Sixteen years of human-squirrel diplomacy ... gone in an instant.
 

I was in the kitchen today, and saw a squirrel out in our plum tree.

For some reason the squirrels like to gnaw on the plum tree's bark, and my wife asked if the squirrel was gnawing. I wasn't sure, but I was eating crackers and decided to throw one out there so the squirrel would have something else to gnaw.

So I open the door and wing out a cracker. Now, the plum tree is about 25 feet from our back door, so you really have to put some arm into a cracker to have any hope of it making a distance near the tree. I was aided by the fact that it was one of those denser round crackers as opposed to a saltine or club cracker, so I went sidearm and winged it like frisbee.

This thing catches the wind, arcs out and then peels back toward the tree. The plum tree is one of those trees that has a lot of dense branches and twigs and stuff, and this thing stays airborne, zips through the branches ... and nails the squirrel right in the shoulder blade. He never knew what hit him.

What are the odds of that? I try to be a good squirrel neighbor, and then I go and nail one with a cracker from 25 feet away. No one's ever going to believe it was an accident, and now I'm going to be having nuts dropped on me every time I go outside.

Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddam things.

ROFL

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Rainman > Cassel

LMAO

I was once at my dad's trimming out his house, when I saw a mouse scampering about. I didn't know exactly what to do, but grabbed a piece of scrap wood, pulled back, and let 'er fly. To my amazement, I didn't just hit the mouse, but severed his head 80% of the way from his body. He didn't get back up...

You did better than Casshole would have done...

So you're this guy!!!

http://comradesinarms.tripod.com/mov...nd/oddjob1.jpg

squirrels are good for nothing but eating cable.

booooooooooooo squirrels, booooooooooooooo.

Silently, in the distance, a squirrel army is gathering. Preparing to wreak unholy vengeance upon the Rainman household. Be afraid. No one will be spared.

You should eat em back. That'll show em!

Better not let PETA find out.

Better watch your back from now on. His buddies will try to come after you.

If he's in a squirrel gang I expect you'll find your tires are slashed in the morning.

Don't be surprised when you see a burning bag of squirrel poop on your porch.

Make him into a hat?


http://bikeportland.org/wp-content/i...quirrel_01.jpg

I once pegged a squirrel with a Fruit Wheat from 30 feet away, Mr. Rain Man.

Things haven't been the same between the squirrels and us since.

FAX

The squirrels are gunna call you cracker.

This really got me thinkin.


I've never jerked off a squirrel.

I had a band of squirrels eating my tomatoes a few years ago. Bought a pellet gun. A couple of dead ones later, I nailed one in the back. He jumped down and up onto a tree trunk, scurrying up by his front legs as I had turned him into a para. I felt bad, and took aim, nailing him in the shoulder. He frantically clung to the tree by one leg, so I had to shoot him again. he fell to the ground, and I had to put on in his brain. Felt really bad for the guy.

What a puss. That kind of stuff is fun!

LMAO

I'm afraid to leave the house. I see squirrels in the trees.

I just wonder how many drug addicted squirrels it's gonna take to steal his bicycle.

I'd like video of that.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I had no problem pegging the others and the subsequent ones....but a clean kill is one thing.

ROFL
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Tree Rats are an interesting breed. Several are twitchy around people, they run in front of cars and chew on power lines...
I have one that actually comes to my front door and scratches it until I grab some unsalted peanuts in the shell and feed them to him. He'll actually take it out of my hand. He won't do that with anyone else in the neighborhood, (except for my wife and son).
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Great story. Meanwhile, Rain Man is a salting them with crackers.

COME AT ME BRO!
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My bassets are weapons of mass destruction on squirrels...

No, seriously...

COME AT ME, BRO!
http://i1219.photobucket.com/albums/...2/4D4V0696.jpg
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And so it begins.

http://homepage.mac.com/whymme/WFRP/...s/page13_1.png

Rain Man's ****ed.

This is like "The Secret of Nihm" all over again, and Rain Man is the farmer.

you shoulda pulled out ur air rifle n reached out n touched it with a nice lil pellet instead of a cracker

I shot 3 to 5 a day for 5 months. Now they are all gone. Gonna box up the Beemen pellet rifle & take it back to Wallmart & get my 100 bucks back.

Nuke it from orbit the only way to be sure.

Rainman,

It could be worse than you think.

We've intercepted secret footage from the squirrel's headquarters.

Be afraid.

It literally took me a minute to quit laughing about this. I just about spit up my beer I was drinking. I am tired so take that for what it is worth.

Sounds like a typical day for Lindsey Lohan or one of those Hollywood chicks.

"Gettin' teabagged more often than Dandy Don Meredith."

(And if you're old enough to remember those Lipton commercials, I feel your pain... usually in my knees, my hips, my shoulders...)

What the hell is DaFace doing in your tree?
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Run. Run and hide.

I am picturing an intricate web of treaties amongst your local wild animal population. A diabolical system of alliances that will only come to light as events transpire. You, Rainman, have just assassinated the Archduke Ferdinand of the back yard wildlife community. Never mind the squirrels. They are the least of your problems.

May God have mercy on your soul.

He probably deserved it. I've always thought that it was a squirrel conspiracy that led to the disappearance of you bike.

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seeing them tumble out of a tree after getting hit with a super quiet pellet gun shot, then that little bounce of finality is such a great picture. The supply is endless.

Watch out for this guy

http://files.sharenator.com/conker_2...-16428-580.gif

LOL!!!

Flame thrower...

LOL, he was looking for food fare and got airfare...

Had some last night.

http://i41.tinypic.com/34zd921.jpg

They are organized and smart...
One was holding a sign that said, "Remember the Ritz!"
This was what I got to wake up to this morning:
http://i382.photobucket.com/albums/o...y_squirrel.jpg
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Shaun Smith is a shifter. Guard your nuts!!!

A plum tree pruning squirrel
There's a poop joke in there somewhere
hanging

seems like you are going back to you OLD style. Which sucks.

Natty Light?
far far
worse

brain damaged
you are, as
Okie Apparition or Blue Balls.

Reaper is
Going to
Shoot somebody soon
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your pornstache
is really a dyed squirrel tail
But I must admit it works

Good for you.

Last spring, I went to the mailbox one morning. After dropping in the letter, I turned back for the house. Across the street there was a squirrel on a branch and across about an eight-foot gap was a building, an old-folks home with an old-fashioned veranda balcony. The squirrel leapt for the balcony - missed - and hit the wall flush. He sort of toppled down the wall to the ground, layed there a few seconds, then realized the ground is no place for a squirrel to be in this cat&dog heavy neighborhood and leapt up onto the tree trunk. At this point, he noticed me watching him - and gave me thirty seconds of angry shit-talking as if I was to blame for his own incompetence!

These Denver squirrels need a little comeuppance.

I predict the squirrels will go all Jedi on Rain Man.

http://cdn-www.i-am-bored.com/media/...ebattle678.jpg

Has anyone heard from Rain Man today? It's entirely possible we will be getting a crudely made home video of Rain Man with duct tape over his mouth in a nondescript basement soon.

More likely a nondescript hollow tree.

He has been awfully quiet today. Maybe they got to him already.

Ah, poor Rainman.

LMAO That is a funny story, Mr. Rain Man! Whatever you do, if you begin feeding your li'l furry buddy, (as opposed to hitting him w/ crackers), never run out of food!

This is the look I get from our squirrel, Wally, when we run out of peanuts...

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We have another squirrel that comes around too, but he's too timid and won't let us feed him by hand. We named him Willy, (he only has one eye).

Rainman, my only advice is......


http://i40.tinypic.com/zkpu6t.png

I think it's important we all agree up front that we will never give in to terrorist demands.

Is there a SEAL team stationed near Denver?

That was no ordinary squirrel.

http://www.holytaco.com/wp-content/u...rel%5B1%5D.jpg

Does he play well with the Beaver?

You busy later today man?

'Cause, just say'n, if you'd like to throw a few more "crackers" you'd really be helping me out...

did you buy these squirrels online?

Heh. I'd forgotten about this thread.

Fortunately, these were free public squirrels, so I'm not going to have the USPS coming after me for squirrel fraud.

In an unrelated squirrel incident, at least one of our free public squirrels has developed an odd habit. He comes up onto our 100+ year-old front porch and gnaws on the edges of the floor boards. I have no idea why, but he's taken almost half an inch off of two or three boards. He's not hungry, because there's food all around, and it's not like these 100+ year-old oak boards are tasty twigs. It's quite the mystery.

We have an apple tree in the back yard that practically rains apples, so we've moved several apples to the porch right where Mr. Squirrel does his gnawing. So far it seems to be working. He goes after the apples instead of the porch. But it's still confusing. The back yard is full of apples if he likes them, and I think he knows how to get to the back yard even though his tree is in the front yard.

wait--how did this not hit 100 replies? this place is slipping.