Catricide
 

I want to commit catracide.

We have a cat that thinks outside the box too often. I don't think this animal has any redeeming characteristics. It is afraid of the outdoors. It is afraid of mice. It might beat up on a cricket. It considers the litter box as just one of many options. It needs to die.

Of course, there are other family members that seem to think the cat is cute.

Thus, I need to find a way to dispatch the cat and yet have it look like natural causes, or at least like I didn't have anything to do with it's demise. That means the corpse can't be mutilated or wet...and I can't have any incriminating scratch marks. If I could do the deed, and then leave the body on the stairs or somewhere for someone else to discover....that should dispell suspicions.

I've thought of putting her in a cooler and displacing the air with nitrogen or some other gas.

Any ideas?


For those of you that have tender feelings for felines, pretend I said "Bronco lover".


Any ideas?

aspirin

anti-freeze

I don't think aspirin would work. The cat is a finicky eater. She wouldn't just eat an aspirin sitting in the food dish. Forcing the aspirin down her throat would likely leave claw marks on my forearms.

While anit-freeze may be tempting to her, I would have to leave it somewhere for her to find and consume. That kind of activity may be detected by other household members since anti-freeze has a distinctive odor.


Let's get your subversive thinking caps on.

If your going to kill it, at least have the balls to admit it to your family.

Coward.

You're new at the whole "family dynamics" thing, aren't you?

That doesn't work, seemingly.

You are probably just kidding, trying to get a rise out of people.

HOWEVER,

On the off chance that you really plan on doing this, own up to it at least.

If the cat is an indoor cat, maybe it can "accidently" get out while everyone else is gone and disappear.

It could end up at the pound or something (and have a chance with some other family, maybe, unless PETA kills it first). No body means less grief and the family will eventually get tired of waiting for it to show up.

If you're serious, you suck! I'm not necessarily a cat lover but to kill a family pet because it is an inconvenience is just wrong. When your family discovers it's dead aren't they going to be heart broken? Doesn't that matter to you? I repeat, you suck.

it can't be that bad?

Just lock it in the garage with the car running. Or any type of enclosure and pipe some exhaust gas in. Just do it when nobody is home. After it has assumed room temperature just take it in the house and lay it down all curled up in it's favorite spot to sleep.


If you would like to introduce intense pain into the deed let me know.:D

If you're going to do this, I would suggest a murder-suicide, so you don't have to wait as long before going to Hell.

Do you have to that in a certain order, or anything?