Forget Ty Law. I need a Job!
 

Ty Law shmy Law. He isnt the only one without work right now. Hey if any employer is looking for a young hard worker then im the person to talk to. I'll view all available offers and i will lower my price if the job is right.

can you cover Randy Moss?

ROFL

There is not one single defensive back in the league that can cover Randy Moss!

Other than covering Randy Moss, what are your skills?

so you're already making excuses...?

I dont like to puff myself up over my own skills. I just get the job done and i get it done right!

I guess the only other thing to ask is

WTF DO YOU DO?

is this code for "I'm a prostitute and will take it in the cornhole if necessary?"

Hence my question. Not that I am looking for that. I'm not ghey.

NTTAWWT

Tyton75--is this code for i'm a cocksucking, fartsniffing, little bitch, that picks the anal warts off his gay lover with his teeth. :cuss:

Have you tried Ticket sales?
You've got the perfect name for it. :hmmm:

Mike Tice?

Memegunt's Iranian husband needs a fluffer. $7/hr.

I guess that ends the requirement to interview for the $75K public Relations/marketing job I was going to offer you.

wow! lol... lil touchy are we??


I can't see why someone with your verbal grace can't find a job!


loosen up a little.. geez

At this point in the interview, I have ascertained that scalper is young, a hard worker, not a prostitute, and tends to get angry easily.

Scalper, if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

What can you do?

Dave

rainman....I'm an Oak.
I may not grow as quickly as others, but I have deep roots. I'll be able to produce, and am flexible enough to bend so as not to break during any storms in your organization.

When was the last time you beat your girlfriend?

I think that I'm some kind of Maple tree. It's not the biggest or most flashy tree in the forest, but it's a solid producer that complements the other trees around it.

So basically, you grow quickly, have sticky "sap" spattered all over your desk and The top of your canopy falls out earlier than most trees?


I think you need to Open an Iowania division...and make me the President of those corporate operations.....but I'm not taking your damn math test.

Oak trees are always bad at math. That's why I only hire Elms, Aspens, and the occasional well-built Chestnut.

Have you stopped assaulting old women with baseball bats?

Okay, so me and the wife moved back from new orleans and the gigs are not flowing yet. It will probably take a year or so to work my way back into the scene. She is engrossed in studying for the Missouri bar, which basically means the only quality time spent right now is in the sack. we both need jobs. Here are our qualifications, maybe someone will see this and give us some leads.
Vanessa Scorcia Herman -
Juris Doctor, Tulane University Law School, class of '05 Cum Laude
cum g.p.a. 3.477.
Tufts University, class of 1999, Fulbright recipient.
Fluent German.
Worked as a law clerk for Palmer and Dodge - Boston, Mass.
Micah Clayton Herman
No college degrees, professional jazz upright bassist - Boston, New Orleans, Kansas City.
Have construction, landscaping, and computer experience. clean driving record for last two years, never been arrested, grew up in K.C. Know every street, alley, and hard to find place in k.c. metro. floral delivery experience. Worked at a hardware store, tire shop, as a computer tech back in the windows '95\98 days. Allright hope the job of our dreams, or even something temporary turns up.
My bottom line is $10.00 an hour for light labor, Landscaping-Have own tools, I charge $15 an hour.

If I was to talk to your coworkers, what would they say is your greatest weakness?

if I was a tree, I would be a dogwood, cause I am a tough s.o.b.

how were you ever lucky enough to score a wife like that?!?!

:clap: :clap:

What you talkin bout willis?

I would be a Palm Tree

:whackit: :eek: :shake:

So far, according to your limited responses...I'm going out on a limb and assuming that your new career will need to involve a paper hat Or packing bundles of Shingles up a ladder.

You're hired. Can you start tomorrow?

816-665-1208

Yo, Idiot Out Wandering Around!

You need to chill, im just joking around, im still in school you ****ing prick!

Cheese cake

Man I love cheesecake.

Also, Shingles up a ladder? Ummm. Is somebody racist? That was obviously a stab at Hispanic culture.

She obviously went slumming...

Um bs.

That was off season workout during high school.

I'm as white as the undriven snow.

"You had the Right to Remain Silent.
Anything you have said, can and will
be used against you in a further post
on this website".


Look familar asshole!

Sounds like something the cop said to you before you went in and something the inmate said to you before he put it in.

WTF????

HTF?????

Is there a kiddy room for posters? I think this one needs directions.

Follow the yellow brick road, take a left, watch out for flying monkeys and angry witches.

Should be there in about 5 minutes.

J Diddy, You need to shut the **** up, and stop wackin off 3 times a day!

I've got a wife to wack me off 3 times a day, eh?

You're the one in high school.

Yeah, you're definitely gonna get a job acting like that.

Diddy, you only whack off 3 times a day now? You've fallen behind.

I'm getting old.

Arthritis is taken its toll.

I'm guessing that they fell in love while she was defending him.

High School! Ha! Try senior at University of Missouri-Columbia. Majoring in Communications

Well you're doing very well.

Now get a job.

Good deal. Sorry i exploded on ya earlier, I have this short temper that just explodes over little things. Look we are both CHIEFS fans so lets put this behind us and get ready for training camp.

Just flipping you shit.

Nothing to put behind. It's all good.

What in the hell does Packing shingles up a ladder have anything to do with Cinco De Mayo, you cheeto eating butt trencher?


Based on your posts so far, if you're a communications student, you'd better start studying a little harder, because at this rate, the Only thing you'll be communicating to me is to ask If I'd like to Supersize that.

No thank you, but I will take an extra packet of ketsup.

I have to say, your interview for my Marketing position is going poorly at this time. Management has some concerns about your written communication skills.

I'm not the one begging for a job, and then acting like a PMSing Meth Monkey looking for a fix for a foodstamp.

You are right though, anything you say, can and will be used against you at a further time during your stay.

I'm deeply offended as well. And I didn't even know I was Hispanic until you pointed it out. :)

well lets see how I could answer that?

I could go with the old standby, mind control.
Or, I completely snowed her.
there's always - I have a robotic toungue capable of 3500 rpm.
The baseball bat between my legs.
She is deaf dumb and blind, and has only one tit.
or the truth......which would be.

I have no earthly idea why I am so lucky. It still blows my mind. I am one lucky S.O.B. in that dept. -best guess - to make up for some tough personal family stuff in my twenties.

The Real question is...Did you call Phildo and show up for Work this morning?

pm'd him last night. unfortunately I already committed myself to another project for today. will call him tonight.

Scalper, I would have offered a position to you, but you didn't list any experience and I already have a college boy gopher. Good luck finding something.

Can you install satellite systems? Can you move to Tulsa?

Is there any room for a Sequoia?

Hmm? The only thing this guy seems fit for is a science project. A lab rat if you will.

Cheeto eating butt trencher. lol how long did it take you to thing of that one. Also im not begging for a job you ****ing prick!. It was a joke. Who are you anyway? For all i know you could be a worthless piece of shit that likes to touch little boys. From the way you are talking i wouldn't be surprised if i ran into you at the drive thru window. What are you doing on the computer anyways. Shouldn't you be churning butter or helping Ellija with the swing set you amish piece of shit. Feel free to fire back you handjob. Go **** yourself. Oh yeah sorry if the response has errors. Last time i checked this was a fan forum not an English class. why dont you take all that corn you have in Iowa and shove it up your fat ass. How you like me now? BITCH!

At least your communication skills and dealing with others evaluation score is in quickly

I guess thats about all we'll need from you today...don't call us,We'll call you.

Get used to hearing that, Poindexter.

It only took you 6hrs to work up that clever retort. Satisfactory?

If you're looking to sign up for my summer session smack course, go pawn your sister's diaphram, cash in some foodstamps, and I'll get you started.

Damn I'm going to miss this place.

Sorry unlike you i dont spend my whole day writting messages on the computer. You brainless sack of shit. Why do you keep mentioning your job. Who cares about your shit ass job. Don't hate me cause your wife cheats on your ugly ass. Maybe if you spend more time with her and less time trying to be a hardass on a computer then you wouldn't be in this situation. I got a job for you interested? it's called go **** yourself.

I can go all night. So bring your A game you loser

*sits back and watches while munching on popcorn*

Maybe someday, if you figure out how to work and play well with others, you won't have to drop dozen roofies in the chocolate sauce at Jenny Craig meeting to get a girl to make out with you?

You're the one who stooped to starting a thread on an internet board you've got 25 posts on. Now head on down to the Job fair and see if you still have the Lead on that Race for the Campus Custodian gig.

Great quote what movie did you steal that from you dog****ing one who sucks the penis. You mention alot of drugs in your threads. Roofies is that how you lost your virginity? In Iowa there are only two things to do Grown Corn and **** cows and looks like you already have one of them accomplished. Your wife called and said get to bed!

You too Sport....I'm sure you've got a busy day of watching the Flintstones ahead of you tomorrow.

PS...If there is a movie quote in that post...Find it. Its not, it just should be.

Maybe I should try that. Nothing else seems to be working.

You talk as if i don't have any money. I probably have more money in my wallet then you have in the bank. Don't hate on the flintstones

Your daddy forked over your allowance early this week huh? Congratulations, Sport.

You know, I was going to bed myself, but I think I'll watch this train wreck a little longer.

We can handle this like kids or when can handle this like men.

If you got something to say ill be at Lot N46 on September 11, 2005

Damn, 'pears we have an infestation of internet toughguys this summer.

Hooray a fight!

Oh goodie, yet another internet Rambo. :holdman: