NFT: Furk, I'm a moran (College related)
 

So I procrastinated due to a lack of personal direction and now have 24 hours to write a 5 page paper over the Sun Also Rises. Professor was open ended on topic and we only vaguely discussed a paper dealing with Robert Cohn but I dunno how I can get that to 5 pages without spamming block quotes. Apparently there are some other highly edumacated people on this board and I'd appreciate some assistance.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sun_Also_Rises

http://www.associatedcontent.com/art...emingways.html

Oooh, nice call on the second link.

There Will Be Rep.

5 page paper? Triple space that shit get it done in 2.

Use the maximum available requirements that have been given to you. Margins, spacing, font size, etc. Never use contractions, always use the lengthiest words available to you. Try to not to use any nouns or verbs under 5 letters, use a thesaurus. Use in text citations wherever possible. End with a bullshit "personal reflection" that is several paragraphs long.

God speed.

Don't forget the size 72 font.

Remember to properly cite referenced material or you'll be properly god-****ed.

It's not the length I'm worried about as much as the content.. I've had this professor before and he's pretty laid back about stuff. My 15 page final over Hemingway last semester was pretty shitty and I still wound up with an awesome grade in the class.

I feel pretty dumb as a 4th year English major having issues with a short paper.

Just make a really nice cover sheet and put it in a glossy folder and then add 10-12 pieces of paper.

You'll be fine.

I'm the same way.

4th year Secondary Ed major, social studies.

Which means they make you get all but 6 hours of a history major, and you basically ignore Psych, Econ, PolSci, etc. Never mind that I want to teach Psych or PolSci.

And the history department wants nothing but paper after paper.

I have a 12-15 pager due in 5 weeks on Hitler's role in the success of the Autobahn.

:rolleyes:

Jesus Christ, I don't see how anyone can write a 12-15 page paper about anything. I'm glad I only have to take one English course.

so, it's girth that is more important than length

This.

Sit down next generation, I'll be happy to hire someone to feel sorry for your lack of ingenuity...

I cranked out a 24 page themed-portfolio in a day and a half once. It wasn't that bad; but I actually enjoyed my English major at that point.

Short papers are a bitch, because you can usually fluff a 12-15 page paper with 3 pages of absolute shit. A 5 page paper had better be concise and interesting.

You'll get it mang. Just slam some Surge and listen to your "Possum Kingdom" single tape on your Walkman for a bit to get your head right.

****, that's nothing.

I'll have a 40 pager due next semester for my History Senior Seminar.

Because writing that paper will make me a more effective HS teacher.

LMAO

I've figured out part of the reason why young teachers are so ****ing bad.

The education they receive is ****ing pointless.

I'd be better served by getting an extra semester of hands-on student teaching, instead of sitting in a class being taught theories we'll never use by an adjunct.

If it doesn't you should be punched in the face by the hoof of a donkey...

read any of the Novels by Jeff Shaara regarding american historical periods. Although they are not history books, they are historically accurate and give more detail to the history of the events he covers than any history book I've ever read.

If you stutter, he can't penalize you because it's a disability. So when you write, do this: "M-m-m-m-y pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-per is on ...."

ROFL

That sucks, man. I'd start re-reading the novel and taking close notes on it. It's not a long book. I can't write a decent paper without having the novel fresh in my head, and copious notes on specific passages in the book.

Are you allowed to use secondary sources or is it pure primary? If you're allowed to use secondary, then just cobble some shit together from a few other critics.... or take some Marxist critic and talk about class issues in the book while tossing in a few half-ass theoretical nods to the critic. Should be able to get five pages out of that.

All the papers for the course I'm taking are only 3-5 pages and it's been a piece of cake. Luckily my teacher has been pretty open when it comes to topics, the shit writes itself when you're interested in the subject matter. Now if I had to write a highly detailed analysis of some boring-ass novel I have no interest in reading to begin with...I'd be screwed. Thank god for community colleges.

Heh, I remember using Prodigy back in 90-91 on my Packard Bell 386 to put a paper together for some class while in college. Received a great grade on it too. Prodigy was high tech back then or so I thought.

I remember back when 5 pages seemed long. Those were the days.

Easy.

First 2-3 pages should be a strong introduction.
Middle 8 to 9 pages can be bullshit. Teachers don't even read this shit. You might as well put pornographic photos in there, they won't notice.
Finish strong the last few pages. Cite sources. Have proper MLA/APA formatting. You'll get at least a B.

I can't believe this thread will be my reintroduction to the Planet...oh well.

Do you have to turn in a hard copy? If it's electronic and you need to buy more time to do some research (since you say you're more worried about content), grab a media file, rename it whatever your paper's title is .doc and send it off. That should buy you some time. Please do not tell my boss about this thread.

Also, hey everybody.

JIM BOB COO-TER, clap clap clap clap clap

That trick may no longer work. Many syllabus say if they can't open the file, you will get an automatic zero if it is already past the due date.

I remember when 5 pages seemed like a big deal.


I write emails that long now, and if you think sources and facts and creative filling of space is important for a decent grade, wait until you find out about a project 2 days before bids are due and are writing that proposal(paper) to feed your family.

Those bastards. It appears I have been away from the world of higher education too long.

You've also got an advantage. I had to write the papers by hand, and find a girl to type them for me too.

Yep, that was emphasized on day one for us. Not an automatic zero though, but it will be considered late and will have an impact on your grade.

Hence the reason we treat writing papers as trivial, meaningless crap. They really are meaningless and a useless waste of time. In my opinion.

What do you plan to do with your English degree?

Law school, hopefully. If not then I'll have to see what my options are for further study in the language.

Edit: Not graduating till 2012, btw.

Law school? You should be able to type five pages of bullshit in your sleep. ;)

And here you go:
http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/sun/

http://www.shmoop.com/the-sun-also-rises/

I don't know. There is value in being able to put together a coherent series of sentences that effectively tell the story you're trying to tell. It's not always going to be interesting material you're trying to add color to at work, so given that, it is somewhat relevant for many jobs.

I'm floored at how many college students can't compose a readable email in a professional setting.

be aware that many universities subscribe to services that will take a scanned and OCR'd copy of your paper and compare it against known online sources for plagiarism. A friend saw a demonstration once and was blown away by the process. It was able to analyze sentence structure to determine if you just changed a word into a synonym and copied it.

FTR, The Sun Also Rises was a great novel so I hope you did (or plan to) read it.

Turnitin.com is pretty badass (and expensive).

Mr. Dole is quick on the draw for a crusty old bastard.

My senior semester last spring I wrote a 50+ page paper examining the evolution of marketing and advertising pertaining to the alcoholic beverage industry, complete with primary research and statistical analysis. I literally thought I was losing my mind at the end.

I referred to myself as Jake Barnes on Facebook to humorous effect to people who caught the reference. So yeah I agree, SAR is an awesome book. I want to recreate Mike's drunken antics in Pamplona for some odd reason.

And for the turnitin.com thing, I haven't had to use that since I was an undeclared political science major... Freshman year.

My daughter has to turn in every paper she does to http://turnitin.com, before they will even grade it.

This shit is horribly transparent to anyone who has ever graded papers and isn't a completely lazy mother****er.

Who in the **** were your teachers?

Someone well versed in sarcasm?

You ever notice when all the periods are size 14 font? That can add length and it's the only way I can recall that isn't completely noticeable.

That's one I've never looked for, but given that they look all emboldened, it would look weird, especially if the student didn't print it out on an ink-jet.

It never ceases to amaze me how many dumbasses think that spacing their papers at 2.1 or 2.2 isn't completely obvious.

Given that I follow MLA for all submissions, and I take rough drafts electronically, the easiest way to see if someone has ****ed with the paper is to first select all and then change it to Times 12 point, as that's what it needs to be for standards, anyway.

For those 50 pagers...do they actually read every page? Really...WTF? I would imagine TAs would go crazy if they had a stack of 50 page essays to grade.

You're a english professor?

yeah got a 88% on my 5 pager today. would have been high 90's had I not forgot in-text citations. no big deal really.

Wow...if students make no attempt to cite anything in the text, most profs won't even pass them.

50+ page papers are going to be capstone papers in smaller classes, usually seminars, and will be read by a professor, not a TA.

Junior college/lower level classes.

I haven't/won't use those methods for my upper level classes.

I'm definitely a procrastinator, wrote a 10-page history term paper in one night last year, ended up with a 90/100 on it.

As for your paper, if all else fails, print this off & turn it in:
http://www.tiglo.co.uk/images/essay.jpg

LMAO

And still got a 61%

Passing grade, FTMFW.

I'll write anyones paper if they take this Political Communications class for me. Jesus I can't read this ****ing book.

Less than an hour left and I need only a page and a half or so. **** page requirements, I'm a content guy.

DISCUS

All the stuff saul is saying about how composition instructors grade has not been the case in my experience. I certainly don't grade papers that way.

What level class is this?

We talking freshman here or 300 level?...

200 level.

Ah, good.

Then you can get away with a wordy conclusion and likely still get pts for effort.