Any lawyers here? Need advice on complicated custody dispute
 

Ok here's what's going on:

My ex and I have been divorced for a 2-3 years. We agreed to 50/50 everything with our kids...time with them, decision making, etc. My address is their legal address for mailing and educational purposes. Neither one of us pay child support, and even though the time with them is supposed to be 50/50 its more like 60/40 with me and Ive been keeping a detailed log for the last year.

Ex meets another guy, he joins the army a year later, they get married about 3 months after he joins. He now finds out he's being relocated to a base in Georgia. Ex thinks she is going to move with him and take our kids with her.

Everything the kids need or have ever known are here. Their school they've gone to since they started, me, their entire family on both sides...everything.

Is there anything for me to worry about? I know judges want to do whats best for the kids, so surely no judge would let her uproot and move them to another state without my consent, right? The only thing Im worried about is the military thing, that maybe they'd get special treatment for that...but at the same time, he decided to join after they were together and they both knew her situation with my kids. My lawyer doesn't think I have anything to worry about, but of course he's going to tell me that since he wants my $.

Lawyer the **** up

I already have. I want to hear that I don't have anything to worry about from someone that isnt getting paid by me...or if I do have to worry about it I want to know that too.

you have nothing to worry about

Really? You haven't had that whore whacked yet? Sad.

Are you offering?

:D

Good. Your lawyer should inform you of that. Custody law is a bitch but you have to go within the system. My sincere wishes you prevail.

How old are the children?

Make the most of the summer vacations you'll get to spend with them.

Depends on what's in his decree, and what his attorney can do.

I do a little lawyerin after work at the pig farm. Sometimes. perty good with these type matters too. Actually i'm 3 and 3 with 1 tie. Anyway. I'd have to ask you a few questions to see if yer werth takin on.
#1) Have you beeen havin sex with her ?
#2) If the answer to #1 is yes then did you PIHB ?
#3) Did you by any chance take yer kids to that new movie "the conjuring"
#4) Do you feel that killing Osama Been Ladin was the right thing to do.
#5) What is your annual income , before taxes.

I know these questions seem a little wierd but this is the way a scan my clients to see if there worth takin on.

this

:D

8, 10, and almost 13. My 13 year old (daughter) has already told her if she wins she's not going with her. I don't know if she's old enough to have a say but I dont think her mom would make her go against her will.

The current decree is pretty much 50/50 all the way, only exception is my home is their legal address. But she thinks even though she agreed to all that that she can go back on it and take them with her.

Listen to your attorney.

I answered yes to all of those questions, but don't actually have a case or need a lawyerin. Can you help me?

I certainly wouldn't take advice from this guy here.

#1) Have you beeen havin sex with her ? No
#2) If the answer to #1 is yes then did you PIHB ? N/A
#3) Did you by any chance take yer kids to that new movie "the conjuring" No
#4) Do you feel that killing Osama Been Ladin was the right thing to do. Definitely
#5) What is your annual income , before taxes. Around 40k (I live in Springfield, MO...pretty decent around here)

Well, actually if you answered yes to quesation #5 I don't think I can help you because it means your stuped. Sorry.

She can challenge custody issues anytime she wants...doesn't mean she will ever win. I think you should have a good case, but with judges who knows. Your 13 year old should be able to speak with the judge regarding her wishes not sure about the others. Your lawyer should have a good idea how this judge works child input. Good luck to to you.

His name is Adumbguy, you expected less?

(don't know if he's really dumb, but heh)

I had this situation with my ex. She met a dude, wanted to divorce and take our child to Dodge City, KS to be with him. You are right, Judges do not look kindly on this and won't with your ex. Especially with 50/50 custody. Document the additional 10%. I had to go through home visitations and all that. I won that battle and **** her. I believe at a certain age, the kids have input. Mine was just 2 at the time so...

Don't worry but prove your case.

I regret to say that I don't think I can help you. If you were a good father you wood have taken your'e kids to see the conjouring.

No judge has been assigned yet, she hasnt filed for the custody change...supposedly he's being relocated around thanksgiving. I do know she has to give a 60 day notice and I doubt she's aware since she's dumber than a box of rocks. But even if she does wait too long she'll just have to move after him if she wins so I guess that's insignificant.

I think the kid has to be 16 to have any say? Anyhow, it ALL depends on the judge. This is why you avoid litigation at all costs. Judges can be completely ****ed in the head.

There's no way to avoid it. He has no choice but to go where the army tells him, and they're newlyweds so she obviously wants to go with him and refuses to leave our kids behind without a fight. She did admit however that if she loses she won't go and I saved that text so if the judge truly wants what is best for the kids ruling in my favor would keep them at home with both of their parents.

Now, I have heard of women taking the kids with them regardless of judgement. And they won't go chasing after her, nor would the other state.

Really? My lawyer said that I should hope she does that...because then she would lose all decision making rights and I would get full custody. She's dumb but I don't think she's that dumb unfortunately.

Lawyer up & dnt speak to the bitch until this shit is settled
& always remember,its not a lie if you believe it..

It all depends on the judge. I don't care what your lawyer says. He may tell you that you have a rock solid, completely air-tight case against her and that you've done everything right.

Then the judge decides to side with the mother because he just thinks the kids are better off with Mom.

Happens all the time. Best of luck. Be prepared to fight and spend a lot of money doing so. The system is much more inclined to side with the mother, it's just the way it is. Years and years of too many asshole dads have kind of screwed it up for the good dads out there. And, then there's the judge and it all depends on which side of the bed he OR SHE wakes up on.

Meh. I smoked my X. I also had the best attorney the city of Omaha had to offer. I had to borrow huge somes of money from both my Aunt & uncle & my mom & dad.
JFC the appeal after i had won custody was $ 10,000.00

In Maryland at the age of 10 a kid can pick who they want to live with.

Really ! That would be horrible for the child to have to make that decision in MOST cases.

Beats the shit out of forcing the child to live with a parent he/she doesn't want to.

It depends. Kids are not the best judges of what is best for them.

Thats true Also .

I've spent time as a foster parent so I know there's a lot of different situations.

I don't have personal experience with this stuff but I have a close relative who has gone through this custody stuff for a long time. I've watched this type of drama happen. I've seen it when the system doesn't work. I know it costs a boat load of money for the father to retain full time custody of children. In my family's case, the mother was a complete **** up. She broke all the rules. Now, she had lots of money so she could afford the best "law firm" not lawyer, but "law firm" that money could buy. My relative also retained an excellent lawyer. $50k here, $25k there, $30k the next time around (we guesstimate the ex spent twice as much)... be prepared.

Just as a reminder - Everything on the internet is permanent and can be found by anyone, including divorce lawyers. I would edit this post if I were you. Sarcasm and humor don't come through on courtroom documentation.

I think 16 may be the age for final decision, but I do know some judges will let younger children speak with them one on one off the record if they wish. Judge will then chose to use or disregard what was said in a final decision. Once again it just comes down to the judge.

Don't worry . If you'll check his post history this is nothing.

That's one of those things that is typically a PITA in the short-term but ultimately helps your cause. Unfortunately, you never know with the court system which gives a tremendous amount of differential treatment to mothers.

Ultimately, it comes down to what's best for the children in the eyes of the courts if there isn't a document that says otherwise and they don't always apply the facts that may be important to you or your kids in rendering those judgments.

Good luck!

Well, they offered to pay me in peanuts, but I wisely declined and held out for the yes. That's before taxes though. After taxes, my income is 8, if that makes any difference.

Also, it appears I do not have a wife or an ex-wife, but my answer to #2 is still yes, which I'm finding irksome now. Can you help?

Had the same thought when I read that, so decided to make the surrounding posts equally absurd.

You must have picked the dumb parent.

not true. I am a case worker for the state of missouri and i see things like this literally everyday.
what you need to do first is get a paternity action. a paternity action is a legal document saying that the children are with you and the mother cannot come and take the children. Without the paternity action, the mother can come and take the children whenever she wants, even if you call the cops, they will not do anything because the cops side with the mother always. a paternity action nulls that.

you can pay for your own paternity action with a lawyer or you can make a referral for free to UMKC Law. a bunch of people in law school do paternity actions for legal practice under the supervision of an family court attorney (Katie O'mally) but they have a big waiting list because that where we send all of your clients lol. But since you are in Springfield, i dont know if there are any universities that have a program like this.

next, if you are doing everything you are saying like they go to school with you, all of their clothes are there and they are in a safe environment, there is a strong case that the children will stay with you. Also, the courts will want to see background checks of this new guy to make sure he is okay.

My background is in Abuse and Neglect so my courts are a little more intense when it comes to these things, but be prepared to prove that you can not only obtain stable and safe housing and transportation as well as being able to obtain and maintain appropriate clothing, food, and education and you have a very strong case because if she does not have a job down there or if she cannot show that she can obtain and maintain the above things, that can pose a risk to the children

and if you REALLY want to, call your insurance and get a psychological and psychiatric to rule out any mental illness on your part!!

good luck and keep us updated, ill be watching!!

Thanks for your reply, good advice. The part in bold I dont think applies to me though, because in our decree it specifically says neither parent could do that without the others approval.

Good luck with getting a "paternity" action against the mother if the mother is not a complete ****up. If she's a decent parent and this is just a case of her remarrying and wanting the kids to be with her, and she doesn't have a history or pattern of being a bad parent (unlike my families' situation and the judge(s) were still assholes) then what state/civil worker or whatever is going to give the dad a "paternity" action?

I guess I can see this working if the mother is a meth addict or something. Otherwise, I don't think its that simple.

I guess what I'm saying is just be prepared to fight. If you are a good dad, and you love your kids and you are 100% sure these kids are better off with you than with the mother, then be prepared to fight for the right to have full time custody if the mom decides to move away. I don't want to discourage you from fighting the good fight. However you really have to do what is best for the kids and that may mean letting her have to kids part of the year too. Best wishes my friend.

No one would pick your old bitter ass.

I dont mind them going with her for the summer, but they are better off here with me and the rest of their family, friends, and school. Their lives are here, everything they know is here, and I do everything for them.

so here's my advice--you and your lawyer meet with her and her lawyer and then your basic angle is "you can have the kids for a chunk of time during the summer (a few months) if you are deadset on leaving. However, I want the kids the rest of the time...." due to the reasons you've stated. If she agrees, great!

And don't be an ass, tell your ex you want her to be happy but you also want what is best for the kids. Be genuinely happy for her. But let her know your primary concern (and this really better by your primary concern) is the kids.

I say have lawyers involved because it all has to be legal and drawn up. But this type of negotiating is much less expensive than "I'll see you in court!" That's when the $$$$$$$ starts piling up. That's when things go from bad to worse and everyone is miserable.

If she says "no, I want full time custody with the kids and I want to move away with my new husband" than you can always go to court and let a judge decide if that is your only choice. But my advice to you, ESPECIALLY if you are on good terms with your ex wife, or even relatively good terms with her, is to try and work it out behind closed doors, with lawyers. But you gotta have the lawyers there to make everything official and then file the docs with the proper agencies, etc. This way if she ever changes her mind, you have every thing in writing.

Women change their minds all the time so I'm not saying this will lock everything down. I'm just saying it will protect you MORE if she changes her mind later.

Best of luck.

Also, don't ever talk bad about your ex to your kids. I don't care if your ex is a SCREAMING asshole/bitch/****/whatever. Don't talk bad about them. You are doing your kids a great disservice by saying bad/negative things about the other parent.

Kids grow up, and they eventually learn for themselves which parent actually loves them and has their best interest at heart. So don't worry if YOUR ex calls you all the names in the book when they are with your kids. Don't return bad behavior with more bad behavior.

Kids learn, and they will love you much more in the end if you don't play that game. Be very "diplomatic" when it comes to talking about the "ex." Even though they may have hurt you to the core, don't disparage them to the children.

Hope this helps.

I agree with this. One thing about you getting full custody is your wife would then be obligated to make child support payments to you. This might be a big concern of hers and if its possible to sweeten the deal by not making that an obligation on her part, you may be more successful getting her to come to terms with you. Good luck.

Again. Lawyer the **** up. Good luck to you man.

This,and good luck sir

do you have this custody in writing, law wise, or is it just something you worked out?

your lawyer should be telling you to file for primary custody right the **** now, then she is ****ed do this before it goes anywhere near a judge

**** her early, HARD, and nasty, preempt this shit NOW

Right. Its always better for those decisions to be made by others. Liberals always know whats best.

**** me what an asswipe you are.

based on what you've told us, my impression is that you will be successful in preventing the kids move out of state...

go with what your lawyer is telling you and don't worry so much, everything will turn out fine...

Its in our divorce papers. My lawyer advised me to just sit back and wait for her to file a relocation amendment and then we would respond.

Tombstone - I dont talk bad about her to my kids, but her and I no longer get along either after I found this out so there will be no "working it out". She's leaving and is going to try to take the kids, and I'm going to try to stop her. I tried to rationalize with her when she first told me her plan, but she's stuck on trying to do this. There's nothing that can be done except letting a judge decide.

My lawyer did tell me this would be a bit more tricky if she were trying to move them to Ft Leonard Wood here in MO, but since she's trying to move them out of state no judge in his/her right mind would be ok with that. I hope you and him are right.

Kidnapping seems like something they would go after.

All of MTG's travails have proven to me that marriage is one of the dumbest things a man can do in today's era.

100% Wrong!!!

No, it isn't 100% wrong that I have heard stories of that happening.

Maybe back in 1972 but custody enforcement has come a long way and unless she wants to go off the grid this shit wouldn't fly at all.

He's actually right though.

Children have very little life experience and even less foresight.

This. Times have changed in the last 40 years.

My wife is a Family Law attorney, licensed in MO and KS. If it doesn't break any rules (since you are already represented), I'm sure she'd answer some questions over the phone. PMing you contact info. Shes currently at a family law conference in Lake Ozark so she probably wouldn't get back to you until Monday.

Heck if you want 200+ lawyers opinions just drive up there :)

Dumb ****, I'm not a liberal, I am simply someone who realizes sometimes kids will just choose the most permissive parent. But you being the stupid, shit-eating country dumb**** you are, probably think it's great for kids to stay up all night playing video games and neglecting school work. You idiotic hick.

The web is full of these stories, and not from 1972. I make no claims about their being true, but I'm sure a legal expert such as yourself can straighten me out.

http://tlcwebdesign.hypermart.net/itmustbe.htm

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I think I already alluded to that, but thanks.

I think what you a failing to understand. The child just doesn't say what he/she wants to do. The judge will ask many questions some of them may have been written by a child psychiatrist. Sometimes a child psychiatrist will sit in and observe. It is much more than I want to live with mom or dad.

It is entirely up to the judge's discretion. That's a fact.

That is true. I have never disputed that. Each judge has discretion under the law.

In another thread recently, I expressed reservation at the idea of letting a 15 or 16 year old kid go through with a sex change and was castigated, so it would seem people here don't have a lack of confidence in kids' decision-making abilities when it comes to irrevocable, life-altering decisions.

I know which of my parents I would have chosen if it'd been me, obviously it would have been the one who let me do what I wanted, which wouldn't have been good.

Good luck to the thread starter, I hope you get a fair shake, which often isn't the case for men.

So your scenario that you said I failed to understand I actually understood pretty well. Thanks.

I was taking exemption to your comment that a child will choose the parent that will let them get away with the most. Not all kids will do that and the system is far more vast than allowing that to happen. You far under explained what the process really is.

I don't understand why people become who they become. So some new dick comes into the picture, decides that he is so important that she and your children must follow in his footsteps, and she's ok with this? If she had any sense in her head she should've picked a better man with a better career path. I know this doesn't help your questions but I would think that unless her lawyer can convince the judge that you're a terrible father or can't provide for the children better than she could, I would think the judge would side with you.