Skittles commercial.

I do.

Hootie has a money pit Audi.

Audi Allroad looks like a station wagon.

Fly to Illinois, take it to the gate as a carry on, and then they'll gate check it for you for free.

Don't move. Mattress too important. Problem solved.

Take it to Chick-Fil-A and sell rides on it until you have enough cash to buy another one.

Take it to a hotel 10 miles north and switch it with their mattress. Then next year do it again. And again. Eventually it'll reach Illinois and that last hotel will have to go back to the starting point to recover its mattress.

Find a cattle drive to Illinois and convince the rancher that strapping a mattress to a cow provides shade and comfort to it.

Paint a "Mattress Walk for Veterans" message on it and tell people that you're marching to Illinois to raise awareness of veterans. Raise money for your walkathon and have people help you carry it from town to town as part of the process.

Trade car for scooter.

Totally redeem yourself!

Put wheels on mattress. Sell car. Invest into scootymat. profit

Topical and not a bad idea. :)

Put in a giant envelope and put your new address in Illinois as the RETURN address then don't put a stamp on it... drop in mailbox.

Not going to read the thread, but if nobody has mentioned that luggage racks are often held to the car by plastic fasteners, it's worth considering.

Just let the air out of it and put it in it's carry bag.