Are you a cowboy?
 

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,
going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring
calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding
my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.? How about you, young lady ? what ' s
your story?"

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As
soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I
think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think
about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of
women."

The two sat sipping in silence.A little while later, a man sat down on
the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a
lesbian."

LMAO

Two miserable cow pokes were attacked by an evil witch who turned one of them into a mushroom.

Well, they had cows to herd and there wasn't time to worry. So, for the next few days, they had a great time herding cows. Life was grand just enjoying the sunshine and getting along with little doggies and watching the tumblin' tumbleweeds and peering off into the open range. Then, just as fast as a horse can pee on a barrel cactus, the mushroomed cow poke turned back into a regular cow poke again.

The other cow poke said, "Dangit. I'm sure sorry you turned back into a cow poke."

The second cow poke said, "Why, you crazy cow poke?"

And the first cow poke said, "Well, because for a little while there, you were a fun guy."

FAX

Why do your joke threads always have hyperlinks in them?

Well Im packin up my game and Im a head out west
Where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts
Find a nest in the hills chill like flynt
Buy an old droptop find a spot to pimp
And Im a kid rock it up and down your block
With a bottle of scotch and watch lots of crotch
Buy a yacht with a flag sayin chillin the most
Then rock that bitch up and down the coast
Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars
Get thrown in the mix and tossed out of bars
Sip the teajuna... I wanna roam
Find the old town chillin fools then come back home
Start an escort service, for all the right reasons
And set up shop at the top of four seasons
Kid rock and Im the real mccoy
And Im headin out west sucker...because I wanna be a
Cowboy baby
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin
Cowboy baby
West coast chillin with the boones wine
I wanna be a cowboy baby
Ridin at night cause I sleep all day
Cowboy baby
I can smell a pig from a mile away
I bet youll hear my whistle blowin when my train rolls in
It goes (whistling) like dust in the wind
Stoned pimp, stoned brew, stoned out of my mind
I once was lost, but now Im just blind
Palm trees and weeds, scabbed knees and rice
Get a map to the stars, find heidi flice
And if the price is right Im gonna make my bid boy
And let cali-for-ny-aye know why they call me
Cowboy baby
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin
Cowboy baby
West coast chillin with the boones wine
I wanna be a cowboy baby
Ridin at night cause I sleep all day
Cowboy baby
I can smell a pig from a mile away
Yeah, kid rock you can call me tex
Rollin sunset woman with a bottle of becks
Seen a slimmy in a vette, rolled down my glass
And said, yeah this dick fits right in your ass
No kiddin, gun slingin, spurs hittin the floor
Call me hoss, Im the boss, with the sauce in the horse
No remorse for the sherrif, in his eye I aint right
Im gonna paint his town red, and paint his wife white, uh
Cause chaos, rock like amadeus
Find west coast pussy for my detroit players
Mack like mayors, ball like lakers
They told us to leave, but bet they cant make us
Why they wanna pick on me... lock me up and snort away my key
I aint no g, Im just a regular failure
I aint straight outta compton Im straight out the trailer
Cuss like a sailor, drink like a mick
My only words of wisdom are just suck my dick
Im flickin my bic up and down that coast and
Keep on truckin until it falls into motion
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin
Cowboy
Spend all my time at hollywood and vine
Cowboy
Ridin at night cause I sleep all day
Cowboy
I can smell a pig from a mile away
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin
Cowboy
With the top let back and the sunshine shinin
Cowboy
Hollywood and vine

i wanna be a cowboy baby

A man on a flight to Dallas strikes up a conversation with an incredibly beautiful woman sitting next to him.

"So, why are you going to Dallas?" he asks.

"The annual convention," she replies, "of the Young Nymphomaniacs Association of America."

This perks the man up. "So why is the convention being held in Dallas?"

"Because," she replies, "we've conducted a great deal of research, and have concluded that cowboys and Jews make the best lovers. And there are large numbers of both groups in Dallas." The woman pauses, then says, "I'm Sue, by the way. I didn't get your name."

"Hopalong Weinberg," the man says.

ROFL

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."

That doesn't have a damn thing to do with cowboys, Mr. smed1065.

FAX

The warp drive is out of sync.

So, you're spamming then?

This thread is unworthy of any dancing bananas.

- FirstDownSamie -

Whoa! Who did you upset to get so much neg rep?

Nobody that can't be fixed with a bigger stick.

I thought it did. They bet on a dog and he had to shit during the race...IMO

too

One day a cowboy stumbles upon an Indian reservation and meets the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. He falls in love with her immediately, and she with him, but they both know that as a white man he'll never be accepted into her society.

But eventually the cowboy decides he can't go on without her, so he decides to pay a visit to the wise Indian chief of her village.

"So," says the chief. "You want to marry Squaw, white man? You must prove yourself to our people. Prove you are worthy of beautiful Squaw."

Naturally, the cowboy agrees.

"Look out over yonder," the chief says, pointing towards a group of 3 teepees. "In first tent is big, big bottle of firewater. It will burn your eyes, your mouth, your lips, your throat. You must drink entire bottle. Not a drop can be spilled."

The cowboy nods.

"In second tent is big, angry, grizzly bear. You must fight him with your bare hands. And you must kill him. Kill him, white man, before he kills you."

The cowboy nods again.

"In final tent is my wife. She is ugliest squaw in our village. You must make love to her. Pleasure her. Prove that you can satisfy a woman."

The cowboy nods once more.

"When you have completed all of these tasks, white man, return here to me. And if you have indeed proven your worth, I will let you marry."

The cowboy shakes the chief's hand and walks to the first teepee. There's nothing inside it except a huge bottle of liquor. The cowboy removes the cork and begins to chug. As promised, the liquor is overpowering and burns like nothing he's ever tasted before, but the cowboy presses on. He doesn't finish until he has drained the bottle dry.

Several minutes after entering, he staggers out of the teepee, wobbling and weaving.

"Now, white man," calls the chief. "Onto the next task."

The drunken cowboy nods and walks into the second teepee. Right away, a great roar is heard, and the cowboy is thrown out of the tent. He stands up and rushes back in. Sounds of a great struggle are heard, and again the cowboy is thrown outside the tent.

This time, he is bloody and weak. But he rises up and rushes back inside. The bear roars, then whimpers, and then all is quiet.

"White man?" calls the chief. "White man, are you still alive?"

The cowboy staggers out of the teepee. He's bloody and scratched, but he appears okay. The chief waves him over.

"You all right?" he asks. "Do you require medicine man?"

The drunk cowboy burps.

"Naw," he says. "I'm all right. Hell, that wasn't nothin'."

"Good."

"Now, tell me, chief," says the cowboy. "Where's that big ol' bear you wanted me to wrestle?"

Three biggest cowboy lies....The check is in the mail...Yep I won this big belt-buckle riding bulls...Honest I fer sure was just helping that sheep out of that ther fence....

Im a city cowboy............

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Me. If he'll move the f**king banana-bulls**t into an actual sig so I don't have to see it I'll stop, too.

While riding one day a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and began a conversation.


Cowboy: "Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how’s it going?"
Dog: "Doin’ alright."
Indian: Look of shock.
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.
Dog: "Yep"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: Look of total disbelief.
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how’s it going?"
Horse: "Good"
Indian: Extreme look of shock.
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?” pointing at the Indian.
Horse: "Yes sir"
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
Indian: Total look of utter amazement.
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep liar."

Guess you should know?

i am just a cowboy
lonesome on the trail....

i'm a cowboy baby kid rock

I'M JUST A LONESOME L.A. COWBOY,
HANGIN' OUT, HANGIN' ON
TO YOUR WINDOW LEDGE, CALLIN' YOUR NAME
FROM MIDNIGHT UNTIL DAWN
I BEEN SMOKIN' DOPE, SNORTIN' COKE,
TRYIN' TO WRITE A SONG
FORGETTIN' EVERYTHING I KNOW
‘TIL THE NEXT LINE COMES ALONG
FORGETTIN' EVERYTHING I KNOW
‘TIL THE NEXT LINE COMES ALONG.......

Now THAT's funny.

Call me hoss, Im the boss, with the sauce in the horse
No remorse for the sherrif, in his eye I aint right
Im gonna paint his town red, and paint his wife white, uh
Cause chaos, rock like amadeus
Find west coast pussy for my detroit players
Mack like mayors, ball like lakers
They told us to leave, but bet they cant make us

No but I am pretty sure I am a lesbian

On a steel horse I ride.