Planet expertise needed for CL ad
 

So Bob Dole just bought what he feels is a lovely 16 acres of NE Texas real estate. Tons of deer and feral hog sign, situated pretty much in the middle of nothing. There is a neighbor on the tract to the south, but not close enough that it is going to be any sort of issue.

Where CP comes in: There is an uninhabitable mobile home on the property that needs to go the **** away. Bob Dole would call the Red Hill Volunteer Fire Department and ask them if they needed some practice, if not for the fact that the resulting fire would damage at least 3 pecan trees estimated to be 80 years old. The thing has been abandoned as best as Bob Dole can tell since 1994, so vandals and animals have taken their toll--and Bob Dole has zero interest in doing anything but making it disappear. Surely there is someone who would be interested in the scrap value of the frame and wiring in exchange for just making the damned thing go away.

Bob Dole is appealing to the awesome collective imagination of The Planet to compose a craigslist ad that will make this zero-sum (for Bob Dole) project a reality. Help a clueless old man write an attention grabbing ad that will result in its removal. (Or at least generate some funny email responses.)

DO NOT damage those pecan trees. They're valuable - if you like pecans.

"meth lab...free to anyone who will haul it away"

Make it mysterious. Like, the trailer has been boarded up and untouched for 20 years when the previous owner died. Sell it like they do those storage lockers on TV. They can't open the door until the trailer is off the property.

ROFL, but be sure to say there is no meth or materials in the RV, lest you want the DEA and addicts becoming acquaintances on your doorstep.

Free beer if you can find it. Burn baby burn.

Bob Dole will try to take some photos this weekend. It's a total loss. That might help with the appeal. hehe

Take a tractor or a backhoe and drag it to a safe place and burn it then call a a scrap metal guy to take the frame and what metal is left

Or destroy it with a backhoe and bury the wood and siding and have a scrap metal guy come get the frame with a torch

Didn't Bush once sleep in that trailer.

One of my favorite woods to smoke with.

Tell somebody it sat on the Grassy Knoll at one time

It'd be hard to know but if it's been abandoned that long it most likely won't be worth it for anyone with the means to move it to do so. Is the tongue on it? How bout' the axles? Tires? Are there trees grown up around it that would have to be cut down?(Not the Pecan trees.) Is there an AC? Any breakers in it?

Well, I think if you'd throw in a couple free hog/deer hunts, you may be able to make that thing disappear.

OR, you can turn it into a hunting cabin or a deer stand of sorts with gun rests, etc.

No one is gonna do that job for free + salvage.

And your CL ad will be an invitation for someone to gut it for copper if you aren't careful.

I really need photos to embrace this project, but I am willing to help.

Hire someone to come in with a payloader, dig a hole, then demolish it with same payloader and cover it back up.

A mobile home becomes a safety hazard once its not upright. How is mobile home's foundation looking?

Judging by his description of the shape, they are flat.

Would not even matter.. If he is getting that type of land, he will either be getting a tractor or can borrow one.. Drag it, tires or axel wont matter.. Then burn it or have people come scrap it out and burn or bury it..

Maybe they would take it for evidence

Has Bob Dole actually closed on the property? If no, stipulate that it be removed/disposed of by the owner before closing.
If Bob Dole already closed, is there a reason it wasn't dealt with prior to close?

"Free Home For Raider Fan. You haul it away and it's yours. Tell your mom to put on her wig, go rent a truck, and come on down."

"Weathered mobile-home: Contains 20 bodies but can hold 30 more. Free to right owner..."

Have Matt Cassel throw a football at it. It'll be off of your field and hidden somewhere on a bench almost immediately.

With out seeing it the best case would be that the axels and tongue were on it and you could slap tires on it and actually get it off the property. Don't really have enough facts though. It could have trees growing through the floor for all I know. That's probably the worse case. Maybe. He saids he was going to post a picture so maybe we'll get a better idea of the situation when he does.

SUNDAY!!!! SUNDAY!!!!!!!! SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
BRING YOUR MOSTER TRUCK TO BOB DOLES OASIS!!!!!!

Agreed ...... Naturally, advertise it free for removal.The frame can be used by farmers hauling big bails of hay. The Amish & Mennonite community's close to us are just nuts using old mobile homes for this.

You might have better luck with the ad if you refrain from referring to yourself in third person.

Just paint "free candy" on the side and leave it by the road.
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Tongue still attached with clear access. No a/c and breaker box is out.

had the same kind a deal when i bought my place. old pos trailer. had a guy w/a backhoe come in and haul it back to the edge of the timber then just bust the shit out of it. dug a hole and pushed all but the frame in the hole. burned it, then covered it up.

as for the frame, the metal is too flimsy to make a decent trailer out of it. i had a guy come over to cut it up in pieces and haul it off to sell. he cut one piece off of it and i never saw him again. guess the metal isn't worth much. it's still sitting about 20 yards back in the brush. can't see it from the yard so the wife doesn't bitch too much about it.

that's all i got.
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I'm sorry, but your post may be too sensible for this forum.

:clap:

Can you look under it for axels? If it's not hard to get off the spot you might find someone to pull it off for free if they can have it. You never can tell with mobile home industry it truly is a case of one mans trash if another mans treasure. Have you called any mobile home dealers or setup people? If all they have to do is put tires on it and cut the tie-downs you might get lucky. Is there a deck attached? They'll want to know that too.

Post a picture of it.

Ohhh well then, post this on Craigslist, “Free mobile home with purchase of recipe for curing hemorrhoids using beer, chocolate and walnuts.”

Is that better?