How Often Do You Masturbate?
 

I was discussing this topic with my neighbor while our kids were playing today, and she said, "Errr, not very often." I said, "that's pretty subjective." She replied, "Okay, okay. Probably once a month." That seems about right for happily married folk.

But, what about you?

Discuss.

Never, i have a gf

One time when I was like 15 I think I jerked off six times in one day. Chafed the hell out of myself, though.

All day, every day.

Having a girlfriend = not masturbating?

Discussing monkey spanking with a female nieghbor? Sounds like someone is less than satisfied with the daily grind and wants an extra-marital doink.

BTW, I've always been faithful to my wife, and I've been deployed for at least six months at a whack six times since we've been married. I may need elbow replacement surgery.

sex or masterbation hmmm....

Not at all. She brought it up, in a playful way. I just closed it.

Isn't that kind of hitting on a woman? I bet she was taken aback.

Well, they aren't always around.

define masturbation
If I thrust and hump two pillows
is that masturbation

Donger=swinger tear it up Donger hehe

As for myself, less than you might imagine.

ROFL

How often do your neighbors seek restraining orders with a radius that means you can't use half of your living room?

No. It's a simple question. And, we've vacationed with this couple.

Yes, it is.

She is the someone I had in mind.
Damn, that sounds...well, about right in a masturbation thread.

shit
too often

Not me. Your hatred of your sex organs is demonstrable.

"I don't know, I can imagine a lot." [/Hand Solo]

I prefer to have a female do it for me.

Isn't it, "I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit"?

the pillows say "hers" by the way

Probably. I'll defer to you, since you've made it a habit of holding me to exact movie quotes. I'll just paraphrase from now on -- or better yet, look them up first before posting, so I know I get them perfect and don't incur your superior knowledge.

Does it increase your testosterone?

Sure they do

the stitching chaffes

Someone needs to jerk off, obviously.

There are 2 types of people in this world. Those who masturbate, and those who lie about not doing it...

You seem to be the uptight one, insisting on total accuracy.

Seriously, what difference does it make? Why do you feel the need to chime in? It's not like I was quoting it for truth, to make some important point. It was a little joke -- the difference between "a lot" and "quite a bit" being .... what?

OK, back in 5 min.

That's a long whack by anyone's definition.

We're talking MAJOR back pressure.

Meh. It is what it is. I could be wrong, after all.

GoChiefs?

No, I looked it up. You were right. Congratulations. :clap:

ROFL

This confirms it.

I used to have sex with my girlfriend when I was in high school, take her home, and then jerk off an hour later before I went to sleep.

I thought my record of 3 was good, but 6 is ungodly. Could you even walk after that ?

Sometimes you just can't get it up
 

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Congratulations? Honestly, I feel like kicking the wife's cat.

Jerk off on her right?

I still do that. :)

:)

I bet a few people on here masturbate every time they see that sig pic of Kellie Croyle, like me.

Here you go.

Dammit,...BRB.

:::

Thank you sir

Sometimes I like to go about 2 weeks. Cuz then when I go out to the bar, I have so much pent up sexual frustration that I become much hornier than normal. I am not a large hornball compared to most drunk guys at the bar, so that helps me succeed and get laid more effectively. The more horny you are at the bar, the more you will try and hit on broads, which equals more chances to get lucky.

Plus, your load is Peter North-esque.

It's like a firehose.

my hand is very beautiful.

you don't have to cuddle after you **** yourself.

Yeah. 'Cuz talking about it on a google-cacheable open forum ISN'T weird. ROFL

And I've never had to try to talk myself into it, or told myself I had a headache, or a period, or I was too tired.

My hand is calloused.

How often will Halfcan masturbate
while watching Favre cut up the Chiefs secondary

As often as possible.

you're reeruned

Granny said I'd go blind.. so I put on me specks and cuddle up with a nice picture book and yank ole-hank as often as needed .....

There is a third type: people who have hooks for hands.

They make prosthetic hands, which is probably alot like sitting on your hand til it falls asleep. Pretend someone else is doing it.

This is what my 17 year old daughter told me.

I go along with use or lose it.

Dayyummm!
There are just some things I don't ever want to hear from my children.
Among them are:
I'm pregnant
My GF is pregnant
and There are 2 types of people in this world. Those who masturbate, and those who lie about not doing it...

often

I try really hard to make sure there's a women aboard but sometimes it just isn't there.

often

There was a funny ass radio commercial a couple of years ago that opened up "What would you do if you walked in on your roommate humping two pillows?" LMAO I don't even remember the product, or the punchline. That was funny enough all by itself.

Really? My experience is that they're horrible at it. If you wanna **** around with it honey, just put it in your mouth. Leave that shit to the professional. That's my stance on it anyways.

Yes, raw petermeat is nothing nice.

It tends to take a lot less time too.

That's not true, but God does kill a kitten every time you rub one off.

Ahh yes. The stranger.

x2

Do your part in controling pet population.

thats just insane. I cant even think of doing it 6 times. And i'm a teenager.
But at the very least i have a new goal in life

LMAO

Thats OK. If we don't, or can't do it. God does it for us...

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too damn much.

i only mess with dimes, and they've been scarce lately. :banghead:

Um, never! What are you talking about? I don't toss off. Dad, mom, I never toss off. NO tossing off!