I am moving to the suburbs. What do I need to know?
 

So my wife and I are urban yuppies and have lived in some sort of urban core / downtown for over 10 years now. We have just purchased a very nice home in Lenexa, KS and are leaving our loft in the River Market for a bigger yard (or just a yard, period), more square footage, and more rare police sirens and gunshots. We are anticipating children in the next few years, which is the main reason for our move.

What do I need to know? How do I make my grass look good? What do I need to do to my wardrobe so that I fit in with all of the other dads? What is the best lawnmower? What's the best brand of pool table? What do I do when I've had too much to drink and can't drive home? What time do I need to stop being loud on my deck and go to bed? Where can I get a legit beard trim and haircut by a real barber? Where is the best place to get a latte? How do I handle my road rage during a long commute?

Thanks in advance, old white dudes.

We need pics of the wife in order to answer most of those questions.

Fertilize, uber, 12 am, chocko sandals

PM Bob Dole.

/thread

The only one of those I can answer is the haircut.

The Gents Place in Leawood. http://thegentsplace.com/

It's expensive, but you get a great haircut and liquor of your choice.

It's an all women staff however, so no barber to be seen.

You won't last a week out there.

I've been going to Buffalo Mane since they opened. Since I still work downtown I'll probably continue to go there, but I do need a good option just in case.

With Kansas drought you want to do this.

<a href="http://photobucket.com/images/fake%20grass" target="_blank"><img src="http://i930.photobucket.com/albums/ad148/virtuallawn/LandscapersCL.jpg" border="0" alt="fake grass photo: Real Artificial Grass By VIRTUAL LAWN Artificial Grass LandscapersCL.jpg"/></a>

Those are all good questions. You ask a lot of good questions.

Home Depot > Lowes.

Oh, and Honda for the mower, and jorts with a tucked in t-shirt would be the proper attire to wear while using it.

dont dress like everyone else

Congrats on your new home! I'm sure you'll enjoy the extra room and may even come to enjoy the yard work. I do have one word of advice on your mower selection: get a loud one. Makes it doubly difficult to hear the wife.

Good luck with your move!

You have chosen..... Poorly

Will you be in the SM or Olathe school district?

How close to the train tracks?

If your yard isn't a monster, get a push mower

It's just like this

<iframe width="854" height="480" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/EECf2o9Ivaw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

We looked in Prairie Village, Brookside, Waldo...all well within our comfort zone. They were just overpriced and sort of shitty for the money. I don't want to pay 450k for a 100 year-old house that will need 100k of work in the next 10 years. **** that. The home we bought was a complete gut and rebuild. The electric system, wiring, HVAC, roof, floors, sheet rock, paint, driveway...literally EVERYTHING is brand new. It's a brand new house. And we got it for 3/4 what we would have paid to live 10 mins closer to downtown. I'm fine with that. We did a lot of research on the neighborhood and spent a lot of time in the parks out there hanging out before we made a decision to put in an offer. I think we'll be very happy. It'll be a welcome change from the concrete jungle we're used to. After our future kids head to college, we'll move back to an urban area, I'm sure.

I've lived in Phoenix, San Diego, LA, San Francisco and now KC...so I've had my fill of urban. I did grow up in a very small Kansas town...so this will be a throwback.

The adult walk of shame.

I think so too. I need the exercise. I'm sure I will immediately double the cul de sac's daily beer intake.

Cul de sacs suck for parking when you have people over.

LMAO. I like that.

"What the hell happened to me?"

Do you have an extra room to hang a sex swing?

The suburbs get boring you know.

Anthem.

Yeah man. 3 extra rooms. We'll have an office, a guest room, and a red room of pain.

You have to get a dog. Lewdogs are a popular breed.

Learn the art of swinging
http://whysoblu.com/wp-content/uploa...illers-005.jpg

Clearly your wife doesn't read CP.

Great looking dogs. A bit vicious though. Relatively intelligent. Breeds well.

We have a Boston Terrier. He is semi-psychotic. He will enjoy this more than either my wife or I. The yard will do him wonders. Dogs that full of energy were not made for the strict confines of a loft apartment.

If your neighbor leaves a bright porch light on all night you need to post about it on CP instead of saying something about it to him.

Just stay off my lawn!

Yes, but I hear they're a particularly dumb breed.

I am flattered. Thank you.

I can't wait to tell my wife how cool I've become on the internet.

Sounds like you are a hipster, you may get your ass kicked.

10 years of boxing and Jiu Jitsu hopefully say otherwise. It is Kansas, though, and anyone can carry a gun...so I may get my ass shot.

Or, you could get a Great Dane. Those damn things know EVERYTHING.

You gotta find out who the biggest neighbor is then kick his ass. In front of everyone. Establish your dominance. And pee on all the trees and hydrants.

The neighborhood hot moms oodle if you push mow. I got like 4 looks yesterday.

It could have been the cut off sweat pants with my wading boots but either way,....they noticed

I told my wife you guys suggested getting a dog.

She said, "I already have 2."

We only have one dog.

This is what I live with.

Sorry to hear that you've got a smart lady. You should ALWAYS marry dumb.

Be prepared to spend many weekends ****ing with shit on the house.

I loved owning a home, and hopefully will again in about 16months, but I ****ing hated doing shit to the house. Fixing shit, painting shit, yard shit. Shit shit shit.

You have to trim in addition to mowing. Also make sure to spray weeds. Don't be the guy that lets the yard go bad and spread to the neighbors.

We're revamping our back porch area (fire pit, some other bullshit that the wife wanted to do) but I got to buy a new grill and am putting a tv mount out there.

So that's cool

Well then, tell you what, I can school you, $100 a day, you buy the beer.

Oh yeah good point. You will need both a grill and a smoker. Backyard living is fun.

Everyone else is probably all mature or so you think.

This last halloween I was left on house duty while the wife and in laws took the boys out trick or treeting. My neighbor, who was in the same predicament came over and we teemed up with the 65 year old retired neighbor across the road to fill an old purse up with dog shit and lay on the sidewalk and watch people get all pumped only to pick it up

Apparently, dudes can now go to baby showers, so Lenexa might not be so bad.

Yep.

I love it

Yeah it is until the douchebag behind you buys not one, but two Border Collies. Now I have to wait until those useless one who sucks the peniss die before I can enjoy my back yard again.

You have to wait until your neighbors die? That's hardcore

The thing I don't understand about Lenexa (and those 'burbs in general) is why aren't there fences around each yard?

I don't get it.

I put in the first fence due to the pool, all the other neighbors tied into it. That's a new subdivision that didn't have them, older ones due.

Chiefs or Royals mural in the man cave.

Watch your cornhole

Watch the episode of It's Always Sunny in Philedelphia from this year, titled "Mac and Dennis move to the suburbs"

Also, Lewdogs have been known to shit out free baseball tickets.

Chiefs, when can you come over and thanks.

I think I've seen this commercial.

When you say we are done having kids, she says she is pregnant.

Sell the house and move to Lee's Summit. I don't know if I'd want my kids in KS schools, as they seem to have no idea how to fund them on a state level.

Heh, rep.

Don't drink in your garage with the door open when you have people over and be sure to report neighbors who engage in such practices to the HoA

:D

This is what I would do.

.....you sure?

I think this goes back to the sheep/cattle wars on the prairie. Maybe there aren't sheep ranchers in Missouri.

Oh, and you can't do this. A city dweller should never move to the suburbs. Your tribe is here.

Every once in a while, we flirt with the idea of moving to the suburbs, like Calabasas or Orange County or North County San Diego.

Then, we go visit for a while and think "Nah".

There's an energy and excited to living in the city that can't be duplicated in suburbia.

I'm in the same boat. A guys back yard bumps right up against mine, and he's got three dogs fenced in, right up against my yard. They're always there, and they bark their balls off any time I go in my back yard.

At least they're fenced in and not on your property

My advice: Get to know your neighbors as best you can before kids come along. Have some beers, have some get-togethers in your driveway with a fire pit, get to know some folks. Once kids come along time vanishes, and it's nice to have some level of friendship with the people living in the other houses around you. If you miss this window, the next round of opportunity of this comes along when and if you happen to have kids who are close enough in age to play with their kids.

Subdivisions by Rush

Kind of ironic you said "Thanks old white dudes" since that's clearly who you want to raise your kids around. ;)

I'll have to listen to that tomorrow.

I don't mean to insult anyone that lives in the suburb, as pretty much my entire family lives in the suburb.

But there's just something about the city...

"Sprawling on the fringes of the city
In geometric order
An insulated border
In-between the bright lights
And the far, unlit unknown

Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight"

I think this sums up the temperament of burbia...it's committing cultural genericide. If you dont require new or inspired occurrences and predictable, safe repetition is the call....it's a good move.

Enjoy the shit ass commute into downtown if you have to deal with rush hour travel. The city's worst drivers can be found from 7-9am and again at 4-6:30 pm on I-35 between Lamar and 119th street every day of the work week. Avoid 435 if at all possible during those times as well.

I love doing that stuff. Free exercise. Plus I'm not renting.

I live in the burbs and commute a leisurely 10 minutes to work. Some of you guys are doing it wrong.

I think that if one uses where they live as an excuse for falling into a routine-rut and not seeking out cultural experiences or new occurrences, then that individual should probably take a look in the mirror.

If you think that living downtown hasn't allowed me to fall into a VERY strict routine then you're mistaken. You have to. The city runs on routine. There is no magical dust floating around in the air in an urban setting that causes a person to actively seek out a more fulfilled life than their suburban counterparts. I'll be damned if moving to a slowed down environment will cause me to be any less active than I currently am.

Living in downtown Kansas City is not like living in downtown San Francisco. You still have to drive to most of your favorite hangouts and to visit friends. This will not change for me after our move. I'll still visit the same bars, restaurants, shopping, and neighborhoods as I did before. Most of which will be about the same distance from my home as they are from my current apartment. Again, I just don't see how one can completely change their entire outlook on life because they've moved to a new domicile.

Bottom line, I don't see myself or my wife being defined by some imaginary stereotype that says one's life should be lived a certain way based on living in a suburban neighborhood.

And one last point, some of my urban peers are so ****ing miserable it's unbelievable. It's the person, not the address.