101. Cephalic Trauma
Join Date: 7/31/11
Total Posts: 2,160

This was a surprise edition to the list. I personally don't think this twat adds any value to this board, but I figured he's IMPORTANT ENOUGH for me to make fun of to at least secure a spot on this fantastic list. He pretends like he has some hot fiance when we all know he jerks it to dude porn and any girl he may date probably has really ****ing hairy arms...he goes to "med" school but he didn't mention he goes to "med" school on [at] the University of Phoenix.

Pros: Jerks off to dude porn (see above).

Cons: Horrible posting style. Terrible username. Pretty sure if he never posted again no one would notice/care (always a bad sign). Has zero potential to ever become a significant board member.

Potential to move up in 2014: None. He'll never make this list again. I just wanted him to know how much I hate him and how much I hope he ends up blowing me. (PM me if you want to meet up).

JUST MISSED THE LIST: DONGER, FRAZOD (my list has a weight limit)

WASN'T EVEN CLOSE TO THE LIST: MeatRock

100. Mr. Laz
Join Date: 12/27/2000
Posts: 73,951

Mr. Laz has never made a post that made me laugh. Not one. Nearly 74,000 posts and I've never even gotten a single chuckle. Even kc nut has made me chuckle and that guy can't even read. 70,000 or so of his posts have been just absolutely horrendous takes on the Chiefs and more recently the Royals. Mr. Laz is also the most perverted member on this board and posts constant pictures of big girls wearing little to no clothing. I'm pretty sure him and Dane "work" together, if you know what I mean. At least that's the hunch I get. On his friends list is Frazod, so apparently his friends list doesn't have a weight limit like mine.

Pros: most likely jerks off a lot; probably isn't gay; glad he isn't my uncle

Cons: he's somebody's uncle

Outlook for 2014: Try not to post about the Chiefs, the Royals or any pictures of naked girls. You'll have a lot more worth to this site. I realize this means you would no longer post.

Congratulations though...you're still much cooler than Donger.

99. CoMoChief
Join Date: 3/10/05
Total Posts: 28,314

Although every single one of his 28,314 posts have been absolutely terrible, you can't deny this idiot has a spot on CP's top 101. Seriously. This guy is gold. As a gambler, we really like people like CoMoChief when we're on the fence. Any time I see this idiot 'guarantee' something, I know to go with the exact opposite outcome and it has literally never failed me one time. He spends most of his time on MySpace and I'm pretty sure he and Mecca shared a girlfriend one time. Or maybe Mecca was his girlfriend? I don't ****ing remember.

Pros: Likes guys with long hair. Cheers for the Tigers and the Jayhawks adding to his already unintentional comedic value to the site. No gag reflex. Talks Chiefs football (albeit with horrible takes) on a message board called ChiefsPlanet.com unlike Donger and Frazod (Frazod being the one who thinks football is rigged because he's a fat ****ing moron).

Cons: able to have children

Outlook: a loser; probably will always be very low on this list; still cooler than Donger

98. KC Tattoo
Join Date: 6/13/07
Total Posts: 15,821

Wanna know how I know the rep system doesn't work on this website? This guy has the 9th most rep on this site? Really? Really? The dude emulates his posting style after big nasty kcnut [unintentionally]. I want DaFace to run his statistics. I need to know how much positive rep he has given to somehow land 9th on the reputation list. What? This dude isn't funny, he doesn't have any "brain busting" takes on anything...I've literally never come across a [positive] rep worthy post made by this individual. Does he max out his rep every day? These are things I need to know. Also, and I'm paraphrasing because his posts are almost impossible to decipher, he said that the Alex Smith trade just "really hurt his feelings and made him feel really sad" which I thought was probably the gayest post of the year.

Pros: Probably fun to party with. Probably gives a mean blowie. Weighs less than Frazod. Reads at a 5th grade level.

Cons: Pretty sure he's the one member that will come after me and murder me after he reads this. Actually has a Chiefs tattoo on his arm. Terrible at Madden. Friends with ROR who is probably the most awful thing on the internet.

Outlook: I WANT TO KNOW WHO IS REPPING THIS GUY. SOMEONE PLEASE LINK ME TO REP WORTHY POSTS BECAUSE I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. IT'S BLOWING MY MIND. STOP BEING SUCH A REP WHORE. YOU'RE THE MALE LUMPY.

97. Fat Elvis
Join Date: 4/27/01
Total Posts: 5735

Fat Elvis isn't a terrible poster. He's just really, really, really boring. I went over his thread history and not counting any threads mentioning "Geno Smith", he's had 1 good thread. If you throw out that one famous thread, the threads he has started over the years average about 9 posts per thread. Basically what that tells me is this guy is one of the least interesting active posters on this website. He only averages 1.3 posts per day yet he spends a lot of time on this site. Even he realizes he's one boring mother ****er. I wonder if there is a way we can get Frazod and Donger down to 1.3 posts per day?

Pros: Is a big advocate of rape and rape tax. Has a great sense of humor and knows when everyone talks about raping everyone it's tongue and cheek and we're not being serious.

Cons: Pretty sure he was raped. Listens to a lot of Pink. Votes democrat. Eats a lot of pork.

Outlook: more rape, more posts, higher ranking in 2014

96. Reaper16
Join Date: 1/7/05
Total Posts: 30,945
Reaper is around the same age as me, so I have a pretty good idea about what kind of person this 'man' is. If Reaper and I went to high school together, I would not have known him because I didn't take the time to get to know people who sucked. I picture Reaper being about 5'8" with long girly hair, super hairy, wears skinny pants and tight rolls them, buys his clothing at goodwill, will go to a bar in the summer and take his ****ing dog with him and sit in a beer garden and drink shitty 12% beer and think by ordering it he's super sophisticated. He probably also brought a book with him to this bar, with his dog, because sipping on shitty 12% beers while reading is super in for pillowbitergots like Reaper in today's culture. Reaper probably weighs 120 lbs. I can honestly picture him right now. Like a gay Jesus.

Pros: doesn't have to shop at big and tall like Frazod. Is versatile enough to wear youth XL at certain stores. Don't have to worry about him stealing women from me at the bar. Oh wait, I'd never be caught dead in a hippie gay bar hitting on girls who don't shave their armpits and think showering is bigotry.

Cons: probably is smarter than me. definitely a virgin. Doesn't use conditioner in his long, gay, girl hair.

Outlook: If he'd stop posting about movies, beer, sports and culture he might be pretty decent. Probably needs to get a haircut and try to look like an adult now that he's almost 27. Oh, and leave your ****ing dog at home. Girls don't dig that. They think it's gay.

(I realize that isn't an outlook, but I really hate this new phenomenon of taking your dog to bars. ****in' hipsters.)

95. | Zach |
Join Date: 9/6/02
Total Posts: 43,574

He once left forever. Apparently he doesn't understand the definition of forever. He once was a moderator. He was so ****ing bad at it he made the decisions made by Phil seem rational (IT'S A JOKE, I'M SORRY PHIL!!!!!!!). The 'dude' has two hobbies. Photography and soccer. If that doesn't scream homo I don't know what does. Once painted Frazod naked but ran out of paint. That's why they don't get along. Once admitted to jerkin' it to tranny porn in a thread about toothpaste. It made no sense. I get it. Every once in a while a tranny porno is pretty hot but come the **** on dude. Toothpaste. There are some lines you just don't cross.

Pros: Is open about being gay. I think that's pretty cool. Doesn't have long gay chick hair like Reaper. Has an annoying posting style similar to Donger but not quite as bad. Watches the Chiefs.

Cons: Watches the Chiefs because he has an affinity for strong, big, dark men. Thinks Oprah is a good show. Jerks it to reruns of Charles in Charge. He really likes Scott Baio.

Outlook: If he left forever again he'd move up on the list. Happy Days was way better without Scott Baio, creep.

94. Bump
Join Date: 11/5/07
Total Posts: 11,199

Bump is a total dumb****. He's everything I hate about a stoner. These son of a bitches think marijuana is so 'good' for you and doesn't effect you in any way, shape or form! Well I have news for you, dipshit, you're an idiot. Stoners are ****ing gayer than hipsters. (I realize most hipsters are also stoners which makes them the gayest of gay.) This "stoner", bump...who is my age...has claimed to have managed a $1,000,000 per month restaurant in KCMO. Yeah...huge pothead moron Bump is running a restaurant that generates more revenue than 99% of the restaurants in America. He's running a Vegas resort in KCMO! Yeah Bump, pot does NOTHING to effect you, eh? Bump is so successful he lives in a Boston ghetto and has to carry around a butcher's knife in broad daylight because all of his neighbors are Mexican gangsters. Bump pays $10 a month in rent, though...so it's a risk he's willing to take (****ing section 8). A typical dinner for Bump consists of a handful of sour patch kids and string cheese. He once invited Frazod over for dinner...and lets just say thank God Bump carries around said butcher's knife. Frazod was hungry and all this poor reerun had to offer was expired fruit loops and a bathtub full of better cheddars (apparently potheads eat a lot of cheese). Bump still looks three ways before he crosses any road.

Pros: Marijuana has made him impotent. Posts primarily in DC. Really good at finding Waldo.

Cons: he watches little kids pee in public; I've seen him jerk off on chatroulette before; once experimented with sixlets; put 8 of them up his butthole and only 6 came back out

Outlook: fortunately sixlets no longer exist; needs to spend less time at Bed, Bath and Beyond buying up their entire supply of bath salts and post more than 5 times per day to have any chance of moving up this list; should probably get a job and stop s'in so much d to afford his $10 rent and his $200 a week drug addiction...that's a lot of d bro, that's a lot of d (at least we know he's not getting hard while he's doing it)

93. Sorter
Join Date: 9/12/11
Total Posts: 9,747

I know Sorter is everyone's favorite ****ing gay (I meant to type guy, but when I reread for accuracy figured gay fit just as well) for some reason, but I just can't agree. My #1 pet peeve on message boards, and I've been a message board/chatroom participant since I was 15 years old, was when I used to hang around the social networking boards with all of the slutty 17 year olds who would send pictures of themselves shoving hairbrushes up their twats and it was awesome, is people who have no rebuttal so they post in god damn .gifs and .jpgs. I hate it. I realize every once in a while it's funny...or there is that perfect .gif...but more often than not, it turns into an entire posting style. Dude has nearly 10,000 posts and half of them are ****ing .gifs of 'boxxxy' or whatever the **** that is. It's creepy. It makes me picture him as being a 24 year old fatter version of Mecca with worse hair. He sits and faps it in his mom's basement to boxxxy and then everyone is all like 'omg he's so cool look at those shiny .gifs' and I'm like "gay"...and I have the best taste on this site so clearly you're all morons. He has 3 pages of friends on this site and he's been a member for less than 2 years. He's in 3 social groups as well. These things all make me think he is just a total ****ing [DaneMcCloud hobby] in real life. I can't get past the .gifs...I just can't. Tried adding Frazod to his facebook friends list...and while Frazod wanted to accept, his fingers are too ****ing fat to hit the accept button on his facebook phone app.

Pros: Obviously a big Chiefs fan. That's good. Likes the draft. Uses environmental friendly tissue paper to 'clean up'.

Cons: See description. Stop it. Posts should be CONTENT, not ****ing .gifs of some hot canadian slut. It creeps me out. You have to try to creep me out. Jerks off more than me which is hard to do. Like Frazod, can't see his penis while standing up (or sitting down). Speaking of sitting down, he sits when he pees. Which is ok. I get it, it's comfortable...but only skinny people should do that.

Outlook: Don't post 1 .gif for a month and see if I end up noticing who you are. Right now, the only reason I have any idea who you are is because I see that same ****ing girl .gif in every ****ing thread and I hate it. I want you to go a month without posting any .gifs or .jpgs and then I'll let you know via negative rep whether or not I think you're a good poster. I'm thinking it's going to be a no, because you seem like a pillowbiter.

92. Amnorix
Join Date: 5/16/03
Total Posts: 31,222

Amnorix and I have had many battles over the years. They all center around one thing: Tom Brady and the New England Patriots. Amnorix doesn't realize that Tom Brady is CLEARLY inferior to Peyton Manning in every way since, without the help of video tape that was so damning Goodell had to DESTROY it to protect the integrity of the league, Tom Brady has never done anything but CHOKE in the postseason. That's right, ZERO Super Bowl titles without cheating. ZERO. Even the biggest choker of them all (Manning) has one. It's embarrassing. He cried like a little girl when I posted this .gif:

http://img254.imageshack.us/img254/7...wnbitchel5.gif

For some reason, he makes threads on this board when Patriots players sign extensions like we give a ****. Dude thinks he knows EVERYTHING about football because the team he cheers for cheated a decade ago and won a few titles that should probably be stricken from the record books. His wife cheated on him with Belichick but he was ok with it...since he was in the closet jerkin' it the whole time.

Pros: Doesn't post here very often anymore. Doesn't blabber on about how good the Pats are as much because he realizes Tom Brady is a giant postseason choker and is just overall a terrible human being. Is a lawyer so you know he's good at sucking dick and licking ball sacks.

Cons: Wears Affliction. Jacks it to UFC fights. Favorite book is "Gone With the Wind." Calls his penis "Jack Frost." Doesn't believe in black people. Chews with his mouth open. Listens to Coldplay when he showers. Thinks Paradise is a Jewish brothel.

Outlook: ADMIT PEYTON MANNING IS BETTER THAN TOM BRADY YOU ****ING IDIOT.

91. BossChief
Join Date: 12/26/08
Total Posts: 24,175

BossChief is the most emotional poster on ChiefsPlanet. I do not mean this in a good way. If you broke down your life using percentages, mine would look something like this: 63% drunk/womanizing, 22% jerking off, 9% ChiefsPlanet, 6% sleep. BossChief's would look like this: 83% ChiefsPlanet, 7% brainstorming on how to fit in on ChiefsPlanet, 5% parenting, 3% crying and 2% FaceBooking friend requests to DaneMcCloud. I try and picture how BossChief was in high school and I figured out exactly who he was. He was the guy where...lets say you're out with your buddies like 5 years after graduation and one of them is like, "yo, we went to school with that guy!" And everyone would look at him and be like..."uh, what? No we didn't. Who is that guy?" While the one friend swears up and down he was the one kid in his 4th period who never talked, never answered a question, never moved. Basically didn't exist. That's got to be the worst kind of high schooler. I'd much rather be a Reaper who was the queer girly man that you'd debate on whether or not he was a chick or a dude (but at least you remembered him). Or Frazod, who was infamous for being the guy who somehow tricked his counselor into enrolling him into both lunch periods every day. Maybe even Dane...who was the creepy senior that was notorious for dating the "developed" 7th graders. Probably not Donger, though...he was the annoying little prick that sat in the front of every class and constantly asked the dumbest ****ing questions and everyone wanted to just punch him in the face, including the teacher. So maybe BossChief had that going for him. No one really wants to punch a guy they don't know exists.

Pros: Started 'The ****ing Mob', which was by far the gayest group ever created on ChiefsPlanet. I could only imagine what a neg rep from BossChief would look like. "Hey, you don't look right in v necks!" or "hey, you use a typewriter!" Let's see...(tough to find a lot of pros with this guy). Oh, he breeds fantastic children.

Cons: Thinks he can host a Chiefs themed radio show and be an accomplished NFL GM. He's stated both of these things. He's an idiot.

Outlook: Stop posting with your vagina and you'd be an ok poster. Dane doesn't want to be your friend, so resubmitting requests on the offset chance he may accept is a waste of your precious 17% of actual time away from ChiefsPlanet. Digging through the used feminine napkin tray in public restrooms is a sick hobby, dude. Frazod is fat. The end.

90. Dave
Join Date: 8/22/00
Total Posts: 45,443

I was totally shocked to see Dave had over 40,000 posts. The only time I even realize he's a member of this board is when he starts blabbering his terrible opinions on QB's. He honestly thinks Joe Flacco is an elite QB. Apparently Dave looks like Matt Cassel, too...so you know he looks like a pillowbitergot. Dave is king of the "10 posts or less" threads...meaning he finds a lot of stupid shit interesting no one else cares about.

Pros: I'm his favorite poster on this board, so you know he has good taste. Doesn't jerk it to Jesus like his brother Dave Lane. Recommended the NutriSystem weight loss program to Frazod. To Frazod's credit, he tried it...but ate an entire month's worth of food in 3 days. Kind of defeats the purpose there, guy. Often posts with no shirt on Tuesday's and refers to it as "Topless Tuesday." I tried telling him guys don't really refer to themselves being "topless", so now he does it on Sunday's too and calls it "Shirtless Sunday's." Personally, I think that's pretty gay but whatever.

Cons: Types with one hand when viewing the Pictures sub-forum. Plays the "I would/wouldn't **** her" game at church every Sunday when the girls walk by his pew to get communion. Answers rhetorical questions because he's a moron. Refers to aluminum foil as tin foil because he's gay. His nickname for himself is "fluffy puff." Weird, I know.

Outlook: Bro...just because Joe Flacco Rahim Moore'd himself into a Super Bowl doesn't mean he's elite. Joe Flacco is in the Alex Smith tier of QB's. I appreciate you thinking I'm a great poster and all...so maybe next year if you just stfu about QB play and realize you don't really understand what you're watching...you can slide into the top 80.

89. Rausch
Join Date: 8/28/00
Total Posts: 41,905

I legitimately do not like Rausch. I think he has terrible takes on football. Actually I don't think that, I know that. He is literally one of the dumbest sports posters on this board. He'll constantly come at my takes with such terrible rebuttals that I'm not sure if he's trying to troll me or if he's being serious. Then I realize he's honestly too dumb to be good at trolling and so I just start feeling sorry for him. I'm almost certain that Rausch has at least 5 tattoos, and they are all probably terrible. Tattoos are super gay. When I think Rausch, I think Leonardio DiCaprio. No, no, no. Not Titanic Leo. I'm thinking Basketball Diaries Leo. But just the part where he's sucking a bunch of D for heroine in public restrooms. Oh wait, maybe that's KC Tattoo. Ah shit, I don't know. Actually he's probably more like Leo from 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape.' Actually that's probably more like KC Nut. Maybe he's just too much of a pillowbitergot to resemble anyone other than his pillowbitergot self. Anyways, I was looking through his thread history and he probably is the only person in the world less interesting than Dave. I thought Dave's threads generated little interest...but then I looked at Rausch's. Christ. It's bad. You know what...I was just thinking about Rausch being Leo in Gilbert Grape again and I was thinking...who would be his mother? You know, the fat bitch who is literally stuck to her recliner because she's too ****ing fat to even stand up? I drew blanks. Do we know anyone like that on this site? ... ...

Pros: Recycles. Enjoys all you can eat buffets but is respectful about it. Seriously Frazod, shoving 8 pieces of fried chicken and 3 pumps of chocolate pudding into your wife's purse is pathetic. I could see 2 pumps, but 3? Really? And women don't like giant purses. I understand it serves a purpose in your life but come on man...it's not always about you.

Cons: Terrible bowler. Watches movies in all Spanish because 4 months ago he accidentally hit the SAP button and hasn't realized it because he's a dipshit. Hates Boyz II Men.

Outlook: No more threads. No more tattoos. Remember to get to the buffet BEFORE Frazod. Stop going to bars that have meatloaf specials it's weird. I realize Leo is pretty badass but it's turning into an unhealthy obsession. Saying pianist because it sounds like penis is pretty immature and trivial, guy.

88. Mecca
Join Date: 4/6/05
Total Posts: 79,928

Mecca would have been much higher on this list had it been 2010. After being wrong time and time and time again with his draft analysis...he's officially now just a part time poster. Mecca had such gems as thinking Carson Palmer was frontrunner for MVP a few years back when he'd turn in 3 Tebow-esque quarters and then somehow muster together 1 good drive against prevent defense for the Bengals to win. He guaranteed 100% Tamba Hali could never work as a 3-4 rush backer. He agreed with trading Jared Allen because Jared Allen was a 'drunk' and Jared Allen would never be worth a big contract because he was going to drink himself out of the league. He said Tony Gonzalez was overpaid and worthless to us because he was a TE...when I told him he made the same amount of money as Daniel Graham he pulled the typical Mecca and decided it didn't matter that he wasn't overpaid he was still a TE and NFL teams don't need TE's...and then New England took over the league by showcasing their offense featuring Gronk and Hernandez further proving Mecca is, indeed, dumb. Mecca took dark pictures of himself on webcam showcasing his Travis Tritt hair and then tried to claim he was straight. In an attempt for us to lay off of him for obviously being gay, he posted pictures of 'the girl he was banging' in the pictures subforum...where some member in turn found those pictures on some porn site and she was outed as a porn star and he was outed as a liar, and a gay. Since Mecca generally stuck to football, no one really ever made fun of him for not having a job or living at home well into his 30's, which always really baffled me. My favorite Mecca moments were every year...when his mother would lay out his Sunday's finest...and he'd slick his hair back, put on his [gayest] smile, hold up his very own draft board he made himself (by sniping draft analysis from his 5 favorite experts), and then having his mother snap a picture of him holding said board. His scrapbooking skills are unmatched. His finest accomplishment in life to date was correctly guessing the top 2 picks of the 2012 NFL draft.

Pros: He does talk a lot of football. Sometimes, when he's not trying to be negative to just be negative, he does have pretty good takes. Never really personally attacks anyone like I just spent the last 10 minutes doing. Uses proper cutlery etiquette when eating meals (knife guards fork from evil spoon). Doesn't argue with his mom in the morning even when she lays out clothing he doesn't feel like wearing (good manners). When eating freezy pops, he has GREAT willpower and waits until the VERY END to suck up all of the "juice." (How he does it, I'll never know...)

Cons: Attended fat camp as a kid. (Though, he fit right in. Frazod went as well but everyone ended up making fun of him for being fat so he quit. Well he tried to quit but his dad wouldn't answer his collect calls from said fat camp so he ended up just being the fat kid at fat camp.) Speaking of calls, for some reason Mecca still sets up his speed dials. Really? Only dumbasses like Frazod use speed dialing (too lazy to dial the numbers). Although it's not a huge con because at least he sets it up for emergency purposes. 1 is his mom. 2 is his orthopedic. 3 is Mel Kiper. 4 is Travis Tritt. 5 is billing for Match.com. Frazod? Yeah, not so much. His speed dial is ridiculous. 1. Jenny Craig. 2. Propecia. 3. Papa John's. 4. 1-800-REALITY 5. Life Alert (which is weird, because he has to wear one of those Life Alert necklaces around with the pushy buttons that automatically alerts authorities when he has fallen and can't get up so why it's also on his speed dial baffles me)...I've lost my train of thought. Anyways...

Outlook: Post more dude. I miss you. I miss your horrible takes on football...I miss getting to see your draft board picture every year. I miss your made up stories about banging married women with fat husbands (wait a second!)...get back to 25 posts a day and you'll be top 50 in 2014!

87. Dartgod
Join Date: 8/21/00
Total Posts: 30,094

Dartgod is basically good for one thing on this forum, and that is his annual gambling challenge contest. For that reason alone, he makes the list. Other than that, I find his posts to be awful, his football takes to be of the novice variety, and his obsession with Jimmy Buffett to be creepy. He's best friends online and offline with Frazod. They often go on double dates...and when the host asks them if they'd like a table or booth, they both start laughing nervously and request a table because there is no way those two fat ****s are fitting in a booth. You know when the one fat guy has to push the table in the booth towards the skinnier guy so he can fit in without his belly overflapping the table? Well they got into a 20 minute argument about who was getting the table pushed towards the other the one time they went to a restaurant with booths only and they had to end up sitting on the same side while their poor wives had a table shoved so close to them they had to eat with their elbows on the table, which is rude.

Pros: The aforementioned gambling challenge. Friendly enough to give the last slice of pizza to Frazod the last time they got together to watch an all day marathon of M*A*S*H. Dreams in color.

Cons: Has Frazod, Gonzo and Phobia on his friends list. So his friends consist of very large men who have wives that are total drama queen/wrist cutters that try and become father figures to degenerate forum posters in their low to mid 20s. He drives a Mercury and he's very large...so getting out of the driver seat is a chore. He has to do one of those awkward side shifting movements where he basically has to lay his head down in the passenger seat and put his feet out of the car door and then swing like a pendelum to get out of the car to prevent his large stomach from crushing the steering wheel. It's a horrid site to watch. Doesn't add sugar to his kool-aid because he thinks it helps him watch his figure and manage his diabetes. Has anyone ever forgotten sugar in their kool-aid? It's horrendous. Drink water, guy.

Outlook: Probably will be a steady 80s guy on the list as long as Gambling Challenge remains a thing. Probably should rock, paper, scissor Frazod when they ride in his mercury together because when they are both trying to get out of the car at the same time it looks like they are making out with their feet draping out of the car and it's really, really gay looking. And really funny at the same time. Well I guess if they went one at a time whoever got out first would look like they were giving the other one head so it's a lose/lose for them and a win/win for anyone lucky enough to watch two fatasses trying to get out of a ****ing Mercury.

86. Bo's Pelini
Join Date: 8/16/07
Total Posts: 29,776

Although Billay has grown on me as of late (and no, that's not a fat pun Frazod, calm down), he's still a huge ****ing pillowbitergot. He still lives at home and all he does is post on CP, watch TMZ, and collect cereal box labels so he can mail them in for Captain Crunch t-shirts...of course he has to take the $3.25 handling fee from his mom's purse when she steps away. He also successfully petitioned Quaker Oats to carry XXL instead of the standard S, M and L (you know, since this label idea was intended for children). He has claimed to have had sex before but I'm just not seeing it. His highest level of education is recess (no Frazod, god damnit, not the candy).

Pros: Once watched the critically acclaimed movie '10 Things I Hate About You' 13 times in 1 day...the equivalent to the amount of double cheeseburgers Frazod orders for himself from McDonald's during his lunch hou...day. Still has weekly 'show and tell' with his mom and dad every Tuesday before dinner. Last week, he found a turtle by the creek. Doesn't generally color outside the lines in his coloring books. Makes his bed most days without reminders from his mom.

Cons: Thought it was a good idea to take a shirtless pic of himself flexing and then posting it on CP. Was envious of Mecca's fake GF. Is a part time DJ. He's secured such prestigious gigs as little Timmy's 7th grade birthday bash on the other end of the cul de sac. Still puts the teeth he loses from time to time under his pillow expecting anywhere between $1-$5 depending on the tooth. Thinks Lean Cuisine is a sexual position used by gays.

Outlook: He's gotten a lot better since I recently returned. Sometimes he even makes me laugh. As long as he stops making fake Facebook accounts he may find himself in the 70s in 2014. Frazod once took all the skin from a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken, popped 3 viagra, and then wrapped said skin around his erect dick and tried to **** his wife...he got one pump in and the skin all fell off into her pussy...that's the last time he performed cunnilingus.