lol... did i strike a nerve counselor? ;)
naaah. i dig my attorney, she's done a great job (so far). we actually joke back and forth about her payment and my "brokeness". i told her my last check paid for her leather interior... :)

we have discussed the "$upport" issues among other things that we are going to push for come this thursday. i am assuming that this is far from over because this fuckin b!tch will not lay down. she's like a zombie from some horror movie that won't stop coming after you unless you lop the friggin head off. between these multiple "pre-trial" hearings and the friggin DSS people up my a$$, it's apparent that she's not going to go quietly like we'd all like her to.

yeah... be careful where you stick it indeed. :rolleyes:

thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

well, if your son needs some advice i can certainly give some. where i went right and where i went wrong with this situation (so far).

if it's headed in that direction his best bets are to:

1. get the kids in counseling RIGHT AWAY. it is going to help the kids first and foremost (which is the most important aspect. divorce SUCKS for kids... get them the help/guidance right away so they don't have to suffer more.), and as far as the court is concerned, it looks better if HE initiates it and not her. gnome sayn? my initiative on counseling for my children ended up being a BIG feather in my cap with the courts.

2. keep a journal. dates, times, facts and outcomes. keep the "emotional" out of it. just the facts. it's a TOTAL pain in the ass (and i HATE doing it) but if you DO go to court, the GAL's are going to want to read it cover to cover.

3. shop around for a good attorney. do some research on the father's advocacy groups in your area, ask around and try to find one of the attorneys that is recommended by the group, but doesn't have too much of the "political agenda" written all over them. the judges don't like the "political agenda" stuff in their courtrooms for the most part. (especially if the courts are "women-biased" in your neck of the woods.)

hope this helps. good luck.

you would be correct, sir.

and that is what pisses me off so much. i follow the rules and still get investigated and dicked with, while she BLATANTLY ignores the orders and gets away with it.

fuckin' aggravating/frustrating/etc. :banghead:

That's why God made little green video cameras.


Oh, is her excon boyfriend on probation?

thanks for your thoughts.

hmmm... right now, i'm friggin maxed out on court stress... both emotional and financial. my attorney and i have discussed an appeal strategy if asshole comes up with any more DSS claims (and a possible restraining order) after this 45 day investigation is up. we may end up appealig the 45 day investigation if we can get copies of the current "claims" against me from DSS dependant upon what the actual claims are.... right now they're giving me the run around like the pope in an abortion clinic as far as getting copies of the 51a and 51b forms.

as far as the kid's therapist is concerned, both the GAL's decided NOT to let the kid's therapist testify. i am EXTREMELY upset about this as she has so much information to tell the judge and could more than likely do some serious damage to asshole's camp. the GAL's decision on this was that the therapist has created such a good "haven" for the kids to talk and feel comfortable that they don't want to disrupt that by having her testify, and secondly, they don't want asshole hearing the testimony (and subsequently punishing the kids) if the judge decides to grant more visitation rights.

i don't know where i stand on those decisions to not let the therapist testify. the therapist WANTS to testify for the kids and kick some ass for them, but seems WAY more understanding and content with the GAL's decisions than i am.

hmmmm, you don't have a bad suggestion, and i sure would like to move. but...
problems with that:
1. she got the house in the divorce.
2. she got all my money in the divorce.
3. i am just barely squeaking by since i had to start over from scratch.
4. there is a stipulation (i'm trying to get overturned) in the divorce orders that states i can't leave the state... fuck!!! i HATE this friggin state!!! and the b!tch knew that when she got that clause pushed through.
5. even if i could leave the state, there is hardly any work in my field anymore. what i used to do (and make good money at) is now offshored to china and india.
i had planned to go back to school and further the medical training i got when i was in the army before this custody battle took place. now that seed money is gone.

fuck...
:banghead:

her visitation is SUPPOSED to be supervised. the courts seemed to think that her parents would be suitable supervisors for her visits. these are the same parents with possible mafia affiliations and the same parents who raised 3 drug abusers/dealers of their own. great choices for "supervisors" eh? :shake:

my kids are 7 and 5, and the judges in this state don't interview the kids... they appoint GAL's (guardian ad litem - investigative attorneys) to investigate and advocate for the children. (and yes, i have to pay those GAL lawyers in addition to my own lawyer... :rolleyes: )

i'm not... :p

i honestly don't have time to follow her around with a video camera. i have to work and take care of my kids. i am very busy being a single dad. school, sports, playdates, birthday parties, therapy sessions, doctors and dentists, cooking, cleaning, laundry, blah blah blah.
just the doctors visits alone since i got custody have been outrageous... she never took them to the doctor's so i've had to get them all their shots up to date, physical exams up to date, medical records up to date etc etc etc.
cripes, i haven't done anything fun for myself or been out on a date (or gotten laid for that matter :deevee: ) in a looooong time. :whackit: :loser:

as far as excon being on probation, you got me. he apparently had a CORI test 10 miles long, but my attorney was never given a copy or allowed to read it. only the GAL's and judge got to see it. it took roughtly 35 minutes for it to print out the entire report...

out of curiosity, what difference would it make if he WAS on probation? is it a 'location' thing, or more of a 'what's he on probation for' kind of thing?

I'm guessing if he is on probation, then gets caught for pretty much anything, off to jail he goes - one problem solved, at least temporarily.

Don't they make nanny-cams hidden in teddy bears and other soft animals. Could you give one as a gift to your kids and have them bring it with them when they visit the ahole so it would capture the abuse? I know you don't want to use your children as an instrument to get at ahole, but if they are in physical danger it might make sense.

I've never heard of that before. When can a parental agreement control what the custodial parent can do or not do? I think you need to revisit this regardless what orders were in the divorce - that has nothing to do with a parental agreement. Unless it was because you were behind in support payments to DSS from a long seperation or divorce. But since you have the kids now then that shouldn't matter. And if you are truely the custodial parent then you have the right to change that agreement at the time of given the right to be the custodial parent by making sure that your children are protected due to recent events.

BACK TO THE PLAN:
Sounds to me like you just need to establish ANY employment somewhere out of state, give asshole the 30 day requirement notification by law that you are THINKING about moving and do it after 1 week. By the time she makes a claim that the 30 days were not over, your in another state.
Before you move to the other state first open a post office box in that state for a month or more (preferrably 3 months for residence). Look for an apartment with the first months rent free, get it and have your bills go to that post office box. Take two trips there during that time or if you have family in the area have them check your mail, send it to you so you can pay your bills (which are minimal) before you leave with the kids. It will look like you had made residence in that state prior to asshole deciding to file.
Also during the last month before moving you need to file in the state you're moving to against her that she has been abusive, a dopehead and has lost custody due to that fact.
She will be hand delivered paperwork stating these claims and subpeonaed to show in court to hear her side of the story in the new state you live in. Will she show up, where you have the upperhand?
Doubt it.

I see this sort of thing daily as I am IT support for 5 counties of social workers - I am assuming that is what DSS does. You might want to contact them on a "voluntary services" basis so that you have control of the process and explain your concerns about FUTURE development and risk for your children when exposed to the woman during those times of visitation. If the social workers can completely see it your way then they can (through the courts) prohibit here visiting the kids based on what is best for the child. It can be a very difficult process when drugs are involved as judges are reluctant to terminate parental rights, grant injunctions, etc. when it is possible an addict can be reformed.

Keep your attorney paid and up-to-date (I know, it seems like wasted money) but their support and connections can be invaluable.

The state department for child protection is required by law (and within specified time parameters) to investigate ALL complaints, notices and even annonymous referrals. It is a common tactic that a good social worker can see through right away. If they aren't as helpful as you feel they should be, you might want to consider a private sector social worker for evaluations, recommendations and added clout to your case.

Consider discrete surveillance and recording devices for visitations and phone calls (many states record sensitive interviews and all supervised family visits now) so it isn't an unusual practice.

Keep your nose clean in all areas of your life. Sometimes the most innocuous thing can be very damaging depending upon how it is portrayed.

Do NOT consider flight unless it is out of the country and to a place that doesn't extradite to the US. All states, with the possible exception of Texas - and they have been forced to reluctantly comply as well, share and assist tracking you down in this type of situation.

Good luck and try to stay calm when dealing with the bureaucracy.

While it would certainly seem fitting for "asshole" in this case. I saw my Dad waste away from a healthy adult to ending up in a urn in a matter of 4 months. Pancreatic cancer is probably the nastiest of cancers that afflict humans. I wouldn't wish that type for anyone.

what a complete crock of shit. Man, I dont think you should smack women, but wow. This woman would make me reconsider.

This bitch has a lot of ****ing gall. Unreal.

Much love to you, Loki. My prayers are with you.

Wow.