Sam Mellinger | Hold your nose when Chiefs play
 

Sam Mellinger | Hold your nose when Chiefs play
By SAM MELLINGER
The Kansas City Star
Keep in mind the Chargers stink too, guys. Their quarterback turns it over too much, their roster is declining and their coach will probably soon be fired. But the Chargers’ is a more conventional brand of stink.

The NFL smells the Chargers’ kind of stink all the time, and it’s a significant stink. But by now we all know there is no stink like the Chiefs’ brand of stink. We’re part of history here, you know: An up-close look at the kind of relentless, tenacious, opening-kickoff-to-final-whistle, never-take-a-snap-off stink against which all future generations of terrible teams will be judged.

This fireable offense of a Chiefs season made its prime-time debut, every misstep and fumble and failure of a 31-13 loss here to the (not as) sorry Chargers broadcast in high-definition to what we can only assume was a bored national audience.

The only drama left is whether the Chiefs will ever hold a lead while they take a snap this season, and when owner Clark Hunt will break his silence to fire the coach who’s overmatched and the general manager who obsesses over everything but quarterbacks.

Sickening and disgusting. The Chiefs are clearly not gladiators.

You surely know the incredible fact that has come to define this group of underachieving, badly coached, and micromanaged losers: They haven’t held a lead in any part of their first eight games, the first team to be so thoroughly overmatched since 1929.

That’s nineteen-twenty-nine — the year of the (original) stock market crash. To give you an idea, in 1929, the NFL included teams in Frankford, Pa.; Staten Island, N.Y.; and Dayton, Ohio.

This is such an achievement of incompetence that it is at once both stunning and unfathomable. Even the 0-16 Lions of 2008 managed a few leads. Actually, by this point in their season, the Lions had led in four games — three in the fourth quarter.

To do what the Chiefs are doing requires a conspiracy of unpreparedness, ineffectiveness and whatever is the complete opposite of surgical focus — stoner focus, maybe.

You have to do things like be outscored 61-6 in the first quarter — a pretty good sign the coaches are in over their heads — while still being able to channel your substantial failures at just the wrong times.

You need a quarterback like Matt Cassel, in other words, who can fumble the snap at the goal line with your team threatening to take a lead against the Ravens. You need punt returners like Javier Arenas, too, who can whiff an easy catch at just the right time to throw momentum over to the other side against the Raiders.

And it’s fine to have a talented receiver like Dwayne Bowe, but only if the bulk of his production comes on garbage drives at the ends of blowouts — extra credit if he makes a fool of himself by pointing to the name on the back of his jersey — and you can count on him to fumble near the red zone when the score is close against the Chargers.

You need one quarterback who has as many or more turnovers than all but one NFL team (not including his own), but also a backup who’s probably worse.

You need a team in such disarray that a team captain with a $60 million contract is benched, the star running back gets 39 touches in one game and five carries in another, the head coach openly and repeatedly says he doesn’t know what’s going on, and the owner stays silent behind the scenes trying to decide when to step in.

You a team that’s become such a punch line in some football circles that the coach who got fired last year is jokingly called “Vince Lombardi with a dirty cap” by one personnel man while comparing the current carnage.

Kansas City sports fans have taken some misguided criticism this fall, but maybe now the football world can see what drives people to fly banners over the stadium calling for the general manager to be fired.

That’s looking more and more likely, by the way. Hunt doesn’t want to fire Scott Pioli, but he doesn’t like to be embarrassed either. The Chiefs are now nine days from what looks to be an ugly Monday night loss in Pittsburgh as Todd Haley’s Steelers offense presumably takes aim at scoring a thousand points.

The Chiefs, with a level of thorough, consistent, no-snaps-off stink the league has never seen, can no longer be talked about in a serious manner. Not until Hunt takes serious action, anyway.

Maybe the next coach can call a play with the lead.

Who the **** edited the abortions that the 3rd and 4th paragraphs are? JFC.

Good message from Smellinger, though.

I hope to hell this article will not appear in the newspaper as written here.

Some people still think Pioli is going to be retained.

Even his daughter thinks he should be fired.

Those people are ****ing morons.

Pioli is John F. Kennedy's skull, and he's driving through Dallas RIGHT NOW.

I agree, I'm just saying I hope they aren't right though. If Clark thinks the fan base is pissed now...

I love all the bad press Pioli is getting. I can't wait until that mother****er gets thrown out like yesterday's garbage.

Hold your nose, close your eyes and drink as much as possible when they play.

That is all

How does anyone continue to say the backup is "probably worse".

Performance is all that matters. Cassel has an obvious track record of shitting the bed at crucial moments. His capstone project in demonstrating this was his endzone fumble resulting in a Bolts TD.

At this point I'd rather see ****ing Damon Huard in there than Cassel.

LOL.

Awesome. That's pretty much a terrible article, but absolutely appropriate. There is nothing to glean. No greater significance. No hidden meaning. No story to be had.

Just shit. And he says just what needs to be said. No beating around the bush or using soft language. Just laughable shit.

trust in the owner and GM.......they have a plan and fans must be patient.

This is Pioli's legacy and I can't wait until he gets shit canned. incoerente. o' test'u'cazz.

Perhaps he just rattled off a disgusted rant and they went with it?

Something tells me, Haley isnt taking a knee on Monday Night.

I hope the Steelers win 63-13

I hope you're joking.

you thought it was exciting to see Carl step down. This is going to be a party of epic proportions if Pioli is fired.

Damn, we hear great quotes from Romeo's presser week in and week out. i havent heard shit this time. Im going to have to go searching on the KC Chiefs website to hear his presser

wow, its so bad they cut everything out and gave him about a minute on the KC Chiefs website. usually you get full pressers. lol

cars may be tipped and people might be killed

i know him and Kent Babb are always talking on twitter how they edit some of their words. Mellinger was like one day Suck is gonna make it passed the editors. lol

I think the editors move alot of the words around because its pretty harsh on the team right now.

I didn't hold my nose, but I did catch up with a bunch of stuff on my DVR.

If I were mega rich, I'd publicly pledge to donate $1 million to cancer ridden children the second Pioli is fired. Clark would still refuse.

Didn't the Chargers defense score as many TDs in 2:06 as our offense has in the past 240:00?

If I was super wealthy, id try to buy the damn team...

They don't make water hot enough to wash away the filth that is this "team."

Piloi's FAIL gives me such warm fuzzies...

ROFL

At least they are predictable...... we get a turnover by SD- in field goal range already- told my son we will not get points..

Cashole- bad pass
Loss on a telegraphed run up the middle
Bowe looks lost-another floater by Cashole
Succoff Misses field goal.

Romeo stand there with the deer in the headlights look = as he dreams of icecream. Camera pans to Pioli- he grabs a note pad real quick like he making notes-lol prob jotting down his grocery list.

Pathetic!

I think they should let Pioli line up at quarterback next week against Pittsburg.

'And it’s fine to have a talented receiver like Dwayne Bowe, but only if the bulk of his production comes on garbage drives at the ends of blowouts — extra credit if he makes a fool of himself by pointing to the name on the back of his jersey — and you can count on him to fumble near the red zone when the score is close against the Chargers.'

so much truth in this article, but this part needed to be pointed out again for some CP members.

Did you watch the game last night, Driving Wheel?

Bowe was getting the ball early and often. Only reason we were ever in the game.

HE'S PART OF THE ****ING SOLUTION AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM YOU'RE A STUPID BASTARD.

You're an idiot.

Bowe doesn't make his money in garbage time. Cassel does. Why? Because the D's go into a shell. Bowe just happens to be the recipient.

Go look up how many times Bowe has fumbled the ball and get back to me.

OH MY

All these BlackBob mults are nauseating.

ROFL

Speaking of this ... what are we doing that is telling the enemy defense we are about to run-a the fut-a-ball-a? Cassel doesn't always shout, "Omaha" every time, but it's completely obvious that our opponent knows what we're about to do ... and it's been that way since the NO game.

Does the cadence include the words, "No pass this time, hut, hut, hut!"?

FAX

I tried to watch, sure. It was hard, and as the 4th qtr went on I found myself more and more disinterested...

Hey, Bowe could be part of a great roster. If he had a great qb and a no-bullshit head coach to keep him in line, a team rich with depth and a locker room with character, etc. I'm not saying he's useless or a waste of a roster spot...

I just expect more from a 'marquee player' and a 'team captain'. He's NOT a leader, and he's definitely never been as good as the truly elite WRs in the league even though he expects to be paid like one.

How hard is that for you toolsheds to grasp?? He looks and acts as clueless as Romeo.

You want top WR money?? Then conduct yourself in a sutable manner.

That being said, the problems this team have extend way beyond D-Bowe being a D-bag.

I expect the final nail in the coffin on Monday Night...I've never really anticipated a Cheifs loss in quite the manner I am anticipating the next one.

It's a weird feeling.

Omaha, Omaha!!!

I think it's the only audible they trust cASShoLe to make.

Like, Daboll : 'If it looks bad, check to Omaha.'

cASShoLe : 'Well...it always looks bad to me. More confusing than Madden...'

Daboll : 'then check to Omaha'

cASShoLe : 'ok, boss'

It's too bad we don't have Cam Newton on this team to call for a fucking change.

And people here thought Cam was being a bitch....
What he did WORKED.

That's not an audible.

"Omaha" is a modification of the snap count.

Yeah, it's probably all the pre-snap adjustments cASShoLe is capable of.

Buddha wept, we have a high school qb running a high school offense.

ROFL

He's so bad he can make Buddha cry?

:thumb:

It's really that bad.

LMAO

holy shit man

Cassel is gonna pick up the pieces of brain.

We'll never know who the man on the grassy knoll was but....Clark Hunt does live in Dallas. :evil:

I hold my nose while they play. But I hold my ass afterwards because I JUST GOT ****ED!!!!