Describe your bad amusement park ride ideas here.
 

Go for it. Tasteless, putrid, engineeringly unsound, you make the call. Give me your ideas for rides for a new Litigationland.

I'll start with a few.



Blood on the Highway. Riders climb into bumper cars that hold 200-horsepower engines. Better fasten that shoulder strap!

The Tilt-A-Hooker. Climb aboard, and hang on for two minutes as the hooker beneath you is told that you don't have any money.

House of Broken Mirrors. Enter into this magical realm of glass shards and reflections. Can you find your way out? Is that your left arm or your right arm that's gushing blood?

The Rosie O'Donnell Tunnel Of Love.



:spock:

It's a Smell World. Ride a boat through the sewer systems of the world.

a ride in which every female under the age of sixteen loses their feet.

Virtual Baghdad

Screaming Memes -- Climb aboard and be forced to listen to Denise expound on terrorism and the patriarchy.

Caligula's Revenge

I believe I covered this in the first post. :)

The Agony of Defeet.

Six Flogs

You pay $20.00 and they beat the shit out of you.

FAX

Kcnut's Berry Farm

Bring your own basket and spend the entire day trying to understand the directions to the berries.

FAX

"Jihad Jalopys", a car ride where all vehicles crash into a building and explode.

The Phlem Zoom.

Take a thrilling plunge into hippo snot. Must be at least 4'2'' to enter.

FAX

Pakistani Cab Driver's Bronx Adventure

The Tilt-A-Girl.

Your special friend will have the time of her life being held upside down for five minutes by two strange guys.

FAX

The Michael Jackson Merry-go-round.

Needs no explanation.

The Phallis Wheel.

Take a deep breath!! You're in for the ride of your life!

FAX

If it doesn't make the average person hurl, it sucks.

The Hyatt Skywalk of Doom.

Schlepcot.

Take the entire family on an adventure this summer and clean the toilets in our magic restrooms.

FAX

Chris Benoit's "ROID RAGE"

A ride for the whole family!

Miniature Goof.

Slap around a reeruned midget for 18 holes.

FAX

Bust Mother Goose's Eggs.

Take an exhilarating trip up Mother Goose's vagina and whack away!!

FAX

Carib-urine Adventure. It's kind of like a water ride, but stickier!

Pryo-ates of the Caribbean. You may think the pirates are the biggest danger, but wait till they set your boat on fire.

Snakes on a Roller Coaster - Based on the movie with a similar theme.

The Canadian Crippler. You get a bible at the end.

Glow Carts.

Participants can hone their driving skills as they travel around a quarter-mile track on fire.

FAX

Disney's D-cup ride. Instead of riding in a teacup that whirls, you ride in Pamela Anderson's bikini top.

Pol Pot's House of Horrors. Not recommended for anyone who is intellectual or wears glasses.

Muled Across The Border.

Roller Colonoscopy - Men over 40, get those pesky annual checkups out of the way during a 200 foot drop with speeds exceeding 80 mph! It's a roller coaster and doctor's appointment rolled into one!

Sorryland.

We really piss you off, but we apologize afterwards.

FAX

Dr. Jellyfinger's Funhouse.

The Clothes Hanger. Not recommended for pregnant women or people with heart problems, though truthfully heart problems isn't that much of an issue.

Magic Mount-in.

Get strapped down and anally violated by Richard Simmons or GoChiefs.

Your choice.

IT WASN'T STEROIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hall Of Residents.

Marvel at how animatronic magic brings you up close and personal to bunch of octogenarians in a rest home.

FAX

Frontiereland. Live inside the amazing rustic world of the owner of the St. Louis Rams.

C World.

Just average, but we don't cost a lot either.

FAX

Pie Rats Of The Carribean.

A virtual ride into the past commemorating the difficulties faced by early settlers with large, pastry eating rodents.

FAX

Cinderella's assel.


(Say it fast.)

ROFL

Dang, Mr. Rain Man.

Fantasygland.

Standing at over 180 feet tall, your family will be amazed by this graceful phallic spire.

FAX

I would think she's bigger than a D cup. Or is that what she went back down to?

Typhoon La' Goon.

After a long day in the park, take some time to relax and enjoy watching as a French reerun is drowned in a pool.

FAX

Pace Mountain.

Leper Island.

Travel by monorail to a land of isolation and missing digits. Get a firsthand look at weeping, oozing sores and unsanitary conditions. Dare to lie in the beds and drink from the glasses of the lepers themselves!

$19.95 per peson includes complimentary lunch buffet.

The Mount Holly Piranha wading pool.

The Denver Bronco Cut Block Simulator.

John Madden's Brett Favre

Spin around and around in the air while listening to Madden talk talk about how Favre could throw the ball 100 yards underwater.

Parasites of the Caribbean.

And be sure to stop by the south kansas city ghetto fourth of july parade now with real guns instead of fireworks, after you get shot viewing the parade you can either go to the e.r. of slow and painful death imax theatre or save some trouble and some coin and visit the magical police crime lab freezer cave. Then the self embalming station will fix you up for the magic ghetto hearse ride featuring four wheel motion and a 4,000,000 watt sound system powering two 15 foot wide subs.

Comic book nerds house of horror try to get out without a comic book nerd nearly strangle you to prove stan lee was better then jack kirby.




p.s. jack kirby is the master.

Journey to your Inner Space. (while you wait in ridegoers are shrunken down and put up your colon) When it's your turn, you go into some one twenty places behind you.

Or, how about "The Line" You wait out in the hot sun for two hours in a long line that snakes through a huge section of the park like a large intestine, past TV monitors which are inoperable. Once you make it into the building where the ride is, you turn a corner to see that the line snakes another quarter-mile inside the building like a small intestine or Top Ramen out of the pack. You finally go through a door and you are out of the building and a sign says "exit this way" where you are pressured inot buying a digital picture of yourself, waiting in line. In the background of the pic are the teenagers behind you, flipping the bird and giving the "shout at the devil" symbol to the camera.

I don't have a name for it, but an inverted open-air coaster that goes underwater.