Oh, and if anyone needs therapy it is probably your Mom. She needs to find out why she keeps attracting men who do not love her in a healthy fashion. She sounds codependent if she falls for him over what he says vs. what he does and makes excuses for his behavior. She is settling for an abusive man who tells her he loves her when she never heard that from her previous husband.

Newsflash. Alcoholics are skilled at manipulation. Likewise, are abusers. Not a coincidence. He knows what buttons to push.

I don't think we've been told anything to make us think she "keeps" attracting men who don't love her in a healthy fashion. If tooge said anything about his father being bad for his mother, I missed it.

From the sounds of it, tooge’s father was a good guy that died 4 years ago and this is his mother’s first boyfriend since then.

That's how I read it too.

I don't know what your motives are, but your track was clearly implying that she was just a drama queen and not the victim of whatever "you" consider to be abuse.

I hope your mother never ends up in this situation. I'm guessing she'll be on the phone for hours with India trying to figure out how to complete the survey forms to determine if she qualifies for your attention.

Ok, I reread the paragraph. I thought the Mom was saying the father said that. Not the jerk boyfriend. My bad. Sorry.

However, I do think she could use therapy to find out why she is willing to accept her new boyfriend abusing her and, worse, trashing her previous husband and her previous life. Is he still an issue in this current relationship and if so, why? What did she tell the new BF to make him comfortable making those type of judgments. And if he's pulling them out of his ass (which is far more dangerous and abusive, IMO) then why is she letting him define her truth and her life like that?

I think that Tooge's most important goal right now is to keep the lines of communication open with his mother and remain in her 'circle of trust.' He does not want to do anything to jeopardize her not being honest about her situation because if she is isolated has no one she can trust her situation is not only abusive but DANGEROUS.

What does your brother think of the situation? How often does he (or any other family member) see her? Since she has allowed her fiance back into the house someone should be checking on them daily. Has the fiance quit drinking? How long have they been together?

Sorry if you've already covered this, didn't read all the replies.

Yup, he loses his mother for a Thanksgiving....

This is the answer.

I'd go.

Not to please my mother, but to show that **** stick that I'm here and i'm not going anywhere....

"I'm watching you..."

Not sure my bro knows as much as I do. He's the youngest and not as close to mom as I am. She told me everything, he probably knows only surface issues. And yes, my father was a great man. treated my mother like a queen.

This.

You're a man. Don't worry about the confrontation if there is one, you'll respond properly anyway im sure.

This, you need to support her while you can.

Sorry, but I go with the "Don't Go" crowd. Anyone who thinks an abuser will let things be simple at a family gathering is deluded. All it takes is a little alcohol...then nothing is the same.

You're one main concern is your wife and kids.....if you put anything above that you are missing your duties as a husband and father. If there is even the slightest chance that something could erupt, you don't want your kids there to witness it.

And as someone else put on here....once and abuser, always an abuser.

hey girl, long time no see...

how's things for katie?