Late night bullshit: Direckshun is a slut bucket.
 

29. Direckshun

http://38.media.tumblr.com/afabdf303...co4_r1_250.gif

Welcome to the LNBS Lounge, where tonight Direckshun is the guest of honor.

These threads usually go one of two ways depending on the topic. If it's a football thread, Direckshun will lay out a detailed and well-considered blueprint or opinion that begins with something reasonable like, "The Chiefs need to get better secondary help" and will devolve into crazy bullshit such as, "Kurt Coleman is going to be the key to a successful playoff run at the playoffs." If it's a non-football topic, he'll project his real life cosplay interests into the discussion parameters. For example, he'll pretend to be a bartender who listens to your problems. Or he'll be the engineer of a magical train that will take you back to any moment in your life that you'd most like to re-live.

Tonight we're not doing either of those things. We're going to skip his stupid folksy-nouveau way of conversing, where you call a random stranger "my brother" or say "swing and a miss" when people say something that doesn't line up.

Tonight we're going to rape Direckshun. He seems like a nice person, but he frustrates us all in so many special and varied ways. I'd like us to share those Direckshun moments with each other, whatever they may be.

Since I'm supposed to be roasting him, I'll go first. Feel free to share as much or as little as you want.

1. Direckshun talks like a ****ing weirdo

Usually shows up as a symptom when involved in a political conversation with a surly opponent. He talks to the guy like he's a character from a Homestar Runner cartoon who is physically in the same room as the person he's talking to. "Pete. Pete. Listen to me. Stop saying words." He's also awful at insults, even just as playful jabs. I think he once said, "SNR eats whale dung." That's weird.

2. Direckshun never fights back

Direckshun is great for this forum in many ways because he generates content and conversation, especially in football matters. He's like a bad-tasting oral laxative when CP is having trouble passing football topics onto the front page. But he's got his share of dumb ideas, and he has plenty of people like Clay who will mercilessly tear into him even when it's not warranted. Milkman calls him a dumbass. How does Direckshun respond? "Hoho, you're probably right. I CAN get carried away with my mocks, can't I? I'll take your advise and shut the **** up next time!" He won't defend his idea politely or even leave a nice little "Blow me."

3. From the tone of his posts, you can tell that he's a stupid hipster

I've never read a Direckshun post where I couldn't smell the PBR stench in the wifi that transmitted it to my computer screen. Every time he writes something, it's got that shitty subtley ironic tone. The dolphin wearing a helmet thread? I actually like that thread. I love comedic false outrage threads. But when Direckshun does it, he somehow makes it... trendy. I could see him and his shitty beard (come on, you just KNOW he ****ing has one) trying to start some Rob Schneider catch phrase around the office or wherever the **** he works. "Because we're the Chiefs." It's even worse now because he's got all of YOU ****ing saying it. Now whenever he posts some awful shitty prediction, as long as it's glass-half-empty, he can say "Because we're the Chiefs" to justify it, and everybody will go along with it.

That's all I got for now. When I think of more, I'll post them and update this OP, because that's something easy and quick that I can do for any person who might enjoy this thread.

Tru

Man, that's suaav'e

Hell yeah, the OP has been updated :clap:

Direckshun you ignorant slut

I hate it when people make animated gifs from scenes that don't have any action. What's the point of this? Why not just make a still pic?


http://38.media.tumblr.com/afabdf303...co4_r1_250.gif


I suppose if you couldn't see Jeff Goldblum's lips moving some people might get confused by the subtitles and think that the massive heap of manure was making a snide remark about Goldblum.

Be afraid of Jeff Goldblum. Be very afraid of Jeff Goldblum.

Is that Alfs methhead cousin?

I quite like Direckshun.

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Way too low on the list
Posted via Mobile Device

No, thats's Direckshun's furry cousin. Both are part of the Bucket family along with his previously poverty stricken (before finding that golden ticket), white-trash cousin, Charlie Bucket:

http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb2...ucket_1971.jpg

That explains why Mr. Bucket wants you to put your balls into him. He must be Direckshun's uncle.

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*whispers quietly as he lays his head to rest*

Joffrey. Tywin Lannister. The Mountain. SNR.

LMAOLMAOLMAOLMAOLMAO

I forgot all about that.

Holy shit, I did too. That's ****ing wonderful.

Simply Red doesn't lie. It's a great time. There are enough serious posters like milkman and -King- to keep the chat focused, and there's enough inane silliness with me, Simply Red, and TribalElder to make it fun and lively

You also get to know some of the dudes that aren't around as much like eDave. The CP chat is THE place to be on gameday.

Holy ****. If SNR does not have spot #1 locked down, then this whole project has been worthless. Brilliant.

Discuss Thrower, too. He's down with whatever shit I say. ****, I was talking about Dana Carvey in the new Hans and Franz State Farm commercial, and he dropped a Master of Disguise reference.

A Master of Disguise reference is actually worth a few demerits.

Game was fun and full of merriment. I started a gigantic thread about it a day ago, I believe.

Edit: voila.

"* I adored the 4th down playcall, with the jumbo lineup. All three tight ends, Linkenbach as fullback, Sherman in motion, and we pulled Zach Fulton, and barreled him into the line with reckless abandon, plowing a great hole for Knile Davis." <<-- The broadcaster said we were bringing in our beefed-up package (of something like that) -- all of us on chat just laughed - then Jeff did his thing, I like Jeff Linkenbach, I think.

That sounds like a genuinely pleasurable time.

Oddly enough, I slept through the game. The previous week worked me pretty hard, so I could ill afford to miss a 5-hour slumber on Sunday afternoon before my schedule picked up again. I was so busy, as you know, I didn't get to see the game until Tuesday morning.

I also come from a huge football family, where oddly none of us have ever played the sport. But we're obsessed with it, so Chiefs games are miniature family reunions most weeks, which is why I'm almost never on CP during games.

I'll be unavailable this MNF for that very reason. However, I'm totally taking you up on that first opportunity I get to watch a game solo.

Here's my question: SNR, Simply Red, several of the guys you mention are all very enjoyable personalities. I would imagine you have many friends, so it's strange to me that you guys catch the games solo. But not that strange.

I just realized I said "here's my question" and then didn't ask a question.

Sorry about that. Adjust accordingly.

Sadly, I think he's jumbo-package only.

If it were up to me, he'd be starting at LG.

My wife hates football and I'm the only Chiefs fan in my family. I also live in the middle of Packer country, so my local friends usually don't give a shit when my team is playing. I often get together with them for stuff like the draft and the Super Bowl, but that's about it.

Ah, that's right.

My lady hates football too, sadly. Fortunately everybody in my family adores not just the sport, but the Chiefs.

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One of my Top 10 favorite posters. Way to low for the D man.

You've got a girlfriend?

Mind. Blown.

And did you see how he's turned a roast into a happy-go-lucky, pat each other on the back thread?

You ****ing guys are soft bitches.

The irony of this post could only be described by a man violently choking to death on a lifesaver.

Let's not marry ourselves to strict definitions of what is or isn't a woman.

It's more of a repurposed leather beanbag chair than it is an actual, living breathing woman.

But to me.... it's all woman.

Aren't you the guy who said he wasn't going to post on this board again after making what was one of the most ignorant and offensive posts in the history of Chiefs Planet?

And yet, here you are...

Talk about irony.

And hypocrisy.

I thought it was his Mom that was the whore.

Seriously, though.

I just see a guy who hasn't lost the last ounce of blind hope, that I can feel quickly fleeting from my grasp, and truly gives a shit about the Chiefs.
Which can't be said for most here with more than a 2 year tenure.
Sadly my blind faith that made football so fun is fading fast, and I'm understanding why you ****ers were all so jaded. BUT I"M CLINGING!!!

Why Shit on his, though?

Why shit on his hope. No matter how silly you think it is.

I can understand correcting him, but why shit on his fun?....or his effort for that matter.

And you just gave him his troll snacks.

People take the path of least resistance. It's not malevolent, it's just lazy.

I already gave him his roast. Nobody felt like keeping up the energy. So I let it deflate. I'm not going to keep this dick hard if the passion isn't there.

I see Direckshun as this genius draft guru. He rushes home from work at Best Buy and goes straight to his draft room. It is filled top to bottom with draft boards, college stats he hasn't updated into the Master Book of Records . He has five computers dedicated strictly to college games and is saving for a sixth just to hold his massive collection of stats that he has analyzed, decoded and placed in the Master BRer. Sometimes he gets so involved he falls asleep on his huge pile of college football mags and dreams of the day when his logarithmic functions, equations and programs become the standard used by the NFL. He wakes up happy knowing he is one game film closer everyday.

LMAO

My dick is still hard and my passion has never died. Just so you know.

LMAO this one was truly excellent, you nailed his persona.

Good stuff.

Honest question, can someone tell me what the biggest difference between chat and game thread is?

I'm guessing that it's probably more convenient to use for quick posts/replies. People are probably a bit more congenial in there as well (compared to their public personas). Just guessing...I've never been in the chat room.

well the chat is a chat room

the game thread is a thread

i mean...:shrug:

It's a chat room. We have conversations about the game far easier.

If there's a call being reviewed under the hood, we're all able to watch it and give an opinion. The previous 20+ replies are available to us instantly, so we don't have to scroll through 20 posts of the same shit like in the game thread if we want to respond to someone. You're also almost guaranteed to get a response back, because the guy will actually see that you commented to him... unless he's away taking a piss or something.

It's the closest thing to bringing a pack of your friends over to a large living room and experiencing the game together.

Thanks for the explanation fella's, it actually does sound like a better way to discuss the game... can I crash the party on monday if a bring a 12 pack of Schlitz?

Schlitz....niiiiice. I like that stuff.

I didn't even know CP had a chatroom. That's pretty punk rock.

Yea, it's pretty cool. Too bad you have to have at least 3000 posts to join in.

Yea.....too bad. Maybe next year.

Ssssh don't tell anyone about the chat room

If people would prefer, I'll spend more money and make it a 12 of PBR.

I think we're safe. I pimped it hard last year, and though that generated some new visitors, it's still the regulars that hang out there. People are just squares, man

The chat is kick ass

I have company coming in from out of town this weekend and might not make it

Any clue on this weeks safe word yet?

Patsy :shrug:

Safe word is "Lunchpail kind of guy"

HEY HANRAHAN

Its more fun to get the instant reactions to a play from people in the chat as opposed to having to refresh the game thread. I have to work Sundays this year unfortunately, but I've always preferred the chat in the past.

Amazing sig ROFL

ROFL

ROFL

ROFL

Holy shit.