Riskiest Things You've Ever Said to a Cop?
 

"Your eyes look pretty red, son... you been smoking dope?"

"Your eyes look pretty glazed, officer... you been eating donuts?"

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Another time a cop pulled me over and asked me if I was texting... I told him, "No... I was tweeting."

:facepalm:

Thanks for your contributions, Mr. Discuss Thrower.

"**** you. Take me to jail."

Oh another one that I did a few years back...

Me: "But officer, I was just trying to keep up with the traffic."

Her: (looks up and down deserted road) "Sir, there is no traffic."

Me: "See how far behind I am!"

I didn't get the ticket. :-D

Probably something like, "Yes, sir. I'll pay closer attention in the future, officer. Thank you."

I've always been out of my tits like that.

I had a cop in Mexico trying to get me to follow him to the station... Terrifying to say the least. I just kept insisting that I couldn't understand him and to take my 20 bucks, to which he finally conceded. Thank god, I thought I was never going to be heard from again.

[QUOTE=teedubya;10552490]"Your eyes look pretty red, son... you been smoking dope?"

"Your eyes look pretty glazed, officer... you been eating donuts?"

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That is hilarious.

I'm never one to hold back sarcasm... normally, it's endearing. Sometimes not. But, I'm good with that. Most cops have low IQs anyway.

A guy with low IQ, a pistol, a tazer, a club, and a slew of friends who won't hesitate to join the fight.

Yep. That's the guy I'm going to **** with.

I was on my way to work at about 0415 and stopped at the local 7/11. I work out of town and I have to take the highway or freeway to get there. When I got to the door I saw two local cops and two sheriffs waiting outside. The floor of the place had been buffed and the register guy was doing transactions at the door, collecting the money and returning with the products. As I walked up the sheriffs were telling the guy what they wanted. I interrupted with, "GIMME A LITER OF COLA." The local cops giggled. The sheriffs gave me a really, really shitty look and one said (deadpan), "That wasn't funny." I said, "Oh, I think it was. But you bet your ass I''ll be staying under the speed limit all the way to work this time, officer."

I'll be here all week.

I view cops in the same way I view guard dogs. I tend not to **** with either and I realize that they serve a good purpose for the most part.

I'm sharp enough to diffuse any situation. :-) And yeah, many of these comments were before the police state, Homeland security, tank having police forces. LOL

I may mind my Ps and Qs a bit more nowadays.

stepping out of a 73 mach 1 mustang and stumbling and doing a face plant

I am a rocket surgeon, put the cuffs on

that was my last DUI,

I have gotten better

Oh. Are we counting stupid shit we said or did while drunk too?

Sure you can search my vehicle.

Some fat ass was directing traffic through a work zone and I guess I was going too slow (in a ****ing work zone!) because he started giving me the hurry up wave while looking super annoyed. I gave his rude ass the finger. Though I guess I didn't really say anything.

I just read that on facebook the other day.

It's pretty popular. I'm sure I'm not the only one to say it. :evil: I think it was on a movie in the 80s... and I was smoking dope. And I did get arrested. August 1995.

Officer: Son, do you know you are going down a one way street?

Me :Yes Sir officer, I'm only going one way, this way ( pointing straight ahead ).

Officer : You been drinking?

Me:No Sir, my friend was, I'm the designated driver, he called me to come pick him up.

Officer: That dumb ass should have taken a taxi!

Never got a ticket, just a warning.

Where's the bacon? There you are.

"I'm going to ****ing kill you," as I tried to open the door to his cruiser.

"Taze me, mother****er! Go on, do it." Same encounter.

"Go **** yourself and get off my porch, you one who sucks the penis." different encounter.

I ****ing hate cops.

Damn, you win. ROFL

By no means am I a badass. I can count the number of fights I've been in on one hand, but I detest illegitimate authority, and cops are the epitome of that to me.

The funny part, I became a cop and heard some of the stupidest sh*t you can imagine.

Damn. If Hamas was black, he'd be dead.

I joke with em. I got a ticket, afterwards I said great I get the one straight cop. He literally started laughing.

Another time, I went up and yelled I am going to kick your fat pig ass. He turned around and laughed and we man hugged. His fellow officers and a randoms in the street were puzzled. Good buddy I have not seen in awhile.

The next year, same guy speared our friend out of no where. He saw us before we saw him to **** with.

Most of them are good guys.

After being pulled over for speeding I told a cop that my house was right around the corner. He was pissed, I didn't get a ticket.

lol, once years ago, when i was thuggin, we got pulled over and a friend of mine was older OG back then got harrassed and the cop ask if he was a gangbanger. He said no obviously (yes, he was lying) and the officer told him, well if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck it, its a duck! He goes, what if its a goose. lol I started laughing my ass off.

Another time i got pulled over by the same cop 3 days in a row, the 3rd time i told him, you know your not going to ****ing find anything, why the **** you keep harassing us. So, i just kept talking shit to him about him abusing his power, then eventually his partner handcuffed me and took me across the street to sit on the curb. They let me go after they didnt find stuff again.

When I was younger I could always tell when I wasn't getting a ticket by how loud the officer was. When they were quiet and polite I was screwed.

About 6 months ago, there was this cop who kept following my wife home from work...which was 20 miles away. He'd tail her all the way home. It would happen literally every time she went to work for like a 4 week span. Used to piss me off because according to the license plate number, it was the same cop every single time. I was starting to get the impression that he was creeping on her. My wife is hot.

One night he did it for like...the 3rd time in a week. 20 freaking miles. She called me on the way home and I was waiting for her with a cut-off t-shirt (I was planning on lifting weights at our 24 hour facility when she got home) and my arms crossed, with a stern expression on my face. I was pissed. I stared the dude down the entire time he slowly crept by our house.

So a few minutes pass when I decided to drive to the workout facility in town. Instead of hopping in the car I usually drive, I hopped in my wife's car. I did this on purpose to see if I would get tailed or followed by this cop if he was still in town. He was still in town and when he saw me, he followed me all the way to the workout facility. This was late at night. When he followed me into the parking lot of this 24 hour facility, I was livid. I hopped out of my car immediately and approached the guy, who kind of seemed taken aback and timid...not a real assertive dude. I maintained a safe distance from him, but wanted to let it be known that I was not happy. I looked at him and my first comment was, "I'm just going to assume that you are real upset that I am not my wife right now." I followed this with, "do you mind telling me why you've been following her home from work every night? It's becoming pretty stressful for her and DON'T EVEN try telling me you haven't been doing it. We have tracked your ID number through your license plate." The guy was stand-offish and was like, "uhh sir, I don't know what you are referring to. I'm just wanting to know what you are doing at this facility so late." I replied, "this is a 24 hour workout facility and I have a membership. Wanna see?" I plugged in my password and opened the door to the facility. Then I said, "and you DO know what I'm talking about...I already indicated to you that we know that it's been you the entire time." This cop responded with, "well, I don't believe there is any merit to that claim." I responded, "you bet your ass there is. And for your information, my wife's best friend is the county sheriff...your boss. If you don't leave us the hell alone, I will feel compelled to reporting to him that you have been harassing her. His own daughter has been in the car with her while you've done this, so he WILL see the merit in our story. You going to piss off and leave her alone?" The guy responded with something along the lines of, "Sir, I'd prefer it if you spoke to me on a professional level. Have a good workout and go on with your night." As I began walking into the facility, I said to him, "don't advise me to speak to you on a professional level when you don't act the part...as you obviously should."

Haven't seen or heard from him since, but I would be a blithering liar if I were to say that in the back of my mind, I'm not creeped out or wonder if he still feels the need to stalk my wife.

A cop once asked me if I had any marijuana in the car. I advised him that if I was smoking it, it was staying at home. Needless to say, he did not search the car and discover the half ounce.

I was a passenger in a car going 111 on a 70 mph highway and got pulled over. Deputy Bubba had us pulled over and out of the car and was questioning us. He asked ME why we were speeding. I looked down the road and said "That hill probably sped us up quite a bit". (Powder River County is flat as Kansas) He pushed me against the car with one hand and put his pencil an inch from my eyeball and said "I bury smart mother****ers like you every day!"

Eventually, we got hauled to town and I paid the local insurance guy to get six months insurance on my buddies car and paid the ticket. Deputy Bubba then drove us back to the car and followed us to the next county. (Yes, my buddy paid me back for the insurance and ticket)

"is that badge real?"

Getting finger printed in the Osage County, KS jail and my wasted buddy says out loud "I hope they don't find the pound of weed under the spare tire." When we were released that Monday, they pulled his moms minivan around and the only thing bolted down was the drivers seat, everything else was piled in the back, the carpet, headliner, it was completely torn apart. Idiot.

Osage Co? Holy ****, what did you? I have no doubt they tore that vehicle to shreds.

We were country cruising, I had fallen asleep and this dumbass pulls over to take a piss on the side of the road. Cop wakes me up and sees the most minute amount of weed and took us in. My buddy made the "pound of weed" comment in jest because it was laughable that we were being booked for half a joint. His mom was sooooo pissed, lol.

The messed up thing was I had a broken leg and was on crutches and had to spend the night in the Osage County jail.

"I'll blow but it's going to be over the limit. You'd have to be a douchebag to arrest me."

Cop asked me to step outside to answer some questions about someone else. I oozed jager.

Isn't that a form of bribery?:p

Confucius says it's better to suck dick outside of jail rather than in it.

I've told this story a few times here but I got pulled over for speeding.
I knew the cop that got me from some law enforcement conferences, etc.
he walks his chubby ass up, recognized me and was fairly pleasant. He did my license check, walked back up to me and asked the question.
"You know why I pulled you over?"
I couldn't help it...
"Yeah, because I'm black!"

He laughed pretty hard and let me go.

Is that a HAARP machine in your pocket or u just glad to see me

Told a state trooper to mind his own ****ing business this is a local matter and I am talking to the local authorities and that he could **** right on off because he was not needed or wanted there.

Was riding in a friend's van in the early 2000s with a few other people (all guys) one night that had some blankets and kids toys in it. Get pulled over and cop and his partner say they saw smoke coming out of the vehicle and could smell weed. The driver was smoking a cigarette only, nobody was smoking weed or even had any on them.

They tell all 6 of us to get out of the van and search the van for the non-existant weed and find some of the kids toys (Some type of rattle for my friend's baby) and one of the cops says "This looks like a butt plug or something. Are you guys pillowbiters?" And the 2 cops chuckle. (The filter changed the word to pillowbiter, but he used the word that rhymes with bags.)

I respond by saying "It's his kid's toy. What kind of ****ed up shit are you doing around kids?"

Funny you should ask.

When I was 18 I went to a Charlie Daniels concert in SkullBone, TN.

The stage was the only thing in this town other than the Town Store/City Hall/Kingdom of Skullbonia, but there was a TON of people there, and it was all back road from there to my house.
Long story short, I got arrested for DUI after face planting when the cop told me to step out of the car.
I was young and stupid and deserved everything that happened to me.
So, I was sitting right behind the cop in the car and was saying all kinds of shit to him.
Calling him fat. Betting his wife is a fat pig. I bet she smells like feet and cheetohs huh? Calling him a stupid hill billy. Just all kinds of shit.
He says: "If you don't shut up, I'm going to stop this car, take those cuffs off, take off this badge, and beat your ass"
I said: That's what I been waiting for you fat ****ing POS gomer pile looking MFer.
He stopped the car opened the door, and started jabbing me in the ribs with his stick.
It HURT.....bad. For days. He messed up my floating rib or something. It was horrible.
Like I said, I deserved it, and I learned a lesson. I haven't said a cross word to a cop since.

Yes you can search my car.

Holy man-boobs, there are some BADASS MOFOS on CP!!!!!!!!

I was out drinking with some Army buddies down in Juarez back in the late 90's... we were all pretty wasted and came back across the bridge... When you come across the Border Patrol will ask you what nationality you are.. We all said US except my our last companion... who decided to be funny and say "Canada... no wait... Texas... no wait, I was actually born in Oklahoma"... Border Patrol decided it was not so funny and detained him.

I didn't get to see this part cause they made the rest of us bugger off. But he told us later he was handcuffed and kept telling the 2 guys that he had to pee really bad. They just kept ignoring him. Eventually, he warned them he was gonna piss himself... again kept ignoring... so finally he just pissed himself right there in their office. He said they never even acknowledged it... finally let him go like 4 hours later... Needless to say, dude developed a phobia of crossing that bridge.

LOL.
I had one pull me over and give me a ticket in my driveway.

:clap:
Great statement, man.

Cops are the only group of people on this earth that I ****ing hate.
And it's not because one beat my ass either. I deserved it. (Although, it is unprofessional of him to do, I'm a believer in a good ass whipping when it is called for.)
Way too much injustice and abuse of power going on with these ****ers, though.

My buddy was going to a Chiefs game with his family. His granddad (RIP), who couldn't hear for shit in his mid-80s, was riding shotgun. My buddy got pulled over for speeding. Cop puts his head in the door and ask if anyone had been drinking. His granddad, not hearing a ****ing word, is just staring intently and the cop and nodding his head yes. Lol, my buddy got pulled out and field checked even though no one had been drinking.

Cop dangerously pulled out in front of me, I honked, flipped him off with both hands, and called him a dumb mother****er out of my window.

I got pulled over for going 9 mph over the speed limit. He told me he was going to write a ticket. I told him "whatever , it isn't even going to affect my insurance" I got a ticket.

Another time, I went to jail after getting pulled over for speeding and I had an outstanding warrant for not paying a ticket for getting too close to a dock on a lake in a boat. Didn't have cash to make bail on me. There was a bank right next to the police station. I asked the cop if he could escort me next door to the ATM to get cash for bail. He says he's too busy and short staffed to do that. I spend an entire day in the clink. On the way out, there is a break room with like 6 cops in there eating pizza. I yell in there "too busy my ass. Enjoy feeding your fat faces". Wife shoos me out the door asap. I was young and stoooopid

I hopped into the passenger seat before they got to the window and said "The driver ran that way!"


Just kidding... Haven't been pulled over yet but that'd be a good one to use.

I mind my tongue when talking to cops. I dont think I have ever said anything risky.

I have gotten the question about red eyes before. I say one of two things to that. I say I went swimming earlier and the chlorine irritated my eyes. (OR) I say my cat just died and I have been crying.

Cop pulled me over for speeding once on my way back from Galveston. The speed limit was 55mph...

He said," Do you know how fast you were going? You were going 110mph!"...

I said,"Oh, my speedometer only goes to 85mph...

I was just out of High School and thought I was cool. LMAO I didnt think that once he told me he could take me straight to jail, on a felony charge, for doing twice the posted speed limit while "fleeing a police officer" ...

I was not "fleeing" anyone, much less a police officer. I had some suction cup surf racks on my car and was seeing if they would hold surf boards at 100 mph as advertised. I pulled over the minute I saw the flashing lights. I learned a Lot that day...

My dad was a cop - so it would be a looooooooooong list.

I got in a fist fight and told him to **** off. Of course, the cop was also my Brother, so yeah..........

Say, aren't you the guy whose wife I boned last night?








Actually, I didn't say. I have always been respectful for the most part.

I don't get it.

Is it safe to assume that you got tazed?

It also makes you a dumbass.

You should still report him. If not your wife he could be doing this to someone else. And who knows if he may be some kind of psychopath with a badge.

It’s amazing the number of tickets, amount of trouble in general, I’ve gotten out of simply by being polite, answering any questions directly and following each reply with “sir”. It doesn’t always do the trick, but it goes a hell of lot further than acting the ass.

FYP

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/447...erfinger-o.gif

Nope, just a night in the drunk tank.

heh, I have a compulsion to find out the max speed on every car I've ever owned.

Well, I decided 2 AM on a Saturday night was a good time to experiment with a temporary Acura that I was in possession of.

Hit 120, exit the freeway by my house and decide to blow the light because "If a cop is following me, he might see me." I lived one block off the access road.

Pull in my driveway and I'm getting out of the car with my space case (weed container) when I see a cop haul balls around the corner. I knew he was coming for me despite not having lights or sirens on. Threw the space case back into the car and locked the doors.

Short, 5'3"-5'5", bald cop hops out of the car and charges towards me. I'm trying to contain my laughter because he was so short and trying to charge up to me hardcore.

In the sternest little man voice he could muster, "Why are you driving like a maniac?"

I respond with a deadpan, "Because I like to drive fast."

The look on his face was priceless. He didn't know what to say because I didn't try to deny it or make an excuse. He takes my license and goes to his car. I see him tell his partner about the interaction and I see his partner bust out laughing.

Mini-cop comes back with a ticket for 88 in a 65, running a red light, and no insurance (I had it but I wasn't opening my car back up).

Went to court for it, the prosecutor dismissed the insurance and red light ticket and let me do probation for the speeding ticket. Shit was cash.

This. I've gotten off of a shit load of tickets for being polite, having my windows down, dome light on, and radio off by the time the cop gets to the car.

When I was young and rebellious I might have a been a bit of a smart ass. But I was smart enough to know not to **** with cops. And I always had a respect for the difficult job they do. However, over the past several years my respect level has gone down quite a bit from seeing first hand the BS that some of them try to get away with. Also, I've heard and read many stories in recent years of local cops as well as other ones around the US abusing their authority. Actually, this has kind of been a big interest of mine as of late. I'll gladly share some stories if anyone is interested.

Cops pull that shit all the time. There was a bit of a scandal in the local PD where I lived many years ago. A citizen wrote a letter to the newspaper about a cop who ran plates of hot looking women when he was out on patrol. His wife had been followed multiple times but never stopped or cited.

The newspaper went in depth and discovered that a large group of patrol officers ran plates on women at a rate of 15-1 vs men. The men were cited at a high rate and 80% of the women were never stopped at all but were followed. Leading to the conclusion That the cops were using their data base to get names/addresses/phone numbers of citizens.

It's the age old question: "Who is watching the watchers"?

LZEN

Share away...

Damn, that's ****ed up. Where was this?

With damn near half of my family being cops, I've always respected good cops.

I loathe bad cops. Unfortunately, there seems to be an increasing amount of bad ones.

On an individual level, the quality of the cop depends on the quality of the person, but as an institution, cops are ****ing scum.

As I age, the Cops are getting so young.
Got stopped for speeding, and I knew he was going to Ticket me. So I ask the Cop.
"Does your Dad know you are up past your bedtime?"

I was stumbling around Aggieville one night with some friends. Shitfaced and obnoxious. This douchebag cop has some poor skinny girl face down in the parking lot behind Rusty's with his knee in her back. She's crying. My buddies and I start heckling the cop. Backup cops arrive, think I'm involved. One demands to see my ID. I say "I didn't do anything. You have no right." We argue briefly about whether he has the right to demand my ID. He eventually says he's going to arrest me for resisting. I said "You're just another bully with a badge. Mad at the world because you were too dumb for college and not tough enough for the military."

Surprisingly, not a damn thing happened to me, and I never had to produce my ID, even though I probably should have. Cop acted completely unfazed by what I said. Not another word was said, and he just went about his business and that was that.

The war on drugs has dramatically shifted the attitude of police departments.

My grandfather was a cop for 40 years across two departments. His attitude towards law enforcement is much different than many cops now. He always viewed his role through the lens of being a member of the community. During his entire career, he only pulled his gun twice. He shot during one of those because he was responding to a burglary call and the guy attacked him while he was searching the building.

Current law enforcement IMO doesn't stress the impact they have as members of a community. They're much more about showing certain crime stats as being lower or hitting arrest numbers to increase funding or to generate revenue.

Edit: They've also bought into the notion that policing is an exceptionally dangerous occupation which couldn't be further from the truth.

You say that but probably a month ago I stopped someone and turned my spot light on his vehicle. Just as I did that he was moving from the drivers seat to the back seat. Dude never admitted to driving.

Well, the first thing that comes to mind is the local cops that pulled some crap around St. Patrick's Day several years ago. Yeah, I'm sure those punks that they tangle with would probably end up in jail eventually but that does not mean the cops were in the right. At least one of those cops probably should have been lost his badge and possibly had criminal charges for that. But it appears that the blue shield was protecting him.

The most recent one was just a couple years ago. My wife had been taking my son to school at Topeka High in the mornings. One morning she asked me to take him. This was still in early September and I hadn't taken him to school yet that school year. What they had done was made the street on the side a do not enter from 9th to 10th. Why they felt the need to do this for high school age kids I don't know. Nobody had been hit by a car that I know prior to this. This is a section of street that the public is not allowed to drive on during the time right before school starts and after school. I also don't feel that the signs saying this section of street is blocked are close enough to the curb.

Needless to say, I had been driving this street for years and didn't think anything of it. Of course I got pulled over for it. I explained that I didn't realize as I had been driving down this street for years and didn't realize they had made this change. He said it been this way for 2-3 weeks (since the start of the school year). I told him that this was the first time I had driven my son to school that school year but that didn't help at all. He said it was out of his hands and he had to give me a ticket. I told him what he was doing was wrong and that he should be ashamed. :mad: I have since seen them bust a shit load of people doing the exact same thing. I think this year they may have even put up a temporary barrier. Gee, why didn't they put that up in the first place? :rolleyes: It's nothing but a money grab for the city.

I've got another, more interesting first hand account but I gotta go do something right now. I'll post that when I get back.