How to get rid of your girlfriend. For those needing help, guaranteed results!
 

I call bulls**t. That's the one place he still DOES love her.

"We're not fucking. Why are you here?"

That worked for me. :)

Sleep with her sister.

Just kick her in the taco, duh...


Oh wait, sorry... Beat me to it.

Supercool Antifreeze to make an antifreezecicle and stab her in the face with it. :shrug:

This works - Get over here, bitch, this dick isn't going to suck itself.

...and if she obeys then you don't want her gone anyway.

Well, beating her is always a start. I find using the back of my hand is a pretty classy way to do it. You don't hit a chick with a closed fist, it's just not gentlemanlike.

i find that works best

Ask her if she prefers Jelly Or Syrup..

or conversely....


tell her you prefer Syrup

and I got a lot of shit for breaking up with a chick via text message

why do you have to breakup with her? I find if you just stop answering their calls or the door when they come over, eventually they will move on, and then if you do get drunk and horny you can always drunk dial them and they'll be so intrigued you even bothered to contact them they'll cave for ya

Nice. No uncomfortable conversation. No tears. Just a message saying to leave you the **** alone.

Just tell her, your mom has better pussy....

messy but probably more efficent than the kicking or slapping. Tell her you've been thinking about her and another woman and was hoping she would be interested in a threesome.

worst case scenerio she's down for it, man talk about win win.

Other side, she thinks you're a freak and dumps you, thinking it's her idea. Passive aggressive, does it get any better?

Tell her your broke.
Ask her for some drug money.

I've posted the story before, but I found it pretty effective to accidently send an email composed to your buddy, detailing what a biatch she's been lately and indicating that you're "sniffing around".....to her to be fairly effective.


Now, given that information, its also disclosable that I did turn it on her, made her the bad guy and didn't dispose her from her services for a short while after.

actually the just the broke part is enough for her to gold dig elsewhere.

Hire an eight-year-old kid, to play the part of "the son I never told you about."

Best way is to get her drunk. You did it when you first slept with her. Now do it to break up with her.
Trust me, it's the best way. Besides, while she's drunk, you can nail her one last time.
But get out before she sobers up. That's how you got into the relationship to begin with.

Getting her drunk is always a good way to get out of most relationships.

But..your best bet...

Tell her to dress up and wear something provacative. Tell her you something planned that will knock her socks off. Then blindfold her. Tell her she has to keep the blindfold on all the time and that the surprise will be so much better. Drive down to the worst possible neighborhood, something like 7th and Quindaro will work just fine...make sure to drive around alot though...with women it doesnt take long for them to get their directions mixxed up. Now, stop the car in said worst possible neighborhood, tell her you gotta open the door, at this time lock her side of the door, stand her up, turn her around and tell her to count to 5 then take off the blindfold....the 5 seconds should give you enough time to jump in the car and drive off...at this time, give her purse to the homeless methhead on the corner.

chances are she wont be calling you for a while


You'll score bonus points if you get her drunk and do this

And kudos points if you can get her to get naked and drunk and do this...