If you could pleasure yourself orally, would you?
 

Was talkin about this at work. If you could blow yourself (or munch yourself - for the ladies), would you do it? Try it? I said no but I didn't rule out maybe special occasions like my birthday or a Chiefs game winning TD.

Ron Jeremy approves this thread.

Done !

I'll mark you down as a maybe

I've tried to live my life by a few axioms. One is don't be a one who sucks the penis.

This is it. Shut down Chiefsplanet.

Sounds great on paper, but i just cant see myself taking a shot in the mouth... even if its my own.

I wont kiss on girls who've just blown me, so no.

Maybe after I took myself out to a nice dinner and a movie.

The real reason I'm against it is due to my tendency to ooze a little bit of precum. I don't think it would taste good. I do not want to find out.

this me reminds me of the Episode of Workaholics where they follow a co-worker home to spy on him, only to discover he pleasures himself orally

does not sound appealing

To me, it is the definitive pro/con situation.

Pineapple and celery is supposed to help with the taste.

I ate a shit ton of asparagus if I know I'll be gettin' some action that night.

You can tell it's Friday night on Chiefsplanet by the sexual frustration in posts like this one.

I had a pineapple upside down cake tonight incidentally.

Ron Jeremy used to be able to do it. Now, he's so fat that he can't.

As a podcast I listen to once said:

"It can't be that great, because that dude would rather be fat and eat cheeseburgers than blow himself."

Yeah tell me about it! Nothing more frustrating than being a few inches from being able to kiss the dragon. God has a sick sense of humor, putting it where ya JUST can't get to it. Frustration, heh. You hit the nail on the head sweetheart.

my problem is I'm shitty at giving them.

food and drink?

You know how it feels about 100x better when a girl is stroking your shaft than you doing it yourself?

If you want a 1/100th quality BJ, given by a mouth with no experience, then have at it.

It would count as both theoretically right?

Plus the freshly cracked vertebrae it would take to do it.

The low self esteem of being a self spitter would be a killer.

Alright how about this. You're starving to death and you need the protein. Would ya? Talk about eating your young.

Mandingo approves of this thread

Pretty sure the second law of thermodynamics would render that moot.

This thread sucks.....

Spinoff: would it be gay to have sex with a carbon copy of yourself, or would it just be another form of masturbation?

Actually, no. 100% of the "handjobs" I've received have been terrible.

They're so rough. Like they're trying to start a chainsaw.

What do you mean "if"? I have an 18-in her, it's no problem. /CP Membership

"You bastard! I promised I wouldn't cum in my mouth! I'm never trusting myself again!"

No. I know where it has been.

Exactly

http://i.imgur.com/8n9LP.gif

I think this topic came up before, and someone summarized the truth by asking how many people use their hands because they can reach it.

30+ posts, and nobody's even mentioned the man from Nantucket yet?

You assholes are slipping. :D

"Alex Smith did, does, and will always suck"

What do you mean, "if"?

Peanuts and kiwi for volume and blueberries for taste. That's also good for pre workout energy.

**** no, why would you want to suck dick?

no thanks


huge different between jacking off and blowing yourself


ewww :Lin:

I have to admit, posting in that thread and reading the replies is something akin to what I imagine self oral pleasure to be like.

Probably not. But I am willing to learn.

Neither does rubbing and pulling on a dick with a hand. Never has stopped anyone because the end result.

Anyone that pleasures themselves would undoubtedly do this as well. After all it is the end result we are after.

Could you send us somewhere special?

"Pleasure myself Orally...?"
You mean like, tell myself a really good story???

And where do you work that you have time to talk about stuff like this???

Oh, this reminds me of a bad joke.

Kid comes home from school, sets his books down on the kitchen table.
Dad says "What's up, son?"
Kid says: "Just had my first blowjob..."
Dad says: "Oh yeah? Whaddya think?"
Kid says: "Tasted Terrible."

Convicted? No never convicted. Well actually I have. Long story..............prison sucked.

ummm ... no


If you don't see a significant different between rubbing your dick with your hand and sucking your dick with your mouth then you might be gay

Guess you don't eat your wives pussy then.

I bet if you guys could reach it, you would do it.

I can reach it, but I have 17 gorgeous super model girlfriends, so why bother?/CPer

If it was that long you could just **** yourself in the ass...

Would I put my own D in my mouth...

No.

This is another great reason why there are so many women running around out there, among other things.

Actually 18, and all are between the ages of 18-20...

Yet you use your hand. And I'm sure your game isn't so strong that you are able to pull any girl you see "running around out there".

Same guys who claim they dont jack off posting in here.

Instant section 8.............

I'm still having a hard time picturing what kind of work conversation was going on that it ventured into this topic.

Ive had this conversation a million times with my wife. Yes, everyone would. If you could pleasure yourself with your hand would you? Yes. Millions do it with thier hand if every genertion going back could do it orally they would. It would inevetibly be the downfall of life as we know it. My wife gives a mean blow j, a better than alot of pussy mouth hug. Now if i could do that to myself wtf do i need her for cooking cleaning? With the money not spent on her i can hire a maid and eat out.

This, I could see it maybe, *maybe, as a pop quiz type convo where it is a passing joke or something, but to take it to drawn out proportions where you start thinking of situations where you might actually do it is, creepy.

It may not be any girl that I'd like, but it is a numbers game. Pretty much any girl's mouth of breeding age is a much better alternative than your own mouth.

The hand is different, you've been 'touching' yourself down since before your memory because you have to direct urination. Nature intended this.

No it wouldnt be you having sex with yourself...or would it? Needless to say id hit it, already have like 37 billion times. (Disclaimer: if anything im saying wierds you the **** out..**** off. Ive got a two week old at home and 2-4 more weeks of no pussy.)

Tough break for Hand Job. /PVT. Cowboy

Two hillbillies are sitting on a porch when a hound lays down in front of them and starts licking itself. One hillbilly says to the other, "Sure wish I could do that" and the other hillbilly replies "You ought to pet him first, he might bite".

Hilarious that people think that rubbing your dick with your hand is even remotely the same as having jizz in your mouth.

It is not the same as having jizz in your mouth but you suck yourself to the point of explosion then rub it out on the cat while it runs by really isnt much different than chasing the cat and doing it with your hand is it? For the record i would not slurp my own baby gravy, even though i have proof its a top notch recipe.

Some of you obviously take your onanistic distinctions pretty seriously.

Wow wow wow. Who said anything about taking the load in your mouth?!

If?

A bj without the swallow is worthless.

Even if it's your own swallow?

If i could give myself one and decided to try it, i wouldnt bother doing it unless i was willing to see it through.

This whole things getting creepy LMAO

:)

I never came in my hand before. I doubt I would come in my mouth either. I guess you have never eaten your wives pussy until she had an orgasm.

Blowing yourself isn't the same as blowing someone else. That's like saying giving yourself a hand is the same as giving someone else a hand.

All it is is masturbation.

Now if you're blowing yourself and thinking or some dude....well then you might be gay.

Dogs probably ask themselves the opposite about opposable thumbs.

We talk about "would you do X for Z" stuff sometimes. For example, would you stab yourself in the eye for 100,000 dollars. Etc. it gets boring at our job....

What if you're thinking of yourself? :hmmm:

Mind = blown?