Well, I hope so. She needs something to rely upon, as her writing level suggests she's not much of a scholar.

It's IM. Were you expecting a research paper?

omglolbrb

She has a PhD in tits.

Basic competency.

There really is someone for everyone.

I'll realize that when you're too busy to post here at midnight on a Friday night. Good luck.

SATURDAY NIGHT GONNA BE TOO BUSY BITCH!

good luck ?

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHAT?

what he said

For frame of reference, this is what I looked like the last time I got some action.

The fact that GoChiefs is getting some and I'm not even though I've moved on from that stage in life is disheartening to me somewhat...

Whatever, go get her bigman and be sure to splickity splack on her face. Double points if you get it in her eye.

This, and yes, I'm here at midnight on a Friay night. But only because the person I was supposed to hang out with went and fell in love this week, and it wasn't with me.

so she has or hasn't been on a date since her divorce?

I'm here cause im a badass watching fast and the furious on a 64" hdtv, bluray edition!zzzzzzzzz

Clayton will not sleep with this woman.

PENCIL IT IN.

Oh shit...her divorce isn't even finalized yet...LMAO

Your jedi mind tricks won't work on me.

What is she early 30's? What age.

Any idea about how long she was married?

no pics?

where did claythan go?

I know you are excited but remember to breath dude. lmao

If Claythan finally does find a woman to tolerate his crap I'll bet his personality improves by a power of 1000000000.

She's 30. Married for 6 years.

It's called auto-erotic asphyxiation. Not breathing is required.

I know i give you crap about the whole virgin thing but here is some honest advice.

Don't expect to get laid on this first date. If it happens great, if not don't just say screw it and move on to the next victim.:)

Last i read you were honest about being a rookie at this stuff before going on dates. So i assume that is correct. If she is just looking to get laid herself she probably wouldn't pick a virgin. Maybe she would, who knows if so consider yourself pretty lucky. If you assume that she doesn't view you as a husband type that's one thing but to turn that into that she is looking for a roll in the hay........there is just alot of gray area in between.

If she tells you she just wants to be friends that is obvious. If she just seems to want to take it slow and get to know you just roll with it. It could be worth the wait judging by the pic and without knowing what she is like.

The only positive you have going about the virgin thing is the fact you don't got no koodies or herps dangling from your gonads.(another assumption :) ) So that's one thing she doesn't have to worry about.

You have to think of it as you both getting something out of it instead of just you getting laid.

JMO

Whether you want to call it fuck buddies or friends w/ benifits or whatever, those situations can be alot of fun if that's what you are both looking for. And from the sounds of her, just fresh off a divorce and she is a mom she probably isn't expecting too much and will want her freedom for awhile. Hard to tell though as women are goofy creatures.

Just in case you may want to visit the g-spot threads and such. Maybe quiz yourself on where the clit is. Remember your weiner has a mind of his own and if he gets the slightest hint at the smell of some puss he may just spray all over before you want him to. Be prepared to stick your head between her legs and go to town. If you can do that right she'll invite you back for more.:dom:

Oh hell no. I gave that up months ago. Bad idea.

I have the internet. And a couple female friends. I'm good. I studied.

may god help this poor gal.

That's the only thing you had working. Like you're going to fool her with your 5-second porn routine?

There will be blowjobs.

http://www.zhukovvideo.org/mp3/image...0blood%202.jpg

LOL good deal.

I can see where telling them so we chase them off. Last I read up on Clays read shoe diaries that was the way i thought it was.

Just remember it's not a race.:)

I'm telling you it was a dry well. And it scares off more chicks than it entices. There was one girl who was very very cool about it and very hot but she's in Arizona. I guess there was the girl down here who was excited about it but she's in freakin' Liberty, TX. Too far.

don't believe what you see in the pronos

No shit.

chnlove.com

chinese women seeking love is now the ad for this thread.

Havn't checked if it is mail order bride or what not. Just saying.

Asians. Lame.

i know what you mean. I was expecting myfirstsexteacher dot com.

I got some of their vids. Reel gud.

better get to studying then.

Good luck.

To both of you. LOL

F'ing rasper. Dr. Steve was talking about this very thing on Weird Medicine tonight.


Oh yeah, Claythan, check out woot.com today.

I'd rather spend that money on a girl.

Horror is fun?
LOL

You would rather talk shit than live life.

Claythan

Hope it works out for you. Really I do. Congratulations on being close to achieving (most likely due to your total social reerunation) what every 14 year old kid is capable of achieving.

EVERY 14-year old kid can get laid?

Bullshit.

I'd put my money on any 14 year old over you.

I didnt get laid till I was 15, but man I hit skins with four girls in like a month that year.

Wanna know the trick to getting laid alot?

Have girls "acidentally" touch your package by bumping into their hand or whatever it takes for contact to be made without it being obvious, then adding a joke with a penis enuendo in it soon after. Get her subconscience on it, girls often want the exact same thing as we do and that cant be ignored at any time.

get slapped or laid, one or the other, but you can always say it was a total accident. Works magnificantly after a good buzz is achieved.

Always buy the first drink and tell a short joke right after you hand her her drink, it gets a smile on the face and opens her mind a little about ya.

Always smell like a man should, I suggest old school cool water...if it works for Snoop, it can work for you, well maybe not you! JKOC

Always ask the girl to buy the second drink! If she scoffs at the notion, move on. Unless shes smokin hot, then ask her to buy the first, it will surely catch her off guard and might take her by surprise. It sets yo apart and immediatly makes her curious.

ALWAYS offer a ride home, dont hide true motive, you might be shortchanging yourself!

Dont be afraid to move in for the kill either.

good luck!

50-1 says he claims something come up and he doesn't meet her tonight.

This should be on Casino Planet when and if gochiefs gets laid.

I can't believe we've been talking about this since Nov, 02. I'm guessing he's gonna have to get married first. That's not awful.

He may have trouble even then.

Nope. It's happening this year as prophesied by the great Delano.

Women like tall guys.

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/22gtSCJd9jA&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/22gtSCJd9jA&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

And if your going to steal from a well known comedian use the right one. Telling a Jim Norton tranny joke won't get you very far.....lesson learned.

Supposedly, Clayton and Big Titties were to meet at 7 p.m. at Starbucks.

That means he could be getting laid RIGHT NOW.







....or not.

I think he is

It's pretty clear women don't want Claythan. I'm pretty sure men don't either. He may as well kill himself.

The chick was cute, good for him if it actually happens

hahahaha, it all makes sense now.

I got a couple texts from a 216 (?) area code.

The first said this Starbucks is really a Pizza Hut.

The second said she's not here but on her way lol.

I had no idea what it was until I saw this thread.

Yeah go to a winery or a winebar... I would say most women cannot hold their alcohol but no idea on your level either.. Small talk and wine usually end in success unless you two end up being totally different..

Wine bar suggests a level of sophistication that might not be in play here. No offense, GoChiefs.

Or he quits being on the internet 90% of the time he is on it now..

Ehh, he just has to play it off right..

You love wine or know a lot about it???

Yes I love wine, no I dont know alot = Sweet we can try some flights together

Yes I love wine and know a lot = Sweet you can pick the palate for tonight

No I hate wine = ****, looks like we are going to a piano or martini bar

This game is so easy. /professional athlete/

I have now kissed three girls.

Unless it was on her vagina tonight, I weep for you..

Crawl before you walk.

Good for you.

I'm agreeing with this. Congrats.

More info, please.

I also grabbed her ass.

was that you who sent those texts to me?

You're a smooth operator

Yeah...I have your #....you delete me from yo phone bitch? I have you, Flopnuts and Simply Red on speed dial for when I finally blow a load in some skank.

What was smooth was when I said:

"I might get into an accident and die on the way to your apartment. You better kiss me now."

And she did.

After tonight, do you believe:
1) It will be in this chick?
2) It will happen soon?

1) I am not going to attempt to predict anything related to females. My brain says YES I will bang this chick, but logic does not apply to girls.

2) I will get laid within a month. I GUARANTEE IT.

Yep, time to open Casino Planet for this possible event.

Nice contradiction.

I am so down to get some casino cash.

OK, so, to recap the fourth date of my tragic ****ing life:

I arrived 30 minutes early in order to survey the scene, to scout out other possible "jump" locations. As in "let's take this party to the martini bar on the other end of this shitty strip mall."

Anyway, upon arriving it was discovered that the Starbucks we were to meet at did NOT EXIST. It had been replaced by a little pizza joint. So I text her this information. 7 pm rolls around and she calls and is like "I'm gonna be late sorry." And I'm like "Uh this place is a pizza joint. Do you want to get a pie?" And she's like "Sure!"

So she shows up and she's very cute. She is wearing a horizontally striped, low-cut top that shows her nice cleavage. Not as hot as my last date, but definitely bangable. 5-6, 125 pounds, brunette, pretty eyes, nice tits. She smiles, I smile, we both think sexual thoughts.

We order a chicken roma spinach medium and two beers. This is the first time I have had beer since college. I had a Miller mother****in' Lite. It actually wasn't too bad.

We share good conversation. She likes horror films and wants to go see Drag Me To Hell. I inform her it is excellent cinema and file away this note for potential future dates.

She laughs at my stupid jokes and we make lots of eye contact. I lie and say she is hotter than my last date in order to indicate I am sexually attracted to her. 8:30 rolls around and she says, in a very sexy voice, "So, what are you doing the rest of the night?"

My pickup artist brain immediately screams "Say YOU! Say YOU you undersexed stud muffin!" I resist my cro-magnon urge and respond, "Nothing, we could go back to your place and hang out, watch a movie or something?" She agrees to this plan of action and our horny bodies exit the pizza place.

At this point I feel like kissing her. We walk around my car and I say, "I might get in a wreck and die on the way to your apartment. You should kiss me now." This is the smoothest line of my 27-year existence and it works. We kiss, and it ain't no peck on the cheek. We sucked face.

I get wood.

I am going to get laid. I am sure of it.

I follow her car from the parking lot, screaming at the assholes who are cutting me off, blocking my view of her car. I have to traverse Highway 249, make a right onto Beltway 8 and tail this hot bitch for 20 minutes. I have gotten lost many, many times and driving in Houston is a nightmare. I drive like a bat out of hell trying to follow the vagina in the white car in front of me.

We turn onto Beltway 8 and trundle along in tandem for about five miles. At this point we are approximately three quarters of the way to her place. Then she turns into a gas station. My first thought is she needs gas, and she parks in front of the pump (pump my cock, bitch). I pull in and park at the store.

She gets out of her car and starts for mine. Oh shit. Either I'm going to lose my virginity in the restroom of a 7 Eleven (I have six condoms in my right jean pocket, at least I don't need those shitty convenience store rubbers) or the shit just hits the fan.

I get out of my car and she explains that she has decided against ****ing me on this particular night. I attempt to haggle with her for a makeout session, but once a bitch's mind is made up, there is no return, as most of you well know, barring threats of violence. We agree that we should have a second date.

I say "are you gonna call me?" She replies, "Are you gonna call ME?" I take this as an indicator of interest. We kiss again, Crom flutters between my legs, and I grab her ass. She walks back to her car and I drive home.

At least I didn't get lost on the way home. I had never been in that part of town before. Oh, I have also never been in a vagina.

Date #4, in the books. Let's see if this one has the common ****ing courtesy to return my phone calls.

Suggesting going back to her place at 8:30 was a terrible idea. Just terrible.

More drinks. Ideally. Or, you should have suggested going to a movie. You know...what you ****ing talked about at dinner?

Most women don't let intraweb guy they've known for an hour back to the bat cave, and she was clearly thinking about how she ****ed up as she led you on a 20 minute snipe hunt.

Actually it was a great idea. Her mom was bringing the ****ing kids back home by 10PM. There was no time for a movie. She was down for sexual congress.

Nope. She smelled your pre-ejaculate and got spooked on the drive home.

Bad plan.