Shit your wife does that MAKES YOU INSANE
 

The first week of December, I finished my Christmas shopping. One of the gifts was a Best Buy gift card for the brother-in-law. I put it in a spot in the kitchen where it wouldn't get lost. So, I went to wrap it tonight, and GUESS WHAT - it's gone.

I didn't touch the ****ing thing. But, like every other goddamn thing that dissappears around here, the wife HAS NO IDEA WHERE IT IS AND NEVER TOUCHED IT. Just like every other damn thing that she swears she never saw or touched that I find in some maddeningly stupid-assed place that only she would put it, anywhere from a week to a year later, and always when I'm looking for something else that magically vanished in the same manner. "Wasn't me, honey. Must have been you. And why do you always blame me?"

BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS THE ONE WHO ****ING LOSES THINGS!

:cuss:

And then, when I clearly bust her on it, she still denies it. Never an apology. Never an "I was wrong." Just I DIDN'T DO IT.

:#

Well, I don't have a week to a year to wait for this to turn up, so I'll have to go back out at the height of last-minute-rush Christmas shopping hell and replace it (I'd make her do it, but she doesn't drive). I'M SO ****ING PISSED OFF I CAN'T SEE STRAIGHT. More money flying out of my wallet after a month that has already seen me melt my friggin credit cards into goo.

WHY DOES SHE DO THIS? WHY WHY WHY

:banghead: :cuss: :#

The only thing that comes to mind is the way she brakes my truck..Geez, she'll go through a set of brake pads in a week!

I'm not married. And hopefully I never will be.

Don't sweat it.

I think that everyone here agrees that you should not marry or have children

I don't intend to. ROFL

So I guess everyone is happy.

I could add something to this thread, but I would very much like to wake up tomorrow and not have to do a search for my balls.

Because it is your fault for not bringing the gift home and telling her to wrap it. Then she wouldn't have lost it and it would be wrapped.

They're in a jar under the bathroom sink, next to the tampons. :D

Because she loves you. ROFLROFLROFL

Here's my favorite (and by favorite, I mean $#it that makes me want to go Scott Peterson):

Me: Hey honey, where you want to eat?

Her: Oh, I don't care. What do you feel like.

Me: Anything's fine with me.

Her: Whatever you want.

Me: Ok. How about Chinese?

Her: Ok.

*We get there and sit down to order*

Me: What do you feel like?

Her: Oh, whatever. I don't care.

Me: Well I heard (insert whatever dish here) was good.

Her: Ok.

*skip 20 minutes. She eats like 1/8th of her meal and pushes the plate away.*

Me: What's wrong?

Her: I already ate here twice this week, when we went to luch at work. I'm just kind of tired of chinese.

Me: WTF didn't you tell me that before we came here then?!?

Her: I don't know. You wanted to eat here.

Me: But if you're not going to eat the $3it what's the point?!? We could have gone somewhere else.

Her: Yeah.

Me: But if you know you're not going to eat it why....****! :cuss: :banghead:

Don't sweat it bro. I have a strong feeling that procreation will not be an issue for you.

Her: Because I can.

Well, I see you found yours then :D

Don't feel bad Tim. I have to go back out sometime tomorrow or Friday morning before all the stores close up for the day and get a couple more presents for the GF. And I don't have a fucking clue of what to get. She collects the Holiday Barbies so I picked up this years edition. She loves Tigger and collects Tigger shit. So I picked up a couple of fleese-sp sweatshits with Tigger on them. You don't want to buy the GF's domestic(Kitchen Appliances ect.) shit or they get pissed at you. Anybody got any ideas???:hmmm:

Sounds like you might want to pick her up an EazyBake Oven, and stop by and put a lawyer on retatiner.

my GF said she likes football teams that have good defense. Looks like i will be taking back all the chiefs shit

She'll sometimes say something to make me think she's "frisky," but then later she "changes her mind." :banghead:

ROFLROFL I suppose it could be worse. She could collect Owls or Frogs or something like that. She just turned 39. I swear Jim!!!.ROFL

ROFL

I'll never understand how women can go from porn-slut-horny to "not in the mood" in 30 ****ing seconds... :shake:

That's what happens when you lob up a softball..... It's still flying!! ROFL

Ever consider she's right and you may be senile or have Adult ADD?


--->

Well, he doesn't have Adult ADD (or ADHD.) I do, and it's obvious he doesn't...

He could very well be senile though. Hell, he's already bald as a baby's azz... :)

oh don't get me started with the mixed signals bullsheeot.

she'll do all sorts of stuff indicating its time to redeem my good BF points and as soon as I make a move she's screaming at me for only ever thinking about sex. AND THEN when I get the same exact signals the very next day and decide to slow down and make sure that I'm reading her right, she complains that I should be more assertive. sometimes I feel like she is the personification of pavlov's dark side.

And then, when I cleary bust her on it, she still denies it. Never an apology. Never an "I was wrong." Just I DIDN'T DO IT.

Been married 33 years, a lot of this kind of thing. Only recently broke her of moving my stuff by "straightening up".

Her newest deal is to put paperwork that she wants me to deal with on the table where I eat or on my recliner seat where I sit down after work, so that it has to be moved for me to eat or sit. I will break her of it, I move the stuff aside and ignore it.

ROFLROFL I thought my wife was the only one that loses everything and has never touched it and gets pissed when I ask. Guess it's just a woman thing.

I'm not married yet, so no comment. ROFL

I heard they "change" though, after you marry them...

My wife seems to take it personal if I say anything critical about her cooking.
Me: "This mac & cheese really sucks."
Her: "If you can't say something nice don't say anything"
Me: "So you'd rather just keep using this shitty recipe?"
Her: " Its not polite to critisize someone elses cooking"
Me: "Yeah well its not polite to tell someone they are impolite"
Her: "Thats fine Mister. Do your own damn cooking!"

I mean wouldn't you want to know if your cooking sucked? Her tactic has worked however, as I now bite my tongue and just eat the damn thing. (I'm a much worse cook) When I do cook I generally agree with any 'this sucks' type of statements and never take it personally.

Isn't that fun? :banghead: If one of our sons coughs or moves in their sleep, my wife loses interest. I guess it's that motherly instinct.

The number one thing my wife does that drives me crazy is it takes her 25 minutes to get out the door. I don't mean getting dressed. She could be all dressed with her shoes and jacket on. She mysteriously finds 56 little things to do on the way out the door while I'm stuck holding the little one and the older son is getting real impatient.

I see someone has been married quite awhile. ROFL

Mine starts buying Xmas presents December 26, stashes them away... and hopes the kids don't find them for 364 days.

She also uses the right hand sink in the kitchen for garbage. Puts a sack in there and starts filling it up. Damn woman, the garbage can is right underneath that side of the sink!

Oh, and the Chiefs are driving for a score at the half. Less than two minutes to go, and that's when he wants to talk about seating arrangements for Thanksgiving dinner.

Yep. Somewhere around 27 years or so... :thumb:

Sounds familiar... ROFL And I'm sure you meant 'she' wants to talk etc...??

Hahahaha!!!!!

My pet peeve...

I'm in the living room, next to the TV, with the volume UP. She's walking towards the bathroom (or any other room in the house), AWAY from me and says something in a normal speaking voice and then gets pissed when I can't hear what she said.

She does it ALL THE TIME! :shake:

Mine does that, too.

The other big thing is she likes to rearrange things in the kitchen, so that I can never find anything. Then she denies that she moved anything. It's either her or elves. :shake:

Oh well, she looks so great in jeans, that I can put up with it. :thumb:

HOly crap, I got a million of em, but I'll list the top ones...

She has a junk drawer and a junk box. Seriously, as a guy I guess I'm supposed to be down with that, but it is the dumbest pile of shit I've ever seen. And you can never clean it out, oh no. I'm always amazed at the amount of shit in there, yet when you need something it NEVER resides in the junk drawer.

Famous quotes:
"Once we paint our room this weekend I will be all done with the house..." LIAR!!!!

"How about tomorrow, honey, I'm really tired tonight". You know the saying about how tomorrow never comes...well....

Do what I did -- delegate all Xmas shopping to the wife. Then this won't happen to you...

:LOL:

Neither do you?

Sure I do...just not in the desired way...
:mad:

(Thought that shit was supposed to be over with in High School...)

That's one of my favs. :banghead:

We? We? Who are you talkin' about? Don't you mean, ME! :cuss:

I could honestly make alist that would crash the server, but i'll stick with the little things that I can't really bitch about without coming off as an anal jerk.

1. Putting my mail in a different spot every day. Having an office at home I get a ton of mail, some of which is pretty important. Well apparently she can't pick one spot to put my mail when she brings it inside. If I was gone for a week, I'd come home to seven different piles of mail. One in an obvious spot, two in the general vicinity of my desk, and the remaining four piles would be in completely obscure places that I'll only discover while in search of the fucking Lost Ark of the Covenant.

2. Improper use of refrigerator shelves. The shelves in a refrigerator are all set at different heights. The top shelf has about 12" of headroom, so it's perfect for milk, 2 liters of pop, etc. So why is it that every time I need to put a tall item on the top shelf, I have to move seventeen different 4" items that would have fit on any other shelf in the damn fridge. Is it that hard to figure out? The short stuff goes on the short shelves. Meanwhile, the lettuce is frozen because she keeps it the meat drawer, and the lunch meat spoils faster because it's in the crisper.

My wife has not one, but two Master's degrees...

yet, can she friggin' figure out how to program the VCR, set the clock on the Microwave, hookup the Camcorder to the TV, or download pics to the computer?

No. It's like if it involves ANYTHING electronic, it's interfering with her friggin' brain waves or some sh*t. :shake:

My wife doesn't have any Masters Degree but is as electronically challenged as your wife sounds.

That is until she demanded we get Tivo so she could record Oprah every day. She picked Tivo up like she was a Linux hacker. I still don't understand the magical power Oprah has over women.

No they are NOT ..his balls are in her purse where she can keep an eye on them and show them to her friends during the Wednesday Rotory meeting!

ROFL

I spent close to $2000 this holiday season

dont talk to me about wives and presents and holidays

Thanks for catching that one Codger. I usually go back and edit, but I was in a hurry this morning.

Shit your wife does that MAKES YOU INSANE
 

:banghead: :banghead:

#1 (on my list of many)

"I told you that last week....why can't you remember anything"

Bull$hit!!!!
Did it ever occur to her that perhaps once, just once, that SHE actually forgot to tell me!!!

#2 Breathing....I hate it when she does that :D


:banghead: :banghead:

If I were at home, I soooooooooooooooo have a pic waiting for a moment like this.

Fraz,
The only reason women get away with HALF of the things they do, is because they have ALL of the Poosay.


I have no major complaints at this time. The worst thing Brideowanian does is keep the house too clean.

I'm probably the one that irritates her more, as hard as that may be to believe...........She can be looking at me, talking about something(maybe her day) and I just totally zone out and don't hear or retain anything....which comes up later when I don't remember or ask a question about what I was just told.

Your wife could be like mine's and turn put the toilet paper in the wrong way.

Or suggest get togethers with other people and come to me like they suggested the entire idea.

Or your wife could bounce checks because of "miscalculations" on her part.

Or your wife could put every piece of paper and child's homework on the kitchen table and act like I'm wrong for throwing it all away because it doesn't belong there.

~Constant instigator.

Well, damn, and I soooooooooooo need to be entertained.

:banghead: " Improper use of refrigerator shelves. The shelves in a refrigerator are all set at different heights. The top shelf has about 12" of headroom, so it's perfect for milk, 2 liters of pop, etc. So why is it that every time I need to put a tall item on the top shelf, I have to move seventeen different 4" items that would have fit on any other shelf in the damn fridge. Is it that hard to figure out? The short stuff goes on the short shelves. Meanwhile, the lettuce is frozen because she keeps it the meat drawer, and the lunch meat spoils faster because it's in the crisper."

This is classic, I gave up on this years ago and just deal with it. I had totally forgotten about, very funny! Made my day, I thought I was the only one that had a wife that could not figure this out. I think our Marriage is on it's fourth refrigerator and it has been a consistent issue through all of them! ROFL

So, did you two meet online or something? Because that would explain a lot.




;)

I think I'm in your boat. The things I do have to piss off my wife worse than the things she does.

I can zone out too but my buddy really f'd up. We were at his wedding last month and not only did he not make his wife say she'd obey in her vows but he vowed to listen and talk with her. I have never heard such a vow. Whipped!

Somebody should build a robot.

Hey, Tim... When you run across that first Best Buy gift card, you're certainly welcome to send it to me. ;)

Sh*t your wife does that makes you insane:

Breathe.

Too many to list...... Like Jeff, I'll plead the 5th in order to keep my balls in place as well.

BTW, there are some on here that do remind me of our house....LOL

This thread will be classic by noon today.

I agree

It's really only 2 things...

First, my tombstone will say: "He waited..." I figure in the 15 years my wife and I have been married/dating, I have spent probably one single year waiting on her to get ready to go, leave for church, go to the parents house for dinner, go out to dinner...basically anything that required her to leave the house. But really, that's not the most irritating part...every single time she's leaving the house for ANY reason, she goes, gets in the car and then makes a minimum of TWO trips back inside for something. I never know what it is, but it's 2 trips back inside.

Second, someone mentioned the wife having a 'junk' drawer...how about a junk 'room' and it's not just any room, it's what is supposed to be the dining room. The wife's a pack rat, will not throw anything away. The house is so cluttered sometimes I just cant stand it and I go and hide out in my shed and watch ESPN. If I had the house for a month I could unload about 4 tons of junk and she would never miss it. Sometimes I'll try to secretly throw some of the stuff out, if she catches me I ask her if it's so important she can tell me exactly where I found it...If she's right, I'll let her keep it, if not, into the trash. She's yet to get it right one time.

You think she makes you mad now wait untill she is your ex!

This wouldn't be as much of a problem if you'd all listen to the Gospel of your good buddy Iowanian.

here it comes Endelt.....

"Spare the Rod, Spoil the Broad"
-Iowanian 3:16

My fiance gets up at 5:30 and turns off the alarm. I don't need to be up until 6:45. She refuses to reset the alarm or wake me up. Then she runs around telling me that I'm going to be late for work. I spend most mornings wanting to blast her to the moon.

Here's an idea...........get a 2nd clock.
I have my own Alarm clock but never use it....Brideowanian gets up earlier, gets ready and then comes in and rousts me from my slumber.

I was thinking about chaining her up in the basement without food until she agrees to wake me with a bj every morning. We live in an old house and outlets are at a premium. After having her make up lights, fan, humidifier, and alarm clock plugged in I'm S.O.L.

I have an alarm clock/radio/cd player thing that I got last year for Christmas that has the ability to have 2 different alarm times and it has a button you press on Friday AM and it doesnt go off on Sat or Sun, but goes off again on Mon AM.

Nice. The guy that invented that should win a freaking nobel prize.

Mine does the same thing. She has to have them both set for her. The real bite in the ass is that about the time I wake up Dr. Phil is giving his daily word of wisdom on KMBC (which is always on in the a.m. :cuss: ).
Why am I telling you all this? That way someone will understand when I eventually end up in a belltower.

This is where our stories differ. I'll throw out 3 or 4 suggestions, and get vetoed on each. Why in the hell does she even ASK WTF I want to eat if she's gonna veto each? Bugs the shit out of me. Don't ASK me if you don't want my opinion.

But, she's the one who knows where everything is.... In fact, she's so good, sometimes I suspect she's moving stuff to obscure locations so she can look good. The other day, I found one flip flop exactly where it belonged in my closet. Hey, where's my other flip flop? Check the dog's toybox, she said. There it was. WTF is that? How did it get there? The dog damn sure didn't put it there because he wouldn't dare touch something that didn't belong to him (seriously).

you want something to eat or drink? nope.

five minutes later you'r esharing your lunch.


Hangs shirts (that should be folded) on hangers, so when you pull it off the hanger, you have horns on your shoulders.

LMAO...

ROFL

GOD, that sounds familiar. I don't offer suggestions anymore, even when prompted. It's a hell of a lot easier to repeat "Why should I, you'll just shoot it down?" four times than think up places I'd actually like to eat and risk getting my hopes up.

Mine did this. Togetherness.

After reading this entire thread all I have to say is I concur.

Shit your wife does that MAKES YOU INSANE:




She doesnt swallow

I think I may have dated her once. And I do mean once.

Start popping off in her eye. Enough of the burn and she'll either swallow or stop giving head. Ummm...on second thought..sorry I'm no help here.