defense lawyers are assholes...every time. I'm not trying to win friends through this trial. I am just doing my job. I dont like it any more than you do. But if anyone else was in meccas shoes I'd be doing the same for them.


Every night I go home from this trial and look at the stress that is etching my face. I have lost at least 10 years of my life on this trial. The stress is slowly swallowing me like Traci Lords personal massager. Each time I wake up in the morning I fight myself, trying to think of a rare illness and call in sick. I used to motivate myself by reading novels, but now find inner peace by driving to work and trying to run over squirrels or cats.

This job...this life of defending individuals that I am trying to prove innocent, has taken its toll more than once.

I cant wait until the jury finds mecca innocent on all counts so I can forever close this chapter of my life.

Does the defense call any additional witnesses?

Yes...I said htismaqe

also, for the night crew I'd like to call chiefs4me to the witness stand after 8:00 pm.

Iowanian...at 8:30

morphius..at 9:00

Joe seahawk at 11:00

bigdaddy at 12:00

saulbadguy at 1:00

"DID YOU ORDER A CODE RED?"

"...YOU WANT ME ON THAT WALL, YOU NEED ME ON THAT WALL..."

Have we killed that sonofabitch yet??

I OBJECT!!! Is this turning into some sort of courtroom filibuster?

Witnesses shall report as ordered. However, since some witnesses are not local, the court asks the defense team to post the questions and allow the witnesses to answer at any time within the stated window.

can I get a witness?
talkin' 'bout my baby
she's some kind of wonderful

I'm here and it should be noted that I do not recognize the authority of this court. Do with me as you will, but don't waste my time.

Point of Clarification....

I've been too busy to check in, is it time to vote guilty yet?

Sorry....I wasn't paying attention to the proceedings.....

I was doing my Search and Rescue responsibilities...I was searching for the lost offensive skills of the Tigers and Rams and trying to rescue them from obscurity.

[muttering to self] If that damn judge bangs that gavel one more time, I'm going to call my buddy Mike Keck to come and make it a permanent part of his anatomy....[/muttering to self]

Better hurry up with this trial..some SOB is cutting trees down near-by and "the ole hangin tree" is damn close to being firewood or fence posts.....

Please explain the significance of Chewbacca living on Endor as it relates to this trial... if you can.

My 8 ball says "YES".

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! :rolleyes:

LMAO

The defense shall produce its witnesses within 24 hours, or we'll move on to closing arguments.


(Bangity-bangity-bangbangbang-bangity-bang-bang chaching booming gavel)

(Takes out Blackberry and scrolls for phone number for Mike Keck)

(Speaking to the Bailiff) DO you have any tylenol? That damn gavel is giving me a headache!!!!

mmaddog
*******

Have been in meetings all day and am just now checking in. Is it time to vote Guilty yet?

Have to say this thread is the reason I deciced to stop lurking and join the planet. !!!!!

Please accept the court's apologies.

(Banging gavel to the tune of the theme from King of the Hill, which is a really hard tune to play on the gavel.)

I forgot does a hanging-noose have 11 or 13 knots ....

This court is incompetent :shake:

Again, after calling the witnesses, they failed to take the stand due to the prosecution paying them off.

I call mistrial

You just bought yourself a night in Chiefsplanet jail, my friend. BAILIFF! Take this man away!

(Banging gavel to the tune of the Psycho theme.)

:eek: :sulk:

It is the defense's responsibility to ensure that their witnesses show up.

(Banging gavel)

Closing statements! The prosecution and the defense may make closing statements, and I'll allow statements by both the lead and the assistants on each team.

Y'know, these robes are really comfortable.

I will be out of pocket most of the day, so if this moves to a jury vote, here's my secret ballot for the judge.

ONLY THE JUDGE AND OTHER JURY MEMBERS PLEASE! NOBODY ELSE BETTER LOOK!





[sealed envelope]Guilty![/sealed envelope]

[Judge thinking to himself]

Where do we get these jury members? Maybe we should start paying more.

[Judge done thinking to himself]

I like monkeys. Would you like to buy a monkey?

[Judge thinking to himself]

Where do we get these prosecutors? Maybe we should start paying more.

[Judge done thinking to himself]

Condemn me. It does not matter. History will absolve me.

Will it also absolve the monkey?

He's a cheeky monkey.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

Thankyou for coming here today. We believe that the testimony of Mr. Merril Hoge and Mr. Antrell Rolle prove beyond a shadow of a doubt just how stupid Mecca really is. We hope you've carefully considered the bounty of testimony the prosecution has presented, especially compared to the pittance the defense countered with. Please do the right thing. I believe in America. The force will be with you, always.

[PastorMikH thinking to himself]

Where in the world did they get this judge? Maybe they should pay more.


:)


[/PastorMikH thinking to himself]

NOT GUILTY!!!!
Oh wait Im not on the jury !!!

I said it before(and since the bailiffs seem to be laid off),I will say it again
This court is incompotent :cuss:

Files motion to dismiss based on the theory that the government (such as it is) has failed to define any cause of action. If American jurisprudence does not apply in favor of "Chiefsplanet jurisprudence" (though I find applying the word "prudence" to the Chiefsplanet judiciary somewhat of a ludicrous concept), then no one has defined the offense of Treason.

It is therefore impossible to make a defense when no one even knows what makes up the crime. Public outrage and a mass of facts mean nothing without a criminal cause of action to apply these elements.

FYP;)

Vinny: It is possible that the two yutes...
Judge: Ah, the two what? Uh..uh, what was that word?
V: Uh, what word?
J: Two what?
V: What?
J: Uh, did you say "yutes"?
V: Yeah..two yutes..
J: What is a yute?
---------------
Judge: I don't like your attitude.
Vinny: So what else is new?
J: I'm holding you in contempt of court.
V: Now there's a $@*%in' surprise.
J: What did you say?
V: Huh? What did I say?

So when does the Jury officially vote? Lets get this over with i want to see a hang'in.

Hmm. The judge is considering this since ... well, the judge is considering this.

However, the jury has been waiting for a long time to vote, and it would be rude to dismiss them at this point, so the court rules that the definition of "Chiefsplanet treason" is similar to that of "Chiefsplanet pornography". You know it when you see it.

(Banging gavel.)

This case is now in the hands of the jury. You will sequester yourselves in the Stanley Hotel, and you will not come out until you have a unanimous verdict.

(Banging gavel.)

Oh...and the judge will be out of town the next couple of days at a ... um ... judge convention ... so the court clerk and assistant court clerk will handle any questions from the jury.