GF and I broke up! Update PG 10.
 

We've all had those breakups! The ones you didn't see coming, or the ones you did and didn't do anything about it! For whatever reason though, your friends, family, and everyone else always seem to say...

"Do NOT contact them, and in time, they'll come running and begging back"

This always seems strange, however, I think it generally holds true. Once you're gone, you start to mean more to that person. Once you know longer think about it, they tend to come flying back.

Do you all find this to be true or not?

In a situation like this I recommend having sex with her mother.

Sorry man. I know it sucks to not be with the person you want to be with. It's tough to move on, but its the best thing to do.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

I once left a girl in LA and returned to the Midwest for some R&R after a surgery deal ... a total no-contact situation. She was knocking on my damn door within two weeks. It was really, really embarrassing since I was in the midst of some extremely hedonistic activities when she showed up out of the blue.

I suggest that moving on is the best thing to do. You have to look at life as a series of "chapters". Once you've read one chapter, you turn the page in order to discover what happens next. Make a ton of changes in your life. Work out. Feed your head. Tell the past to go screw itself and look forward to the future with anticipation and enthusiasm.

There are a lot of ways to screw up your life and only a few ways to improve it. Hanging onto the past is one of the best ways to make yourself miserable and miss out on the best your precious few days on this Earth have to offer.

FAX

Does the "no contact" rule work?

No, nothing works. People are selfish a-holes, incapable of honoring long-term commitments. Get together, get disappointed, break up. Then do it all again with someone else.

Hope that clears it up for you.

Be strong. No groveling.

It's hard to move on......especially since I did and DIDN'T see it coming. The signs were there, and I knew it.......I just assumed we were in a rut.

On Friday, she claimed she wanted a "break, not a breakup" so she could clear her head for awhile and determine what she wanted. I told her a break was another word for breakup. Sunday came (sunday night) and I called her and was mad. Told her after 1-1/2 years she should know what she wants. She then claimed she went on a date Friday and liked it, and wanted more time. I said "how could you go on a date when we're together?" and she said "you said it was a breakup!" She then gave me this BS about how she's hasnt' felt our connection for awhile, and thought that she didn't love me like she used to.

She said "how about when you get back from Florida, we consider going on a date to see how things go?".....now keep in mind, i leave for Florida this monday, and return next friday.

I was already against this and said "are you going to keep dating this guy in the meantime?" and she said "yes, I like him......he's not you"

So i'm rather hurt. I'm confused.

Be hurt. But move on. You don't have a choice at this point. And when she does come back, remember how you feel now, and whether you're willing to let her do it again. If she's dating this soon, she hasn't been with you for awhile.

sucks dude. but I agree...if she doesn't know what she wants afte 1.5 yrs, then how long should you wait for her to figure it out.

IMO, don't contact her; period. and I'd even be reluctant to accept her call/email when she contacts you (because she will).

Treat yourself to some good beer, good beef, and buy a nice handgun/rifle in the meantime.

Dude, in all seriousness. That last conversation should be the last time you EVER initiate contact with her.

If she "wants a break" and wants to keep dating this other guy, she's EXPLORING. She doesn't want you but she wants the security she has with you. If she can't find it somewhere else, she's gonna come crawling back. You don't wanna be that guy.

Cut her loose and move on.

/thread

precisley. Nicely said.:clap:

Life is a journey, and everyone you meet and know is transient. Some of them come and go quickly, just a waitress at a truck stop along your journey. Others hitchhike with you for a couple hundred miles, but eventually they get out at a gas station and walk off while you're getting a Dr. Pepper. But all that does is create an empty seat for the next person to ride along. So follow your route, pick the radio station you want, turn the a/c to the setting you want, and if someone wants to ride along with you for a while, great.

I won't say it isn't difficult. Something like this affects your personal sense of worth and self-esteem. Humans don't like that feeling ... not one bit. Personal rejection causes shame and it's a tough one to fight because you're really fighting yourself.

However, it's also the most powerful growth experience that a person can have. I could tell you stories from my own life that are similar. If you read, I can recommend some books that helped me through.

Here's the deal though ... I never would have met the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX had I stayed with prior relationships. It's silly to compare humans in this way, but the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX smokes every other girl I've ever known ... including girls I truly loved ... one in particular that I almost married.

You have to dig deep inside yourself and find a way to shut off the past and realize that the best is yet to come. Date a lot of girls. Focus on self-improvement. Motivate yourself. Find something to replace the brooding. Yes, it's difficult now, but things will get better.

This is going to sound crazy, but think about it; What if this girl were hit by a bus and lost her arms and legs. Would you still feel the same way about her? Be honest.

FAX

Leave now before there are any kids in the equation. Sounds like she isn't ready to settle down yet. So go have your own good time in Florida. Lots of good looking ladies down there.

Someone give this guy his balls back, FAST!

She already did, he just needs to accept it and move on.

That statement right there would have been the end for me. Like htismaqe said.....don't contact her again. I wouldn't even talk to her when you get back from Florida....even if she contacts you.

**** that bitch. Life is to short to be the fall-back guy.

best rule is to have as much contact with her best looking friend as you can. It'll make you feel better and her feel worse. No, the no contact rule doesn't work btw.

Don't be mad. It is what it is. It hurts, maybe like hell, but it's not the end of the world. Think of it as a good thing. She figured it out before you crazy kids got married and had kids. WHEW! Now have a beer and celebrate. You have your whole life in front of you.

I remember seeing this really old Popeye cartoon one time where Popeye and Bluto were on this old, rickety boat and they made a pact that neither one of them would ever have anything to do with women again. They shook hands and everything.

Then, as luck would have it, Olive Oyl came floating along on a raft. Apparently, the ship she had been on ran aground and sunk and she was the sole survivor. Well, it wasn't long before Popeye and Bluto were going at it hammer and tongs. Popeye would smash Bluto, then Bluto would stuff Popeye into a barrel and on and on. Heck, at one time they had Olive Oyl by the arms and stretched her out. It was kind of amazing how much she could stretch there in that part.

Anyhow, it just goes to show that it's easy to say "get over it", but even dudes like Popeye and Bluto can go a little nuts when women are involved. Even super skinny, stretchy girls.

FAX

This is a kinder way of saying what I would have said.

She's gone....cut her loose.

You were looking for a piece of pussy when you found that one.

I can't think of 1 time after early High School that I ever got back together with someone when there was any kind of "break".

Move on. Life is too short to not be happy.

I've been run over like you're saying....and it ended up being the best thing that gal ever did for me.

Sounds like she was looking for a way out, but didn't want to tell you because of the reaction. She tried using words like break to give herself an out but your reaction wasn't a great one on your part either. Telling someone they should know what they want after 1.5 years is a crock.

Cut bait and move on.

Next that woman and get another one. If she coes back it is on your conditions, but personally I just give them the one strike rule and they are OUT.

The question you need to be asking is where you are going with your pals this weekend and who will be your first slump buster....

Don't waste any more time on that gal. It's not even worth being angry or sad. Just move on and learn.

Especially since she already had a date lined up when she told you about taking a break.

Don't be a chump.

She went on a date, if you ever kiss her again, you're probably catching some 2nd hand pecker.


If I had a hot tub time machine, I'd go back to 1995 and slap myself and do what I'm telling you to do instead of what I did.

There's a lot the relationship that was bad. She started lying constantly about petty shit. The conversation in my original post happened on Sunday night, and I have not spoke to her since then. I dropped her stuff off Monday to her mother who tried to pry about the situation. I don't want her back.....I couldn't take her back. She even made a comment that said "yes, I went on a date with him, and I kissed him" and she made another comment....."I wish you'd just go sleep with someone else to get over me"......very hateful

What I want most, is that revenge. I want her to see she ****ed up, try to get me back, and I just smile and say "no"

In that case, I'd say you have a 50/50 shot, maybe better, of getting the chance.

Odds are that the new guy isn't all the great so she'll eventually call.

None of that will work. Everyone privately wants that after a breakup, but it never really ever turns out that way.

What you should want is to go out with buddies and have the time of your life and realize these are the prime years.

The part about lying is bad, man. Real bad. Never, ever stay with a girl who lies to you ... it will always end badly.

The part about revenge is bad, too. No offense, but that's kind of immature for a God of Thunder. Stop thinking about revenge and start thinking about improving your own life.

FAX

The novelty will wear off with the new guy and she'll seek familiar territory. But what I think the OP will do is take her back.

I don't think he has it in him right now to tell her no.

Take the high road. Let it Be

Don't waste your time with that shit.....just move on.

I wasted a few months of my life being butt hurt, angry and crazy. None of it helped.

What did help was getting back with my buddies and spending my summer on a rebound tour.


Just let that little bird fly and call the buddies you haven't spent much time with the last year. In the big picture, 1.5yrs is a blip on the radar of your life and 10 years from now you'll not think twice about this broad.

Maybe you'll luck out and the new guy will have a Mike N Ike for a pecker.


The best revenge you can have is to just move on and be happy.

Let it be.

She's going to come back. When she does, you must stay strong. Don't waiver. Your first response is, "I'll consider taking you back, but it's gotta be a threesome."

When the threesome is over tell her you think you like her girlfriend better because "she's not you."

winning.

I'm actually kind of going through this same scenario right now but in my case we may be getting to the "she comes back" stage. My gf from 2 years ago and I broke up mostly because she needed to focus on fixing some things in her life through counseling and such and really wasn't good at having a relationship when we were together. So on she went to get the help she needed... we've both dated since and now are both single again. She's still in counseling and maybe always will be but she has made significant progress in 2 years.

Now it's just kind of happened that we're talking a lot again lately and she's calling me the old nicknames that she did when we were together. Neither of us has even mentioned giving it another try but the undercurrent of that seems to exist and I'm honestly not sure how I feel about that. Maybe it will be nothing but maybe it will be something. I don't think either of us feels the need to put a definition on it or any added pressure at this point, which is fine. I'm not sure if I want her back or if I'm just mesmerized by the redheaded, freckles thing lol.

There, that was my luv overshare for the week.

:)

My advice to you GOT is to move on and assume she's not coming back. Don't count on it, don't plan on it, don't even think about it if you can help it. If it happens naturally that you and her get back together then fine, but in the meantime you still only get one life so don't waste time wanting something that's gone and may never come back. You might just miss something better in the process.

:clap:

I'll wager I'm not the only one seeing this throughout your entire post bm

https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/im...vp9xRiESnFLfMA

Most of my friends would agree. Like I said I don't even actively want her back but I won't lie and say I'm totally uninterested in the idea either. I do care about her whether we're a couple or not. I don't know. I'd like to think I'm smarter than I used to be but maybe I'd just like to think that.

Strong emotions show that you care, whether they are positive or negative.

I know you want to make the bitch pay (been there, done that, we've all been kicked to the curb before), but NOTHING GOOD WILL COME FROM IT. It's over - move on. Be glad you'll never be paying the bitch alimony or child support.

However, this is all easier said than done. And I fully expect you'll ignore all the good advice you receive in this thread, because that's just the way it works. The best life lessons are the painful ones, and pain that hurt me doesn't hurt you. So when you **** up and sink even lower, just remember that we'll all be here to say I TOLD YOU SO. :)

This is true. Even if it does work its just temporary and it will happen again and the cycle will continue. The desire for one to leave is for a reason.

I am doing my best at moving on. Monday night I went and played bar poker, tuesday I went to my buddies and played ping pong. Tonight i'm chilling at home, Tomorrow I will be at a bar.

I am trying to move on like i'll never speak to her again. It's hard that she ended it the way she did, and then admitted to dating someone else....that's whats making this hard. The revenge part may be childish, but I feel like she deserves it.

And FAX, it wasn't just lying. It was lying about stupid shit.

She'd claim "I am going to Houlihans with my work friends" and i'd say "okay!" and I was in the area, and drove by there to see if she was there (I had suspicions she was seeing someone else at this time) and she WAS NOT THERE!! when I confronted her about it later, she said "fine.....we actually went to a movie, and I was scared to tell you because you always invite me to movies and I say no"

Then, couple days later, she said she was having "ladies" night at Whiskey tango. Well, I went with some of my friends, and on teh way home from the Casino, they stopped by there. Needless to say, SHE WAS NOT THERE. I had a stamp on my hand showing I paid cover, when I met up with her later that night, I asked to see her hands like I was going to say something important.........I asked her what she did at WT, and she said "we just watched people dance!" and then I sprung it on her! NO STAMP ON THE HAND. She then admitted they actually went to power and light..............so trust me, there was A LOT of red flags,and I just kept allowing it.

Don't be confused, shes gone, tell her to go to hell.

I'd say better then 20/20 chance.

She's been shagging that other dude for a while.

It's easier to say than do, but just move on.

Go do something cool that YOU have always wanted to do. I skydived as part of my list and it was everything I thought it would be. Going to the bar is fine, just don't move into a bottle.

It sounds to me like it's time to move on, and it's time to stop spying on her. It's going to be a bummer for you until you meet someone better.

Find a chick and take her to a Mavericks game. Hockey is an aphrodisiac.

I have a theory that, if the Chiefs would start winning, a lot of Planeteers would have better self-esteem.

There is no freaking way that a guy with a job and a half-assed personality can't attract an interesting, good-looking girl. Hell, that's all they think about ... girls, I mean. They are obsessed with hooking up with a guy ... either for some fun or a husband. If the Chiefs were winning, maybe everybody would feel just a little better about themselves and not quite so damn desperate.

Freaking Pioli.

FAX

The signs where there, you had your doubts and checked on her that proved your doubts. Time to move and start over with a better person. Everyone should have at least 1 bad relationship, it helps to show you the good thing when it comes along.

I knew this guy ... he used to be the Executive Director of the Leukemia Society here in Nashville when I was on the board. Then, he became a franchisee of a company I helped start.

Anyhow, he lost it over a damn live-in girlfriend when she started screwing around. He bugged her phone, tailed her night and day, heck he even hired a PI for awhile to spy on her. He totally lost it. And this guy was otherwise, by all outward appearances, a normal human being with a solid reputation, many friends, and a decent career.

Women can turn even the best guy into a whimpering, paranoid idiot. You owe it to yourself to not let that happen to you. Ever.

FAX

trying hard not too. I am not contacting her, although I would like my stuff back.

She even did stupid things, like Monday, when I dropped her clothes off with her mom.....she loves playing 'scramble with friends' and we had about 5 games going........instead of leaving them and not touching them, she resigned on them all........sort of childish.

The convo with her mother when I dropped her stuff off went like this........


mom - "So do you think you two are going to work this out?"

me - "I don't think so, we're just too incompatible, and sometimes it just doesn't work out"

mom - "You know Melissa never really tells us anything, so we really have no idea what ever is going on"

me - "That seems to be a common theme with her."

mom - "you know, Melissa's first boyfriend was overly clingy, possessive, had to always know where she was at, she just can't handle that sort of thing"

me - "well, maybe is she didn't constantly lie, that wouldn't happen"



I think I handled it well. Her mom was trying to pry to see what I would say. Melissa is 24, so I am sure she'll ask her mom if I said anything when I dropped her stuff off and I wanted to give NO impression that I was hurt over this. The real kicker was when her mom came out to get the last couple of items and one of them was a pregnancy test..

"did Melissa think she was pregnant?"

me - Yeah, good thing that didn't happen.

Just hope its not Jeffrey Dahmer

It sounds as though you have a good relationship with the mother. Have you considered boinking her?

FAX

ewww.....If you saw her mother, that comment would never be made. I looked at it as though her mom wasn't the one who shit on me, and I really don't want to see my ex.

FAX is right. Focus on improving YOUR life. Do so by nailing HER friends as soon as possible.

We do. Pics?

Proper response was: "She's kind of sensitive and quiet about the syphilis she got from her 1 night stands 2 years ago. That, and the thing about the uncle touching her. Well, good-bye."

You will have your revenge, it just won't be right now.

Right now you need to go hang out with your friends, have a good time, shoot pool, go to the gun/outdoor sports/electronics show, spend saturday afternoon hungover watching the John Wayne movie marathon, hit the gym, and do everything else you missed because you were dating.

After a while, you'll start dating another girl, and probably a couple more after that. Eventually, you'll meet one that you trust, love, etc. Then, in 15-20 years, you will be enjoying dinner at a restaurant with the beautiful Goddess of Thunder and a couple of handsome little Thunderlings and this chick that dumped you will come to your table to take your order. After telling her about your wonderful family, career and recent vacation, you will ask her how she has been doing.

I see you've met my ex-wife.

(Seriously, that was like eerily close.)



As far as breaks go, if I ever dated again, which I won't, any 'break' asked for would be immediately granted, and would be permanent.

Do. Not. Grovel. You're better than that. Even if you're not.

Do not pine. Let her go and move on.

Grudge **** her best friend.

There you go, right there. Nearly every woman will eventually look like their mother, so it appears that you just dodged a 30-year time bomb.

Spoken like a boss. I may have to post this on my facebook wall..

Best feeling ever. I know it sounds petty, but it's the best feeling ever.

Sometimes it's good just to take a break.

Everyone picks up a Dahmer once in a while. The key with those people is to drive off quickly when they're in the bathroom during a gas stop.

That's something I need to get better at. I really like the fresh breath of starting over, but unfortunately I have a photographic memory of the past, it seems.

Watch Jill Kelly vids & all will be fine

Fake chow her to get her back.

so are you going to blog on here and man up and move on or are you going to text or email her (cause you lie to yourself, that's not REALLY CONTACTING HER) hehe.

This is why you always make a sex tape or at least get some good snap shots. That way when this shit happens you can send them to her mom, grandma, and any other guy she starts dating.

FYP

Well, if that's the case, count your blessings.

The odds are pretty good that she'll look a lot like her mom in 20 years. Fill your brainpan with that and fry it up.

FAX

Should of told her mother that you want your things back unbroken, since you gave her hers back..

That is not a good idea. I sat on Federal jury trial that a boyfriend did this. It did not end up well for him. No jail time but it cost him a lot of cash.

Did he post it online or just mail them out?

I would think there are ways he could have just accidently left a copy here or there :)

That sounds a lot better than sitting in a jury trial for some oil lease contract dispute. How long did it take the jury to 'carefully review the evidence?"

Does anyone believe this is the first "date" she has been on?

Ain't no way in hell I will contact her......actually that's not true, if I decide I need my clothes at her house, and she doesn't ever speak to me again (not sure of the chances), then I MAY text her asking to give me my stuff back so I can move on...........not sure.

Dude, you were her sloppy seconds. Yuck!