Marriage, divorce, etc...
 

Hi. I've fallen in love in the past few months. And I've been thinking about marriage. I also read beer me's thread about his ex-wife and I got to thinking about that.

So here's a poll.

At 17? Too young.

How old are you?

Married. Divorced. Never in love.

Nothing wrong with marriage, but I think too many people do it too young, without knowing what they're really getting into.

I'm en route to being married.

Jesus Christ you dipshit. You're 17.

Yeah, I remember watching a TV show where they showed a graphic of something like:

Ages 18-21, the divorce rate was higher than ages 22+

The Mrs. and I got married at 21. We were both mature, able to support ourselves financially, had finished our UG degrees, and had dated 4 years. It's worked out for us, but I wouldn't recommend getting married any younger. Even to marry at 21, you need to have all your ducks in a row. Also we waited to have kids until our late 20's.

I'm a big proponent of marriage, but it is nothing to rush into.

I chose "I'm a different option," because I'm not compatible with the human species.

Take your time.

It takes a long time to find the one that is truly worthy of a life long commitment, and it also takes a long time to reach a level when you're truly ready to make that commitment.


Wait until after college at the very least.

I'd probably say most people should wait until their late 20's or early 30's.

I don't plan on getting married right now. I mean, shoot, that'd be stupid, I know that. I couldn't even support her. With my job right now, I couldn't even support myself.

But I'm thinking after college...

It's as much about supporting each othen than it is one supporting the other, and it gets more that way every year. Single job homes aren't as feasible anymore unless you're wealthy. It's an expensive world we live in.

If I was president emperor world dictator, i would never let men get married before 30.

For the really mature bright ones, maybe late 20s.

Women are no better than men. We're equally clueless before 30.

I suppose that would depend on your environment.

Self-awareness is important. :hmmm:

As a male, I agree with her.

It's an individual thing. I don't know if I'll have a clue by 40.

Marriage counselors tell us, if you have not agreed on 4 major areas prior to marriage and how they are to work in every area you are not in agreement on, increases your chance for divorce. Religion, In-Laws, kids (whether to have them and how to raise them) and MONEY!

52% of marriages today end in divorce. The #1 reason for divorce today is money fights and money problems.

I have been married 16 years, here's my thoughts.

We have always agreed on the religion issue, so no problem there.

In-Laws have been an issue from time to time but never something that would ruin our marriage. Just remember, NEVER talk about in-laws in the bedroom.

Two great kids here, but yea there are several areas regarding kids that could create big arguments.

Money, Up until a year ago we were normal americans. Lots of debt and lots of fights about money. There were several times when I thought it could end because of MONEY! Thankfully, with in the last year we have finally turned it around as we are both on the same page now regarding money we have paid off almost all of our debt and things couldn't be better. But I will NEVER forget the stress debt and bills can put on a marriage. Don't underestimate this when considering your partner.

Good Luck!

I think the most important aspect of any relationship is communication. Any other problem that crops up can usually be traced back to a breakdown there.

The same thing that makes you laugh.

Is gonna make you cry.

Dinny

Rain Man's unsolicited advice.

1. Don't get married until you're 28, and even then, don't do it just because you want to get married.

2. When marrying, pick a spouse that you think would suck the poison out of a snake bite on you no matter where it's at on your body, and even then, ensure that there are some places that she would rather suck than others.

3. Don't introduce the suggestion of a threesome until you've been married for three years, and even then, don't suggest a specific third person.

4. Don't have kids until you've been married for five years, and even then, make sure that you have them with your spouse.

5. Never get so much life insurance that your spouse could retire if you die, and even then, do random food testing once in a while.

I've been married 3 times, so I am not one to give advise on marriage.

Men shouldn't marry until their 50's. And then only to hot 20 something chicks.

Alright Look Man....


Im 21.... I Got Married when I was 18.... BARELY.. 18... Long story... But In short the Answer to your question is:

HELL NO!

I love my Wife... but Damn...

Or the grandmothers of NFL quarterbacks.

My mother actually got married at 16. That's really hard to believe. She then had her first child at 17. I still had never had a date at 17.

You should have found a girl like dear old mom.

And then only if they're rich.

I dunno. Mom was jailbait.

I'd definitely agree with all this, both in terms of my own marriage and what we hear from our friends and relatives. Being in our mid-30s, we know alot of people who have been married anywhere from about 2-15 years that we hang out with socially, and everybody does sorta seem to have the same issues.

My wife and I are very lucky -- we agree on many things relating to money and child rearing, etc., so we get along really well. Some of our friends, unfortunately, aren't so lucky.

Heck, we know people pulling down 6 figures (combined salary, and remember to adjust for Boston standard of living) who have serious marital problems because their spending habits are fundamentally incompatible. She always wants some new-fangled purse or whatever, and he's a "saver". Or "he always wants the latest video game / new car / electronic doo-dad, and she wants to save for a house". Over and over and over again do we hear about it...

And kids are amazingly stressful on a marriage. Whenever I hear stories or (more usually) see a movie or read a book or whatever about a couple that decides to have kids in order to "bring them closer together' or save a marriage, I shake my head in utter amazement. If a marriage isn't strong to begin with, bet your ass that having a kid will seal the deal and finish it for certain. In many ways, they're stress-inducing monsters. :)

AMEN BROTHER!
:toast: :clap:

But if you miss the Enchantment Under the Sea dance, bad things will happen. I bet you don't even remember your older brother anymore.

If I get a chance to do a guitar solo, I think I'll go with something by Sid Vicious.

DO NOT MARRY YOUR HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART. PERIOD.

I should go from high school to high school telling kids not to do this. :shake:

Well III........Its almost like we've discussed this before....You're t hinking with your pecker, and you more than likely won't be able to remember her last name in 10 years.

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showt...=110519&page=1

Been married 9 years now and can't imagine it going south. We married at 25 which is a bit early in my honest opinion but I think we were lucky in that it turns out we agree on most everything - religion, extended family, child rearing, etc. Our marriage started it out with some heavy credit card debt and student loans but were in the black now on everything but the house.

ROFL

That was a classic thread.

Sure he will. It'll be the name he writes on those child support checks.

Aren't you on gochiefs level of dating???


You are still in highschool, right??? true/false
Do not have a real job?? T/F
Have dated less then three people seriously??? T/F
Still live at home??? T/F

If you have answered true on any of these, you need to sit down and get a reality check..

You seriously have some emotional attachment problems if this is happening this early on...

I'm not in high school, but I don't have a "real job" and I've dated less than three people seriously.

Odd, that.

I have dated less than three people seriously. However, I am ten years out of high school, I have a real job that pays for real bills, and I live on my own. I don't think it's fair to say I have attachment issues based upon one criteria.

Couldnt imagine getting married before college. Would completly kill normal college life and quite a lot can change while your there.

Most of my married friends are doing alright after dating for a few years in college and cant think of one that got married before 22.

I dated my ex-wife for 5 years in college and grad school. Our marriage lasted 2. Although it was a matter of days (literally) before she was unfaithful, so it never really got off the ground.

I think under my own criteria, I probably shouldn't even think about marriage again until I'm at least 35. I don't think I'm mature enough now, at almost 32.

Yikes. I can't believe anyone would cheat on their spouse only days after the ceremony. That's just awful.

Not just days, but the day after we got back from the honeymoon.

Since when does one follow the other, and so quickly? Enjoy it. Marriage changes everything.

"What Would Bob Do?"


--->

Dude, fug all this "wait until you have enough money" crap, love is love.

That being "said", maybe you should revisit this after college, or at least your senior year?

And she wasn't cheating on you while you were dating her in college? I would find that really hard to believe.

Where did I say she hadn't? She slept around all 7 years we were together. I just didn't know about any of it at the time. Didn't even start to suspect it until right after we were married. For whatever reason, something 'clicked' that night, and I started to suspect what she was up to. For a long time I chalked it up to paranoia, but eventually the truth came out.

The only reason I mentioned it is because it's one of the more fucked up things I've ever heard, and things like that do happen. It just so happens (unfortunately) that it happened to me.

Yep...that's what happened to my first marriage. Too young. You (Jenson71) would be well-advised to wait until your mid-to-late 20's.

But if they were bright they wouldnt want to get married anyways, so you wouldnt have to worry about that.

WTF, are you crazy, why start serving a life sentence so early. Go out and screw around, find the least pyschotic bitch that you can and keep her. Believe me it will take a while to find one that is not crazy, I mean there all crazy, but finding one that wont have a fucking issue with everything you do.

Don't let my bellyaching persued you not to marry someone if you want to. I actually still believe in marriage and figure I'll do it again someday. I'll just do it differently. Whatever you do, just take your time.

Wow. It would be worth a few years in prison to kill 'em.

WTF, it took you 7 years to figure it out, if you have suspicions you need to call CHEATERS they will take care of you man and then you can have a swweet confrontation with the dude laying the pipe to your wife.

Are you a highschool kid, kind of important???

No sh*t, just plead insanity, go to jail for a few years and bulk up and then get a fine ass bitch when you are out.

Ahh yes. I read that last sentence wrong (or just formulated a response after the word "problems"). My bad.

Marriage is a young man's folly and an old man's comfort.

I would tend to agree with that. However, I have friends who married out of high school and are happy. Others, not so happy. My parents married about 2 years after high school (they were not high school sweethearts). It took them about 10 years before problems started creeping up. They divorced after 20 years. Works for some, and not for others. I guess marriage can be a gamble sometimes.

I saw your mother on that TV show "wife swap" last night.

marriage, in my opinion, should not be taken lightly
I am 25 and in no hurry
if I ever get married, it will be forever; I will not divorce
therefore, in order for me to get married to someone, I have to know that it will last. I have to be sure that person will communicate with me and not give up when things are going rough- and they will, they always do
You can ponder marriage at 17 and start to figure out what you want in life, but don't even think of actually doing it until you and the other person are completely sure about it

"Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old."
-John Ciardi

Heh. My ex's mother got married at 14. Seriously. And she's been married for 50 years.

Are you marrying dude or a chick. I cant tell from your post.

I like the quote.

Don't even think about marriage until you've finished college and have worked in the real world for a while. By then, you'll have had a chance to figure yourself out and have a better chance of marrying right the first time. Listen to the people giving you advice about working out sticky issues like religion, kids, and especially money in advance.

I didn't have any suspicions for the first 5 years. Then again, I wasn't in a place where I was noticing much, or would have even cared if I did. When I started taking care of myself, I started to see more.

And I'm not a "confront the dude" kind of guy. I don't have any problem with any guy that fucked my ex. They weren't the ones married to me. She's the only one who violated my trust. After I knew that, we were pretty much done. That's the only thing (I can think of) that I'll neither forgive nor forget. There's no second chance with cheating.

Seems about right.

Too many women, too many people I should say, around your age (you know you're old when you say something like that), are desperate for marriage. Probably because society tries to tell you there's something wrong with being single, when the real problem is rushing into something that's wrong for either/both of you because you're afraid to be alone.

You're in your laste 20's, you're self-sufficient, you have no attachment issues, and you've only dated THREE people?

What, are you ugly? :p

When I first met my ex's boyfriend, he flinched every time I moved, like he thought I would hit him.

I finally let him toke off my 3-footer to calm his nerves.

He wasn't a bad guy, she was the one that was ****ed up.

Not everybody's born as hot as you, Parker. Genetics is just against some of us.

ROFL

Hot? Hardly. Shakes and Phil can vouch for that.

A little self-confidence goes a long ways when getting dates.

Of course, a fat stash doesn't hurt either. :D

Yes. That and a lot of people don't take marriage seriously - forget those vows, etc.

I've always found my fat porn stash to be a hinderance to dating.

That depends.

If you're looking for a wife, having a bunch of porn is probably not a good thing.

On the other hand, if you're looking for a casual "friendship", girls that like porn are the best kind...

Oh, wait, I misspelled that. I meant pornstache.

My bad.


For some reason, I just can't get myself to do the casual "friendship" thing. I think on some level I still have some isses with the last one.

I got married for the first time at 39; she was 31. We've been married 10 years and have 3 beautiful little girls, a brand new home, and are very content.

I would've been a lousy husband had I gotten married much before that... still had too many 'rock band' genes floating around in my head. Both heads, actually. ;)

Z

Damn. I've really got to stop procrastinating and get to work.