Close call this morning
 

My girl's roomie is out of town and her great dane got violently ill yesterday... just destroyed their carpeting. I guess her mom took the initiative to call a cleaning company to come out this morning, and didn't tell my gf until 7am today that the company would be there at 8.


Well, she calls me at 8:15 and wakes me up. Tells me that she let the guy in and that while he was upstairs, she decided to clean the wood floor in their kitchen. She was on all 4, scrubbing the floor, and she hears him right behind her say, "mmm... You sure are pretty" in a creepy ass voice. She immediately went outside and called me, asking if I would come over until he leaves.

I was ready to kill, man. Threw on shorts and a tshirt, grabbed my 9 iron, and sped over to her place.

I park, and this dude is a sweaty guy in his 50's with a weird, bent pigeon leg. He's in the driveway turning on his power vac. I walk right by him into the house with the club over my shoulder, and he looks really confused.

I sit on the couch in the entry way, holding my club, and 5 mins later he walks in, says, "hi," to which I don't respond.

He goes in the kitchen and says to my girl, "is that club for me?!"

She says "he's going to the range in a bit" at the same time I say "maybe"

He starts to ask her another question and I let him know that is done speaking with her, and to finish cleaning the carpet and leave.

Son of a bitch shuts his mouth, hops the **** to, and leaves the second he's done.

I haven't been that heated in years.

Hopefully somebody is going to call the company to let them know they have a weirdo working for them. But that's probably the norm for carpet cleaners.

A 9 IRON !!!


Everyone knows a 3 iron will smack someone farther .

Bro, buy her some keychain pepper spray.

She has some

Pics

You needed a weapon? Lol

You got lucky. His plan was to get you over there. Then he seen you ain't got no purty mouth.

-A stranger is in my house...I'd better throw on my shorty cheer shorts and bend over and scrub the floor-

LMAO Only at CP!

LMAO

All laughing aside, to be a fair judge of the man's creepiness, it would help if we had a pic of what he saw..

Wonder if the carpet dude had looked like Tatum Channing if the phone call would have been placed? ;)

It's the only way to objectively judge this situation.

If I was the carpet cleaner I may consider filing charges for threats or intimidation.

If this guy is self employed, you have no recourse. If he works for somebody, I'd have your GF call the company, talk to the boss, and tell him what happened.

Lulz, no pics fellas. Thought that would hit on page 2. Good work!

And she was cleaning the wood floor because there was Great Dane vomit and diarrhea on it.

SOHAWTIKNOW

GTFO

(Unless you're joking, but if not...)

GTFO

Didn't know if it was Patrick Willis I was walking into.

Turns out it was Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade.

:LOL:

She was probably flirting with him, felt guilty about it, and made you come over to cover it up and make herself feel less guilty.

Now she will turn this around and use it as an excuse for you to move in with her.

9 iron? Pfffft. Choke him out with your bare hands. Pussy.

Not everyone is an internet he-man like you.

Patrick Willis, bro. That's what I had in my mind.

Something about pigeon legged old men gets her so wet

Grab the relationship by the horns and tell her mom to stay the **** out of your relationship. Preferably in person holding the golf club.

Ok. FYI though, if you gotta **** up a golf club on someone's head, don't **** up an important one like a 9 iron. What the hell you gonna do when you are 125 yards out? JFC, use your 3 iron.

Lol. I like that suggestion

You are the last person to take advice from on subjects like these. Not just because you're you, but because you are consistently off base on everything that involves the opposite sex.

It was my friend's club, so I gave zero ****s

A rusty pipe would be more intimidating and mentally racking for the guy. He would be wondering where you want to put it as he finishes the carpet.

Messy look, club over your shoulder, grunting and one word sentences. Excellent caveman impression. You certainly have the look and actions down.

Yep, that's what I was going for.

Can you at least go to the Ass thread in the pics forum and find an equivalent representation of your girl. Again, all in the name of fair judgment.

You should thrown out my one liner I use on Game Wardens: "So, does anyone know you're out here?"

:LOL: well played

Lol. I'm stealing your line

You should purchase a pistol

A 9 iron for defense could have got you both raped

Why you have to cock block a dude like that?
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Iv'e used that line twice and the reaction is always a good one. I think part of it is when I'm out in the mountains 15 miles from the nearest road, I alway have my Smith & Wesson 500 strapped on for bears and that keeps them guessing a bit. :D

This is where I'm at.

A quick search turned up this gem

:eek: Jesus H. Christ!

Enjoy your vacation. :evil:

Right.

A sand wedge is much more appropriate for those difficult lies.

and the majority of the time, the same sex.

Told the family one night, "I killed a 'possum in the garage. "I

Son asks what did you use.

"I used a 9 iron. Your 9 iron"

Tee Hee...I'm always so sweaty after yoga...I'd better take a shower, but the door doesn't always latch the best....

I wanna clean carpets for a living.

Pussy isn't worth going to jail for smh

I've seen enough pornos to know that's not how it happens. I'm calling BS...

Just exactly what type of CARPET does he clean?

If I was in his situation, I would most definitely how many guys are there. Since it was one there's not need to bring a weapon. Just up and act casual. Why take a golf club lol.

Was the carpet cleaner wearing a hoodie?

(sorry, wrong thread) :evil:

Be glad he was a carpet cleaner and not a pipe layer

LMAOLMAO

Did he ask why the carpets didn't match the drapes?

Oh, it's not the speed really so much, I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning.

Carpet ****ing sucks.

Well, that's a quality Saturday morning.

Gentlemen, she is 26. There's no carpet outside the one on the floor.

This isn't the 80's.

way to handle business bro

This is why I have a dog.

Open the face on an 8 - duh.

If you burn your 3, you're just boned. You gonna swing your driver at 80% from the fairway? That's a disaster waiting to happen.

He had a good caddy on this one; right club choice.

I tend to attack with the putter. Mostly because I putt like happy gilmore.

You needed a 9 iron to scare a Pigeon legged 50 year old?

I bet he was trembling on his pigeon leg when you said "maybe" LMAO

Maybe he thought he said mulligan and feared the same thing happening to his other leg.

Hi there. Welcome to the thread. Refer to pages 2,3 and 4 to have your question answered and more!

(We call him Tomatard)

If you wanna do the most damage with a club, it's the putter no doubt. Short, heaviest, lotta straight lines and knobs.

Is this how rich white people fight?

No. Lazy pussys

No. The hired help does the dirty work.

(Gasp!) but BRO!!!!

I got a golf bag, golf balls and a 9 iron right?

A. country. boy. can. survive.

I had a golf club for about three weeks. It some how ended up in a tree.
True story.

Prior to did you yell "pull"

Wasted opportunity for a three-way if you ask me.

Nobody wants to risk the splinters from the hard wood

Hit a gap wedge.

Dog vomit lube to the rescue.