| Fat Elvis |
11-25-2009 09:37 AM |
Here is the latest entry from Jamie's blog
Monday, November 23, 2009
I am leaving the title of this entry blank tonight for a lack of words. There is no easy way to say this so I will get to the point. My CT scan showed that there is a small area on my right hip that indicates bone deterioration. It is a very concerning spot that my oncologist and the radiologist both agree is most likely metastatic disease. This will be confirmed with a bone biopsy that is scheduled for Monday 11/30/09 at 11 am in Indy. I know this is a lot to digest, trust me I am still numb.... but let me break this down. My breast cancer has most likely spread outside of the breast and is in my blood stream, which has in turn allowed it to take up residence in my bones. If this is the case and the biopsy confirms that it is cancer in my bones- then I will be considered to have Stage 4- metastatic breast cancer. I know many of you say what does that mean. Well it means that our attempts to keep the cancer from spreading outside of my breast tissue where it originated have failed. We are now dealing with a disease that is roaming free in my body and needs to be stopped or put into remission. Being Stage 4 means that I no longer will look to cure my disease but to stabilize it and keep it from continuing to grow or spread any further then it already has. We will do this through as many avenues as possible- most of which are drugs that can be taken in either pill form or infused, as was my chemo I did early on. I will not go into the details right now as it is just too much for me to really process. Just know that we have a plan ready for whatever the biopsy tells us.
There is room for a miracle in that this biopsy comes back negative for cancer- but I am not going to give myself the pleasure of even thinking that is a possibility. I just cannot bear to be disappointed once again. We discussed at length our options and what to expect. A lot of this I will share with you in the days to come after we have had some time to comprehend it all. When I asked how long do I have he gave me an honest answer. The average life expectancy of a woman that has metastatic breast cancer is 3 years. Now that means some make it longer then 3 years and some do not make it 3 years. It all depends on how my specific cancer behaves with the drugs we throw at it. This is very very hard to stomach, but please understand that the more they learn about the disease the more that life expectancy average goes up. I know that this may seem like I am being very matter of fact- but unfortunately there is no sugar coating these facts. The longer we can keep this cancer in check the longer I get to stick around. I cannot say that my mind has completely absorbed this information. I feel like I am writing a story about someone else’s life right now. It is going to take me a while to really accept the reality of this news.
Looking back we have done everything we could possibly have done. I would have done nothing different and I don’t know that anything would have changed our final outcome. So I will not waste my mental wellness over what ifs and I ask that you take the same advice. What I need right now is to focus on the present and work on doing what we can for the now. Please realize that the decisions we make are the ones that will be most beneficial for our family and it’s immediate future. I know it is a very helpless feeling to be a part of this situation and everyone wants to help as much as they can.... but for now we just need to be together as a family and take strength in the people that surrounds us. As we get the rest of the answers we will be better equipped to help you all understand the situation better.
For now we have to dig deep and find the courage to continue our lives in a way that will allow our daughter to get the most of the time I have with her. I have to take a step back and really focus on the present as that is what we have and what we can control right now. Please know that I wish I could call each of you and tell you this news and answer all your questions.... but I just do not have it in me to tackle that task right now after what might have been the longest day and most likely the worst day of my life. I love you all and I am sending you hugs and kisses as you continue my journey with me as your friend/sister/daughter. Know that I have not changed with this news it’s just that I may not be able to stay for the long haul so let’s make it the best we can and not dwell on what we cannot change. If that is what is to come then I will be ready and know that I have done what I set out to do-, which is to have lived my life with no regrets. I intend to leave my baby girl with a memory of a mommy that she can be proud of when she grows up and can better understand all of this, lets just pray that time comes not sooner but later. For now I am going to make sure that the best times are ahead of us and that we take every opportunity we can to make it as wonderful as possible. I love you all and will be in touch via website in the next couple of days. Pray hard for a miracle and call in on those favors if you don’t mind. Bye for now...
Much love from the bottom of my aching heart-
Jamie
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