Greetings fellow idiots. Now is the time to step up to the plate and tell me what you want regarding your compensation for being a member of the "All Idiot Team."

Remember now, this is a low budget outfit and from what I can see, at least 20% of it has to go for my suits, teeth cleanings, alligator shoes, our beer budget and the girls/cheerleaders form this all girl dancing club you guys keep taking about.

With this in mind, lets hear it! <BR>

Well I would like to start off by saying that Bob Doles hamster a day demand is a little extreme, and a bit odd.

[This message has been edited by morphius (edited 12-20-2000).]

"Bob Doles hamster a day demand is a little extreme, and a bit odd."

Far be it for me to disagee with that statement. I'll file that under the don't really want to know, won't ask category. As long as the rodents are kept away from my suits and gator shoes, I don't have a problem with it.

Bwana,

"~Stoking the new 10mm with silencing device and cracking knuckles~"

First thing that I demand as the starting SS is a BULLET PROOF VEST!!! Damm, brutha - go ez!!

Now after that, league min. will do, but I must have my guitar store bill paid in advance up to $20,000. My house must be paid for inadvance and I absolutely demand a list of 10 alliaces that cannot be traced. One last thing - All garbage men that work at our facility must be paid handsomely and treated with respect! ;)

--- never forgetting my roots dammit ---

The all idiot squad should have their own short bus to take them to practice.

------------------
It looks I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

A new Jeep Wrangler is all I want.

------------------
WILDCATS 29
corn balls 28

As A DE, I request that in clutch siuations, preferably 3rd and short, I demand the right to jump off sides.

Stevieray,

That would make you a Defensive Tackle not a Defensive End.

I believe that last observation qualifies me for Defensive Line coach.

Does this mean I don't get to jump off sides?

There's got to be something I can do...I know, Roughing the Passer :mad:


I like this team, as long as we can choke in the playoffs. Too cold for my momma to show up.

Bwana:

For a GM you sure don't have a grasp of how to obtain all those "perks" without hitting the salary cap of the "playa's". Let me help you out here....

1)Make a deal with Brooks Brothers and mention their name at least 5 times (per hour) and all the suits you need are yours..

2)Slip a set of season tickets and an occasional visit from the Cheerleaders to a "respectable" Dentist and i bet you will get cleanings for life....

3)Have the Croc Hunter entertain at Halftime of every home game and you get to keep any Crocodile that he kills for a new pair of shoes....

4)Let us have patches made from all of our favorite beverages and let us affix them to our uniforms & helmets(ala NASCAR) and get them to promise free beer all season. Also sell "Licenses" to sell beer in certain sections.

5)Have your weekly show on location from the Million Dollar Ranch and mention their name frequently during the broadcast as you do with Brooks Brothers. Set up a tip jar so that we can subsidize paying for the at every broadcast.

There are many more and i can go on, but you get the drift....


mark
**********************
Seems I am the Marketing & Finance genius, what am I doing playing Tight End?


[This message has been edited by Mark Kilgore (edited 12-20-2000).]

LOL at Mark's post! :D

------------------
liberalism is racists, and bigoted - towards all humans

WILDCATS 29
corn balls 28

Mark: Now you're talking! Payola all the way. What else could I work up on the house here.

1. Work something out with a local pig farmer and obtain free footballs/BBQ goods. Perhaps we could put a "Earls hog farm" on the uniforms or something of that nature.

2. With "the ranch" perhaps we could work out some kind of trade with serivces and goods as well. I could run with this one. Hmmmmm?

I have already been working on specific spins for the radio and TV programs as well. It shouldn't matter what our record is as long as he correct spin is put on it right? :D<P>

Oh by the way, what kind of coin are we going to charge to attend these games? Any ideas here?

I want to be introduced by our finest cheerleaders and then immediately poor water on their uniforms. Afterwards the girls give me their home phone numbers. Ohh I want nachos also! :D

[This message has been edited by ChiefPriority (edited 12-20-2000).]

I DEMAND that jalepeno poppers be made available for purchase by our fans!

After last weeks performance I demand all my PR/KR personal are standard issued the below piece of equipment. Rear view mirrors will be added if deemed neccesary and your face masks correspond with team budget.

This means YOU Mlysond!!!!

http://surfree.homestead.com/ottersd...elmetglove.jpg

I stress toughness!!!

[This message has been edited by Otter (edited 12-21-2000).]

Sundays off

------------------
Brian K.

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
[i]George Burns </I>

Homemade footballs. Now that's thinking. I'm sorry, we'll have to work 7 days a week in order to really not make this a success.

Fans & players alike will be able to get jalepeno poppers. In fact, linemen must eat a plateful between series. It's our secret weapon.

As one of the four original founding members of this team (appointed by our benefactor ~ Pachfan), I expect to be treated like royalty.

All (cheerleaders) must obey my every command.

Luz
also wants royalties on all Media Guides...

ROFLMAO@Otter.

Since we are in contract negotiations I will wear your proposed equipment only under the following conditions:

1. I'm left handed. (Not sure if that matters with the emplyoment of the equipment)
2. I refuse to be the laughing stock of this team, whoever laughs at me gets an automatic fine.
3. I'm OK with the face mask, I was wondering how I was going to drink beer through a real one anyway.
3. I want the side mirrors, those big ones like on a semi. I can use them as weapons and I'll bet the chics will dig them.
4. For games on hot days I reserve the right to wear shorts and a cape.
5. To take my place on the field I want KCWolf to drive me into position on the John Deere Gator.
6. When introduced, the announcer uses my new nickname, "Spazmania".
7. One of the cheerleaders rubs my feet while I am on the sideline.

Bring back 8-Track.

My demands are simple:

1. I will always be the starter, regardless of whether or not I win a playoff game.
2. No shotgun formation (see #3 for why).
3. Cameron's uni will consist of a thong, helmet, shoes and a smile. That's it.
4. Before each game, instead of touching the sign like they do at Notre Dame or rubbing the Lion ala Penn State, we all get to kick Packfan in the nuts.
5. No cheap beer. I can only drink Guiness, Bass Ale, any Boulevard product or Warsteiner. Rolling Rock is okay, too. Otherwise, I will guarantee no playoff wins.
6. A new car to replace my wife's '91 Tempo she wrecked last week. A Mercedes will do nicely.

MM
~~Doesn't think he's that demading.

------------------
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
--George W. Bush

I refuse to pay more than $20 per game.

xoxo~
gaz
driving a hard bargain.<BR>

I want to be OLB on a blindside blitz...QB (Ken Packfan) not looking at me coming in! :D

Still would hold out for a cool 1 Million! (After the Sack) Nice reward!

I have a list of demands...or the woman gets it...oops, wrong note..

1. I want to have my own sponsors..I like the Nascar Idea..you smokers can be sponsored by winston for ex..

2. I want the theme from the "good, bad, and the ugly" played during my introduction.

3. I want the song "breakin the law, breakin the law" played every time i'm fined for an illegal hit...

4. Beer at halftime...

5.when i'm hurt, i want to "soak it in-cider"

I have no demands. I will play for free. The reason is simple. My welfare check is more than enough to cover my trailer house payments.

As the masseuse, I demand that we get some male cheerleaders for me to "massage".

That's it...I want to be a cheerleader ! NOW!

I'm the Head Cheerleader too! :D

This message has been edited by ROYC75 (edited 12-21-2000).]

[This message has been edited by ROYC75 (edited 12-21-2000).]

i don't want to be the "head cheerleader" but i might be game for some "cheerleader head" ;)

not you either roy :)

[This message has been edited by Iowanian (edited 12-21-2000).]

Let it be known that I've hired an agent.

That's right, I've requisitioned the services of HighTimes Magazine to represent me, and I've also hired Bam Morris as my personal advisor...

Notice that I already have endorsement from: Philly Blunts, Grafix Inc., and Zig Zag Corporation...I intend to relase my own clothing line, complete with replica jerseys made of hemp...

Here are my contract demands:

1) I wish to be paid $750 a game, either in clean, unmarked bills, or in the equivalent amount of marijuana.

2) NO DRUG TESTS!

3) I wish to have a hottub in the locker room, and only myself, and the cheerleaders, can use it.

4) NO DRUG TESTS!

5) I will not, under any circumstances, take the field unless I have been given the requisite amounts of painkillers, intraveneously.

6) I would like a personal tent, in the vending area, for Bam to sell my Parker-brand "wares".

Thank you...


------------------
Parker
[b]ChiefsPlanet Administrator</B>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Helvetica, verdana, ariel">quote:</font><HR> i want to "soak it in-cider" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Would that be the world famous 'Dicken's Cider?'

htis--
ROTFLMAO!!!! I think I wet myself :cool:

As starting QB, I believe that, instead of a $10 million roster bonus, that I receive a portion of everyone else's demads.

Especially Iowa's, htismaque and Chief Priority.

Afterall, I'm the most vital cog in the machine, aren't I? (If Packfan says it's true, then it must be!)

MM
~~Believes in the principle of sharing.

------------------
One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
--George W. Bush

[This message has been edited by Mark M (edited 12-21-2000).]

$25mil per/year, my own office, a personal press secretary, limo service, and sole rights to merchandising bearing my likeness/number/etc.

Oh wait, that's A-Rod's deal... mmm, ok... I'll play for free hotdogs and pickle juice! http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Helvetica, verdana, ariel">quote:</font><HR>MM
~~Believes in the principle of sharing.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Are ya gonna share those hand warmers?

Jc,

I was really hoping to retain the sposorship of the world famous "Dickin's Cider"....I didn't know if anyone would be competing for their sponsorship...

I thought some of you "old timers' might try viagra, metamusil, icy hot and packfan can be sponsored by depends...He is full of it, and if i get a good shot...I'll knock it out of him http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/smile.gif

As PR-man I demand to personally (privately) interview all the cheerleaders. The masseuse too (got ya Shannon) . I will also require a goodly amount of firewater and snake oil. This will be essential in building the image of our team. A doggie-van like the one in “Dumb and Dumber” may also be required to wine and dine clients.

How do you prefer it

Dicken's Cider Can - or
Dicken's Cider juicy-box

JC,

Definitely, without a doubt..It will be Juicy Box...I'll request it by the "case" for the clubhouse.

I'll need a lawn chair for field use. As LCB, I'll be playing a lot of soft zones and I don't want to get worn out standing there waiting for the receiver to run by. Oh, since I'll have the chair, I'd also like a full cooler handy and my helmet modified with those beer-holder-straw deals. For bump-n-run, a baseball bat will do nicely thank you. I'm with JC-Johnny, bring back the 8-track too, will ya?

I know I've got some more around here somewhere....

Well if you get the Dicken's Cider account. I demand the Pinckley Motors [specifically the Pinckley Taurus] account.

Disco,

If you're LCB that must mean I'm the RCB?

If he's going to play soft zone in a lawn chair, I would like to play "rover". I'll cover both sides of the field, the cheerleaders, and whoever else needs my special brand of "bump-and-grind...err, run" defense...

I REFUSE to be responsible for giving up big plays because I'm staring at the blinking lights on the JumboTron...

------------------
Parker
[b]ChiefsPlanet Administrator</B>

htis - Affirmative. I just double-checked the roster. On the player grouping thread you will see my plan for our "Twilight Zone" D. I think you and I will be callin' that one A LOT! (To refresh your memory, that's the D we call where one safety short-middle, one safety long-middle, blitz all LBs and DL while CBs pick up on the "cheerleaders". I'm still workin' on that "Cover-2 Women" scheme.) I read your contract requests and I get the feeling that our secondary's gonna be "Da Bomb".

[This message has been edited by DiscoJones (edited 12-21-2000).]

Hell yeah...

And while they're at it, they should just make the pile-ons out of 4-foot bongs, that way we can just run our CB prevent and puff puff for a bit...

------------------
Parker
[b]ChiefsPlanet Administrator</B>

well,

If you fellas are going to be the human smoke stack, I want kegs put at all first down marker...

you'll be on the "paoti buzz" will your slogan be "we're in the spitit world @$$hole, they can't see us"....I'll be expecting alot of interceptions.

htis - Maybe we can get Bwana to hook a PS2 up to the JumboTron for us to use during TOs and obvious running plays. We'll set it up by the pile-ons.... :cool:

I rescind my request. I won't need the cooler if we get the kegs approved.




[This message has been edited by DiscoJones (edited 12-21-2000).]

I'm lowering my demands from yesterday because this is such a low budget team...

As one of the premier DTs, I want, $10,000 each time I jump offsides, much cheaper than McGlockton...I want a month with the Chiefettes to do with as I please, I want an all expense paid trip to the Pro-Bowl since I won't be playing in it...I want ribs before and after each game...Whitlock is my friend...and $100.00 for each rib I eat...no salary, no signing bonus, no roster bonus...I figure betweent the offsides and ribs I'll be rich by the second game.... :D

------------------
joe

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

My demands are simple and easily met:
- Really cool looking jock strap
- McDonald's Large Fries before game
- Pre-Game Beer
- Half-time Beer
- Post-Game Beer
- One of those cool Gladiator helmets
- Shania Twain or facsimile
- Packfan butt arse naked strapped to goalpost...<P>

"How much for just one rib??" - Chris Rock

I was thinking a good pr move during our first game would be to hand out smokes, Beer and condoms at the ticket window. Also I was planning a smoking section in the stands where people were required to smoke. A topless ladies day could also have merit. A few landmines placed randomly on the field could also spice things up a bit.

OK, it is obvious that this will not be an NFL franchise, but an XFL one.

------------------
liberalism is racists, and bigoted - towards all humans

WILDCATS 29
corn balls 28

I forgot, I also get $10,000 for each player on Packfans Know It All team I kill, maim or disable...

We could have a safe sex day...at the same time you give out the condoms, you can give everyone a coupon good for a free **** with the crack whore of your choice...you can even bring a few into the stadium...what a pleasant half time diversion... :)

------------------
joe

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback and sports analyst

Mark: "Before each game, instead of touching the sign like they do at Notre Dame or rubbing the Lion ala Penn State, we all get to kick Packfan in the nuts."

All other demands seem reasonable with the exception of the one above. I refuse to subject the players to the likes of packfans nutts.........not to mention, you have mentioned something that doesn't exist! :D


[This message has been edited by Bwana (edited 12-21-2000).]

To solidify my membership on the team, I want the following:

Perrier on ice
Six center slices of rare prime rib (with Horseradish - not the sauce, just horseradish)
A Personal Female Swedish Massuese
Second and Seventh choice of groupies
A bowlful of blue M&M's


No, wait, that was my contract demands on my recording career...


I will take six Heinekin per game and $25.00

After long discussion with my agent last night, I have 1 more demand that I will need filled before I can play..

I want 1 CLEAN RED PONY..not a little kids pony, but a BIG kids pony....and It must be clean and red.

OK lets see.....

1) opening week of deer season I must be excused from practice.
2) Elk season ( see #1)
3) Named 4th string emergency QB, so I to get to get under/over Center :D
4) since Spiderman & Mighty mouse names ar taken, I want the name "Captian Obvious"
5) personel acting coach. to help me with those PI calls.
6) at least two smoke breaks per half


[This message has been edited by JOhn (edited 12-22-2000).]

Bwana--
LMAO!! Okay, I will get over it.

But I would like to second JOhn's request of smoke breaks. Either that, or I want my face mask to be adjusted so that I can smoke while playing...whatever it is I choose to smoke! :cool:

MM
~~Being very reasonable for a starting QB.<P>

whats the status on my pony?

don't make me sit out...i'm prepared to "dan williams" the whole season...

IA: The pony is ok, as long as you keep him off the field and he can whip Denvers pony!

John: I'll join you for opening day of elk season..........Trying to figure out how I'm going to do this in a suit and pimp shoes though.

To all other requests "Other than Kens nutts" I don't see any problem......yet. :D

Now I am off to "start" Christmas shopping.

Mark: Smoking is ok, but will be limited on the field to those three inch wide, foot and a half long cigars and it is hereby requested that you blow smoke at the guy across the line at all times. We will call the play a "smoke screen."

I have but only two demands

1. A Ford Explorer Sport
(or a Jeep Cheroke)

2. To room on all road trips with a certain ;) If he would be agreeable.

[This message has been edited by dawsonpa (edited 12-23-2000).]

hmmm?

[This message has been edited by Bwana (edited 12-23-2000).]

dawsonpa: The first request is not a problem, of the two vehicles, I would choose an "exploder" providing it doesn't have Firestones. :)

As per the second request, I'm afraid I'm going to have to TD "turn down" that one. The problem is, in the event "something were to happen" it may result in notable weight gain on your part, hence resulting in an extra large cheerleader which we just can't have gallivanting about on the sidelines. Not to mention, if this relationship were to turn sour, hard feelings may result and a lawsuit may be filed from one disgruntled cheerleader. Need I remind you that I could lose the lawsuit, directly resulting in the loss of revenue needed to sustain my (as someone called it) pimp like dressing attire! :mad:

Rather than your room with the senator demand, perhaps we could provide you with an electric blanket, a picture of the senator, one phone call a night on the team, extra beer and some sleeping pills. Please let me know if this is tolerable. :D

[This message has been edited by Bwana (edited 12-23-2000).]

Thank you for the vehicle.

As for the second request, If that is the best you can do then it will have to do, however, Don't forget that I am the starting TE

And I don't have to worry about the "something large in the tummy" thing, At 26, I had to have those parts removed. :D

Thanks for your help.

Hey, still waiting on my exploder

Pam: The exploder is in the mail. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Hey, I want a Pinto, okay?!
(Like Cheryl Ladd use to drive in Charlie's Angels)<BR>

You should've went with the Cherokee.

Pinto? LOL!

Isn't the Pinto more aerodynamic backwards than it is forwards?

OK, here's a picture of the Cheryl Ladd Ford Pinto... I want that car! You want me to play... get me the car... preferably with Cheryl Ladd in it! :p

<p align="center"><img border="0" src="http://www.symetrex.com/shpinto.jpg"></p><BR>

Fly: The car won't be a problem, (swanky looking ride) but the girl could be. :) There is only one thing, if you are going to drive the "bomb on wheels" you will have to allow me to take out a life insurance policy on you in the event you get hit. Ford has already paid out all the lawsuits they are going to on this gem. http://www.chiefsplanet.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

Fly - you can have that car - I want a Gremlin - AMC's deluxe model of course! :D

Baby $hit brown color, please. ;)<P>

Can I have an AMC Pacer?

Luz
going for the classics...

I want a Rambler.

The car, not packfan.

------------------

Red Eyes
Leading the charge to scalp Goonther MaGoo, The 3 Stooges, and Limp Willie!

Welcome back Milkman! Been away? ;)

As owner, i'm naming as our official car, the 1971 Dodge Dart, just like the one I drove in high school. Preferebly with plastic over the passenger side window, for old times sake. And AM only radio.

WOW! It looks like we are going to have a nice collection of "gems" to sport around town huh? I was thinking since this is a low budget outfit I would go out and try to buy the old "Boss Hog" Cadi from the Dukes Of Hazzard. It's a sorry rat soup looking rig, but it's still a cadi. What the hell, it has horns which should go well with my pimp like suits!!

What about the "SUX 2000" from Robocop? It gets really crappy gas mileage. Or is it too expensive?

What about the "SUX 2000" from Robocop? It gets really crappy gas mileage. Or is it too expensive?

Thanks MCF,
Sure felt like I was away.
Didn't really enjoy my identity crisis.

------------------

Red Eyes
Leading the charge to scalp Goonther MaGoo, The 3 Stooges, and Limp Willie!

[This message has been edited by milkman (edited 12-30-2000).]

Warrior: "What about the "SUX 2000" from Robocop? It gets really crappy gas mileage. Or is it too expensive?"

What the hell, everyone else is getting their "Dream Machine." Anyone want we to try to run down the ride from back to the future while I'm out there?

I still see a few of them at various auctions when I'm flying around. They go for about 5K. Wings and flying capabilities not included...... :D<BR>