Rejected Penthouse Letters
 

This is one of my favorites. All true, too.

My friend and I went to Chiefs training camp in River Falls as guests of the Chiefs like we always do. The Chiefs put us up in the college Dorms. We stayed in the same dorms the players and coaches did. The players are in one building, the coaches are in another and the guests, VIPs, NFL refs, etc. are in another building. We stayed in the VIP building with the NFL refs. That is actually a womens dorm building. In the summer, there are no women in the building except for female RA. Last year, we were told to use the womens restroom and shower room that was directly accross from our dorm room because there were no women in the building. This year, we got into town really late and checked in quickly. The RA gave us our keys and didn't go over any info or rules because we said we knew all of the rules because we've stayed there before. The next morning I got up to take a shower. I checked my buddy's dorm room and he was gone. He was already in the shower. I went into the shower room and stripped down. The shower room has 4 shower stalls (with curtains that are too short to close all of the way) and 2 bench stalls where you can stand or sit to dry off. I placed my clothes on the bench (neatly folded). I looked under the bench and there were some shower shoes. They were fuzzy wool. You know, the type of stuff you'd put on your Camaro seat. They looked kind of like bunny shower shoes, but they didn't have any ears. I thought, "that's wierd, my buddy doesn't wear bunny shower shoes, does he?". I bent over and looked under the stall walls. I could see 2 sets of legs in diffferent shower stalls. I assumed my buddy was in one and another dude was in another. There are other people in the dorms also, so it's not uncommon for other dudes to be there. I didn't think anything of it, passed the two occupied shower stalls and took my naked a$$ into the back shower stall. I was only in the shower for a couple of minutes. I heard my buddy get out and start drying off. I then heard someone else get out. I heard my buddy talking to the other person, but I couldn't hear what they were saying because the water was loud and the shower room echoed. I heard my friend leave quickly and then the other person left in a couple of minutes. My friend came back into the shower room and said " hey "Freakshow" (not my real name) get out of the shower RIGHT NOW!!" Obviously, something wasn't right. I said ok and I did. I went to his dorm room and he told me what had occured. He said that there was someone already in the shower when he went in and he assumed it was a guy. When he got out of the shower and was drying off, Danyelle opened the shower curtain and walked out, right in front of him. He had just wrapped a towel around himself. The dorm gives us these stupid little tiny shower towels. They are so small they don't wrap all of the way around. He was standing there with half of his a$$ hanging out. She came out wearting NOTHING but a T-shirt. It was one of those long T-shirts that go down to her a$$. We think that she realized that dudes were in the shower room and that is why she reached out of the shower stall to get her T-shirt that was hanging on a hook outside the shower stall and put it on while behind the curtain and in the stall. Otherwise, she would have come out, right in front of him, BUCK NAKED. She was very cool about it. She didn't scream or yell or get upset or anything. She simply said "this is a girls shower room". My buddy apologised a thousand times. She said "don't worry, no big deal". He then, took his nearly naked a$$ out. I was still in the shower at this time. I guess those were her fuzzy bunny shoes. My friend is a Youth Pastor and wouldn't tell me what he saw or didn't see. She had a T-shirt on but he said it didn't go all of the way down, especially when she turned around. He tried not to look. He wouldn't be any more specific then that. I do know that I walked right passed her shower stall when she was showering. She may have seen me buck naked. I don't really know. I don't really care. I didn't look into her stall (the shower curtains are only cover the shower stall opening by about 2/3. You can see right into any shower stall. I guess I could have looked but I assumed it was a dude and, of course, I don't look into a guy's shower stall. I don't know if I wish I'd looked or not. I would have seen all I wanted, but I'd probably have a law suit filed against me. She was really cool about the whole thing. Her dorm room was right next to ours. I talked to her out in the hallway right after the event and she said it was no big deal and she wasn't embarrased. We ran into her about a thousand times over the next 3 days. It was very awkward when we did. My friend and another dude that was still sleeping when all of this happened had gone to Bo's and Mine the night before and took note of a good looking black girl that was there. After this occured, they realized that she was the girl that they had seen the night before at Bos and Mine. We didn't know who she was until we got home and watched Metro Sports. We about had a heart attack when we saw her on TV. That's the story and it's all true. 100%.

:LOL: :LOL: ROFL

I would never have believed it [nor cared one way or another] if it hadn't happened to a dude who posts on a sports bulletin board.

Phob,
Your story reminds me of a similar incident that happened to me and a buddy.

Here goes:

My friend and I went to Chiefs training camp in River Falls as guests of the Chiefs like we always do. The Chiefs put us up in the college Dorms. We stayed in the same dorms the players and coaches did. The players are in one building, the coaches are in another and the guests, VIPs, NFL refs, etc. are in another building. We stayed in the VIP building with the NFL refs. That is actually a womens dorm building. In the summer, there are no women in the building except for female RA. Last year, we were told to use the womens restroom and shower room that was directly accross from our dorm room because there were no women in the building. This year, we got into town really late and checked in quickly. The RA gave us our keys and didn't go over any info or rules because we said we knew all of the rules because we've stayed there before. The next morning I got up to take a shower. I checked my buddy's dorm room and he was gone. He was already in the shower. I went into the shower room and stripped down. The shower room has 4 shower stalls (with curtains that are too short to close all of the way) and 2 bench stalls where you can stand or sit to dry off. I placed my clothes on the bench (neatly folded). I looked under the bench and there were some shower shoes. They were fuzzy wool. You know, the type of stuff you'd put on your Camaro seat. They looked kind of like bunny shower shoes, but they didn't have any ears. I thought, "that's wierd, my buddy doesn't wear bunny shower shoes, does he?". I bent over and looked under the stall walls. I could see 2 sets of legs in diffferent shower stalls. I assumed my buddy was in one and another dude was in another. There are other people in the dorms also, so it's not uncommon for other dudes to be there. I didn't think anything of it, passed the two occupied shower stalls and took my naked a$$ into the back shower stall. I was only in the shower for a couple of minutes. I heard my buddy get out and start drying off. I then heard someone else get out. I heard my buddy talking to the other person, but I couldn't hear what they were saying because the water was loud and the shower room echoed. I heard my friend leave quickly and then the other person left in a couple of minutes. My friend came back into the shower room and said " hey "Freakshow" (not my real name) get out of the shower RIGHT NOW!!" Obviously, something wasn't right. I said ok and I did. I went to his dorm room and he told me what had occured. He said that there was someone already in the shower when he went in and he assumed it was a guy. When he got out of the shower and was drying off, Danyelle opened the shower curtain and walked out, right in front of him. He had just wrapped a towel around himself. The dorm gives us these stupid little tiny shower towels. They are so small they don't wrap all of the way around. He was standing there with half of his a$$ hanging out. She came out wearting NOTHING but a T-shirt. It was one of those long T-shirts that go down to her a$$. We think that she realized that dudes were in the shower room and that is why she reached out of the shower stall to get her T-shirt that was hanging on a hook outside the shower stall and put it on while behind the curtain and in the stall. Otherwise, she would have come out, right in front of him, BUCK NAKED. She was very cool about it. She didn't scream or yell or get upset or anything. She simply said "this is a girls shower room". My buddy apologised a thousand times. She said "don't worry, no big deal". He then, took his nearly naked a$$ out. I was still in the shower at this time. I guess those were her fuzzy bunny shoes. My friend is a Youth Pastor and wouldn't tell me what he saw or didn't see. She had a T-shirt on but he said it didn't go all of the way down, especially when she turned around. He tried not to look. He wouldn't be any more specific then that. I do know that I walked right passed her shower stall when she was showering. She may have seen me buck naked. I don't really know. I don't really care. I didn't look into her stall (the shower curtains are only cover the shower stall opening by about 2/3. You can see right into any shower stall. I guess I could have looked but I assumed it was a dude and, of course, I don't look into a guy's shower stall. I don't know if I wish I'd looked or not. I would have seen all I wanted, but I'd probably have a law suit filed against me. She was really cool about the whole thing. Her dorm room was right next to ours. I talked to her out in the hallway right after the event and she said it was no big deal and she wasn't embarrased. We ran into her about a thousand times over the next 3 days. It was very awkward when we did. My friend and another dude that was still sleeping when all of this happened had gone to Bo's and Mine the night before and took note of a good looking black girl that was there. After this occured, they realized that she was the girl that they had seen the night before at Bos and Mine. We didn't know who she was until we got home and watched Metro Sports. We about had a heart attack when we saw her on TV. That's the story and it's all true. 100%.

Get out of town! Guess what happened to me a while back...

Check it out:

My friend and I went to Chiefs training camp in River Falls as guests of the Chiefs like we always do. The Chiefs put us up in the college Dorms. We stayed in the same dorms the players and coaches did. The players are in one building, the coaches are in another and the guests, VIPs, NFL refs, etc. are in another building. We stayed in the VIP building with the NFL refs. That is actually a womens dorm building. In the summer, there are no women in the building except for female RA. Last year, we were told to use the womens restroom and shower room that was directly accross from our dorm room because there were no women in the building. This year, we got into town really late and checked in quickly. The RA gave us our keys and didn't go over any info or rules because we said we knew all of the rules because we've stayed there before. The next morning I got up to take a shower. I checked my buddy's dorm room and he was gone. He was already in the shower. I went into the shower room and stripped down. The shower room has 4 shower stalls (with curtains that are too short to close all of the way) and 2 bench stalls where you can stand or sit to dry off. I placed my clothes on the bench (neatly folded). I looked under the bench and there were some shower shoes. They were fuzzy wool. You know, the type of stuff you'd put on your Camaro seat. They looked kind of like bunny shower shoes, but they didn't have any ears. I thought, "that's wierd, my buddy doesn't wear bunny shower shoes, does he?". I bent over and looked under the stall walls. I could see 2 sets of legs in diffferent shower stalls. I assumed my buddy was in one and another dude was in another. There are other people in the dorms also, so it's not uncommon for other dudes to be there. I didn't think anything of it, passed the two occupied shower stalls and took my naked a$$ into the back shower stall. I was only in the shower for a couple of minutes. I heard my buddy get out and start drying off. I then heard someone else get out. I heard my buddy talking to the other person, but I couldn't hear what they were saying because the water was loud and the shower room echoed. I heard my friend leave quickly and then the other person left in a couple of minutes. My friend came back into the shower room and said " hey "suds79" (not my real name) get out of the shower RIGHT NOW!!" Obviously, something wasn't right. I said ok and I did. I went to his dorm room and he told me what had occured. He said that there was someone already in the shower when he went in and he assumed it was a guy. When he got out of the shower and was drying off, Danyelle opened the shower curtain and walked out, right in front of him. He had just wrapped a towel around himself. The dorm gives us these stupid little tiny shower towels. They are so small they don't wrap all of the way around. He was standing there with half of his a$$ hanging out. She came out wearting NOTHING but a T-shirt. It was one of those long T-shirts that go down to her a$$. We think that she realized that dudes were in the shower room and that is why she reached out of the shower stall to get her T-shirt that was hanging on a hook outside the shower stall and put it on while behind the curtain and in the stall. Otherwise, she would have come out, right in front of him, BUCK NAKED. She was very cool about it. She didn't scream or yell or get upset or anything. She simply said "this is a girls shower room". My buddy apologised a thousand times. She said "don't worry, no big deal". He then, took his nearly naked a$$ out. I was still in the shower at this time. I guess those were her fuzzy bunny shoes. My friend is a Youth Pastor and wouldn't tell me what he saw or didn't see. She had a T-shirt on but he said it didn't go all of the way down, especially when she turned around. He tried not to look. He wouldn't be any more specific then that. I do know that I walked right passed her shower stall when she was showering. She may have seen me buck naked. I don't really know. I don't really care. I didn't look into her stall (the shower curtains are only cover the shower stall opening by about 2/3. You can see right into any shower stall. I guess I could have looked but I assumed it was a dude and, of course, I don't look into a guy's shower stall. I don't know if I wish I'd looked or not. I would have seen all I wanted, but I'd probably have a law suit filed against me. She was really cool about the whole thing. Her dorm room was right next to ours. I talked to her out in the hallway right after the event and she said it was no big deal and she wasn't embarrased. We ran into her about a thousand times over the next 3 days. It was very awkward when we did. My friend and another dude that was still sleeping when all of this happened had gone to Bo's and Mine the night before and took note of a good looking black girl that was there. After this occured, they realized that she was the girl that they had seen the night before at Bos and Mine. We didn't know who she was until we got home and watched Metro Sports. We about had a heart attack when we saw her on TV. That's the story and it's all true. 100%.

Thats nothin!

One time, this guy I know....said:


"wasn't worth the first thread...
did i ever tell you guys about the time i took a crap in the stall next to the county sheriff?"

I covered Jill Arrington in man-chowder once.

Magazines do not count.

My nickname is Taco , and boy you wouldn't believe this story, but I will tell it anyway....

I was attending the Michigan/Washington game this season, as a VIP guest of the Wolverines. I had access to the entire stadium, except for the field itself. I even had access to the sidelines. After she had finished one of her fluff pieces, "J" (as she like to be called in the sack) makes eye contact with me. She then slowly walks towads me with this look on her face that says, "I'm a dirty girl!" Did I mention that she was pinching her nipples right through her conservative attire?

She approaches me and says, "I'm sooooo tired of banging entire defensive units and wealthy television executives. Would you like to do a little 'investigative reporting'?"

"Sure."

So we go up to my luxury box, which had been reserved especially for me. By the time we were finished, she looked like Neo in "The Matrix" right after he was brought into the real world.

Gooey. Very gooey.

This is 100% true.

And you're sure it wasn't Lavar Arrington?

ROFL Oh that's horrible.

She'd already had Lavarr, Courtney Brown, and the entire 2000 Penn State defensive unit.

Clint,
This thread is for REJECTED penthouse letters.

Your story is would be an example of an ACCEPTED penthouse letter.

When I was much younger, there was a girl who was much more developed than all the other girls. She wore a bra and everything. One time, she had a shirt that slipped a little over her right shoulder. I got to see her bra strap. :eek:

Another time, Mom left the Sears catalog lying around the house and went to the grocery store. I had about 45 minutes to view the ladies underwear section.

Finally, I once saw an aunt nursing a little cousin. I experienced a straining in my pants.

All true. 100% I promise. I'm not making this up.

One time, I was driving back from Colorado, when a blizzard shut down the Interstate and forced me to find a motel room in Lincoln, Nebraska.
Well wouldn't you know, the guy in the room next to mine gets a knock on the door about 10:00, and sure enough, it was a hooker.

I don't need to tell you how thrilling it was to have a honest-to-goodness call girl right next door.
Fortunately, the wall was paper thin, so it was just like having her in my room.

Man! Whadda night!

All true! 100% I only wish I were making it up.

My rejected Penthouse Story (Sad but True)

When I was about 25, I went on a business trip to Monterey, California. I was renting my car, and a very attractive young woman was behind the counter. I asked her about some good places to sightsee, and she was giving advice. Then she said, "It's sad that you're going to all of these neat places by yourself. You don't have anyone you'd like to go with?"

I said, "Oh, it's not problem. I like going places by myself. In fact, it's better that way." She gave me my keys, and I sat in my car and slammed my head against the steering wheel for the next ten minutes.

My Crazy Spring Break Story
 

Few years back I was on the beach partying in Cancoon with my four best friends. We were just drinking having a good time when all of a sudden there was this assembly line of dudes slammiong this chick.

Wanting to sease such great opportunity we jumped right in. Man this chick was hot for it. 10, 20, 30 dudes she couldn't get enough. Even the fat kid with asma was gettin some. Naturally, I was ready to rock by the time my lucky #144 came up. She had just got done with my friends and told me she was into snowballing. I don't know that means but anything out of her mouth sounded good to me... Next thing I know shes jamming her tongue down my mouth, I think I got some sand in my mouth like in the MTV video but I didn't care. It was on!

That was one day I'll never forget. 100% True.

BUCK: Swing and a miss!
MCCARVER: That was a batting-practice fastball right down the middle of the plate.

:banghead:

Actually, on second thought you never took the bat off your shoulder.

Reminds me of my "I would have banged two Vegas hookers if not for forgetting the time difference 'tween here and there and couldn't put in my bet for the 97 playoff game"story....

:cuss:

Also unfortunately true...:banghead:

still to this day, everytime I see a fat lady and her breasts I get really scared...true, 100%

A friend of mine went on a business trip to Vegas once, and got asked for a ride by two women at a stoplight on the strip. He described them as attractive, and let them in the car, whereupon he figured out pretty quickly that they were really selling rides (if you get my drift), not asking for them. And then he figured out that they weren't really women, and that they didn't want to get out of his car...

(True story, though I've always suspected that he was telling some white lies about the first part of the story.)

When we first got off the plane in Vegas and were picking up our bags me and my buddy Dave saw this hot chick across the way(probably 40-50 feet.)

We're talking 'bout who's gonna' hit on her, and I dare him, and we get about 10 feet from this chick and notice:

1. Big breasts
2. nice legs
3.Adam's Apple

:eek:

We kept on walking, and agreed that since we were going to be drunk for a week straight, no hitt'n on the locals...:shake:

Some things just ain't right. :shake:

Definitely not......

First time in my life that when I was check'n out chix that I looked at their NECK first.....:shake:

I spent about a year at Camp Pendelton Ca while I was in the Marines. 19 years old, pocket full of cash. We'd go to Tiajuana every weekend when we could. "Ladies" in abundance.

You fill in the blanks - I'll guarantee you that it happened. True - 100% true. I promise.

Here's mine!:

My wife and I went to a hotel once, stripped down, got into bed and did it. In the morning we ate at Perkins, I had the Country Fried Steak.


I never could figure out why they didn't print it.

This one time....at Chiefs training camp......

Well, you know the rest.

Coming on the heels of posts 22 through 25, is anyone else worried that Wischief put "ladies" in quote marks in post 26?

Kevin, have you seen the "ladies" in TJ?

What can I say? Young, stupid and full of vigor! :p

Back in the early 80's I was doing pest control when I get called to do a job at this house in Johnson County...

So I walk in and there are these two hot women sitting at the kitchen table..."I have to start upstairs" I said. "Fine" they say...one of the chicks is wearing this tight tee shirt and I could see her perky breasts and the outline of her nips...I was staring at her breats so I couldn't help but notice her tee shirt said "Conan the Barbarian" on it...anyway I go upstairs all the while thinking maybe these two chicks will come up and seduce me just like Penthouse letters or some such shit...needless to say they didn't...but when the movie Conan the Barbarian came out, I realized the chick with the nice breasts was none other then Sandahl Bergman....100% true...closest I ever came to doing a movie star in real life anyway...

http://home.t-online.de/home/rabend/she/conaf14.jpg

ROFL :D

One sunday afternoon, as I walked through the convent orchard, a slightly "stalky" nun came dashing out the door. The wind caught her Habbit and blew it wistfully into the air, revealing the side of her hairy neck...Her age was starting to show, in the 85 year old silver, creaping towards her scalp. I picked up an apple off of the ground and took it to her, shining it on my dirty tee shirt, asking her if she'd like a bite. She gummed through her toothless smile that If I'd take it to the kitchen blender, she could have half, because a whole apple would loosen her bowel.....

thats all I have for now.



I'm working on a story about some Taliban Burka-nighty stories too!

Sounds more like a story for Catholic Times to me...

Guys...I'm in a computer lab...and I'm sitting right next to a blonde. And underneath her clothes...she is naked.... now I need to hit ENTER before she sees this and slaps me..

I know this wasn't as good as my "Hot chicks talking fantasy football thread"...but it's the best I can come up with for now...

Bumpski

This kills me every time I think of this:

Years ago, fresh out of college, I was sharing a house with a few other roomies. One happened to be beautiful, vivacious blonde gal with piercing green eyes and breasts big enough to provide shade for small boys.

Anyhoo, we were alone one night...she wanted a massage. So, she laid down on the floor, (in her sweats), fully clothed, as I gave here a full massage. Needless to say, I was getting frisky, and couldn't stand it anymore...so, for some reason, I tickle her, she spins around facing me on the floor- laughing like crazy. We're both laughing when we get to staring at each other with a devilish smile...I'm (you know what), and I'm sure she's feelin' it...our heads begin approaching each other to start making out- when all of a sudden the front door slams open - and our roomies show up! Ugggghh!!!:banghead:

I wanted it so bad...:huh:

The guys were not happy to see me on top of her like that...We were just about to "suck face" when they walked in. The guy who rented out the house was anal-retentive- he had a rule that absolutely no "*****ing" other roomies in his house or it will be cause for removal.

I was young then...needed a cheap place, and so did Tara. I hear she's actually in Denver as well. I might have to locate her, and see if she's still single, and would like to continue the massage further.
;)

And he's still a virgin...

Gochiefs, Is that you?

You and Phobs need to figure out that they're not going to print your letter unless you talk about your giant throbbing manhood and her perfect 38Ds that are real. You gotta read the fine print in their submissions section.

Heh-heh. I had to pay a mileage penalty because I drove around and around the rental car place the rest of the week.

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

~Wasn't ready for that one....:D

With Spring Approaching....its nearing the season where the sensual wind whispers of possible neked ladies in River Falls Wisconsin.

I humbly await frequilizer's sequel......the Sequalizer! I like it.

This thread had sooo much potential.

i'm in...got my feet kicked up and a beer in my hand.

make it a good one sequalizer...at least get to see something this time!
sec

rejection for lack of ejection...

Good ol equaliar. That's probably the closest he's come to hittin it dude, give him a break.

Are you s hitting me?

So many posters, that NEVER get laid...and no one can come up with a rejected letter to top the frequilizer?

Kcchiefsman.....beerme.....gojensen.......you know you've got alot of "it didn't work out" material....

Let it rip.

This was my comeback to the orginal posting of this one, also sadly true...

I'll write one for someone.....for historical reasons, we'll call him Ken.

So der I am in mah packer stAWckin hat with my pal Mark Chumura. We are cruisin down main street when this hot HS chic gets out of her dad's minivan and stops us....She's wearing this real tight number that stops just short of showing everything....the neckline plundges down near the aeriola of her ample breasticle. In her sultry voice, she says that If I'll come along too, we can pick up her friend and go to a private party.

We arrive at the house, and go to the back yard. Mark slides smoothly over to (we'll call her) Veronica and slides his arm around her shoulder in a way that oozed dominance. My task was simple...keep the big un busy so my friend could score. Even I, could surely make Carla "the refrigerator" Peterson busy.

I trip getting into the pool, and spill half of my wilderberry winecooler onto Big Betty. She snorts a little when she laughs, sucks some water into her nose and begins to choke. Seeing my chance, I pounce on her like a wildabeast in heat. My backhair flowed like Mane in the hottub. Something was wrong, and she slapped me off, as she choked for air. The Snot and water bubbling from her nose and onto her plump lip. It was just too hot to see that, and my gun went off early......as the sludge rose to the top, everyone jumped from the hot tub and said I ruined the party.

Unable to explain the mess to her father, the girl pressed charges on Mark, ruining my hero's career in Green Bay.

No way can this be dropped back into oblivion yet.

ROFL Very nice!!!

I wasn't so much titillated by the pictures, as I was by the byline.

"also in nude."

Ignorant little prick that I was, I didn't know nude was a color.

So my thought was, "well why don't they show THOSE pictures instead?