So I set out for one goal last night...
 

MATCHBOX 20

Whadda douche.

This is why guy's hands are the one part I won't touch.

Your finger will fall off tomorrow.

I wish there was a way I could tell the story of my ex but it is so 'out there' that it simply isn't believable.

She is definitely the coolest girl I've ever met, though.

And she is notorious for being the 'drunk girl'...that was definitely the case last night...by the time I had my clothes on after she booted me, she was definitely out cold...so naturally I pissed in her sink (because her roommates were in the living room and I didn't feel like walking by them to use their bathroom) and ditched out through the window...

If I had a nickel for everytime I pissed in that sink...

No way...

I just woke up and posted this thread because I am pretty happy about accomplishing my goal...

But before I posted this thread, I washed the shit out of my hands...I woke up with my hand near my face and cheeeese and rice...

Do you know what its technically called when you have sex with a girl that is too drunk to make rational decisions?

You can't come off as much more of a dumbass, so you might as well go ahead and tell "the unbelievable story".

You have a drunken orgy with an Alien?

I'm sure this has been asked before. How old are you?

I don't usually go out Wednesdays but I'm going to be out of town the next 2 weekends so I felt it was needed. My buddy and I were going to meet up with these 2 girls we met last Friday night. Once we got to the first bar we realized neither of us remembered what they looked like. We had a few drinks then walked to the place where we were supposed to meet them. As we were walking up 2 girls were walking out of the place. We couldn't tell if it was them or not so we kept walking. We sat at the bar at place #2 and ordered some drinks. Soon after we got a text from the girls asking if it was us they just walked by and they were on the way to the bar we had just left. Eventually we all met up at bar #3 but I found it funny.

That is all.

All that's missing from that post is the "hahahahahahahaha" at the end.

LMAO

Hahahaha.

Dude when I used to actually date this girl...I'd come home in the mornings and tell my friends...

"Dude guys, she was so drunk last night it felt like I was raping her..."

She wasn't in that mode last night...it was around midnight and I had just sat down in the booth she was in and we started talking (hadn't talked in months, we usually just ignore one another)...and within minutes we walked out the door and headed to her place...

She was the one who sent her roommate to me and asked if I wanted to have sex with her...

I also learned last night that I am no longer 5 of 5...I am now 5 of 6 and she really likes the new guy but she thinks the new guy played her...

23.8

actually 23.11...shit my birthday is in a month SWEEET

virgins have amazing imaginations

I do smell something.

I smells me a steam engine full of bad karma turning the bend in your direction...

Do you throw a baseball or bat left handed?

Or is it just fingering?

Yep.

That stink might have been from being a little low and outside the "plate."

ROFL

Well you guys are no fun...this is my biggest accomplishment in the last...I don't know, three months!

I think he's completely aware of the fact that pictures of his penis are someday going to be used in studies during high school Sex Ed classes.

I think he's cool with it.

1...2...3...4.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IW6m7EwbTRM

I bat left-handed, play hockey left-handed, masturbate left-handed, apparently finger left-handed...and do everything else right-handed.

I suppose fingering really depends on which side I'm on...but really, I guess I prefer left-handed because I just did the fingering motion with my right hand and it simply doesn't feel right...so maybe I instinctively position myself to be able to finger with my left hand every time I'm with a girl?

Hmm...

LMAO So true.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to want to be with chicks you've cared about in a moment of crisis. I'd do the same thing if my 360 RROD'd.

Stupid drunken whores are hard to find....

Way more fascinating than the girl with the stinky twat.

Well girl thread is about isn't much of a whore...I was her #5...#4 was a 2 minute thing...and she had been with a dude she met at ISU as a freshmen for the 2.5 years she was here prior to me (and that dude was a virgin before her)...

She was always really disturbed that I didn't know how many people I have had sex with...a lot of my friends keep lists...I don't know a lot of names let alone numbers...

I always liked the dude she dated for such a long time because he was her best friend/obsessive stalker who pretty much kept her from doing guys so I'm pretty disturbed #6 is now in the picture and she apparently likes him sooooo much...

I'm the one who tells her about the girls I hook up with after her NOT the other way around...I'm going to scope out new guy next time I see her at the bar (probably tonight)...even though she said she deleted his number because blah blah blah but I know how guys work...

It seems like drunk girls aren't much of a challenge. Now, a conservative Yemeni girl, now that would be an accomplishment. Go make it happen, and then I'll be impressed.

I found this on another board, I'm not sure if it's related:

That's hilarious. I set my facebook status to something along the lines of 'my Xbox is toast...my life is terrible...' and one of my other ex-girlfriends texted me to come out and I sent her something really depressive back and she told me to get over my xbox and drink the pain away...the people close to me know how much my xbox means to me.

:shake:

Dude....Take up a new hobbie like fishing. Be a ****ing man.

:clap: ROFL

Fine, if people don't want to acknowledge my genius I'm ok with it...

I'm in the beer garden...my roommate and his girlfriend and I are in our "spot"...and we're taking shots and drinking...and I tell my roommate that I'm hooking up with Buttsack (that's what we call her, it's a play off of her last name) and I'm guaranteeing it...to which he laughs because it's an ongoing joke between my friends and I that she is the one that got away...and she has this terrible yellow purse that she carries around that makes us call her a hippie and refer to the purse as her Johnny Appleseed bag...I don't really know where that fits into the story but it does...so this girl who is like my best friend (I give all of my girlfriends nicknames) T-Smash (her name is Tracy...my friend Sean hooked up with a different Tracy around the time Hulk came out and this girl was like 6'2" tall...so after we heard Hulk Smash we started calling enormous Tracy Tracy Smash...so when I meant new Tracy I started calling her T-Smash)...is conveniently located at a high top REALLY close to Buttsack...I use this to my advantage by talking to T-Smash (and Buttsack knows I've hooked up with this girl several times)...and I knew she was watching the whole thing...within minutes her roommate comes over and then I knew my goal was going to be accomplished...and yes, in case anyone was wondering T-Smash was on the receiving end of the chocolate/vanilla game...and no, she wasn't pleased when she found out what it really was...but I do have a text from her this morning thanking me for being such a good friend and finding her phone last night...something I don't remember happening but +1 for me...

Uhm, in case you didn't know, I'm a 50 in Halo, and you don't talk to 50's like that!

LMAO

In case anyone doesn't realize the true accomplishment this really is...

When Emily and I stopped dating...she blocked me from Facebook...now, many of you probably don't have Facebook but that's a pretty big gesture in my world! What did I do that was block worthy!?!? That was the question I often asked myself...to which she would reply with..."you'll probably post something ridiculous on my wall that I don't want everyone to read..." Which is probably 100% true.

Anyways...I challenge any of you to find someone else who has been blocked by a person on Facebook yet continues to be able to have sex with that person...it's like having sex with your stalker...generally, you only block someone on Facebook if that person is creepy or a stalker...so lets assume I'm a creepy stalker...I'm a creepy stalker who gets the deal done!

and GD I just rubbed my balls and now I have emily juice all over my hand again!

thats awesome. I used to act like that when I was oh, about 16 years old. You are a complete tool.

Awesome, another Tucker Max wannabe.

Didn't have nearly enough of those.

Congrats on nailing the drunk ho at the bar, certainly worthy of high praise.

LMAO

LMAO

This isn't some random ho...this is my ex-girlfriend who has blocked me on facebook!

Of course when we first started dating she dropped the bomb on me that..."oh yeah, we can't have sex for a week because I have chlamydia..."

In which case I replied..."what about your boyfriend?"

To which she said..."Oh, we haven't had sex since my birthday (like 9 months ago) and that she got it from her ex over Thanksgiving..."

To which I reply with...

"Oh."

But thanks for the heads up...

Of course if I was going to get any STD...chlamydia would be my choice. Antibiotics for a week and boom! Gone.

Of course T-Smash allegedly has HPV...just about every girl in Normal has something, though. The STD rate is off the hook in these parts!

I'm a COD guy, but 50 is solid.

My favorite ex moment was almost convincing one, in the middle of the day, to get her 1st tat. This is the same girl that tried to jump from my moving car (probably going 20-25) when blitzed.

I knew this board would be a great place to post this story...

I love all of the convictions people have on this board...I don't really have any, though.

I'd look at Andy (my friend) and say..."dude I think it smells like vanilla", and then he'd say "no dude...it smells like chocolate!"...and then we'd turn to the random leaving girl and say, "what do you think?" and then I'd shove me hand in their face...


GAY!!!!

Yeah, you're either COD or Halo...so I've learned.

My friend and I are Halo-attics...we buy new accounts every month to see how many games it takes us to get to a 50 playing doubles...

Of course the social lobbies are also really fun...it never gets old telling some 12 year old kid you're going to suck his meat dragon to see the reaction you get...or guaranteeing him that his mom has been with at least one black dude in her day...

It was a game that stemmed from football practice in high school...

My friend Steve rubbed his finger on his butthole or something and apparently his finger smelt like total shit...

Sean and Steve proceed to trick Andy (gullible) with the chocolate/vanilla trick...

Steve goes..."Andy, I think it smells like vanilla, but Sean thinks it smells like chocolate, what do you think?"

Andy smells Steve's finger and has a shocked expression on his face...and exclaims..."It's poop!"

Pretty funny moment in my life.

This a redneck/trailerpark of the year award nomination in the making?

If you are not yet, without help you are a rapist in training. Seek help.

I'm so glad that I settled down w/ a good, mature man.

Well considering this happened in a college town with a college girl...I don't really see the correlation.

Slut moment, douchebag moment, these work a little better than redneck or trailer park...

You ever give someone the impossible situp?

ROFL

You're right, I have really psychotic tendencies.

No.

If you date a one-legged midget, she doesn't go from a one-legged midget to "my ex-girlfriend", she's still a one-legged midget who just so happens to to be your ex-girlfriend.

This is just a random drunk ho. You dated said ho at some point, but that doesn't change her status as an RDH.

This one time at band camp.......

All I envision is a trailer park apartment setting with the local OK Coral bar across the street (in the Ozarks). Sounds pretty redneckish to me.

:thumb:

Mature is probably something I'll never be.

I'm ok with that...I am either not getting married or not getting married until I'm 35+...

Not exactly something you should be proud of.....too bad you don't see it as something to be concerned about.

Hey, I love RDH's, so this is ok with me.

My life sucks without my xbox, it would really suck without RDH's...

Stick with thatNo no no no no

I said mature, not old. ROFL

dude I listen to Kelly Clarkson and drink...I set a goal to hook up with an ex last night and accomplished that...I'm not quite sure how that makes me a rapist in training, but if that's how I painted the picture, than I guess you're right.

Well whatever u choose to do... plz don't breed.

I got a 26 on my ACT...I type 93 WPM...that's breed worthy, if you ask me.

:whackit: I wasn't referring to ur intellect.

I am trilingual.

Hey guys, crazy story. I broke my favorite toy, and I'm so sad I could cry. You don't understand my relationship with my toy.

But I touched a boobie last night! Whooo! I wanted to touch a boobie and I did it! I'm awesome!! Aren't I?

Discuss.....

That's the BEST a person can muster in three months? Having an ex-girlfriend attempt to get back at her current boyfriend for a perceived slight by having sex with you; a girl who apparently only felt comfortable having sex with you when she was completely inebriated? And you have the class and discretion to openly brag on this forum about a borderline rape, followed by one of the most chicken shit moves - going out the window rather than face scrutiny by her peers, and then proceed to be a complete and utter slimeball by attempting to humiliate and demean other women in an attempt to associate them with your highly negative actions?

That's not being immature. That's not being funny. That's showcasing sociopathetic tendencies. Seriously. And if you don't believe me, check out the symptoms/indicators/traits of a sociopath: http://http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html

Either get help or suck on a tail pipe. Because all you are doing right now is wasting decent peoples oxygen you contemptible, insensitive, selfish dirtbag.

Yeah, the steno-pool ace trait really brings 'em in I bet.

"Hey baby, you wanna get married and have babies? I mean, I DO type really fast."

I didn't read anyone elses responses, but thats a funny story. Congrats.

That just sounds annoying. How old are you?

I clicked the site...I don't fit many of those tendencies...

a lot of you take things very seriously...

That's cool, I guess. A lot of my girl friends (not girlfriends) say that I can't take anything seriously...

I like it that way.

Nah, let me paint the scenario that is in my head:

Group of dudes sitting at a table obviously hammered. I'm a girl out with my friends for the night, having this awesome time, but ready to leave because it's late and I'm tired and have to work in the morning. These dudes at the other table are getting louder and louder, screaming about chocolate and vanilla, one of them clumsily walks over to me, breathes into my face....do you think this smells like chocolate or vanilla? I'm standing there, coat in hand...I lean over to smell...and guy spits on me because he's laughing so hard at this point and even falls into me a little bit...his friends at his table cracking up and yelling things like "she was a god damn whore", "dude, you ****ing wrecked that shit," and "chocolate my ass, that smells more like a can of tuna gone bad"....

There in lies the problem. You don't see anything wrong with your actions. You even brag about them here in an attempt to look for approval.

However, people, at least decent people, don't approve of asinine, immature, selfish, demeaning behavior. No one is going to give you a thumbs up for taking advantage of a woman in a completely inebriated state, which, by every state law that I'm aware of qualifies as a case of rape, unless they are also immature, insensitive losers who are trying to get personal satisfaction and recognition by group association, regardless of what social group that may be.

It's obvious you don't care, and even think that what you did was socially acceptable. It wasn't. And it showcases why you are a sociopath. You don't care. You don't care about the drunk girl. You don't care about the people around you after the fact, you don't care about yourself. You seemingly lack a conscious, and/or judgement and an understanding about what is right, wrong and how your actions affect others in your society.

You are a sociopath. Get help.

Man, Jack Bauer's dad was a sociopath...I'd hate to be like that guy.

I am surprised there will be more than 14 candles on your cake.

I like how the idea of penetrating a drunken Ex is some big accomplishment.


the truth is, she let you insert the tip long enough to give you her yeast infection because she hates you.

If you believe that chic, who had vd and cheats on her boyfriends, has only been with 5-6 guys, I've got some swamp land to sell you where you can pull in a trailer to live happily ever after with T-Gash.

This wouldn't have been my follow-up question to the STD bomb. In fact, I wouldn't have asked a thing.

I loved girls who liked to party in college. Even loved a couple twice. They're great to have running around one's house at parties. But I draw the line on diseases, no matter how picturesque the breasts.